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Thread: Bf "play slaps"

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    Default Bf "play slaps"

    I just wanted to get some advice or just opinions about this. My man and I been together for 8 years and I can't really remember much of him doing this but he will play slap me out of know where for shits and giggles. For example I would be on my computer doing hw and he'll be watching tv and out of know where slaps me on the face. It's not hard but irritating because I'm in my comfort zone and I refuse to hit him back because if I do it would be hard and out of anger. I spoke to him about this and he thinks it's funny and starts laughing at me, which just makes me more pissed to the point where I tell him I hate him I don't love him all because of his play slap. He says he likes doing it because I'm his "best friend"
    But if I were to slap him in his zone he would be pissed and he doesn't get that I'm mad. Do ur boyfriends play slap u? Did I blow it out o proportion by saying hurtful things after the fact
    pink lemonaid

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    Default Re: Bf "play slaps"

    Figure out a way to make it clear to him that you don't think it's funny, and that he needs to stop. My ex used to play this same stupid game but using his penis to slap my cheek. It turned me off and annoyed me and finally I just told him in a straightforward way that he seriously needs to stop.
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    Default Re: Bf "play slaps"

    I'm personally pathological abt ppl putting their hands on or anywhere near my face. My bf knows this & usually keeps his hands either where I can see them, or feel them. He does this b/c he not only knows why I get so batshit abt it, but he respects me enough not to push my buttons that way - a trait that seems to be dearly lacking in your bf.

    So he'd be pissed if it was done to him ... but ... if it's his woman on the receiving end, well, that's you, you're different; that's why it's funny. Or deserved, or otherwise acceptable. An ex of mine used to do rationalise his treatment of me this way, to my face, & let's just say his actions weren't always 'for shits & giggles'.

    Yeah, doesn't make much sense to me either.

    I've always believed that hitting your SO, that's just one of those things you don't.fkng.do. No one worthy of you would treat you like this.

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    Featured Member sierra.'s Avatar
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    Default Re: Bf "play slaps"

    Ugh I kinda know how you feel. My boyfriend doesn't do the play slap thing (I think he knows I'd flip my shit) but he will just fuck with me and bother me when I don't want to be bothered. It can be really fucking annoying. I just put my angry face on and tell him in a serious way I'm not playing around and he needs to stop. If he keeps it up I just give him the cold shoulder till he gets the point. It sounds like maybe he is getting a kick out of getting a reaction out of you? If that's the case I would try to stop giving him that reaction and just do the cold shoulder thing.
    It's fucked up that he continues to do it after you've told him not to. I think it shows a lack of respect for you. But I understand where you are coming from.

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    Default Re: Bf "play slaps"

    No.

    Had this happen on 2 different first dates. Stopped that shit dead cold. It's not a good sign.

    Like someone who likes to sneak up behind you and scare you.

    Not. Funny.
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    Veteran Member missykrissy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Bf "play slaps"

    Jesus Christ.
    Break up with this motherfucker.
    The next time he slaps you call the police and during the couple of minutes it takes for them to get there pack his shit.

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  10. #7
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    Default Re: Bf "play slaps"

    the 'playful' slap is not cool, but honestly that doesn't bother me nearly as much as his reaction to you expressing your feelings about it

    I would not be ok with my guy doing that, but even if I was, even if every chica posting here was all "hell yeah, random face slaps are hot", the point is that YOU'RE not ok with it.

    you two definitely need to have another conversation, and not just to set the record straight with him that (whatever his intentions behind it) his behaviour isn't ok. He needs to know that being his 'best friend' and being together for 8 years doesn't give him license to decide what you should be ok with. This is not some huge issue of negotiation over a tough life decision where both parties risk alot in arriving at consensus, this is about him realizing that 'playfully' slapping you isn't ok, because you don't like it. He loses nothing by respecting your wishes, so I'm really not sure what his problem is

    It could be that he was taken aback and ashamed by your reaction, not realizing how upset his action would make you, so he tried to save face by minimizing your feelings. That's a huge problem right there though, even if he never 'playfully' slaps you again.

