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Thread: Why would she say that?

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    Default Why would she say that?

    What a hoot! I am now a member of Stripper's Web! I never thought I would be asking advice about an interaction related to the club world, but, life gets stranger the more it trudges on. Anyways, I will provide enough detail to get the point across in this first post. If any of the ladies care to dialogue and ask for clarification on anything, I will be happy to provide it, I just don't want to clog this up with more minutiae than I already will be providing. Due to marriage issues, things on the home front are not great. Nothing uncommon here, I guess. My reasons for going to clubs are not all that different either: due to the aforementioned circumstances, seeing beautiful women dance with varying degrees of clothing on and off is appealing. Jeff Foxworthy stated it rather well, regarding the simplicity of men and their desires. Nothing new under the sun. I do in fact understand quite a bit about clubs, except for the one thing I will get to, eventually. What I do get, 1000%, is that clubs are "fantasy land". I get it, I get it. The other main reason I enjoy going is that in it's purest form of functionality, clubs are a place that you can go to and if you encounter the best kind of lady, she will (in the context of fantasy land) make you feel like you are special, for that amount of time. No mystery in that either, there's an implied ethos that, in the words of Donna Summer "I've got what you want, you've got what I need". Everybody ends up in a win-win if it plays out as simply as that. HOWEVER, my disconnect comes with this particular transaction last Tuesday evening: After about an hour, a young lady (and I mean YOUNG) comes up and introduces herself, it is extremely positive, we end up talking almost the whole night, and at the very end there is what appears to be a fairly strong connection on a personal level. I also get (back to fantasy land...) that this is her job. But, ladies, humor me for a minute, it really did appear that there was a connection. I'm as lonely as the next guy who is in a similar situation to mine, but I do not think I am a complete idiot. My main job function is, for lack of any other explanation, to gauge character. That having been said, I also get that this transaction is more about emotion than intellect, so I do not rule out that I was simply hearing what I wanted to hear. Fair enough, decent possibility...

    OK, so, here's how things ended. BTW, I am probably older than her father, so, if you can, take at face value that my intention was and is not to get OTC action, nor to "date" her. About 20 minutes before I left, she came off stage and I asked her if she wanted a drink. I then gave her $20 in her hand and said (can't wait to get the responses on this...) that I realize she is working, that this is a tip for her dance and a thank you for her time, but that I could never "get a dance" from her, as I felt that her value to me as a person would not allow that. My guess, at that point, although her demeanor did not at all change, was, "damn, this guy will never be a customer". Now, I realize that from the standpoint of this particular world's etiquette, this was probably the kiss of death to any idea of real friendship. So be it. The next 20 minutes's conversation did in fact intensify, and ultimately she said (not exactly verbatim, but close): "you're someone that I feel could be important to me". I handed her my business card, and said that "it was her call" if she wanted to ever get together for lunch, tennis, whatever. I do believe she got that I was not asking for OTC, it really seemed to be that pure of an interaction. She said that she would text me her number "by Friday or so". She has not.

    There could of course be many reasons why not. Perhaps in the bigger picture, it's all really good. However, that's not the issue. OK, my general understanding is that there's a mutuality to the transactional process IN the club that is something to the effect of: (guy): she's hot, she made me feel special, I'm going to keep seeing her and giving her money for her services (girl): he's a nice guy, he's not rude or gross, he is willing to spend money so I will do what I can to make and keep him as a customer. Ladies, is it as simple as, I broke the chain by saying I could not do dances with her? It may be? "If" all other things being equal, I had done dances, is it likely she would have done as she promised (and, trust me, that's what she "promised" she would do). Here's where I'm going with this. If you (girl) tell me you also enjoyed the dance, that's a subjective statement, I can neither confirm or dispute what you are telling me. Again, I get that it is your job to do that. Same thing for "I like you as a person, you're nice, I enjoyed your company, etc."). I can't dispute your words. BUUUUT...when you explicitly state you will make contact, and then you don't, I can use my brain and life experience (duh!) to deduce that you are not/were not being truthful. "If" the goal is to secure and retain repeat business, isn't it wise to follow through on transactions that are empirically verifiable and/or challengeable? Realizing that I have shut the door with my assertion about no dances, still, isn't there a challenge from her standpoint to try to reverse that? Just thinking out loud. And, finally, the question at hand, what possible advantage under any scenario could there be to saying you will make contact and not doing so? Again, her demeanor for the last 20 minutes did not change. I would have thought that when I closed the bank she would have simply done a 360 and toned it down or put the kabosh on any thought of it, but even as I was walking out the door, I was reminded she would be in touch. Maybe she's just too busy. Whew! Feel free to call me ugly. That may be what I need. TIA...

