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Thread: Anxiety is RUINING my life

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    Veteran Member MiraMichele's Avatar
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    Default Anxiety is RUINING my life

    Sorry for this being so long, but my anxiety is getting to the point that I can barely function at all, it is horrible. I have had anxiety since I can remember, but I was usually able to control it for the most part and not have it interfere too much with my life. Now, it seems that everyday it just gets worse and worse, I hate no longer being able to do things "normal" people can do, like going out to eat, or even eating at all. Yes, it is so bad that I simply can't eat, not because I'm not hungry, but because I am always in such a constant state of panic that I can't swallow my food, my throat muscle won't work to let me get it down because I am so tense, so I just have to starve or feel like I'm going to choke when I have to force myself to eat. It has gotten so bad now that I can barely drink any liquid, even water, so I have to wait hours when I really really want some water because I'm so thirsty. The only thing that helps me is drinking alcohol, when I can even get that down, and the first drink or 2 is a major struggle, I know, it isn't good for me to use this as medication, but it is the only thing that I have found that I can do to be able to atleast get some nutrients in me be able to function.

    This has caused me to not be able to dance anymore, at the end of my dancing days, I was having to leave work early every night because of a severe panic attack. I do webcam now, and I do like it, it keeps me happy and keeps money in my pocket. I have found that most days I wake up ok, but as soon as I leave the house is when it starts. I do have another side job that takes me about an hour and a half to do everyday, I get paid enough that that pays my bills, so camming is for any extra expenses and pocket/saving money. I want to keep this job, but my anxiety is going to ruin it, I leave home and the anxiety starts, then it won't cease no matter what I do until I start drinking.

    I know, I need to go get some help, but where I live sucks for this. There are hardly any doctors where I live that specialize in this, and the very few that do aren't taking new patients, or its like a year waiting list. The general doctors here can't help. I am stuck with this disabling me and no way to get therapy, medication, or anything to make this stop and I don't know what to do anymore. Does anyone have any advice on what I can do? Have any of you gone through anything similar, and what did you do to get over it?

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    Default Re: Anxiety is RUINING my life

    I hate to encourage substance use, but I used to take Xanax for this.

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    Default Re: Anxiety is RUINING my life

    I have been on Xanax recently, it did help a lot, but I'm trying to get off of the pills and alcohol to treat it and get rid of it without just masking it with pills and alcohol, it just makes it worse in the long run and doesn't solve the underlying issue.

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    Default Re: Anxiety is RUINING my life

    I currently live with anxiety, and have for most of my life. I'm definitely not 100% better, but I can try to help. Some more information is needed though, I think...

    Although you cannot get to a doctor, have you been reading about panic disorders and anxiety?

    Would you say that you have generalized anxiety, or is it primarily centered on leaving your home?

    Can you identify anything else that you would say has triggered or worsened your anxiety recently?

    What kind of schedule do you keep?

    What is your diet like?

    Do you get any exercise?

    Are you in touch with other people on a regular basis, beyond work?

    If you were to stop drinking, do you think you would have symptoms of withdrawal?

    Any other medications/substances?

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    Default Re: Anxiety is RUINING my life

    I had this issue years ago and I too used xanax and drank till I blanked out everything, it got to the point where I realized that these remedies dont help they only hurt. Id do stupid shit in the strip club as a dancer when on the xanax. I can remember working whole shifts & waking up in my bed not remembering 7 hours of my 8 hour shift or the drive home. this is so dangerous and I thank God im still alive today, I cannot believe i was in such a bad place. I let life's dramas really get me down my boyfriend at the time went to jail & other stuff. I had to learn to let life stresses go. i also got my boobs done & I know it sounds weird but I feel im a different person since i did this like it solved my problems.LBS. I never take xanax anymore and now when i work i keep my drinking in check. Things just don't bother me like they used to. Maybe your situation isn't due to the same causes as mine id recomend looking up therepy for this online if you cannot see a therapist. maybe on mayoclinic.com which is a reliable source. if you have a fear of big open spaces like u say when u leave the house your anxious you may have agoraphobia which is an anxiety disorder w/ fear of big open spaces. There are therepies for this that you can practice, anything you can do on your own is by far better than meds as if you can train your mind with exercises thats a perminent fix rather than meds are only temporary as you said. (I went to nursing school & studied this thats how I know). HTH

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    Veteran Member MiraMichele's Avatar
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    Default Re: Anxiety is RUINING my life

    Quote Originally Posted by tuesdaymarie View Post
    I currently live with anxiety, and have for most of my life. I'm definitely not 100% better, but I can try to help. Some more information is needed though, I think...

