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Thread: What do you tell your kids you do for work?

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    Default Re: What do you tell your kids you do for work?

    Quote Originally Posted by Classy_Katy View Post
    This is a forum for sharing and discussion...not judgment based on limited facts, condemnation and unrequested opinions.
    I was supposed to wait for you to request my opinion to post? I think not.
    This is a forum. A public, open forum at that. What good would a forum be if everyone thought alike,
    had the same ideas - didn't bring anything new to the table? It would be one boring forum. When someone speaks out against something
    here, you all scream "YOU'RE BEING JUDGMENTAL". There is a being judgemental and being different. You have to accept the fact that everyone
    won't think/feel the same way as you do. Period.

    I will tell you that I am against potentially exposing a child to pornography. How in the hell can some of you sit here and say "Oh I tell my 14 year old what I do , she knows i'm a online girl and that's it. that's all she knows. I just close the door and she knows i'm working and she can't come inside when i'm working". Do you NOT know kids will investigate? My 10 year old cousin has a facebook profile, owns a blackberry and knows how to use a computer for crying out loud. They know how to google and they google EVERYTHING.

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    Default Re: What do you tell your kids you do for work?

    Quote Originally Posted by Smurfette View Post
    I wonder, why are you even in the sex industry if you're sooooo ASHAMED that you'd prefer to go to your grave without your daughter ever finding out? I personally don't think there is anything shameful in what we do... I mean I'm not gonna go tell my grandmother all about it, but I won't lie to my children for their entire lives either.
    Just wanted to say about this... just my personal perspective (cause I know this q wasnt directed to me) but yeah, I do a lot of things that my daughter will not know about...whether in my past or currently. I wont tell her all about it simply cause I dont believe its her business to know, not because Im ashamed of it. I just dont think that being a parent means I have no right to privacy and obligated to tell kiddo everything about myself. And yeah, there are things in my life that she will never know about, sex or not...

    Also, kids *are* curious. You tell them somethng, they are going to ask questions...kids will not inherently understand why you get on cam, they will ask for more information. So at what point to you tell them its none of their business? So you tell your kids you work in the sex industry...they'll want to know what you do. So you tell them you go on cam. They'll want to know what you do on cam... What do you say then? If you can never lie, then yes, you will end up having to tell them exactly what you do on cam...or is it then okay to lie?

    Sex is not at all bad, but yes...I do think that going into detail over what you specifically do sexually is not wise or a fair thing to do to a kid on an emotional level. When I taught my daughter about sex, I gave her the facts, not details about myself sexually...I left me out of it. She doesnt need to know, or even want to know about mom and sex in the same sentence. Not cause its dirty or wrong, but cause Im her mom..imagining me getting guys hard is just not something she needs a visual on.
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    Default Re: What do you tell your kids you do for work?

    If one of these ladies were to tell me that they NEVER lie, then ok - you got me.

    BUT

    If you have ever told a lie in your life and you're not willing to lie to preserve your child's childhood? Smfh....

    18 year old or older - You're the mother. Tell them whatever you want. They are of age but you may as well be sitting in the room watching porn with that underage kid - they are going to investigate. Sharpie is talking about them asking questions... yes they will but if you don't give them an answer that satisfies them - trust me it's either they'll investigate OR they will ask someone.

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    Default Re: What do you tell your kids you do for work?

    Ooh, and that is a good point about porn. I do have a genuine question....

    For parents that do feel its healthy to tell kids about the sex industry and let them know that you get on cam,
    Would you let them watch you on cam, or see you during sex, or let them watch porn with you?

    Just that, if the argument is that sex is not shameful and should not be hidden, and its healthy for kids to know about it and know what you do
    At what point does full disclsore/sharing everything about yourself and sex and, and privacy/hiding sexual things from your child begin?
    Like...how do you make the choice between what is, or is not appropriate for your child to see and know about?
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    Default Re: What do you tell your kids you do for work?

    Quote Originally Posted by Lovelyme View Post
    Nope... I believe if one is genius enough to tell an underage child about sex then they are capable of telling the child what positions they enjoy. Both are equally disburbing. And my post is not an overreaction. Telling an UNDERAGE child about this work/sex (which could possible ruin their childhood) is disgusting.
    Umm... no, no they're not equally disturbing. You can tell your kid about sex but you don't have to go into detail. So you don't plan on teaching your daughter about sex EVER? Not giving her the "birds and the bees" talk? You don't want her receiving sex ed in school? Children must be taught about sex eventually, it's better they learn about it from parents & teachers rather than peers or on TV. Teaching them about sex work merely introduces the "work" aspect to the whole equation.