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    Default Re: Why would she say that?

    LOL, another "why would she lie" thread.....

    She planted the seed for future business. You want her. If you didn't you wouldn't have just posted this ridiculous manifesto about how much you understand the way dancers and strip clubs work. You may have an understanding of the nuts and bolts but that's about it. She is ignoring you so that you will go back to the club looking for her. I'm willing to bet it's going to work and that, the next time, you will spend money on her.

    Dude, look at what you just posted! you are putty in her hands right now.
    Quote Originally Posted by Katrine View Post
    yoda, I want you so bad it aches in the swimsuit area.
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    Double team! 2 latinas with big tits!!

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    Moderator Djoser's Avatar
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    Default Re: Why would she say that?

    Tennis?
    You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star.
    Friedrich Nietzsche

    Free your mind, and your ass will follow.
    George Clinton

    ______________________________________

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    Default Re: Why would she say that?

    She made a personal connection with you in order to get money out of you.

    You only gave her $20.

    She continued to sit with you because she thought that *maybe* since you gave her the $20, you would give her more, since she spent all of her time with you.

    She is not going to text/call/speak to you again.

    She also probably bad-mouthed you to all of her coworkers for being cheap.


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    Default Re: Why would she say that?

    Deduce me bad boy! Deduce me with your wordums! I suggest not saying more than 1 confusing sentence at a time from now on. Never mind 30 consecutive ones or so. You go take that thought you just had when you wrote that over to the bmw dealership and turn that into a lease and come bring the keys over to the girl you speak of in order to continue this game. Otherwise 9...8...7.. 2..1... GAME OVER. Please Insert Quarter. You did not continue. Start Over.

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    Default Re: Why would she say that?

    ???????????????????????????????
    Quote Originally Posted by Katrine View Post
    yoda, I want you so bad it aches in the swimsuit area.
    Quote Originally Posted by Sophia_Starina View Post
    Sophia_Starina is a sensible stripper...Naked all the way.....
    Quote Originally Posted by tempest666 View Post
    Double team! 2 latinas with big tits!!

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    Default Re: Why would she say that?

    "what possible advantage under any scenario could there be to saying you will make contact and not doing so?"

    She was humoring you to get rid of you.

    Tsepmet1 summed it all up rather well.

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    Default Re: Why would she say that?

    Quote Originally Posted by Tsepmet1 View Post
    She made a personal connection with you in order to get money out of you.

    You only gave her $20.

    She continued to sit with you because she thought that *maybe* since you gave her the $20, you would give her more, since she spent all of her time with you.

    She is not going to text/call/speak to you again.

    She also probably bad-mouthed you to all of her coworkers for being cheap.
    This.

    MCI. she had no way of knowing that $20 was all she was going to receive from you until you left the club. If you really understood how clubs worked, you would know that there are plenty of ways that guys take care of girls besides buying dances. You'd also understand just how much of a disservice that you did to her by monopolizing her whole night and then leaving her with nothing to show for it. I'm honestly amazed that you expected her to call you after you did this to her.