    Although you cannot get to a doctor, have you been reading about panic disorders and anxiety? Yes, all the time.

    Would you say that you have generalized anxiety, or is it primarily centered on leaving your home? It is generalized. The whole leaving the house issue is very recent, and most times it helps to leave and be with friends, or go to a bar or something and socialize to get my mind off of it. I want to be around people, it gives me comfort. I just don't get why my anxiety starts when I go to my day job.

    Can you identify anything else that you would say has triggered or worsened your anxiety recently? I really have no idea, it came back pretty bad but mostly controllable last year around this time, then kept increasing more and more. Here in the past few months is when it has started getting this bad. Before, I was able to eat most of the time if I chased it with water, now it is to the point that I can't even drink water and definitely not eat.

    What kind of schedule do you keep? I usually get up and try to get motivated around 11AM, then get to my day job to be done by 1PM. I relax for 30 minutes to an hour, then get ready for webcam. I get on Skype and talk to potential customers for a while, take pictures, update profiles, etc... this lasts for a few hours, then I usually start drinking, after a couple drinks I get on MFC for a couple hours later on in the evening and I would say my average bedtime is 12-2AM.

    What is your diet like? Poor. I don't eat hardly at all in daylight hours. I always start drinking alcohol before I can even eat (which is horrible to do, I know) I know I am not getting nearly enough nutrients, and when I drink it is rum with coke, so I am always drinking soda. When I eat, it is usually unhealthy food. I eat a lot of chips and fried foods like chicken wings and pork chops and stuff, but for some reason that stuff is easier for me to eat and I don't know why.

    Do you get any exercise? Not much at all, I need to do more.

    Are you in touch with other people on a regular basis, beyond work? Yes, I do have a boyfriend and he is supportive of my issue, but he is always working, so he can't always be there, and I do have a few close friends that are there for me. The social thing isn't something that really bothers me and I have never had issues having people around, making friends, etc...

    If you were to stop drinking, do you think you would have symptoms of withdrawal? Absolutely.

    Any other medications/substances?
    No, it has been over a month since I have taken a Xanax, now I just drink.

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    Default Re: Anxiety is RUINING my life

    Quote Originally Posted by Nuclear Martini View Post
    I used to have horrible anxiety. Pretty much everything you described such as not being able to eat because always being in panic mode, especially at restaurants because it feels like I'm choking. I have always been able to drink though.

    Since it seems you do not have access to a good shrink, here is what helped me.

    My mom and uncle "swooped in" to help me. At first I was upset with their prying, but I was a danger to myself. I could barely drive to school and was always panicked while driving (almost got into accidents because my mind was panicked), I really needed help.

    Anxiety runs in my family, and both my uncle and mom had their battles with it. My uncle told me that I needed to

    *cut out all caffeine or at least just coffee and black tea
    *stop eating chocolate
    *begin yoga classes to learn how to meditate

    I began meditating every morning. The second I woke up, I would meditate on the balcony for 10 minutes and it helped a lot. The more you do it, the more in control of yourself you become.

    I also began doing intense cardio. I trained to run. The more anxiety I was under, the more I ran. In normal-anxiety times I was running 3 miles every other day. When I was living with my ex (high anxiety) I was training hard and running 4- 5 miles every other day.

    It helps to do this cardio outside, but in the winter I go to the gym. Go buy this book, settle down with a cub of herbal tea (my suggestion: Yogi Tea in "Kava"- it helps relax you and helps me sleep). http://www.amazon.com/Anxiety-Phobia...hobia+workbook.

    ^^^That book has helped me a lot.