    Did I say sex was bad? Did I say sex was evil? NO I did NOT. A mother here in Charlotte was arrested for watching porn with her 5 year old daughter just a few months ago - I'm sure you don't thing there's anything wrong with that but new flash - it's disgusting and disturbing. And you say you doubt anyone here is going into full detail about camming.. how do you know what anyone here goes behind closed doors? Are you next door roommates with them ? No. These people are willing to teach their underage kids about sex work - which means they are willing to expose their underage children about porn. I mean you're a mother - I'm sure you know that kids are curious and will investigate on their own.
    LOL of course watching porn with your five year old is disgusting and wrong! I can't believe you would think I'd be okay with that. Seriously? And I wonder, how do YOU know what these other camgirls do behind closed doors? You think they're all going into full-blown detail, explaining every aspect of camming to their innocent little children, showing them their dildos and watching porn with them. Obviously that WOULD be child abuse. But that's not what these women are doing, you're purposely exaggerating to stir up drama.

    My daughter is 4 years old. She is VERY smart. Anything I tell her she runs with it. There was a time my boyfriend sent me flowers and the next thing you know my nanny knew my boyfriend sent me flowers. KIDS talk and when they talk they are unfiltered. Why? They talk about things you as a parent tell/teach them. Kids are "monkey see monkey do" - they like to imitate their parents. Any fit mother knows this. How dare you ask me why I am in the sex industry? How dare you tell me that I am ashamed of the sex industry because I am not willing to expose my 4 year old daughter to pornography? Smurfette, I think you are a very smart woman and I agree with you on most issues but on this issue, I disagree. If I were ashamed of the sex industry why would I suggest that mothers wait till their kids are at least 18 to tell them? Does that make any sense? Why are YOU in the sex industry? Give me a break.
    I just had to ask considering you seem to be very antagonistic about sex work in general. There's nothing wrong with keeping it hidden from your 4-year-old. I'm doing the same thing with my son. But you said you'd prefer to go to the grave without your daughter ever finding out. That seems a bit extreme, hence why I asked if you're ashamed.

    I don't see how this topic will do good. It will only cause conflicts. Some of you think everyone is supposed to think like you - well news flash: THAT is not how the world works. I hope that you go back and read my posts again. I didn't say NOT to tell the kids. I said to wait till they are LEGAL.
    I don't expect everyone to think like me... but when YOU state your "opinions" you state them as if they are FACT. You're the one who expects everyone to think like you. You obviously hold a lot of contempt for the other women here who have different opinions than you.

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    Default Re: What do you tell your kids you do for work?

    I don't have kids. I don't know if I'll even be camming when I someday do have kids. But I'm just putting that disclaimer here to take what I'm saying with a grain of salt, since it's all hypothetical.

    I think if I were camming with kids, I would be discreet but I wouldn't go to all ends to hide it. I would like to raise my children in a sex positive and aware environment where they can be educated. I don't want them to be ashamed of sex, but I also understand that it can definitely be a private matter. I don't think I would ever just come out and tell my kids. If they ask, I would give them what I deem is an age appropriate answer. Eventually they'll figure it out, kids aren't dumb, and they're getting more and more exposed to sex with each generation. I just don't want them to feel like I'm hiding it, because then they might think I'm ashamed. Also, I'm pretty open about camming in my personal life. My kids would find out from SOMEBODY I'm sure.

    On the other hand, a part of me feels like I'll be caught offguard and just tell my kids something really stupid haha.

    Edit: Also, I wanted to add that I don't really think that it's terribly wrong for a kid to watch pornography. I was watching it when I was like 11 and I'm no worse for wear. Exposing children who have no idea what it even is is of course wrong, but if a kid is curious and finds it on his own, whatever. Hopefully if he has any questions, the parent has been open enough about sex that he can ask her, though.

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    Default Re: What do you tell your kids you do for work?

    About the whole lying thing... I never said that I will never lie to my children. I'm a normal person, I lie from time to time just like everyone does. I'm not trying to be particularly virtuous in that regard. All I meant is that I will not go to great lengths to hide and cover up the fact that I do/did webcam if my children ask me about it later on down the road. I'm not ashamed of camming, and I want my kids to grow up knowing that there is nothing wrong with choosing to work in the sex industry. Society views us negatively, but how are we supposed to change that if we ourselves treat sex work like a shameful secret, something to be shrouded in secrecy and covered up with lies? It just reaffirms negative stereotypes about sex work, as something icky, bad and immoral.

    Quote Originally Posted by BlkSharpie View Post
    Ooh, and that is a good point about porn. I do have a genuine question....

    For parents that do feel its healthy to tell kids about the sex industry and let them know that you get on cam,
    Would you let them watch you on cam, or see you during sex, or let them watch porn with you?

    Just that, if the argument is that sex is not shameful and should not be hidden, and its healthy for kids to know about it and know what you do
    At what point does full disclsore/sharing everything about yourself and sex and, and privacy/hiding sexual things from your child begin?
    Like...how do you make the choice between what is, or is not appropriate for your child to see and know about?
    Absolutely not. I really don't understand where this is coming from. Parents who give their kids the sex talk don't start all of of a sudden having sex right in front of their kids in full view, or showing them porn, to teach them how it works. It's important to teach kids that there is nothing shameful about sex, while reinforcing that it is a PRIVATE activity. Sex is private, including camming, which is between you & your paying customers.

