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Thread: Did I fuck it up?? Sugar daddy help

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    Veteran Member lady_lazarus's Avatar
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    Question Did I fuck it up?? Sugar daddy help

    Hi ladies, thanks in advance for your replies! I spent a week (not overnight, just evening dates) with a new sugar daddy who gave me a very generous amount of money (no sex, but private lap dances, cuddling, etc) and took me shopping. He lives in new York and I'm moving there soon. He offered me a job with his new company as a hostess (basically) with a salary (more than what I make now) and I can choose my own schedule. While this seems like possibly a bad idea, I really don't want to dance in new York but I still want to take care of bills and go to school. I wouldn't mind a sugar arrangement until I save enough money.

    Anyway, he bought me a ticket to new York to come visit him in ny for a few days, staying in a nice hotel. During this time i want to get details about the job, visit a campus, look for an apartment/area and make some money. I told him I had to take off work but didn't mention money because our last meeting he became very sensitive about it. I just assumed he would give me more than enough like before. But I decided to casually allude to needing money in an email telling him I might need to work one or two nights while I was there since its been slow at work and I couldn't really afford to take four days off. He responded with "that's fine" ?????!!!!! Really? It's not fine at all, lol. I havent responded but my plane leaves tomorrow. I know it's super last minute but I don't want to come back empty handed...advice? How do I get money out of him without asking for it straight out or crying which is basically what I did last time.

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    Featured Member kikiwiki's Avatar
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    Default Re: Did I fuck it up?? Sugar daddy help

    You may have to just look at this as an investment opportunity to gain a new job, and with that, sometimes you hate to invest your personal time and money. He probably thinks him offering you a job with all those benefits are more than enough for you to visit. If he's a true sugar daddy, he would just give, no questions asked. He knows you're missing work and obviously doesn't care. I would skip on calling him a sugar daddy for now. Go to NYC and use it to do your homework. Under no circumstances, DO NOT sleep with him and be prepared in case he leaves you to foot the hotel bill. He sounds flaky.
    "Where there is love there is life"-Mahatma Gandhi

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    Veteran Member goddesskali's Avatar
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    Default Re: Did I fuck it up?? Sugar daddy help

    If he acts offended when you bring up money its a manipulation tactic. He knows how this stuff works. Don't be coy with him.
    It's not about what you do for a living, it's about who you want to be.

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    God/dess BlkSharpie's Avatar
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    Default Re: Did I fuck it up?? Sugar daddy help

    Yeah, I hate to say it but if hes being sensitive about money, I see that as a flag. Jeez, even non sugardaddy guys Ive been involved with would have jumped to if I said I had to work a cpl days cause I cant afford not to whiile on a trip...that doesnt even make sense that hes fine with that. He should rather you have that time free to spend with him, not spend that time working.

    If he booked the hotel and checking you in, then you dont need to worry about him stickign you with the bill..but def have a plan B in case he tries to manipulate you somehow while youre there, so that youre not having to put up with him or financially strapped and in a bad situation. I dont know, stuff like this though all should be figured out before you leave...you should not go on a trip he invited you on without a solid finanical plan...no matter the reasons, job pleasure whatever..youre taking time away from your life. A promise of a job..a promise of anything doesnt pay for peace of mind....I dont believe in promises, esp when they come from men.
    Don't blink. Don't even blink. Blink and you're dead. Don't turn your back. Don't look away. And don't blink!

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    Veteran Member lady_lazarus's Avatar
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    Default Re: Did I fuck it up?? Sugar daddy help

    Thanks for all your input ( I especially like to see responses from blk sharpie as they are always insightful!). I *missed* my plane and shortened my trip to 3 days. The hotel is booked under his credit card so I'm not worried about him running out on me. He's not staying in it with me, he sleeps at his own place, I sleep here. The reason I decided to even come is because since meeting him in October he's given me $7000 cash and spent about that in taking me shopping/flights/dinners, etc. if I didn't think he could be milked more more I would've stayed home. But reading your responses really helped me put into perspective the urgency of having a more aggressive plan. I'm taking everything into consideration: his manipulation, his promises that may not come through, his unwillingness to talk about money and trying to figure out the best way to proceed. He took me shopping today and it's in our plans for tomorrow. He told me that if I don't talk about the money I will get more from him. After that he gave me $5000 cash (written about in a previous post) so the confusing part is so far he's put his money where his mouth is. I'm hoping for a similar fate here. I haven't said a word about the money. I do read what other women on here write about being upfront with the money but is it possible that there are cases where being less upfront has paid off more? Does anyone have experience with that?