    I have xanax for my fear of flying which I still have not conquered but I have used xanax in times of dire anxiety, when panic was likely to occur. I try not to take more than 2 pills of .25 milli a month. When I do take it, it feels euphoric to be so relaxed tho.
    OMG the driving thing is horrible for me too. I used to be able to drive just fine and never had an issue. At the state I am in now, I would never trust myself on an open road, I flip the f*ck out and would wreck for sure. If I have to get in a car at all, I flip. I sit there cringing for the whole car ride just wanting to get out, I am dangerous just being in a vehicle with how much I panic because I have a panic attack even when there is no danger because I make the driver get panic when I panic.

    Anxiety is really bad in my family as well, and prettymuch every other mental disorder you can think of.

    I definitely drink way too much caffeine, I don't drink coffee, but I drink atleast a bottle of Coke everyday to mix with my rum and eat way too much chocolate and sugar, plus the rum I drink is very high in sugar as well. I am looking into starting yoga and definitely need to get more cardio.

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    Default Re: Anxiety is RUINING my life

    I hope you are ok and know it is possible to feel better I have had major anxiety and social phobia for 15 years, it was debilitating and completely controlled my life. At times it took me hours just to be able to leave the house. I did take Xanax and anti depressants. I also went to a group specifically for anxiety. But what I found the most helpful was joining a Buddhist group and meditating. One exercise in particular I learned from this group was to breath in and think about your fear (in 1 or 2 words) and breath out thinking the opposite/ positive word. That and repeated meditation really seemed to help.

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    Default Re: Anxiety is RUINING my life

    I have anxiety as well. Mostly social anxiety but also a bit of generalized anxiety and OCD. I have talked to a therapist and she has helped me a bit. Certainly not solved all my problems, but at least helped a bit. The main thing I took from our sessions was to think of the worst possible situation. And then think ... would it really be that bad? Why would it be so bad? Usually ... the worst possible scenario isn't really that bad. For example, I get really anxious going to new clubs (I'm really into the club scene). So she asked me, why are scared to go to new clubs? I think - what if I don't like the crowd, what if the washrooms are dirty, what if there isn't coat check, what if they don't sell water, what if the bouncers are mean, etc. And then, when I think of those things individually, they aren't bad. Plus, I always have a way out - I can leave whenever I want. No one is forcing me to stay. That's just a small example, but perhaps it may be helpful to you in some situations.

    Another example is using that "what is the worst thing that can happen" question for work-related situations. For the job that I want, I know I'm going to need to do a presentation for it. I'm scared to death of speaking in front of people, that's one of my biggest fears. This job is basically a higher level job than the one I'm doing right now. So she said - well why are you scared? I'm scared to do the presentation because I might mess up. I might not be able to answer the questions correctly. I might stumble over my words. I might forget what I'm saying. Then she says - what is so bad about all those things? What will happen IF I do those things? I said - well, I might not get the job. That would suck, but I would still have my current job. The likelyhood of those things happening and resulting in me not getting the job is very slim as well. It's hard to explain this just by typing, it's much easier in person. I can always message you the "thought record" that we went through, it might be easier, and then you can put it on paper and it may help

    Another thing I found is that the GABA supplement helps. I used to take it daily, in the morning. After 1-2 weeks, I just felt myself being less anxious on a day to day basis. It can really help, I would recommend looking into it. If you're taking Xanax at all, or drinking alcohol, look up those two and see if you can mix them with GABA supplements. I got my GABA supplements from well.ca (if you don't know where to find them - they aren't at every drugstore). You should do some research (not sure if you have already) into GABA and how it reacts with your body, etc. Although wikipedia is not the best source, I have looked at their GABA page and it seems pretty accurate, it's a good start to get an overview on GABA. Check it out here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gamma-Aminobutyric_acid You'll see undere "GABAergetic Drugs" that benzos (Xanax) and alcohols are listed. They are somewhat similar but the GABA supplement is much LESS than benzos and alcohol. It's a supplement which is pretty safe to take daily (unlike benzos and alcohol which are addictive and cause terrible withdrawals - benzo withdrawals can be deadly). It's also easy to get (it's a supplement, completely legal to take without a prescription). You can just take it in the morning, like you would with a multivitamin. If you have any questions about it, feel free to send me a message
    InnesX

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    Default Re: Anxiety is RUINING my life

    From reading your OP, it sounds like it would be worth it to travel somewhere where there is a doctor that can treat your anxiety, if there isn't one near you.

