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Thread: asking for money

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    God/dess papillonluvr's Avatar
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    Default asking for money

    so I have appx $10,000 in student loan debt. I'm not stripping anymore so it's gonna take me a while to finish paying it off. However, I have another option: I can ask my billionaire cousin to help me pay it off (he helped found Google). My sister did it, and so did my dad and a couple other relatives.

    I feel weird going to him to ask for help. We aren't that close. But then again neither is my Dad or sister and he did it for them.

    How should I go about asking him? Should I call him (we never talk on the phone, and only rarely through facebook). I did see him once a couple years ago... Should I send a hand-written letter? An email? Write something like a grant proposal?

    Help me out ladies. I know some of you should have some advice on how to go about this in a delicate, professional, and appropriate manner.
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    Featured Member JoJoX's Avatar
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    Default Re: asking for money

    one of the down falls of being successful is that everyone around you suddenly has their hand out.

    or

    you can just ask your family members how they asked for it?

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    Default Re: asking for money

    Maybe u should pay it ur self?! Why should he have to pay for your loans just because ur related and he has money?? Especially when u say ur not even close, if I was him I wouldnt give anyone shit unless we were really close and they offered to pay me back.

    Take responsibilities for yourself. Make your own money.

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    Default Re: asking for money

    I wouldn't be comfortable in that situation.
    Why not make an effort to get to know him better, no ulterior motive, just because you're family. My family isn't a close one and I found out my cousin is getting married next year but none of my immediate family has been invited. I think that's a shame. Family is important.

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    Default Re: asking for money

    i agree with the above. like i said, one of the down falls of becoming successful is that everyone has their hand out and i dont think its fair. he worked hard to be where he is, he didnt bust his balls to work for YOU. its pretty sad when people become successful, people turn to them as if they are owed something. its not fair.

    i bust my ass at work and my lazy ass friends would always ask me to buy them one drink here n there, to borrow few hun bucks, to this to that and guess what? dropped every single one of them and started making friends who work for THEIRSELVES.

    you made the choice to go to school, you pay for it dont put the poor guy in such awkward situation.

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    Default Re: asking for money

    Since you're asking for help in repaying student loan debt, it puts the request in a different context compared to, say, paying off your credit cards, buying you a car or helping you maintain an untenable lifestyle. A Google founder will certainly be more sympathetic to such a request, and he has already demonstrated a willingness (maybe a desire?) to help other members of his extended family.

    In that context I think it's a reasonable request. Your best chances of success are to go back-channel through your family, especially your dad and sister, and explore the motivations that drove your cousin to provide financial help to them. They may also be able to share with you your cousin's thinking about his own charitable activities and how to best approach him with a request.

    The objective here is to determine if his philanthropic philosophy lines up with your needs. If they don't align -- meaning that, say, he only helps family experiencing health problems or who are in desperate situations -- my advice would be that you not approach him and instead count yourself lucky to have a generous cousin who could help you out in times of genuine disaster.

    If they do align -- and my guess is that since it's education, they do -- I say go for it. Even at today's appallingly low interest rates, a Google founder's net worth earns $10,000 interest in about as much time as it's taken me to type out this message, so your request will not be a financial imposition of any kind.

    Good luck!

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    Default Re: asking for money

    I am HORRIBLE at asking anyone for money (OTC).

    I would just be straight with him. He is a smart guy...

    My wealthy customers always say they would rather girls just be real with them.

    "I know we don't really know each other, but i know you have helped out people in our family. My husband and I are living overseas with the military. We are not in need, but my school loans (10k) hang over my head. I feel like if they they were paid off I could make more advancements career and family-wise."

    Include pics of your family (husband in uniform). Do u get reduced shipping from the base? Maybe send a small gift from Japan- set of chopsticks, something like that.

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    Default Re: asking for money

    ^Actually, now i think my whole idea is shit. My dad is rich and i can hardly get a cent from him, so don't listen to me...

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    Default Re: asking for money

    Everyone I totally get what you're saying. I agree with you all actually in 98% of situations like this. But mine is a little different. One As All Good Things said, my cousin has already Given money to other relatives. And as AGT also said, my reasons for asking do align with his "philanthropic philosophy". one of the reasons my cousin doesn't give "hand-outs" is exactly that. His destitute brother asked for monetary help, but Google-billionaire denies destitute brother because their "philosophies" didn't align. Aka google guy didn't like what destitute brother wanted the money for and why he wanted the money. Basically tomd his brother "I worked for my money. You haven't done shit and won't do shit"

    Anyways....