    Being someone's partner and best friend involves trust, listening and caring, not mocking and ego. His reaction to you was the opposite of a loving response. If this is a pattern with him it needs to be broken, and he needs to learn what really caring about someone is really about. There's a whole lotta mutual respect missing here.

    good luck with this, Jasmine
    hugs

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    Default Re: Bf "play slaps"

    If you told him it bothered you and his immediate reaction wasn't an embarrassed "oh shit, I'm sorry I won't do it again" you need to dump his ass.
    "Well done. Here are the test results: You are a horrible person. I'm serious, that's what it says: 'A horrible person.' We weren't even testing for that."

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    Default Re: Bf "play slaps"

    His explanation about doing it because you are his "best friend" is nonsense. Guys don't do that to each other. If one of my friends ever "play slapped" me, I'd "play" lay him the fuck out. He is playing a control game, not only by slapping you but by trying to manipulate you into believing that YOU are the one with the issue when you (understandably) object to it. I have never "play slapped" any of my SOs and I doubt that any of them would have tolerated it.

    If you want it to stop, then make sure that there are consequences when he does it. It should be enough that you don't want him slapping you in the face - the fact that he continues to do it shows a clear lack of respect. IMHO you need to teach him to respect your boundaries.

    Good luck with this.

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    Default Re: Bf "play slaps"

    noo my boyfriend would NEVER play slap me, much less in the face? i get mad if he even slaps my ass. if he doesn't respect your wishes and boundaries, then wow.. fuckn leave him! thats a big red flag in my opinion.

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    Default Re: Bf "play slaps"

    Last guy who "play slapped" me I hauled off and punched him (breaking his nose). There is nothing funny about this and it's just plain abuse. I'd be out of there so fast because this "play slapping" will become "play punching" or "play pulling hair" and perhaps "play losing teeth".

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    Default Re: Bf "play slaps"

    You know- I have something that I do similar to this.
    I bite my boyfriend. Just when we're cuddling or whatever. No idea why... And sometimes I hurt him accidentally.
    It just somehow feels like an expression of my love for him- passionate.
    Maybe that's what your b/f is doing??? Idk...
    But, if my boyfriend sat me down and was like, "I REALLY don't like it- don't do it again", I would respect his wishes. So, if you've done that- sat him down and told him that you hate it, and he still doesn't listen, maybe he doesn't really care that much about your feelings.

    **Edit**
    Kellydancer may be right- I didn't consider that. The play slapping could also be a test of how you will handle him hitting you. And then it'll get harder and more frequent.
    Be careful with him... Or just break up and avoid it altogether. Better safe than sorry, as they say.

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    Veteran Member housewench's Avatar
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    Default Re: Bf "play slaps"

    l'm a biter too but dang, at least bites have different meanings! Slaps are pretty much a universal 'fuck you!' I don't think I've ever gotten a slap in my adult life I haven't deserved where they didn't find their hand crushed in my teeth!

    Basically, try bringing it up again, and if he's anything but contrite afterwards, then he's got Reasons he's not telling you.

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    Default Re: Bf "play slaps"

    Even if the biting was the same as play slapping, and i don't think it is, the main problem was his reaction to being told to stop.
    "Well done. Here are the test results: You are a horrible person. I'm serious, that's what it says: 'A horrible person.' We weren't even testing for that."