    Do you think you can support yourself doing just camming? If you can, it may be worth it to relocate to somewhere where there are doctors that can help you.

    You should definitely put yourself on a waiting list to see a doctor that can help you, if you don't have the possibility of seeing one right away.

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    Default Re: Anxiety is RUINING my life

    I've tried to begin responding with something helpful several times, but thinking about dealing with anxiety is exhausting in itself sometimes. I realize what helps one person may not be shit to another, but in hopes that it may help you or someone else, I'd like to share what has helped me.

    Like you, I could hardly eat for a period of time, to the point that I lost quite a bit of weight in a matter of 2-3 months. I was away at school, and walking to the dining hall was too difficult for me both because it was an anxiety trigger, and because I had become too weak to make the 1/4 mile walk easily. When I did manage to get food, my throat would become dry. I would chew and chew, but even swallowing lunch meat was difficult. Making and eating meals with a friend helped me a lot. They distracted me from my feelings of anxiousness while eating, and their consistent company meant that I couldn't just decide to skip meals for days. If you have someone in your life whom you can tell about these issues, and s/he can be available to have a meal with you daily, I think that could help a lot. If not, and for the times you have difficulty with solids, I suggest you try Glucerna shakes. They're often used in hospitals, have a ton of nutritional value, and I think they can help you maintain basic health during this time. Especially with anxiety/depression, what we put into our bodies can significantly affect our minds, and you sound like you need a lot more sustenance.

    Redirecting my thoughts has also been vital. For me, a huge part of my anxiety is social, and has been so since I can remember. Idk about you, but my "logical" mind would "justify" my anxiety by creating/magnifying potential issues. My anxiety was not the result of logical thoughts. Instead, my anxiety took hold of my mind and made it focus on negativity, both imagined and real. So, like tonight, to be honest, I have a feeling of dread about going into my 9-5 tomorrow. But that line right there is all I'm going to give that feeling. It has been difficult, but acknowledging that thoughts about that dread are manifestations of my anxiety and not just "me" is important. I've noticed that I just feel... different? when I am within the grips of major anxiety. I am not quite myself. And that's the important part. There is me, and there is anxiety, and we often overlap in my mind, but only I should control my anxiety, not the other way around--and the same goes for you. When I feel anxiety coming over me, I redirect my thoughts. This can happen in a number of ways, or more often, a combination of them. Instead of repeating to myself that I don't want to _____, I mentally say that I am excited about that thing/event. I know it sounds cheesy and self-helpy as shit, but it actually helps a little. I mean, yeah, you know you're "lying," but just refusing to give your anxiety control of your conscious thoughts is a good step.

    I also redirect my thoughts by getting the fuck up and doing something. Running is a great option, as is biking, yoga, etc. I agree with NM that you should start trying to meditate.

    Have you read anything about dialectical behavior therapy?

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    Default Re: Anxiety is RUINING my life

    Quote Originally Posted by eagle2 View Post
    From reading your OP, it sounds like it would be worth it to travel somewhere where there is a doctor that can treat your anxiety, if there isn't one near you.

    Do you think you can support yourself doing just camming? If you can, it may be worth it to relocate to somewhere where there are doctors that can help you.

    You should definitely put yourself on a waiting list to see a doctor that can help you, if you don't have the possibility of seeing one right away.
    Relocating is not an option for me at all, I have nowhere near the money to be able to do that because my only option would be to go back to the states, and I live on Guam (that would be about $1700 just for a plane ticket) I should go ahead and get on a waiting list though, maybe I will get lucky and someone will cancel and they can take me sooner or something. I have also joined a few sites that I can Skype with a therapist and see how that goes.

