
Originally Posted by
Incantatious
I have fallen on some hard times in my life recently which mean that I spend a great deal of time depressed, anxious, worried, and bed-bound. There's a lot of pressure on me right now, and I am struggling to cope with the weight of what this means for me. I cannot cam long hours. I have bad quality internet. And I struggle keeping my act up. All of this, and I would rather keep this job than anything else.
Why? Because I work a job that still supports me. And it supports me for working a couple of hours every night I have it in me to work.
Any time I feel I can work (which is not that long and not that often), it rewards me hugely for what I do put it.
It doesn't shout at me when I don't get up at a certain time. It doesn't threaten me when I say I can't do Thursday, or Friday, or Saturday... It doesn't tell me anything is over-due. It doesn't make fun of me. If my clients make fun of me, I am still in control. I still have the biggest power of action.
Any other job, I would be fired by now. I could be mocked, made fun of, gossiped about, teased, or discriminated against for the way I am, for the things that hurt me, for having a life (like lives generally are) complicated by relationships, circumstances, difficulties, grievances, mistakes and problems.
When I put my back into it, and I work so hard, that effort keeps me sufficient and stable and comfortable, for months on end. Right now I feel like I am in the gutter where my life is concerned. I am finding things so hard. But all the same, I know that when I get away from where I am, this job will keep me safe.
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