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Thread: Pro Domme and screening

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    Default Pro Domme and screening

    Hi everyone! I'm new to these threads. Anyway, I do a little pro domme work on the side(real life not online) and I'm wondering if I'm going about screening correctly. Generally, I don't have problems but this past weekend I asked a potential client for his references and he got huffy with me and told me he hadn't asked any of the ladies he had seen before if they could be used as a reference and that he didn't have their contac info. He even told me that if he had their info he would be seeking them out instead of me. I dismissed him as someone I wouldn't want as a client anyway, but now I'm wondering if I was too quick to do that. Can anyone tell me if they think I did the right thing from a business standpoint? Thanks so much!

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    Senior Member funnymoney's Avatar
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    Default Re: Pro Domme and screening

    I don't see where you did anything wrong.

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    Default Re: Pro Domme and screening

    Well...only thing I can say really is that unless you are having sex, or doing sexual things during your sessions, being a domme is not illegal.
    The legal risks behind being an escort that require screening are not there. I didnt screen at all when I was working as a domme.

    As far as the safety aspect, I felt pretty safe considering the the mental balance of power, since they would usualy be naked or half naked, and I was always fully dressed, and the one holding stuff that could put a hurting on them if they tried anything.

    On the general, I think escorts are easy prey for guys who want to be shitty towards women, they are too cowardly to do that against a woman who already established herself as the one in power and in control. They like to assert their dominance over women they think are weak...because they themselves are weak. Cant really say Ive ever heard of a domme being put in the same situations/facing the same risks escorts do as far as personal safety goes.

    ETA: Wait...actually I should say...I did always get the guys name and phone number. To me that was just a way of knowing who he was and how to get ahold of him. It wasnt for screening purposes, but I guess just in having it, if he did anything stupid, I had his info. And also, I just would ask him if he was new/had he seen anyone before. But mostly so that I could check her out to get an idea of what interests him. I didnt check references for screening, and would see guys who hadnt been to a domme before.

    So maybe it was your approach in asking for info... that you were screening him as thoughyouwere an escort, instead of asking general questions like a domme would?
    Don't blink. Don't even blink. Blink and you're dead. Don't turn your back. Don't look away. And don't blink!

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    Default Re: Pro Domme and screening

    Well said BlkSharpie - I would take her info and run with it. I have a friend who is in that line of work. She doesn't screen as I would, because like BlkSharpie said, the legal aspect of her work is quite a bit different than mine. But yet again - her and I do share something in common when we get calls or emails - we always go with our gut feelings. At the end of the day, it's your choice of how you wish to handle clients. You may have lost a potential client, but remember - there will always be more who will LOVE what you do! Just take what you've learned from this situation and decide from now on how you will handle you're screening process (if you decide to screen from here on out or not). And if you always screen when you do this work on the side and no other men have had any problems with it, then maybe you did do the right thing by denying this client? Just my 2 cents

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    Default Re: Pro Domme and screening

    Thanks so much for answering me guys! I just screen with all new guys because I'm kinda paranoid about my safety. Also, I get a lot of flakes and asking for references helps me with that.

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    Default Re: Pro Domme and screening

    Hi! Just bumping this thread based on experience. I was a pro-domme for many years, and was very lucky because I thought, I'm not having sex with clients, so just a name and phone number to contact them is all. Not really screened, but I would ask if they had seen a domme before-I was in the scene obviously, and knew the local dommes and dungeons. (I was in San Diego County, but knew the LA ones also). If it was their first time, and for most it was, sure fine, come over, incall or outcalls.

    So, my friend who had a dungeon in San Diego traveled to an appt. in Los Angeles. He got the hotel room, I'm pretty sure she "screened" as much as I, lol, and goes to the room. They start the session, her fully clothed the whole time, and he eventually getting naked and tied and handcuffed to the bed (she didn't even do strapon play, which becomes a borderline activity that LE considers prostitution because it's "penetration"). He finally asks her, while handcuffed, if the money is her "fee" and she says yes (not saying "donation" instead, another LE verbal trap) and all of a sudden the room is busted open with LE, she spends the night in jail, etc.