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    Default Re: Anxiety is RUINING my life

    Quote Originally Posted by tuesdaymarie View Post
    I've tried to begin responding with something helpful several times, but thinking about dealing with anxiety is exhausting in itself sometimes. I realize what helps one person may not be shit to another, but in hopes that it may help you or someone else, I'd like to share what has helped me. I completely agree with this

    Like you, I could hardly eat for a period of time, to the point that I lost quite a bit of weight in a matter of 2-3 months. I was away at school, and walking to the dining hall was too difficult for me both because it was an anxiety trigger, and because I had become too weak to make the 1/4 mile walk easily. When I did manage to get food, my throat would become dry. I would chew and chew, but even swallowing lunch meat was difficult. Making and eating meals with a friend helped me a lot. They distracted me from my feelings of anxiousness while eating, and their consistent company meant that I couldn't just decide to skip meals for days. If you have someone in your life whom you can tell about these issues, and s/he can be available to have a meal with you daily, I think that could help a lot. If not, and for the times you have difficulty with solids, I suggest you try Glucerna shakes. They're often used in hospitals, have a ton of nutritional value, and I think they can help you maintain basic health during this time. Especially with anxiety/depression, what we put into our bodies can significantly affect our minds, and you sound like you need a lot more sustenance. I get the same dryness in my throat too, it is the worst by myself. If I am with friends and can have my mind off of it, it helps a whole lot. I feel like I get almost too much comfort from this though, because when I am by myself, it makes me want someone around incase I panic, so I have became dependent on being able to eat and drink only when someone is with me :/

    Redirecting my thoughts has also been vital. For me, a huge part of my anxiety is social, and has been so since I can remember. Idk about you, but my "logical" mind would "justify" my anxiety by creating/magnifying potential issues. My anxiety was not the result of logical thoughts. Instead, my anxiety took hold of my mind and made it focus on negativity, both imagined and real. So, like tonight, to be honest, I have a feeling of dread about going into my 9-5 tomorrow. But that line right there is all I'm going to give that feeling. It has been difficult, but acknowledging that thoughts about that dread are manifestations of my anxiety and not just "me" is important. I've noticed that I just feel... different? when I am within the grips of major anxiety. I am not quite myself. And that's the important part. There is me, and there is anxiety, and we often overlap in my mind, but only I should control my anxiety, not the other way around--and the same goes for you. When I feel anxiety coming over me, I redirect my thoughts. This can happen in a number of ways, or more often, a combination of them. Instead of repeating to myself that I don't want to _____, I mentally say that I am excited about that thing/event. I know it sounds cheesy and self-helpy as shit, but it actually helps a little. I mean, yeah, you know you're "lying," but just refusing to give your anxiety control of your conscious thoughts is a good step. I like your idea. I have found one thing that helps me is to kind of fight it, if I can explain this correctly, If I am having trouble doing something I really want to do, any my anxiety is controlling me and not letting me, I actually tell myself in my head how weak I am for letting the anxiety take that much control, and that I'm nothing because I give in so easy. I guess you can say this is kind of a reverse psychology thing because I don't really believe these things, but mentally it helps fight off the anxiety by giving myself more will power to want to fight it

    I also redirect my thoughts by getting the fuck up and doing something. Running is a great option, as is biking, yoga, etc. I agree with NM that you should start trying to meditate.

    Have you read anything about dialectical behavior therapy? I have been studying meditation and trying to get in a more relaxed state, I would like to try yoga as well after I get meditating down more. I haven't ever heard of dialectical behavior therapy, but I am going to go research it
    Thank you for this helpful post though

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    Crossfingers Re: Anxiety is RUINING my life

    I have a lot of anxiety also, so far I haven't taken meds for it. I think the meditation will help. Have you ever thought of Tai Chi? I believe it's supposed to be calming.
    What helps me is to read bible scriptures (I am not pushing religion) or positive, self help philosophy books/articles. Also my pet bunny helps.


    MANY MEN WANTED TO LAY ME DOWN, BUT FEW WANTED TO LIFT ME UP

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    Default Re: Anxiety is RUINING my life

    I can't add much that hasn't been said, but I thought I'd second whoever it was that made the suggestion to meditate.

    I meditate at least five minutes per day, and usually between 10-25. It helps a LOT with anxiety.

    I wouldn't just start doing it "cold turkey," so to speak. There are plenty of resources online for guided breathing meditations.