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    God/dess BlkSharpie's Avatar
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    Default Re: Did I fuck it up?? Sugar daddy help

    I didnt catch the backstory on this, so glad you pulled me a bit up to date here Still yet, I would make sure to have enough money while traveling, because you just never...ever know when a guy will get wierd. I was with a guy that id been with for 5 years...we were on the opposite end of the country, and he threatened to kick me out of the room one day into a weeklong trip because he didnt like my hairstyle. He told me to pack my stuff and figure my way back to the airport, and of course I didnt have money for a change flight fee. I *still* get mad thinking about that...!!!

    Also, be careful that hes not trading in giving you this money with the job..thats worth checking into. Like, is the job something in addition to, or instead of. What if you dont like the job and just want to go back to a personal arrangement? Also, Ive found that working for the guy youre involved with sucks, because they know you are totally dependent on them for money both personally and professionally. Ive done it twice and swore off working for a guy Im involved with, but it was still a good experience even though it ended badly, I know others do it just fine, so Id gauge it.

    Most of all, save up your money..you want it to be worth it when all is said and done. I blew every dime I made and never had money cause I knew there was always more coming....and he knew that I did that..and if I wasnt spending, hed encourage me to spoil myself "I pay you enough to" he would say. Dont be like me lol save up as much as you can... that way if/when you want to break free, quit working for him, what have you...you can afford to.
    Don't blink. Don't even blink. Blink and you're dead. Don't turn your back. Don't look away. And don't blink!

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    Default Re: Did I fuck it up?? Sugar daddy help

    double post
    Last edited by kikiwiki; 12-18-2012 at 07:41 AM. Reason: double post
    "Where there is love there is life"-Mahatma Gandhi

    "Be The Best, F!ck The Rest"- P.P.


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    Default Re: Did I fuck it up?? Sugar daddy help

    Yes! I agree with BlkSharpie! Take that cash and put it away as if in didn't even exist. And if it's $5k cash, immediately open up an IRA and stash it there so you will not be tempted to touch it because of the withdrawal penalties. SAVE SAVE SAVE sweetie! These guys ALL have an expiration date!

    And if he's turned off by you talking about money, tell him you only bring it up for your peace of mind because you are giving up your career you've respectfully built, to spend time with him. If he continues to argue, then don't bring up money again. Just make sure you have your back up plan when he ditches you for someone younger, prettier and/or more submissive.

    When he takes you shopping, BUY JEWELRY! You can always sell these and will never depreciate. If he takes you to Neiman Marcus, try to grab the receipt from him. They give you option to receive cash back for your returns. Clothes will go out of style unless you want to wait years till they become "vintage", and even then you wont get your cash worth.

    If he ends up paying your rent for the year, congratulations! Doesn't mean you can take a year off work! Work as you normally would have and put that money away! Make an 8month emergency fund, invest your money, make it work for you while you're out hustling. You can really take advantage of guys like this at this time when they're giving you tons of cash. If you can work multiple men at same time, kudos even more! You'll be on road to financial success and you'll be coming back to your OP and smirking how you were worried so much about money in your life.

    I'll repeat again, DO NOT sleep with him if you haven't already. Your value will stay same but will eventually surely will go down. If he wants to sleep with you, tell him you need to be in a committed relationship. That means he will need to buy your place, buy your car and all living expenses if he wants you to come to NY. Tell him NO MORE HOTELS if he wants a girlfriend and sexual relationship. He doesn't want you demanding money, well he can't be demanding about your body. Simple. Good luck sweetheart!
    "Where there is love there is life"-Mahatma Gandhi

    "Be The Best, F!ck The Rest"- P.P.


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    Default Re: Did I fuck it up?? Sugar daddy help

    "He doesn't want you demanding money, well he can't be demanding about your body. Simple."

    Just thought that bares repeating...!!!

    Gotta love the guys who dont want to talk money or fake sadness that "its all you want me for"
    But then feel like the rules of getting what you want dont apply to them when it comes to sex.

    Yeah, if hes paying for your apartment, paying all your expenses and all that fun stuff and not shy abt financially providing everything for you, then hey, I dont see a problem with it. I know some say never sleep with a SD at all, but if Im a kept woman, then yeah, Ill keep him happy too. Otherwise..nope.
    Don't blink. Don't even blink. Blink and you're dead. Don't turn your back. Don't look away. And don't blink!