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    Default Re: What do you tell your kids you do for work?

    Quote Originally Posted by Lovelyme View Post
    I really hope that your kids to do go to school and starts to blab about how her/his mom plays with her lady parts on the computer for money.
    That's nice...punishment to go with the judgment and condemnation.

    My daughter found out by accident...may the perfect mother please stand up and cast the first stone.

    Fortunately I know my child, and she is happy and well adjusted...thank you everyone who was concerned about her well being.
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    Default Re: What do you tell your kids you do for work?

    Quote Originally Posted by Smurfette View Post
    About the whole lying thing... I never said that I will never lie to my children. I'm a normal person, I lie from time to time just like everyone does. I'm not trying to be particularly virtuous in that regard. All I meant is that I will not go to great lengths to hide and cover up the fact that I do/did webcam if my children ask me about it later on down the road. I'm not ashamed of camming, and I want my kids to grow up knowing that there is nothing wrong with choosing to work in the sex industry. Society views us negatively, but how are we supposed to change that if we ourselves treat sex work like a shameful secret, something to be shrouded in secrecy and covered up with lies? It just reaffirms negative stereotypes about sex work, as something icky, bad and immoral.



    Absolutely not. I really don't understand where this is coming from. Parents who give their kids the sex talk don't start all of of a sudden having sex right in front of their kids in full view, or showing them porn, to teach them how it works. It's important to teach kids that there is nothing shameful about sex, while reinforcing that it is a PRIVATE activity. Sex is private, including camming, which is between you & your paying customers.
    Yeah, I think maybe the divide is, I dont equate porn with sexual education.
    Sex ed and self awareness is totally separate from fantasy, fetishes, and adult entertainment.

    Like, personally, I dont think just because I do porn, means its okay to expose my daughter to it.
    Or that if I dont expose her to porn then I dont have a healthy view towards sex. On the contrary...

    I taught kiddo about the birds and the bees when she was around 11 or 12.
    And since then, we do talk openly about sexual topics, but not pornography.
    Developing her interests, needs, fantasies etc is for her to explore on her own.

    I see the two as totally different, which is why asked what I did about the parents here
    who see the two as the same thing and expose their kids to the adult industry.


    I totally relate to it and believe that porn is private between myself and my customers, and my sexual life is private between myself and my partner.
    Doesnt mean I think its something to be ashamed of, just that I dont believe its appropriate as a mother to include my daughter.
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    Default Re: What do you tell your kids you do for work?

    Quote Originally Posted by Smurfette View Post
    You can tell your kid about sex but you don't have to go into detail.
    Dude.. I'm sure you know they will investigate. Kids are very curious. And when they are curious they will ask someone or they will find out on their own.
    Every MOTHER knows this.
    So you don't plan on teaching your daughter about sex EVER? Not giving her the "birds and the bees" talk? You don't want her receiving sex ed in school? Children must be taught about sex eventually, it's better they learn about it from parents & teachers rather than peers or on TV. Teaching them about sex work merely introduces the "work" aspect to the whole equation.
    I see you enjoy putting words into my mouth. Where/when did I say I wouldn't have the birds and the bees talk with her?
    Why do you think the adult industry is called the "adult" industry? You should never traumatize your children by telling him/her that you're a pornstar.
    They will look at you differently. Period.


    LOL of course watching porn with your five year old is disgusting and wrong! I can't believe you would think I'd be okay with that. Seriously?
    Ok point taken.

    And I wonder, how do YOU know what these other camgirls do behind closed doors?
    Putting words in my mouth again. When did I say I knew what was going on in their homes? You're the one that assumed you did.

    You think they're all going into full-blown detail, explaining every aspect of camming to their innocent little children, showing them their dildos and watching porn with them. Obviously that WOULD be child abuse. But that's not what these women are doing, you're purposely exaggerating to stir up drama.
    Ok. Let's stop right there, Smurfette.
    How am I starting drama?
    I said telling your child about camming would lead them into investigating what camming REALLLY is. Kids get curiious and investigate - they can tell an adult or a friend/friends at school. They can also google and find out what it is. This is exposing them to porn. As sharpie said, WE are porn. It is silly to think that we are not.

    Editelete.Done.
    Last edited by Lovelyme; 11-13-2012 at 11:20 AM.

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    Default Re: What do you tell your kids you do for work?

    I want to thank Isobel for posting that article - I think that it was incredible - especially when talking about exactly WHAT to say. The phrase "mommy spends time with people and makes them happy, and they pay her for it" is a GREAT phrase for younger kids. I also really love that it mentions that usually, parents DO NOT go into detail about their jobs to kids. So there really is no need for us to - it is just made a little more difficult because most parents can use a generic job title that kids know from children's tv, classroom exercises, daily life, etc - but our jobs don't fit into that.

