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Thread: What do you tell your kids you do for work?

  1. #76
    God/dess ManyRoses's Avatar
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    Default Re: What do you tell your kids you do for work?

    ^^^Now I am even more convinced that we are actually agreeing about stuff, just phrasing it in different ways.

    YES - the idea is that your kid will take your opinion seriously, and ask for it. And YES, the idea is that they will use the information you give them to form their own ideas, and make their own lives out of it.

    I really do feel like the idea of a "heart-to-heart" is something very different for both of us - I feel that even saying something very minimal counts as "talking about it". From what you have said here, I would say that you ARE "talking about fetishes" - because my experience has been that NOT talking about it means just that. The subject is ignored completely. The idea that anyone would want to do anything outside the bounds of "normal" sex is treated the same way as bestiality - there is an understanding that some, very messed up, people do that, but that is all.

    I really don't think that wanting to talk to kids (or more accurately, teenagers) about this means a big deal, a giant talk, a huge production. It just means bringing it into the picture AT ALL. I imagine that you have an image of a very serious, owly feminist having a big ol' sit down....and it cracks me up. It's a very insidious, general situation, where concepts like anal and fetish are dealt with as a normal part of life, and resources are given openly, but not awkwardly.

    I really wish that I could introduce you to my friend's daughter. I met her when she was around 13, and she is now 18. When she was younger, her dad (my friend) was dating a stripper, and he made no bones about what she did for a living. She was a stripper, she worked at x-club, end of story. And when she met me, she had zero negative associations with me stripping, because she was used to it - she had known strippers for what they were for years. I don't think that at any point he sat down and had some big serious convo about "this is what women do and it's ok" - it was just there. No biggie. That is what they did. When she had her first serious bf at 16, he straight up asked her if she was having sex. She blushed and said "yes", and he basically said "right. I know this sucks, but I am your dad, so we have to do this. Are you using protection? Do you need any? You know you can say no to anything, right? Yes? You know that here is where you can get info on other stuff? You know that if he gets you pregnant or breaks your heart I am going to rip his dick off? Good. Aaaaand...done."

    The idea is absolutely NOT to make someone feel uncomfortable by over-providing info, but to make sure that you are prepared to give all the info you can, because these days, very little is off limits. It's not about pushing boundaries, it';s about being willing to discuss ANYTHING with your child so that they feel comfortable with it. (well - anything that you want your child to feel comfortable with!)

    For me, it is always about creating a positive situation for sex, at the age where that is appropriate. It is about setting someone up so that they don't feel that a fetish is something to be ashamed of, where they are not going to have a horrible first experience and hate sex/anal/whatever from that point on. Its' not about encouraging, forcing, putting ideas in someone's head, over-explaining, anything like that. Just recognizing the level to which teenagers talk about sex, and working around that to create a positive sex experience.
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  2. #77
    God/dess BlkSharpie's Avatar
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    Default Re: What do you tell your kids you do for work?

    Youve kind of oversimplified the discussion drarea, it went quite a bit deeper that what you got out of it.
    But all the same...the discussion calmed down a while ago So...no need to try and rile it back up again.

    I think also, for the most part, even though there was a lot of passionate exchange, it was kept pretty civil.
    And I really appreciate how most actually read and responded to what what the other was trying to convey.

    Dont think this thread was stupid at all...even if I dont agree with another, I like knowing what other people think.


    ManyRoses....totally agree with your last post there.
    And yess...when the whole "we need to talk" thing comes up, I do think of some sort of drum circle pow wow type deal.
    Like if its a heavy discussion, especially if its emotional, personal and necessary, Ill do it...but Im slowly dying on the inside. lol
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  4. #78
    Veteran Member drearea's Avatar
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    Default Re: What do you tell your kids you do for work?

    Quote Originally Posted by BlkSharpie View Post
    Youve kind of oversimplified the discussion drarea, it went quite a bit deeper that what you got out of it.
    But all the same...the discussion calmed down a while ago So...no need to try and rile it back up again.

    I think also, for the most part, even though there was a lot of passionate exchange, it was kept pretty civil.
    And I really appreciate how most actually read and responded to what what the other was trying to convey.

    Dont think this thread was stupid at all...even if I dont agree with another, I like knowing what other people think.


    ManyRoses....totally agree with your last post there.
    And yess...when the whole "we need to talk" thing comes up, I do think of some sort of drum circle pow wow type deal.
    Like if its a heavy discussion, especially if its emotional, personal and necessary, Ill do it...but Im slowly dying on the inside. lol
    The last pages (the discussion between you and MR) were the opposite of stupid, it was a great discussion. The first few pages were plain stupid, IMO.
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  5. #79
    God/dess Classy_Katy's Avatar
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    Default Re: What do you tell your kids you do for work?

    It wasn't all civil at all...
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  6. #80
    God/dess BlkSharpie's Avatar
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    Default Re: What do you tell your kids you do for work?

    I dont know... I guess because Ive seen so many disagreements online turn into knock down fights
    where people just lash out and say the nastiest things that have nothing to do with anything,

    but that all that was not only kept to a minimum even though we were all passionate about our views,
    and we were able to keep it an actual discussion and come to an understanding does make me feel like this was pretty darn civil
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  8. #81
    God/dess ManyRoses's Avatar
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    Default Re: What do you tell your kids you do for work?

    ^^^ I feel like with one (fairly obvious) exception, this DID stay pretty civil.

    It is something that I love about these boards, and you ladies - I feel like any time that I have started to get into a "fight" with someone, it eventually gets worked through properly, and there are no leftover bad feelings. This is actually why I will KEEP posting, and not just throw my hands up and walk away - I have faith that we can always come to a point of understanding - if not always agreeing! For the most part, even the most emotionally-fraught topics end up reaching a point where everyone is fully explaining themselves, and it is being respected. Again - clearly, this thread had an exception to that, but as a general rule...
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  10. #82
    God/dess Classy_Katy's Avatar
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    Default Re: What do you tell your kids you do for work?

    It wasn't all actual discussion...there were personal attacks.

    Quote Originally Posted by BlkSharpie View Post
    I dont know... I guess because Ive seen so many disagreements online turn into knock down fights
    where people just lash out and say the nastiest things that have nothing to do with anything,

    but that all that was not only kept to a minimum even though we were all passionate about our views,
    and we were able to keep it an actual discussion and come to an understanding does make me feel like this was pretty darn civil
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]


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  12. #83
    God/dess BlkSharpie's Avatar
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    Default Re: What do you tell your kids you do for work?

    I clearly said it was kept to a minimum, and in my first post about it said "for the most part"
    Im not saying or insinuating that everyone was perfect and said all perfect things at all times.
    Just saying that generally speaking, we were still able to maintain a discussion.

    I was *only* speaking for myself, its fine if you do not think so.
    And I am sooooo not going to get into an argument with you over it

    And I agree Roses!!! After over 4 years of being on here, I only have one person on my block list
    And its because she took things to a personal level that I can not ever forgive or forget.
    On other boards, its amazing Im still on there, since I have damned near everyone on block
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