    Here are some short ones from the Chopra center to start. I started meditating by simply making a commitment to myself to do it five minutes per day, no matter what. Once I commit to those five minutes, I usually keep going for longer. It's worth a shot to learn how to quiet your mind! Anxiety is so hard to live with, I hope you find something that works for you soon.

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    Default Re: Anxiety is RUINING my life

    Quote Originally Posted by whirlerz View Post
    I have a lot of anxiety also, so far I haven't taken meds for it. I think the meditation will help. Have you ever thought of Tai Chi? I believe it's supposed to be calming.
    What helps me is to read bible scriptures (I am not pushing religion) or positive, self help philosophy books/articles. Also my pet bunny helps.
    I haven't tried Tai Chi either, but I am looking into numerous different relaxation techniques to see which ones will be the most effective. Bible scriptures are good as well, I am not religious, but the bible does have a lot of good scriptures that are used and helpful in everyday life that have nothing to do with religion, but that humans should know for support and help and just for all around good, ya know.

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    Default Re: Anxiety is RUINING my life

    Quote Originally Posted by summerbre View Post
    I can't add much that hasn't been said, but I thought I'd second whoever it was that made the suggestion to meditate.

    I meditate at least five minutes per day, and usually between 10-25. It helps a LOT with anxiety.

    I wouldn't just start doing it "cold turkey," so to speak. There are plenty of resources online for guided breathing meditations.

    Here are some short ones from the Chopra center to start. I started meditating by simply making a commitment to myself to do it five minutes per day, no matter what. Once I commit to those five minutes, I usually keep going for longer. It's worth a shot to learn how to quiet your mind! Anxiety is so hard to live with, I hope you find something that works for you soon.
    Thanks for the link I also downloaded this app for my Android called stop panic and anxiety, I really like this app. I can take my phone with me when I go to work and listen to the techniques they have with my headphones and keep more calm while doing my job (since I don't interact with anyone at this job, this is a big help)

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    Default Re: Anxiety is RUINING my life

    That's good hun, whatever helps you, great idea!


    MANY MEN WANTED TO LAY ME DOWN, BUT FEW WANTED TO LIFT ME UP

    -Eartha Kitt

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    Default Re: Anxiety is RUINING my life

    Quote Originally Posted by MiraMichele View Post
    Relocating is not an option for me at all, I have nowhere near the money to be able to do that because my only option would be to go back to the states, and I live on Guam (that would be about $1700 just for a plane ticket) I should go ahead and get on a waiting list though, maybe I will get lucky and someone will cancel and they can take me sooner or something. I have also joined a few sites that I can Skype with a therapist and see how that goes.
    I'm not sure if this would be any more feasible for you if you're in Guam, but Thailand has good medical care, usually at an affordable price, and it's closer than the US. I looked up airfares from Guam to Bangkok, and it's about $800 - $900 for a round trip. Maybe if you look hard enough, you can find something cheaper. Here's a mental healthcare facility in Bangkok:

    http://www.samitivejhospitals.com/me..._clinic_139/en

    I hope you are able to find something that helps.
    Last edited by eagle2; 01-06-2013 at 02:28 PM.

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  30. #20
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    Default Re: Anxiety is RUINING my life

    That is cheaper, but I just don't think that option would work for me unless I relocated there which just isn't an option. Plus me and my boyfriend are very serious, plus he is Military so he wouldn't be able to go with me until his tour here is up, I would never want to leave him or I could only imagine this getting 10 times worse, he helps keep my sanity what it still is. I couldn't see just going for one trip being successful because with the treatment I need, I would probably need to start out atleast going once a week until I start getting better, then probably adjust to once every 2 weeks and so on...

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    Default Re: Anxiety is RUINING my life

    Tomorrow, first thing, I am going to contact the therapists here and atleast get on a waiting list. As of now, I am looking up some online therapists to see if I can find a decent one. Does anyone know somewhere I can post my issue that therapists read so I can find the best match? I will keep here updated on what I am able to do

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    Default Re: Anxiety is RUINING my life

    So I want to update this thread. I got in to see a psychiatrist finally. My appointment was yesterday, they put me on Klonopin and Zoloft. I took my first dose of both this morning, which was about 4 hours ago. My anxiety already feels a lot better but I have been feeling kinda drowsy. I went to my day job and got it knocked out with little anxiety, I was able to hydrate myself with little anxiety doing so and am ready to eat something, without the help of alcohol. This is just day 1, so I can definitely see myself improving a whole lot more in days to come.