    I know that when I was a kid, my understanding of my dad's job changed and grew as I got older, and I think that this is pretty normal. When I was very young, I don't think I even asked about it, or I knew that daddy was a businessman, or daddy worked in an office. Occasionally we went to the office, or I played with his computer, but I don't think that I had any real concept of what he did until I was going to school, and people compared jobs. Even then, I knew he worked "in an office". That later became "In the oil business". It wasn't until I was a teenager that I started to learn the details of his work - that he was in exploration, more about what he did, where he was travelling, etc. And it wasn't until I had an office job that I started talking to him about the tiny details - and that was mostly because we bonded over Dilbert cartoons!!

    Sometimes I think that we overthink things, being in the sex industry. To a point, kids don't really care what we do - they are vaguely interested, and want to be able to answer the question in class, but they really don't care about the details. I feel like we should be able to tailor our explanation to the child's age - give more information as the child becomes old enough to handle it. And that information can still be as vague as the information that our parents gave us! Telling a 12 year old that you work making videos is NOT going to damage them irreparably! But yes, describing in great detail every little thing you do is probably not a great idea.

    It is also a good point that there is a concern about children telling others about what you do - it breaks my heart that some teachers would actually call child services if a mommy worked in porn!!! But in a way, I like to think of it in the same way that I think of children growing up with gay parents - I would rather the child know that there is nothing wrong with their parents, and have to cope with unfortunate bullying, than have them grow up to believe that something is shameful and wrong. I think that there is a line to be drawn, and that vagueness (but honest vagueness) helps in the younger years - saying that you work in "customer service" "online sales" etc is not lying, but it is innocent enough for the kid to talk openly about.
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    Default Re: What do you tell your kids you do for work?

    Quote Originally Posted by BlkSharpie View Post
    Ooh, and that is a good point about porn. I do have a genuine question....

    For parents that do feel its healthy to tell kids about the sex industry and let them know that you get on cam,
    Would you let them watch you on cam, or see you during sex, or let them watch porn with you?

    Just that, if the argument is that sex is not shameful and should not be hidden, and its healthy for kids to know about it and know what you do
    At what point does full disclsore/sharing everything about yourself and sex and, and privacy/hiding sexual things from your child begin?
    Like...how do you make the choice between what is, or is not appropriate for your child to see and know about?
    Interesting question...

    All I can do is answer in a personal way. I think that there is a major difference between telling a child about what we do, and physically showing them. But I don't think that there is really a major difference between sex work, sex, and even menstruation in this case.

    I will TELL my daughter what a period is, that it is not scary, she is not ill or bleeding to death. I will tell her that everyone gets them, and I will tell her how to use sanitary products. I will answer her questions, and giver her advice on cramps, PMS, etc etc. But I'm hardly going to take her into the bathroom and show her myself bleeding, or wave my used tampons in her face. I'm not going to put a tampon inside her with my own two hands.

    I will TELL my children about sex. I will tell them different amounts at different times - starting with the "babies come when a man and a woman are in love, and he puts his penis in her vagina", and going through "your body is changing", and as a teenager, YES, talking about protection, practicing a condom on a cucumber, talking about oral, anal, STDS, fetishes, etc. The idea is to give the appropriate amount of info for the age and maturity of the child.

    The main thing, I think, is that the idea is to give your child information, not to do anything where any party is actually being turned on. So talking about the fact that sex is good is fine, but having your kid watch you have sex is (obviously) not. The difference is between a teaching experience and a sexually charged experience. When you are having sex, watching porn, etc, that is a sexual experience, and it is NOT OK to have a sexual experience with your child. When you are telling your child about sex, that is NOT a sexual situation, so it is ok.

    And clearly, I would not let a child watch me cam, watch my videos, or watch me strip, because that would be ILLEGAL - above and beyond anything else.

    I am a little shocked at the suggestion (not yours, BlkSharpie) that telling a child about the adult industry is child abuse. SERIOUSLY?!?!? You are telling someone something. Is telling your child about murder, or rape child abuse? What if you are telling your 13 year old how to be safe - is telling your child about the possiblity and existence of rape the same as raping them?!?!!? Personally, I believe that hiding sex from children is abuse. Acting as though sex and sexuality, fantasy and fetish are all terrible dirty secrets - THAT is going to fuck your kid up. Teaching them that sex is ok if two people are in love, but only vaginal and perfunctory - fetishes, porn, anal - all that is BAD....ugh!!! What would you do if your 12 year old revealed that they only got the tinglies when they saw someone sneeze? Would you tell them that it is a fetish and normal, or freak out and make them feel bad about it? My mind is seriously blown that someone who works in the industry would have such a negative view of it.
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    Default Re: What do you tell your kids you do for work?

    Wow. I think this whole thread got out of hand and a little ridiculous. A lot of opinions and a lot of good advise. I am a mother of a 14 month old. I wonder what I could possibly tell him I do when I'm alone in my room and the door is closed and he is not allowed in. I wonder about how to stay quiet enough that he won't hear me or wonder about what mommy really is doing. Granted now he is too young to even notice anything but mommy isn't here. However when he is at the age when he starts noticing more stuff it makes me weary.