    I have asked my Dad and my sister and cousins, but their replies have been generally unhelpful. :/

    Shasta I actually like some of what you said and that gives me a good starting Point-jogs my creative juices, so to speak.
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    Default Re: asking for money

    I was in a serious bind many years ago and asked my dad (who is a millionaire a few times over) to borrow 500$. I might as well have been a dog groveling at his feet--except he would have felt bad for the dog.

    He told me he wouldn't loan me the money, he would give it to me instead. But this was emphatically not a favorable distinction. I have never felt so embarrassed in my life.

    A couple years later, in an infinitely better financial position, I insisted on giving him the 500$ back. He definitely appreciated the gesture.

    But from the sounds of it, your uncle is a little less the hardass lol.

    But maybe you could come up with some sort of business proposal instead of asking for a gift or loan?
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    Default Re: asking for money

    Quote Originally Posted by papillonluvr View Post
    I have asked my Dad and my sister and cousins, but their replies have been generally unhelpful. :/
    You still have the advantage of knowing that he has helped out others in his extended family in the past, and apparently for the right reasons.

    I agree with Shasta that if you have to approach him directly, personalizing your request through photos, common experiences or emotional touchstones is a good idea. We all make these kinds of decisions emotionally, not intellectually. That's why he reacted with such emotional vehemence to his own brother's unsuccessful appeal.

    I would also stick with the request that he help you in the form of a gift. In my view, if you muddy the waters with "business proposals" or "loans" it just seems disingenuous and sort of vaguely suspect. Ask for what you want.

    If you want a fallback proposal that is less demanding, why not try proposing that he pay half of the total? That way it would help to take the payment heat off you while you are in Japan with your husband on military deployment earning less than you might in other circumstances and you would still be on the hook for the other half -- a good compromise.

    P.S. Be sure to tell him that you're teaching English in Japan. A little secret about Google royalty is that they are Quantitative Gods, but are still a little self-conscious about their limited foreign language skills (Sergey Brin is an exception, because his first language is Russian).

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    Default Re: asking for money

    Quote Originally Posted by DesuvsDeath View Post
    I would explain to him that husband is stationed in Japan and you're unable to find a job in your field and having some troubles paying off your loan.
    Perhaps ask him for a LOAN that you could pay back in small increments since you're only able to pay down the interest and not make any real progress right now?

    I mean... even if that's not true... you can A) get the loan paid down now and B) he might be nice enough to just GIVE you the money like he did with yo family.
    That sounds waaay better than just asking him to pay your loans. Emphasize whatever makes your situation worthy of his intervention. The last thing you want is for him to feel you a living a lifestyle that would lead you to squander his help by running up new bills. Good luck!
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    Default Re: asking for money

    ^ I think this is less helpful because it's just exchanging one loan for another. She's still on the hook for the money, but now she's indebted to her cousin. And that's troublesome on several other levels.

    The amount of money is so small to a Google founder that he'd surely prefer to just take care of it rather than have to assume the role of debtor and all that entails.

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    Default Re: asking for money

    Exchanging one debt for another, yes. But if you don't pay your student loans, your credit goes down the sh*tter VERY fast. If she doesn't pay off her cousin on time, she just gets reprimanded at most, as long as there's no legal record of the loan. It would be insincere, and rude to just assume that he's gonna "take care of it". Put yourself in his position- you worked really hard at something, and now you're rich because of that hard work- would you want family/friends to just assume that you're going to take care of their debt? I know I wouldn't. People don't stay rich if they give everyone a hand-out.

    If I were you (I've been there, asking for money, but not from a billionaire), I would slowly work into it. Maybe something like "Hey, I know we don't hang out much, but I'm in a really tough situation". Acknowledge that you know that you're not very close...? I don't know if it will help, but it may show him that you're not trying to be all fake like "hey! My best friend and cousin in the world!" you know?
    Since he helped start up Google, he's obviously very intelligent, and I wouldn't try to dupe him in any way- i.e. as explained above, also, be honest about why you need the money and why you need him to help you.
    Maybe even (if you know that you'll be able to eventually) tell him that it'll be a loan and even though you're broke now, you will pay him what you can, when you can. Or maybe, if he wants it to be a loan, he will put you on a payment plan. No clue. If he's a great guy, he might be like, "Nah, you don't need to pay it back". But I think that telling him you're willing to work to pay him off will show him that you're not trying to take advantage. Although, for this, if you tell him you're going to pay him back, PAY HIM BACK. This way, if you need something in the future, he will be more inclined to help you because you'll have a history of living up to your word. OR, it might even help your relationship and you might become closer as cousins.
    But I have my fingers crossed for you that he just says you don't need to pay him back.
    Those are just my suggestions. Take it with a grain of salt- I'm not in your situation, and I'm only going off what you've said.