    I've asked about it and I've had answers that BDSM activity is illegal in most every state, and some that say it's OK because no sex is involved. I'm just telling you what happened to my friend, and that I was lucky myself-I got out of it when she got busted, for my own fear and also I moved out of CA at the time.

    Here's a link to the Natl Coalition for Sexual Freedom, again, it's a grey area, it seems:

    https://ncsfreedom.org/key-programs/...f-the-law.html
    "I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it."
    "I only like two kinds of men, domestic and imported."
    "Love conquers all things except poverty and toothache."-All Quotes By Mae West




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    Default Re: Pro Domme and screening

    Hi! Just bumping this thread based on experience. I was a pro-domme for many years, and was very lucky because I thought, I'm not having sex with clients, so just a name and phone number to contact them is all. Not really screened, but I would ask if they had seen a domme before-I was in the scene obviously, and knew the local dommes and dungeons. (I was in San Diego County, but knew the LA ones also). If it was their first time, and for most it was, sure fine, come over, incall or outcalls.

    So, my friend who had a dungeon in San Diego traveled to an appt. in Los Angeles. He got the hotel room, I'm pretty sure she "screened" as much as I, lol, and goes to the room. They start the session, her fully clothed the whole time, and he eventually getting naked and tied and handcuffed to the bed (she didn't even do strapon play, which becomes a borderline activity that LE considers prostitution because it's "penetration"). He finally asks her, while handcuffed, if the money is her "fee" and she says yes (not saying "donation" instead, another LE verbal trap) and all of a sudden the room is busted open with LE, she spends the night in jail, etc.

    I've asked about it and I've had answers that BDSM activity is illegal in most every state, and some that say it's OK because no sex is involved. I'm just telling you what happened to my friend, and that I was lucky myself-I got out of it when she got busted, for my own fear and also I moved out of CA at the time.

    Here's a link to the Natl Coalition for Sexual Freedom, again, it's a grey area, it seems:

    https://ncsfreedom.org/key-programs/...f-the-law.html
    "I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it."
    "I only like two kinds of men, domestic and imported."
    "Love conquers all things except poverty and toothache."-All Quotes By Mae West




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    Default Re: Pro Domme and screening

    Its not really a legal activity, but its not really illegal if you know what to do or say, and if you know your rights. But if you don't, its probably just as risky as escorting. I haven't done real-time domme sessions yet, but I plan to start this summer. I have talked to experienced retired dominas and professional screener though, and have researched the laws in my area, and my own rights, so I feel like I know what I am doing for the most part. At least as much as I can, because I know a lot of it is going to be trial and error. But if you don't do these things, its definitely just as risky as escorting. If not more so, because you will have a false sense of security.

    Admitting you are requesting a fee for a sexual/fetish/BDSM service is definitely a kiss of death. I'm not surprised that happened. I think a lot of girls offer strap-on play, but penetration (even mouth! even sucking a plastic cock! lol) is 100% illegal, so you are basically considered an escort in the eyes of law enforcement.

    And yes, accepting a fee for any form of sex work is grounds for arrest by law enforcement. Its the little things like that you NEED to know ahead of time or you are setting yourself up to be arrested. Being an IRL domme is a lot more in-depth than being an escort because of those grey areas. You need to research, research, research! I am not even going to start doing them until I have physical copies of laws printed out and highlighted, and until I get professional legal advice from a lawyer familiar with the sex industry. Jepordizing your safety (especially with that false sense of security!) is not worth it.

    In Rhode Island I think it was, it used to be legal to accept money in exchange for sexual activity, but I hear that rule has been changed/overturned and is outdated now. And of course sexual activities for cash are legal in certain counties in Nevada (Las Vegas is not one of them contrary to popular belief!) in brothels only I believe, unless that too has changed or been altered. Everywhere else is illegal. I took a Sex + The Law course back in 2008 so a lot of these things are probably outdated now lol.

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