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    Default Re: Bf "play slaps"

    Damn! Everybody covered what I was going to say so I'll share something about setting boundaries instead. Here's something I read recently:

    (snip)"I think part our frustration about boundaries has to do with what exactly we expect them to do. The bottom line is, learning to protect our personal boundaries usually requires US to change our own behavior in some way. However, if we expect our boundaries to change other people, we are setting ourselves up for disappointment. For example, if my boundary is that I am not for yelling at and someone yells at me, I might give them the option to calm down. But just because they choose to keep yelling does not mean my boundary didn't "work." What makes a boundary effective is whether I am willing to protect it. If I walk away and refuse to be around people who are yelling, then my boundary worked because I honored my values and took care of myself. It does not matter whether the other person respects my boundaries; it matters whether I do. I will never be able to control whether other people yell; I can however control whether I am willing to stay and be yelled at or whether I want to be around yellers in the future. Does that make sense?

    How are you communicating your boundaries?" (snip)

    Protecting your boundaries will not stop him, only he can choose to stop. Since you have communicated your feelings, a further step will have to be taken. That step is up to you of course but I would suggest a trial separation. I'd make whatever arrangements necessary relocating, if you live together, afterwards I' have a talk and inform him that I was unhappy and feeling unsafe so we'd be spending time apart. There's always time to rebuild trust but he wouldn't be doing some passive aggressive shit like play fighting with me. That's a personal problem he needs to solve on his own. That's a situation where either you'll feel guilty and conflicted and allow him to beat down your confidence because you're conditioned to think you don't deserve more OR you'll snap and knock the shit out of him and catch a case! He'll be sitting there saying he was playing as the 'both of you always do' and you'll look like the crazy bad guy.
    “What a caterpillar calls the end of the world we call a butterfly.” - ECKHART TOLLE

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    Default Re: Bf "play slaps"

    I play rough with my boyfriend a lot, and sometimes there's some fly by attacks, or downright kamikaze dives.

    Fly by slapping would be an open invitation to rough play and if he did it to me, or I did it to him, the results would be the same: the other would get up and, within the boundaries( ie not cause serious hurt but it would be an onslot) beat the shit out of the other. My boyfriend can pin me and slurp on my face but I have hands like pischers and am a twisty biter too.

    Either he wants to play fight with you and he's going about it in the stupidest possible way too--making you angry so you come and get him, or he thinks he's not getting enough attention (like a dog) and acting up in negative ways to get any attention from you.

    There's a lot of good stuff said above and clearly a serious conversation is required. I would lead with how it makes you feel: disrespected, frustrated, angry, etc. and how being with him, he's supposed to be the one person who makes you feel safest and how these little attacks are seriously undermining that and causing a shitload of resentment.

    If he doesn't back down and start looking like he's absorbing that immediately, you'll have a more serious problem on your hands.

    sure, you can train him like a dog, but do you want to stay in a relationship with someone who treats you like that despite clearly communicating to him the consequences of his actions?

    Now, if he doesn't listen and he decides to go the dog route and you still want to stay with him,
    I'd pepper spray the hand that he hit you with when he's asleep. No lasting damage but fucking uncomfortable
    for a couple of days.

    I pepper sprayed my boyfriend's hand when he refused to listen to me about not hitting me with a stick he picked up off the ground. Even though he immediately washed it off, it still itched and he bitched about it. Every time he bitched about it, I took as an opportunity to tell him that he did not listen to my repeated warnings not to do what he did and that I had been clearly serious.
    Last edited by FiendishGyrator; 01-04-2013 at 04:47 AM.
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    Default Re: Bf "play slaps"

    WOW... If my BF did that, I would kick him in the balls and laugh. Then say "Not so funny now, is it?".
    But that's just me.

    Slapping someone in the face is disrespectful and abusive. Especially when you tell them to stop. I would not tolerate that whatsoever.

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    Default Re: Bf "play slaps"

    There's a lot of great advice in this thread.

    IMO, he may have meant it "in fun" or as play fighting/flirting/teasing. But, if you aren't joining in or laughing he must understand that you aren't enjoying the “play slaps”, so he's really just doing it to punish you for neglecting him. This is extremely immature and only for attention-he's acting up, like a naughty child or the spoilt family dog etc.