    MCI, you took this for something that it was not. That is the only lesson here. She said what she thought you wanted to hear, nothing more. She probably assumed that, given your advanced years, you would understand what this was and act accordingly. Instead, you took it too far AND left her high and dry in the process. What were you expecting, a medal? Why in the world would she care about your repeat business under these circumstances?

    Anyway, just my

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    Default Re: Why would she say that?

    Holy shit. Where to begin?

    1) Don't speak in bubbles. That doesn't mean you get it. That means you want us to THINK you get it. Ironically, by claiming multiple times in multiple ways that you "get it" proves that you don't. WAIT - before you explode with multisyllabic words, read the rest.

    2) Don't fool yourself. By claiming you can't get a dance because you "value" her too much is bullshit (bullshit that dancers HATE - you know what they love? MONEY). Maybe you had an emotional connection and it's not "just sexual", but let's be honest, you're trying to pick her up. WAIT - before you try to prove that you're not, ask yourself, if she was a whale, would you still care if she didn't respond? And if you weren't truly interested in anything OTC, would you care? The truth is you do. Even if you don't want sex, you're looking for a version of a "relationship". Don't lie to us, don't lie to yourself.

    3) Don't believe her. Her job is to hustle you. That's it. You could be important to her... to her bank account. And all that conversation? That was hustle. And getting your card? That was hustle. Feigning a connection? That was hustle. You wrote a treatise on how you understand strippers but are confused by step one of the hustle. "I'll call/email you." The reason she didn't? A) You DON'T mean something deeper to her and B) You didn't spend anything on her! If you were a vacuum salesman, would you stay in touch with the clients who never bought anything or the clients who bought in bulk? IF you did mean something, you'd know - it'd be clear as day.

    4) Don't be a dick. She spent all that time with you, and not only didn't you get a dance, but you tipped her 20 dollars? A WHOLE 20 DOLLARS? Does that even cover a single dance? I'm a customer and I'm fucking pissed for that dancer...especially because you KNEW you were taking up her time. Next time, either get a dance, tip better or get the fuck outta the way. I have a fav and she knows when she spends time with me, she's either gonna get a VIP + tip + drinks + tip to cover her tip for the staff or she's gonna get tipped for time AND she can fucking leave to hustle whenever the fuck she feels like it.

    If I'm harsh it's because there's a bit of smugness in your post. And I think the only way to get through to you is to tell it to you straight.

    Read through the threads, there's SO MUCH good info. As everyone can attest, I was pretty fucking ignorant. And hey, I'm no Einstein now, but I have fun in the club and I know how not to be an asshole. And shouldn't that be one of the goals in life - how not to be an asshole?


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    Default Re: Why would she say that?

    While I agree that this guy clearly wasted a LOT of the dancer's time this seems like a good place to interject that, (a) he made it clear he wasn't buying a dance and (b) it's her job to drive her customer interactions. If she sat with him for more than ten or fifteen minutes after that tip I'm sorry boys and girls but it's on her, not him if she wasted her time. Our hero, while clueless, is still a man and no man is going to send an attractive dancer away unless he is waiting for another. It's on her to cut her loses, get up and leave.

    Why did she stay? I'm betting that the club was slow, she had a small fish on the line and figured she would see where it went. After she realized he was not going to tip her anymore she planted the OTC seed in hopes it would make him feel "special", "different", "more than a customer" or whatever BS terminology we want to use here. Clearly it worked. Our hero is smitten enough with this young lady that he took the time to register on Stripper Web and compose one of the longest opening salvos in recent memory. The fact that his business card probably wound up in the trash within seconds of him leaving the club has not occurred to him yet. The dancer has absolutely nothing to lose here. If the rookie never goes back to the club to see her she has lost nothing but a bit of her time. If he does go back he will get the cold shoulder until he opens his wallet.
    Quote Originally Posted by Katrine View Post
    yoda, I want you so bad it aches in the swimsuit area.
    Quote Originally Posted by Sophia_Starina View Post
    Sophia_Starina is a sensible stripper...Naked all the way.....
    Quote Originally Posted by tempest666 View Post
    Double team! 2 latinas with big tits!!

