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Thread: Need Some Advice (Very Creepy Regular)

  1. #1
    Newbie Lady_Jane's Avatar
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    Default Need Some Advice (Very Creepy Regular)

    Hi Ladies,

    I'm a long-time reader and first-time poster. I'm sorry if this isn't the appropriate section to be posting this in.

    I was wondering if maybe you could offer me some advice.

    Some background: I used to work at a big, high-end SC as a cocktail waitress for a couple of years. I've also danced a handful of times at different places. Anyway, after being out of the industry for a few months I recently decided that I missed "strip club money," and ended up getting a job at a smaller club (as a waitress) just over a couple weeks ago. This club is a lot different than my old one, in that most of the girls make their money off of regulars, and this goes for both the dancers and bar staff. We're encouraged to sit and drink/chat with customers, whereas you could get fired for sitting with customers or drinking on the job at the place I worked before. It's quite a big change, and it's forced me to start learning how to hustle guys.

    On my second shift I met a customer who I'll call "Frank." He really seemed to like me, bought lots of drinks from me and tipped really well. I saw potential in him to be my first "regular," so the next time he came in I made sure to make a big fuss over him. He ended up giving me his number. I would have never done this at my old club, but I decided to contact him because this is what I see the girls I work with doing, and getting their regulars in is what saves them on slow nights. We texted a bit, I let him know my schedule, and when I came in for my next shift he was there waiting for me, and he had presents! Everything seemed to be going fine until Friday.

    I'm more of a text message girl and I hardly check my voicemail. On Friday I checked it and there were six voicemails from Frank, and they each ended with "I love you." That obviously freaked me out, so when he showed up at my work that night I spent a lot less time with him, and I was borderline cold with him. A dancer I am friendly with was sitting with him for quite a while. She later pulled me in to the changeroom to tell me Frank was obsessing over me, saying things like he hadn't felt this way about anyone since his divorce, etc. Crazy stuff.

    Before my shift yesterday (Saturday) I sent him some texts to try and sort the situation out. I've been making good money off of him, and I don't want to lose him as a customer. He comes in now specifically to see me, and if he shows up and I'm not there he leaves. I told him that I think he's a really nice person, and I very much appreciate his generosity, but I don't want to lead him on or have him be confused. I told him it wasn't appropriate to say "I love you," and I found that to be kind of scary. I told him that I wasn't interested in dating him, or having any type of relationship with him outside of the club. He didn't answer me and showed up to the club again last night. He seemed to be more toned down with me, said he had received my texts and he understood. HOWEVER, I then had different dancers telling me about the creepy things he was saying about me when I wasn't there. When I left to go home he was waiting around outside smoking. I pretended that I didn't see him and quickly grabbed a cab.

    This morning I saw he had called twice at around 6 a.m. In the messages he left he is CRYING and telling me is is "going up the wall" and for me to please call him. AND he ends these voicemails with "I LOVE YOU."

    I feel like I'm over my head and I'm totally freaked out. I also feel badly for the guy. What am I doing wrong? What should I do about him? How do I prevent this happening with other "regulars" in future?

    Thank you in advance for anyone who replies.
    Last edited by Lady_Jane; 12-23-2012 at 10:12 AM. Reason: Typos

  2. #2
    God/dess shanna dior's Avatar
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    Default Re: Need Some Advice (Very Creepy Regular)

    You're not doing anything wrong and there's nothing you can really do to prevent this from happening in the future because all regulars have a shelf life, usually when they realize that you're not in love with them and they realize how much money they've spent on you. It comes faster with some than with others, but all you can do is move on.

    Some girls are able to milk situations like this to get more money by playing along, but I've always felt that was more of a headache than it was worth, so I can't really help you if that's what you want to do. It sounds like you're uncomfortable with it, so I'd say your best bet is to just cut him off. Tell him he is acting inappropriately and needs to cool it. Don't be flirty or nice about it or he won't get it. If he persists, talk to management about getting him banned.

    It's a shame to lose a regular stream of income, but sometimes your mental health is more important.

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    Newbie Lady_Jane's Avatar
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    Default Re: Need Some Advice (Very Creepy Regular)

    Thank you, Shanna.

    You're right that I don't feel comfortable with this situation. I don't think I've ever heard a fifty-something-year-old man cry before, let alone over me. I feel bad, like maybe I took things too far with my words or actions. That being said, I see some of the waitresses and shooter girls there sitting on customers laps and doing things normally reserved for dancers, and I wasn't doing that type of thing with Frank what-so-ever. I would just drink with him, tell him stories, tip the dancers on stage with money he gave me, and he'd get hugs and a kiss on the cheek when he was arriving or leaving. How the hell could he think I was falling for him, or whatever twisted thing he thought/thinks? Maybe I shouldn't have accepted the gifts me gave me? Some of them were quite expensive.

    I've already told him that he is going too far and that I'm not interested in him as anything more than a club friend and customer. I guess I just need to drive it home more somehow. Hopefully I get used to this kind of game soon... I've been reading up on Hustle Hut lol

    I don't think I really articulated how weird it was that he was outside when I was leaving the other night. By this time all the customers were gone and it was only staff inside. I usually take the bus home (I don't have a car at the moment) and, although he's never given the impression that he's violent in any way, he's obviously a bit delusional and I don't want him following me home or doing something crazy if I "cut him off." I'm also not sure that security would do anything if I were to talk to them about banning him (if it had to come to that). I could be wrong, but it seems like unless there is a money dispute or something physically inappropriate going on they won't kick out a customer... particularly one who spends money there like he does.

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    Newbie Lady_Jane's Avatar
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    Default Re: Need Some Advice (Very Creepy Regular)

    Would you say it's fairly common for a regular to say "I love you?"

  6. #5
    God/dess shanna dior's Avatar
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    Default Re: Need Some Advice (Very Creepy Regular)

    I really cannot iterate how Not Normal his behaviour is. Customers should not be telling you they love you or acting like this, so don't think this is something you have to get used to. It doesn't sound like you did anything in particular to encourage his behaviour - he probably acts like this with any dancer that gives him the time of day. You've told him you're done, so now just ignore him in the future to really drive the point home.

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    Veteran Member missykrissy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Need Some Advice (Very Creepy Regular)

    Well I think your club needs to get rid of all the custies in their parking lot before they let the girls leave. It's called workplace safety.
    Yes I think he's crazy, probably batshit crazy.
    I think you're done making money off him. I dance not waitress but one reason I switched from a slower more vip based club to a high volume fast paced club is so I don't have to worry about milking regulars. I mean I can if I want but really I think I'm through with it.
    I just think even though it can bring in some high dollar nights, regulars are such high burn out and soooooo unpredictable. So maybe re-think this club if you feel you have to give out your phone number to custies in order to make good money waitressing there.

    Best wishes.

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