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    Default Re: Did I fuck it up?? Sugar daddy help

    Thank you both for your thoughtful responses! I did stash the $5000 in a CD....is that not as good as IRA? I should do more research on that. The other cash I spent on bills. Today he told me he was going to give me some money before I leave to take care of some of my bill I had casually mentioned but not sure how much. He also asked me to give him an estimate of my monthly expenses. So I think it's heading in the right direction.

    As far as the job thing, I'm pretty sure he will stop giving me money when he gives me the job. I don't intend to have the job very long, just to have it so I don't have to dance in ny while I look for a job in my field (non profit work). I plan to save save save, move on to my new job and back into a sugar relationship possibly (maybe a new guy if I have to.....actually I'm really hoping for a sugar MOMMA, lol)

    I do have another potential sugar. He lives in Canada, sends me gifts (year long gym membership, gift cards, etc) and tells me to let him know if I ever need anything but we both know I'm not going to see him in person. It's over the phone and email only.

    Thanks again for the advice I'm taking it all in

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    Veteran Member lady_lazarus's Avatar
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    Default Re: Did I fuck it up?? Sugar daddy help

    Thank you both for your thoughtful responses! I did stash the $5000 in a CD....is that not as good as IRA? I should do more research on that. The other cash I spent on bills. Today he told me he was going to give me some money before I leave to take care of some of my bill I had casually mentioned but not sure how much. He also asked me to give him an estimate of my monthly expenses. So I think it's heading in the right direction.

    As far as the job thing, I'm pretty sure he will stop giving me money when he gives me the job. I don't intend to have the job very long, just to have it so I don't have to dance in ny while I look for a job in my field (non profit work). I plan to save save save, move on to my new job and back into a sugar relationship possibly (maybe a new guy if I have to.....actually I'm really hoping for a sugar MOMMA, lol)

    I do have another potential sugar. He lives in Canada, sends me gifts (year long gym membership, gift cards, etc) and tells me to let him know if I ever need anything but we both know I'm not going to see him in person. It's over the phone and email only.

    Thanks again for the advice I'm taking it all in

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    Veteran Member goddesskali's Avatar
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    Default Re: Did I fuck it up?? Sugar daddy help

    CD's only pay a few pennies on the dollar currently, unless you were able to get a better rate in your area. My bank told me they only do CD's with 10k minimum and pays about 200 per year. ew. Mutual funds sometimes pay better but its liquid money, so unless you have restraint its better to choose a stricter option. Does anyone know how government bonds are doing nowadays?

    Its very good sign that he wants to know your monthly expenses. Be sure to overestimate since he may give you less than you need. In fact, ask for enough to take care of your expenses as well as something to sock away even if its just an extra 1k.

    I still think he is being a manipulative sod, though.

    Question: what is the point of him giving you a job and then cutting off the sugar? You would be working TWO jobs for the same money. Or am I reading this wrong?

    If you end up working for him, get a contract. Seriously.
    My friend met a SD in Vegas who hired her as his "personal assistant" for 250K a year. Of course she wasnt doing any work of than being his SB. She never slept with him and after a year into the relationship, he dumped her and stopped paying her. She had a legal binding job contract so she sued his ass - and WON. He obviously couldn't tell the court the true nature of their agreement so he paid up.

    And that's where my sugar dating knowledge base ends, lol. I hope you and the gent do find some common ground. :-)
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    Default Re: Did I fuck it up?? Sugar daddy help

    "You would be working TWO jobs for the same money." Totally agree with this.... unless your salary is going to be over and beyond to cover both your roles, the job, IMO is not worth it.

    Getting a contract is extremely good advice. With my SD, and I was working for him, we were having issues because both of us would get into moods..where either he would feel I wasnt paying him enough attention and cut me off without warning which would screw me over, or I would get pissed off and tell him to go fuck himself, and stop working which woudl screw him over. I had a pretty integral role at his company, so it really did hurt him when I did that forcing him to take some action for us to come to an agreement, but being a hostess...he can replace you by the end of the day if he felt like it...so thats something to keep in mind, that you will need him way more than he will need you.

    Anyway, we did end up writing a contract, and that helped both of us keep our shit together, so to speak. But also, he paid me about triple what my wages would have been had I been your average citizen applying for the same job...so it covered both the professional aspect, and the personal aspect...
    Don't blink. Don't even blink. Blink and you're dead. Don't turn your back. Don't look away. And don't blink!

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