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    Default Re: Why would she say that?

    Half the time I can't remember anything about a guy who gives me his card/number. I forget the face almost instantaneously. Unless I have developed a relationship with him, over time, PAID time.

    You lose.
    Tiny tweaks----->BIG CHANGES

    Quote Originally Posted by Kirakonstantin View Post
    More fear-mongering? Really? Yes, this is not the 1990's anymore. Yes, things are changing. Either dance or don't. Freaking out and sowing fear isn't going to help anyone.




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    Default Re: Why would she say that?

    I am totally trippin that this guy gave this girl only TWENTY DOLLARS for AN HOUR! VIP is $400 per hour in my club. But like Yoda said, this is totally the dancers fault. I would never in my life spend more than 10 minutes with a guy who gives me $20 and a drink.

    I am not sure if she is trying to hustle him when she said what she said. I just can't wrap my brain around how a dancer could sit with someone for so long only to get $20. Even if she did sat there that long hoping for more, the conversation does not seem like the hustle-type. I dunno maybe she is a newbie? I just don't get it.

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    Default Re: Why would she say that?

    Quote Originally Posted by JoJoX View Post
    I am totally trippin that this guy gave this girl only TWENTY DOLLARS for AN HOUR! VIP is $400 per hour in my club.
    I know the original post is hard to follow but they didn't go into VIP. He gave her $20 as a tip when she came off stage and offered to buy her a drink. They sat together.
    Quote Originally Posted by Katrine View Post
    yoda, I want you so bad it aches in the swimsuit area.
    Quote Originally Posted by Sophia_Starina View Post
    Sophia_Starina is a sensible stripper...Naked all the way.....
    Quote Originally Posted by tempest666 View Post
    Double team! 2 latinas with big tits!!

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    Default Re: Why would she say that?

    Quote Originally Posted by yoda57us View Post
    I know the original post is hard to follow but they didn't go into VIP. He gave her $20 as a tip when she came off stage and offered to buy her a drink. They sat together.
    no i totally understood what happened. i was just comparing the $20 tip for the hour they spent together compared to a VIP she could of got for $400 for the hour. she short herself $380. i was saying, why didnt she try to get him to VIP but judging on his $20 tip for the hour, i highly doubt they would even make it there.

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    Default Re: Why would she say that?

    Quote Originally Posted by JoJoX View Post
    no i totally understood what happened. i was just comparing the $20 tip for the hour they spent together compared to a VIP she could of got for $400 for the hour. she short herself $380. i was saying, why didnt she try to get him to VIP but judging on his $20 tip for the hour, i highly doubt they would even make it there.
    lol, got it!
    Quote Originally Posted by Katrine View Post
    yoda, I want you so bad it aches in the swimsuit area.
    Quote Originally Posted by Sophia_Starina View Post
    Sophia_Starina is a sensible stripper...Naked all the way.....
    Quote Originally Posted by tempest666 View Post
    Double team! 2 latinas with big tits!!

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    Default Re: Why would she say that?

    You "value" her (someone you do not know from Adam) too much to get a dance, which is her job. Does that mean you feel she does not "value" herself for GIVING dances, which is her job? Good on her for not slapping your smug face.
    "Well then it's a good thing your faith in me has no impact on how much I make." - MissEgo

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    Default Re: Why would she say that?

    If she was really young, she was probably new and just didn't know how to hustle properly. If she did, you would've paid her more for her time OR been left high and dry way earlier than an hour into your conversation. She's not going to call you -- you offered nothing to her business, and she didn't know how to turn your puppy love into a pay day. She probably went home pissed at you for being so cheap. All you did was (hopefully) teach her a valuable lesson about time wasters.