    I am not ashamed of what I do, many friends and family members know about this, it's not something I am afraid to talk about to other adults and maybe I'm the lucky one that has more open minded friends and family that they are more curious about it then shunning me or thinking low of me. I wouldn't tell my MIL or even my mom because they are of a different generation who wouldn't really understand it or even want to talk about it. It's not something I would discuss over holiday dinners. But I am more opened about it and are able to talk to those that know which makes things easier.

    As far as telling my son, I wouldn't tell him exactly what I do. Definitely wouldn't sit him down and say mommy puts a dildo in her ass and show him the dildo. That seems a little silly really. I wouldn't even tell him I cam. If anything if he asks about the cam I would say something like my job requires me to have conference calls in skype...something of that sort. I mean until he is old enough to really know about sex, which is usually when they hit puberty. I will probably tell him about the birds and the bees and how everything he feels is perfectly normal and natural. I don't want him to feel shameful about his urges. But I will definitely keep my camming private. Wouldn't say I'll take it to my grave, because he will eventually figure things out or not.

    I just don't know what the big deal was, the way some of your were talking made it sound like if you're a parent you really shouldn't be in the sex industry. Not saying that's exactly what you said, but makes it seem that way. Makes me feel like as a mother I shouldn't even be trying to do this. I mean it really is discouraging. Making it seem like you should be a shame of what you do to pay for their food, clothes, cell phone, house, etc.... Like I said I'm not ashamed of what I do, but this did make me think more about my sons well being and feel like maybe this is a bad decision.

    One of the reasons I haven't really been camming lately was because the last time I did, I was in the middle of chat when my son woke up. My husband went to get him but he wouldn't stop crying. I tried to talk over the screams but of course I couldn't. The guys in my room said "baby crying in the background is a real turn off" then they all left the room. I was so embarrassed, felt like a terrible mother. So I logged off and haven't been on since, doesn't help that when I was planning on camming I got a terrible cold and lost my voice. However I felt low and crappy. With that said this whole thing validated a bit more that maybe it's not worth it.

    So not only do I worry about when I'm on cam that I hope my son doesn't wake up and turn guys off. But now I have to worry about what and when to properly explain to my son why mommy is a cam girl and not working where people wouldn't judge how she made a living. It's shameful to see other cam girls criticize each other for being a mom on cam and how they would approach their child when the time comes. It's shameful to see that you can't come on here and openly talk about something without someone jumping down your throat. It's terrible that I come here for advise, which many do give, but others rather not because you are or might be their competition.

    I think this thread did it for me. Thank you to those that give advise and are helpful. Good luck to all you other moms out there may you stay strong and keep bring in the money that helps pay for your children and their future!!

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    Default Re: What do you tell your kids you do for work?

    Interesting points ManyRoses... Even though I dont agree that porn is no different than menstruation and sex education, i do see where youre coming from in your views.

    Just an aside though, just because I choose not to tell my daughter about porn or the industry, doesnt mean that I think porn is bad, or sex is bad or that i should question my role in it. Kind of like I said before, I keep sexual education to just the facts, and its up to her to explore the fantasy aspect that is the adult industry on her own.

    Kiddo and I are very open and speak candidly with each other, but if she started telling me what she found sexually exciting, whether its sneezing or feathers or duct tape and saran warp...I can guarantee you, I will be all TMI!! TMI!!! and go la la la I cant hear you! Seriously though, I dont want her talking to me about her sexual fantasies...not cause I think its dirty, but cause well...shes my kid and well, thats not something I need to know any more than she needs to know mine..eveerrrr...
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    Default Re: What do you tell your kids you do for work?

    I'm only 18 and don't have kids yet, but my family thinks I am suddenly making all this money by working online making clothing for avatars on Second Life. Haha.


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    Default Re: What do you tell your kids you do for work?

    Quote Originally Posted by BlkSharpie View Post
    Yeah, I think maybe the divide is, I dont equate porn with sexual education.
    Sex ed and self awareness is totally separate from fantasy, fetishes, and adult entertainment.

    Like, personally, I dont think just because I do porn, means its okay to expose my daughter to it.
    Or that if I dont expose her to porn then I dont have a healthy view towards sex. On the contrary...

    I taught kiddo about the birds and the bees when she was around 11 or 12.
    And since then, we do talk openly about sexual topics, but not pornography.
    Developing her interests, needs, fantasies etc is for her to explore on her own.

    I see the two as totally different, which is why asked what I did about the parents here
    who see the two as the same thing and expose their kids to the adult industry.


    I totally relate to it and believe that porn is private between myself and my customers, and my sexual life is private between myself and my partner.
    Doesnt mean I think its something to be ashamed of, just that I dont believe its appropriate as a mother to include my daughter.
    Very well said......

    Quote Originally Posted by BlkSharpie View Post
    Interesting points ManyRoses... Even though I dont agree that porn is no different than menstruation and sex education, i do see where you're coming from in your views.