    If I were you, I'd explain to him that you really dislike it and why (like you did here). Let him know that you understand that he's feeling lonely, bored or jealous (that you have something to do or that you have something more important to do than be with him) while you are busy, but that you need to do xzy or have alone time. And, that you'll spend time with him when you are finished.

    Or, it he wants to do something with/for you-maybe he could make you a cup of tea and you could take a short break from the task at hand to drink it with him before returning to whatever you were doing i.e. reward him doing something nice with the attention he craves.

    But at the end of the day, he isn't a child or a pet-he's a partner and an equal; someone who you respect and care for and who should treat you in the same fashion. He shouldn’t be touching you in that way, whether he thinks it's harmless or not.

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    God/dess arielbriel's Avatar
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    Default Re: Bf "play slaps"

    My X used to play slap me and when he was pissed he used to really slap me. It's the same shit either way and not okay.

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  33. #20
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    Default Re: Bf "play slaps"

    Back when I was younger I had a couple as roommates & they did things like this & I always thought like they were acting like brother & sister. The guy would do things just to get under the girls skin to get attention, strange relationship.

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    Default Re: Bf "play slaps"

    I like being slapped sexually, but I would not put up with this shit.

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    Default Re: Bf "play slaps"

    Here's a great BDSM blog post on the subject! http://www.idahobdsm.com/articles/howto/slapping.html
    (snip)There are many different types of impact play that exist within the realm of the BDSM world. None appear to be more controversial than face slapping. The effects of face slapping go farther than any other form of impact play, but to be quite honest there is relatively little information available on the subject. Most individuals consider it to be an extreme form of corporal punishment, with severe psychological implications.

    Face slapping is generally placed in the same category as humiliation or degradation. For centuries the general populous has viewed face slapping as being the second greatest insult that one can receive, the first on the list is being spit on. Through time it has been utilized to express hatred, frustration, anger, disgust…and sometimes even love. (snip)
    “What a caterpillar calls the end of the world we call a butterfly.” - ECKHART TOLLE

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  37. #23
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    Default Re: Bf "play slaps"

    Here's a great BDSM blog post on the subject! http://www.idahobdsm.com/articles/howto/slapping.html
    (snip)There are many different types of impact play that exist within the realm of the BDSM world. None appear to be more controversial than face slapping. The effects of face slapping go farther than any other form of impact play, but to be quite honest there is relatively little information available on the subject. Most individuals consider it to be an extreme form of corporal punishment, with severe psychological implications.

    Face slapping is generally placed in the same category as humiliation or degradation. For centuries the general populous has viewed face slapping as being the second greatest insult that one can receive, the first on the list is being spit on. Through time it has been utilized to express hatred, frustration, anger, disgust…and sometimes even love. (snip)
    “What a caterpillar calls the end of the world we call a butterfly.” - ECKHART TOLLE

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  39. #24
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    Default Re: Bf "play slaps"

    Yeah my bf does annoying things and just enjoys when i have a big angry reaction. Best way is to be very serious and say that he needs to stop it. Then just blank him. When I calmly state it's not funny and then just quietly carry on my business ignoring him as though I'm so upset I've just blanked out (don't really know how to explain that kind of zone) after a while he starts getting worried that i am reallly upset, and I think he doesn't like not getting attention (jeez sounds like a child) so he'll calm down and apologise.

    Like somebody said it seems to be an attention thing.

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    Default Re: Bf "play slaps"

    uhh wtf....why is he still your boyfriend again?
    The best thing i have heard in a strip club to date:
    customer: we should get married right now! we should get a shotgun marriage!
    me: uhh... i think you are misunderstanding what a shotgun marriage means. A shotgun marriage means you knock me up and my daddy shows up at your door with a gun and forces you to marry me and raise the baby. You mean elope.
    customer: hmm... nah actually i will take the shotgun marriage. At least then we would be having sex.


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