    THAT being said... I've had plenty of customers that I do genuinely enjoy conversing with. There's a likelihood that she wasn't totally faking the connection, *especially* if she was new. If you're that into her, go back in and pay her better for her time. Buy a CR/VIP suite (without dances, since that's what you prefer) and be the kind of customer that will turn her night around. Men like you are my favorite customers if they know how the club works... And since APPARENTLY you do know (as you stated many times), then you know very well being an entertainer doesn't just mean dancing/getting naked. She provided you a service, and you jipped her! For shame, MCI....

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    Default Re: Why would she say that?

    I don't think guys should offer to buy drinks unless they plan on spending. a lot of times guys buy drinks, spend 30-45 minutes of chatting for "free," then go off to VIP, tip $$$, do a bunch of dances or something. yes it is the dancers job to figure out a customer but often times in a nice club this is the game- gamble a lot of your time for a good payoff. guys that offer straight up to buy a drink, hand over a small tip, and then spend an hour monopolizing a conversation are usually the type to payoff later. it's especially worth it to sit with these guys for more than a few songs if it's a slow time of night and there aren't other options.

    taking a business card isn't even part of a hustle IMO. it's just being polite. I take business cards for the same reason I take flyers to shows I have no intention of going to. I'm just being a polite person and TBH it takes a lot less effort to just take the card than refuse it and have someone get angry or upset at you and argue with you.

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    Default Re: Why would she say that?

    Good luck on even getting any other dancer at that club to sit with you. They all know that you're cheap now that you have practically ripped off this dancer. I'd find another club to go to unless you march right back in there and pay that poor girl for al the time that she wasted on you. I agree with Summerbre, she is probably a new dancer who doesn't know how to hustle yet, and that's the only reason that she stayed with you. She may have been so frustrated after visiting with you, that she may have temporarily lost faith in our business. Congrats, dude.

    Sorry to be so harsh, but this post was just like, "Oh, I'm such a dick to dancers, that means that she likes me, right??"

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    Default Re: Why would she say that?

    Ya totally. Make sure when you go back that you have a mental breakdown and that you actually start to hallucinate that the presidents inside of your wallet are all trying to kill you!! That or light your penis on fire!

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    Default Re: Why would she say that?

    And Elvis has left the building.... Guess we weren't giving him the type of conversation he likes...
    Tiny tweaks----->BIG CHANGES

    Quote Originally Posted by Kirakonstantin View Post
    More fear-mongering? Really? Yes, this is not the 1990's anymore. Yes, things are changing. Either dance or don't. Freaking out and sowing fear isn't going to help anyone.




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    Default Re: Why would she say that?

    Quote Originally Posted by Kessler View Post
    4) Don't be a dick. She spent all that time with you, and not only didn't you get a dance, but you tipped her 20 dollars? A WHOLE 20 DOLLARS? Does that even cover a single dance? I'm a customer and I'm fucking pissed for that dancer...especially because you KNEW you were taking up her time. Next time, either get a dance, tip better or get the fuck outta the way. I have a fav and she knows when she spends time with me, she's either gonna get a VIP + tip + drinks + tip to cover her tip for the staff or she's gonna get tipped for time AND she can fucking leave to hustle whenever the fuck she feels like it.

    If I'm harsh it's because there's a bit of smugness in your post. And I think the only way to get through to you is to tell it to you straight.

    Read through the threads, there's SO MUCH good info. As everyone can attest, I was pretty fucking ignorant. And hey, I'm no Einstein now, but I have fun in the club and I know how not to be an asshole. And shouldn't that be one of the goals in life - how not to be an asshole?
    Wow, such vehemence. I am a dedicated and respectful SC customer, hear me roar! LOL.

    Idk, but I didn't pick up the same smug vibe. Did he think that he was being clever? Absolutely, but IMHO his real issue is that he wants to be special rather than viewed as just another customer. Ultimately his biggest crime here is mammoth ignorance, which shines through loud and clear when you read that he actually expected her to contact him and that he continues to view himself as some potential prize.