    Just an aside though, just because I choose not to tell my daughter about porn or the industry, doesnt mean that I think porn is bad, or sex is bad or that i should question my role in it. Kind of like I said before, I keep sexual education to just the facts, and its up to her to explore the fantasy aspect that is the adult industry on her own.

    Kiddo and I are very open and speak candidly with each other, but if she started telling me what she found sexually exciting, whether its sneezing or feathers or duct tape and saran warp...I can guarantee you, I will be all TMI!! TMI!!! and go la la la I cant hear you! Seriously though, I dont want her talking to me about her sexual fantasies...not cause I think its dirty, but cause well...shes my kid and well, thats not something I need to know any more than she needs to know mine..eveerrrr...
    LMBO! @ TMI! TMI! la la la la la I can't hear you. I'd probably do the same thing and lock myself in my room until she goes away for a little bit LOL!

    Exactly though man....

    ManyRoses and Smurfette says if you don't talk about sex work/sex with your kid it means you think sex is bad and you're ashamed of yourself. And I think it's ridiculous. They keep saying "We're not going into full detail. We're not going into full detail!" Really? Everyone knows kids are curious and they will push the issue. If they're 11 years old or older they can google and find out exactly what it is your do - then you've traumatized the kid.

    I don't have any problem talking to my daughter about the "birds and the bees" but she's 4 years old for crying out loud. There is a time for everything and it's not now.
    Then ManyRoses brings up menstruation - what does menstruation has to do with any of this? What does anal, std and fetishes have to do with any of this? I'm starting to think she hasn't even read the thread. I did NOT say I wasn't going to talk to my daughter about her body, about boys and about sex - I am simply saying that it is wrong to tell a child that you are doing these things for a living.

    At this point it's pretty stupid to argue about it because you guys will raise your kids as you see fit.

    Let's look at it from this angle you can tell them that it's ok but what happens when someone "touches" them in an inappropriate area at school - they'll feel it's ok because mommy said it's ok. An adult can do things to them and they'll think it's ok because you've told them that this is ok which could result in you never knowing. This is to those of you that will tell them and "NOT go into detail". You get what I'm saying now...? They don't know what is ok and what isn't. Kids tend to take things and run with it. Sex is such a big word and there is so many levels and things to know about sex. They can't possibly understand all those things at the age of 12. Sex , if seen in a bad light, can ruin someone's life. We all know that sometimes when someone is hurt and confused they can act out through drugs, alcohol, sex...

    ******

    There is a big difference between helping a child understand life and their body..etc and there is putting ideas into a child's head. Where do you draw the line? If I were still escorting full time there is no way I would tell my kid that I was escorting. Don't you agree that there is a BIG difference between saying I'm a prostitute and having the "birds and the bees talk" - you damn right. And I don't see how any of you can compare the two. I also think talking about girl meets boy stuff is totally fine but anal and fetishes are things they should learn/make decisions on their own. My mom never told me about anal nor did she talk about fetishes - ha I couldn't even imagine her talking to me about such. I've tried anal and I hated it. I would never do it again. To me, it's not natural. That's not even something that's up for debate.

    I have asked my boyfriend and my non-sex worker friends about this overnight and they were like "Of course you keep it to yourself!"
    I had to ask if there was something wrong with me for wanting to keep that part of myself secret and of course there's not.
    As sex workers, most of us lie all the time about what we do for a living (some don't). In the world that I live in, something like this getting out would ruin a lot for me. I understand some people don't have anything to lose. Well I have a lot to lose and I cherish my relationships. I understand that everyone won't accept this work - hell most won't accept this work.

    I know I know it's laughable that I'm even a sex worker and I feel like this but one must have a balance and I think I have that balance. There are things that I have done that I never EVER want my daughter to do. Does that make me a hypocrite? Of course but most moms are. Why? Moms don't want their daughters making the same mistakes they made. Some moms simply don't care. Some people don't know how to be a mother and they don't realize that until they see how their daughter has turned out. I understand screaming ontop of your lungs "I'm a sex worker and I'm proud" but if you guys knew where I lived and how conservative these people are you would rethink telling the whole world. My daughter goes to school with the governor's son, her playdates are with daughters of the CEO of this and that. She goes to one of the best - if not the best private pre-school in North Carolina.. And there is a question mark above my head every-time I go to that school because no one knows what I do. There is no way I can even let on about my role in the sex industry even a little bit. You don't know how many coffee dates with these people I've turned out of fear they will pry into my life. Am I going to move to some remote area of NC because of the sex industry? Fuck no. I like where I live. It's a sacrifice I'm willing to make for my daughter so she can live the best life

    Good luck with your kids. I'm a damn good mom and everyone that knows me knows that. I will continue to protect her the best way I can and not fuck up her life for my own selfish reasons. This has been a great debate. My apologies to those that I offended. I'm done with this subject.
    Last edited by Lovelyme; 11-14-2012 at 05:35 AM.