    Good luck!
    Last edited by caitir; 11-06-2012 at 12:31 PM.

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    Default Re: asking for money

    Oh, and P.S.
    Since he's an internet guy, I'd say email would be the easiest way to get ahold of him. lol.
    I think a phone call seems too personal for how distant you said you guys are. And writing a letter... I wonder if he even gets snail mail anymore. hahaha. Just kidding. But seriously- email is probably best. He probably gets it sent straight to his phone, AND, writing out an email will let you think about what you're going to say and proofread it, as opposed to phone where it's kind of on-the-fly.

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    Default Re: asking for money

    I dont know if that he gave money to other fam members is a good enough reason to say/decide he should give money...no matter what the money is for.

    I guess cause, my ex...hes pretty well off and everyone asks him for money. parents, siblings, cousins, distant relatives, friends etc.
    For everything from medical, to paying rent, to paying mortage, to paying for schooling, abortions, blah blah blah. I mean, all legit reasons
    But it really got to him..... He knew that the only reason some of these fam contacted him was because he had the money to give
    and he already had a reputation for giving out money, he didnt want to look like an asshole and say no,
    cause then yeah, it would be thrown in his face you helped so and so but you wont help me?

    No one ever actualy did it, he just didnt want that to happen and look like a jerk. So he wrote checks left and right to everyone
    And then privately, would complain about it cuase he had his own life and finances he was trying to manage.

    Anyway, now that hes having financial problems, of course no one can help him.
    And hes feeling a lot of resentment towards his family for making him feel like he owed it to them to help him
    and now, of course, no one is there to help him. Not that hes asking...but he also knows its useless to ask
    Esp considering that even in his current situation, hes still getting asked for money

    And so at the moment, besides one sister and one brother, hes cut off all communication with the rest of his fam
    He just doesnt want to deal with having to explain why he cant help them with their money...he has his own problems for a change.

    So yeah, I think its a bad idea.
    Then again, I hate asking for money either way.
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    Default Re: asking for money

    Quote Originally Posted by caitir View Post
    Put yourself in his position- you worked really hard at something, and now you're rich because of that hard work- would you want family/friends to just assume that you're going to take care of their debt? I know I wouldn't.
    OK, let's see if I can summarize my thinking on this briefly to avoid multiple posts.

    1. Student loan debt is a special case. It's money invested in education, not a profligate lifestyle or really bad choices or habits, and it's a fixed debt already incurred. The loan amount is not getting bigger, so there's no potential need to "bail out" the OP in the future.

    2. Exchanging one loan for another is a bad idea. Lending to a family member is always a slippery slope into a potentially explosive disaster. Now her cousin is no longer just a relative, but an active lender who holds a financial obligation that -- enforced or not -- hangs there over both of their heads.

    3. The cousin has already taken care of the debts of other extended family members. That means he has a track record of being willing to do it.

    4. It appears that student loans fall within the confines of his philanthropic philosophy, meaning that he's likely to be in favor of helping her.

    5. The amount of money is trivial to a Google founder or any billionaire. At this level of wealth, the amount is not meaningful, and the emotional power usually wrapped up in $10,000 is simply not there for the person we are speaking about here. (Mitt Romney provided a good illustration of this during the Republican primary debates when he challenged Rick Perry by saying "I'll bet you $10,000!" It's a trivial amount, a quick off-the-cuff non-thinking bet to Romney and other people of significant wealth.)

    6. There's a huge body of research that suggests that philanthropy is psychologically far more beneficial to the giver than the receiver. It reduces stress, improves mood, enhances well-being and creates optimism. It's one of those counter-intuitive things in natural selection and they're still sorting out why this mechanism actually exists, but it does.
    Last edited by All Good Things; 11-06-2012 at 01:30 PM.

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    Default Re: asking for money

    Quote Originally Posted by All Good Things View Post
    6. There's a huge body of research that suggests that philanthropy is psychologically far more beneficial to the giver than the receiver. It reduces stress, improves mood, enhances well-being and creates optimism. It's one of those counter-intuitive things in natural selection and they're still sorting out why this mechanism actually exists, but it does.
    Not to be fresh lol but...this is right here is the whole basis of findomme. Give me your money cause you'll feel good doing it
    But this sounds like a much more official way of saying it...hrmm!!!!

    But yeah, I dont know. Im still of the mindset that I woudlnt take advantage of someone just cause theyre related to me and they can afford it.
    If it was a family member she was close to and had an actual relationship with...then I guess i wouldnt be so wary about it.

    But yeah, since its not for something trivial, and theyre family and hes given to others,
    odds that he will give to her for the asking are good since otherwise,
    considering hes the family personal bank lol he'll come out looking like an asshole for saying no.
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