    I've seen this animal more times than I can count - the soon to be divorced guy looking for affection in all the wrong places. I agree with Yoda's assessment that he will be back in the club, at which time she will likely begin his education in earnest if she is savvy enough to know what she is dealing with. I've seen some seasoned dancers take boatloads of money off of guys just like him over the years.

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    Default Re: Why would she say that?

    ^ LOL, was that harsh? Maybe just a tad.

    Rick, I think what set me off was that MCI had enough knowledge to understand a) he was taking up her time and b) she's there to make money. He demonstrated as much when he told the dancer that he knew she was there to make money and that she was working. Yet, even with that knowledge, he didn't tip her more than $20. I agree with Yoda, it's also on the dancer who couldn't hustle more $$ (or leave), but still...

    IMO, that's a worse type of ignorance than the guy who doesn't understand why he can't just pick up a dancer as if he was in a bar. MCI knew the dancer was working, but didn't spend anyway, then tries to pick her up (and claims he's not). I think the hypocrisy set me off. Either that or quoting Jeff Foxworthy

    MCI, if you're still out there, I feel for you, buddy. I empathize with the ugly state you're in - and the SC can be a great salve in many ways. But don't confuse sensuality with genuine affection. I've made that mistake...and it sucks. The best way you can show your gratitude right now: pay the woman. That'll keep things in perspective. IF genuine affection, by some miracle, becomes part of the equation... SHE will take money out of the equation.

    And Rick, stop blowing my cover - I'm trying to get as many 'thanks' as possible! Those tiny thumbs-up feed my starving ego

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  36. #24
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    Default Re: Why would she say that?

    He wasnt cheap, all dancers would give him dances if he comes back, he was talking, made it clear, and she chose to stay. Salesmen dont usually get paid for their pitch.
    And he certainly wasnt bad enough to warrant indignation by customers, of all people.

    anyway, sir, for your situation:

    Youre smart enough to know all of this but i realise that in the heat of infatuation the rational mind doesnt always win.

    is it possible she likes you? Sure. But highly unlikely. Even if she did at some time, youre out of the dating scene therrefore dont know that even with nondancer girls, numbers are given out a million times a night that rarely mean anything. In this case she only took yours too, not a good sign.

    secondly, your line was not as clever nor as psychologically powerful as you seem to think. It seems there are a million guys who think they will stand out by not getting dances or saying they see something more. Fwiw i did meet a dancer im quite fond of and we did go out and it may be something serious, and i did that by hanging out with her while i got dances. This myth that if you get a dance youre a customer but if you dont youre a date is wrong in my limited experience.

    Third, the line she told you sounds sugardaddy-ish. That plus age difference doesnt shift odds towards your favor.

    Theres always a minute possibility she may have liked you, but wouldnt hold on to it. Even if ahe did its probably too flaky and volatile to have ment anything. And shes not your soulmate, shes a hot young girl and youre coming out of a divorce. Youd have had the same infatuation for other hot girls that youd have interacted with.

    Get back into the dating scene. It will be hard and intimidating but its also exciting.

  37. #25
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    Default Re: Why would she say that?

    Clarification, Plopplop: he spent all night talking with her, but it wasn't until the last 20 minutes that he informed her that he wasn't getting a dance. After which, the conversation "intensified" culminating with her taking his card and saying that he could be someone special for her.

    She upped her hustle after he said he wasn't going to get a dance, probably because previous to that, after all that talking, she thought he would. Now, it was on her to spend all that time with him, but maybe she sensed his loneliness and thought her patience would pay off big. Like Rick says, when they come back, sometimes they spend HUGE.

    But I stand by my indignation, even as a customer, because he KNEW he was taking up her time BEFORE informing her he wasn't getting any dances. It fine if you don't know any better, but shame on you if you do.

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