  29. #42
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    Default Re: What do you tell your kids you do for work?

    Quote Originally Posted by BlkSharpie View Post
    Interesting points ManyRoses... Even though I dont agree that porn is no different than menstruation and sex education, i do see where youre coming from in your views.

    Just an aside though, just because I choose not to tell my daughter about porn or the industry, doesnt mean that I think porn is bad, or sex is bad or that i should question my role in it. Kind of like I said before, I keep sexual education to just the facts, and its up to her to explore the fantasy aspect that is the adult industry on her own.

    Kiddo and I are very open and speak candidly with each other, but if she started telling me what she found sexually exciting, whether its sneezing or feathers or duct tape and saran warp...I can guarantee you, I will be all TMI!! TMI!!! and go la la la I cant hear you! Seriously though, I dont want her talking to me about her sexual fantasies...not cause I think its dirty, but cause well...shes my kid and well, thats not something I need to know any more than she needs to know mine..eveerrrr...
    I have to ask though - what would you do if she/he was talking about what turns him/her on because she wanted to know if it was normal? That is what I am really talking about - not "ooh mom, this is so hot!" - I don't think that many kids would actually do that in the first place!! It is more along the lines of not wanting them to feel that they CAN'T talk to you - can't ask you questions about these things.

    I would rather have my kid turn to me and ask - say "this made me feel really good, is that normal" so that I can sit them down and tell them that people are turned on by all kinds of things, and there is nothing wrong with them because of it. I don't think that sticking your fingers in your ears would really help - in fact, I can imagine that it would make a teenager feel like there WAS something wrong with them if they went to you with a sex question and you pushed them away and said "nononononono don't talk to me about these things...".
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    Default Re: What do you tell your kids you do for work?

    My 12 year old step daughter doesn't know what I do, as far as I know... unless her "wonderful" mother has told her some horror story by now, which totally would not surprise me. But I don't really think how or what to ever tell her is relevant since she doesn't live with us.

    As far as my own children... two 5 year olds and a 2 year old...

    I have extremely well behaved kids so maybe it's not as easy for others as it is for me... but my kids are taught that Mommy's office is not a play room, and they are not allowed in my office unless they are invited in. Same for my bedroom. I was never allowed in my parents bedroom or my parents office as child either. It didn't matter WHY, all it matters is that the room is off limits. Period the end. I realize that as kids get older they get more curious and perhaps they might try to snoop around, but with proper discipline and teaching of respect, it shouldn't be a big issue to keep them out of places that you have deemed as off limits.

    Being that I have children in the house, I do have an office/cam room but I use lighting that blends in so it doesn't have to be constantly put up, but it doesn't cause suspicion either. I keep all my toys and clothes in the closet in suitcases. I have two computers, they know one is my work computer the other is my everything else computer. They come into my office when I invite them in and it's perfectly safe for them in here, even my mother in law comes in here from time to time to sit and talk (she's the only adult in the family who doesn't know what I do, she's far too southern traditional she would have heart attack lol), and you cannot tell that hours later I will be spread eagle in front of my webcam! LOL! My point with this is that I think, as parents with young children in the home, we have a responsibility to keep our work out of sight as much as possible. Even if your child knows what you do, you should keep it out of their view as much as possible.

    Camming is my JOB. It is not my LIFE. As a person, I am not my job. Does that makes sense? At night I am a cam girl, and during the day I am mommy. I want it to stay that way as long as possible. I don't plan to tell my children what I do. They know that I work on my computer from home, and I have stressed to them many times how very lucky and blessed they are to have a mommy who can work at home and be with them all day instead of working outside the home like most mommies and daddies do. They love that I am able to be with them as they grow up, participate in things with them, give them things they want.

    I am definitely not ashamed of my work. I am proud that I have "made it" for myself, all on my own I have accomplished so many things, I can be at home with my kids and spend time with my family, pay for things, take vacations, all on my own! Be proud of this, it is definitely not something to be ashamed of! For the most part my entire family knows what I do, we just don't talk about it. It's not necessary, or their business, anyway. They don't talk about their "normal" jobs much either. If strangers or other parents, or when my kids start to ask, I will tell them I do online web consulting, internet marketing, something like that. Vague, you are not obligated to go into detail with people.

    When or IF the time even comes to discuss my work with my children, what I intend to do is explain to them that I came from a low income family, I didn't have much handed to me at all.... I took what I knew how to do which was web design and photography, and eventually turned it into something that would actually make money for me, which was my own pay site. Then I got into camming. I did this because I didn't have the chance to go right into college and get a really good high paying job, and I didn't want to settle for "getting by". I wanted to raise my kids, not send them to daycare while I slave away at work, I wanted to be my own boss and give my kids the opportunities that I never had myself. And this line of work gets me there. Coupled with a well rounded knowledge of sex, my kids should be able to understand that what mommy does/did is not "bad", it's just not traditional. Many have asked me "well what would you do if THEY wanted to get into camming or porn??!?!" I tell them that I wouldn't necessarily LIKE it, but I also think the chances of that happening are so very slim because I am providing them the upbringing that I myself did not have, with opportunities to succeed that I did not have at the time.

    The end. LOL Sorry this is so long. I've been thinking about this for a few days.
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  32. #44
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    Default Re: What do you tell your kids you do for work?

    ManyRoses, this is just something else we have a different opinion on.
    I believe her asking a question about sex, is different than talking about her fantasies and what gets her off.

    But then, kiddo is pretty intelligent... She already knows that sex, sexual thoughts and feelings in and of themself is normal since we already had the sex talk. It doesnt make logical sense then that she would need to come to me to say...when I do this it feels good, is that normal? When I think of this it feels good, is that normal? When I see this boy I like I feel like this and I think of doing this and that and blah blah blah, is that normal?

    Shes a pretty confident self-assured kid who doesnt need to seek validation and approval, esp not for her own thoughts within her head, from anyone...not even me as her mother.

    You know your kid, and if that is a concern for you that they feel theres something wrong with themselves and their thoughts, and its necessary for you to discuss their sexual fantasies with them, then that is between you and your kid. I can really only speak for my own.
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    Default Re: What do you tell your kids you do for work?

    Sarah, Exactly. Totally agree! Mucho respect!

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    Default Re: What do you tell your kids you do for work?

    Your kids will know what you do whether you tell them or not. Kids are curious, they snoop, they listen in when they aren't supposed to, the spy, they gossip, they put their ears up to the wall. So they will assume you're ashamed of what you're doing or that its wrong if you don't tell them, otherwise you would tell them about it. That's how they think.

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    Default Re: What do you tell your kids you do for work?

    Quote Originally Posted by GlamourRouge View Post
    Your kids will know what you do whether you tell them or not. Kids are curious, they snoop, they listen in when they aren't supposed to, the spy, they gossip, they put their ears up to the wall. So they will assume you're ashamed of what you're doing or that its wrong if you don't tell them, otherwise you would tell them about it. That's how they think.
    False. I know a lot of ladies that have been able to hide their jobs from their kids. Myself included. When you have multiple sources of income, it's very easy to do. When you only cam full time and don't have a tight cover , it's extremely hard to do but a lot of ladies do it, keep it to themselves and live happy lives....

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    God/dess BlkSharpie's Avatar
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    Default Re: What do you tell your kids you do for work?

    Quote Originally Posted by SarahTime View Post
    Camming is my JOB. It is not my LIFE. As a person, I am not my job. Does that makes sense?
    That makes total sense!!!

    And I totally agree with what youd say to your kids, though you know what...I have amind you woundt even have to break it down like that. You *should* be proud of being able to support your fam, and kids already notice this! My own kiddo, esp now that shes older and I know talks to other kids about their home life, has told me out of the blue that she knows I work really hard to take care of her, cause she has friends who have it a lot rougher than we do even with both parents with jobs.

    I know the last person on this earth I would need to ever defend myself to if/when it comes out what I do is my daughter...
    She genuinely appreciates the things I do....and awe, shes dying to get a job to help out cause she says she doesnt want me to have to work so hard, and as she gets older, the things she wants and needs are more expensive, and she said she wants to at least help out by being able to afford the things she wants so that she doesnt have to always ask me
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    Default Re: What do you tell your kids you do for work?

    Quote Originally Posted by GlamourRouge View Post
    Your kids will know what you do whether you tell them or not. Kids are curious, they snoop, they listen in when they aren't supposed to, the spy, they gossip, they put their ears up to the wall. So they will assume you're ashamed of what you're doing or that its wrong if you don't tell them, otherwise you would tell them about it. That's how they think.
    I agree this does happen, so if and when it does, I think it's best to be up front about it without too much detail. You can be honest with them, without being TOO honest, kwim?

    It also helps to have a partner who stays up for most of the time I'm working, so if one of the kids gets up while I'm working he is on top of it. I don't work unless they are asleep, so that helps a lot.
    xoxo ~ Sarah




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    Default Re: What do you tell your kids you do for work?

    Quote Originally Posted by GlamourRouge View Post
    Your kids will know what you do whether you tell them or not. Kids are curious, they snoop, they listen in when they aren't supposed to, the spy, they gossip, they put their ears up to the wall. So they will assume you're ashamed of what you're doing or that its wrong if you don't tell them, otherwise you would tell them about it. That's how they think.
    Hrmm...very much disagree. I just dont think that parents are obligated to tell their kids everything.

    Then again!! It does depend on how you raise your children. If you raise your kids to believe you owe it to them to tell them everything, then yes of course, they will always expect that from you and get on your case about it if you seem to be hiding things from them. If you raise your kids to respect another persons space and privacy, then they will just take it for what it is, something that is private, without reading into it that it must be wrong if they arent allowed to know all about it too.

    Not everything that adults do is appropriate to tell children about.
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