    I haven't been on the Klonopin enough to say I prefer it or Xanax, but so far Xanax gives me that relaxed "omg I feel so relaxed with no anxiety right now" But usually that feeling only lasts for a couple hours with me without having to pop another one. So far with the Klonopin, it has been very steady with my anxiety being under control, but doesn't give the same euphoric relaxed feeling, if you know what I mean.

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    Default Re: Anxiety is RUINING my life

    Glad to hear you're on the right track. Finding the right balance of medication can be difficult, but this sounds like you're off to a great start. Congratulations.

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    Default Re: Anxiety is RUINING my life

    First of all, let me say I lived on Guam for 3 years, on and off, and shit yes that place can trigger some anxiety! Even though it seems like such a laid back island atmosphere, it is grueling when you're a stripper and working anywhere from 4-7 nights a week! Plus keeping tabs on a military BF, keeping your noes clean (everyone wants to set the strippers up for trouble), and being aware enough to make money when the time happens and there's a rush. It's a really intense lifestyle, for a stripper. But remember, you're there for a primary reason: to make (and save) as much money as possible before you inevitably leave and go back to a normal life, in the states.

    I know resources are super limited, on the island but do what you can to relax. Try joining one of the small hotel gyms, just to get into an exercise routine, every day. Splurge at least once a week (or even every other) on a decent spa and get a good massage. I
    went to one place in Tamuning that was open super-late and was very lady-friendly. I would go with a girlfriend, after work and pay about $30-$40 for a really decent 30-45 minute athletic massage. Try eating as clean and healthy as you can. California Mart has some great fresh fruit and fish. I literally ate nothing but raw fish and grapefruit for about a month, one time. I ate the sashimi cut of everything.

    I also suffer from chronic anxiety/panic disorder and I'm currently on (or have taken) both of the medications you've mentioned. I didn't care very much for Kolonipin, for attacks and asked to be switched back to the Xanax that I was originally prescribed. I'm now transitioning from Lexipro to Wellbutrin and having very good results. But please, try to cut back on the drinking or stop, entirely. I drank casually, last fall, as I was still recovering from a bout of depression and combined with the medication, it was a bad time. Like, emotional downward spiral-bad. I've limited my drinking to once a month, at this point and only if I'm willing to stop the medication a couple of days before and after. Now I'm working out, so I don't drink at all. I don't even miss it. These are very dangerous medications to be mixing with alcohol and especially since drinking is basically your job. I totally get it but start having your drinks switched to virgin, immediately, if possible. Drink as much water as you can (dehydration only makes the anxiety attacks worse!) and let your body adjust to the medication. Be honest with your doctor about the results you feel and your drinking habits.

    My last piece of advice would be to cut as much bullshit out of your life and time, while you're on island, as possible. Don't let managers fuck with you or bark at you for not making "enough" drink sales. Don't let other dancers/roommates get to you. I know it's hard but don't take shit or bend over backwards for your BF. Those guys are cute and fun (trust. I had my share of submarine sailors ) but they're there to work and their favorite hobby is running through strippers/women on island. It sounds harsh but seriously, if he fucks with you or causes you grief, drop him like a hot rock. It's not called "Man Island" for no reason. I had dudes who I knew actually made games of racking up strippers or stealing each other's "girlfriends" or whatever. It can be cute island drama (that place is dead-boring, sometimes) but when you're trying to focus on work pressures and being in such a transient environment, it's more trouble than it's worth.

    Please, just take care of yourself. I agree, it's not really worth it to hop a plane to Thailand, just for a doctor. For those who've never been to Guam, Thailand is obviously close (about a 5-hour plane ride) but it still costs around $700ish to get there and when you're working on a limited time frame (about 13 weeks), you can't just take a vacation and jet off to look for holistic medicine in the Belly of the Beast, also known as Bangkok. I went there for my own sort of medical tourism and that place is a whole other kind of stress. Best just to stay on Guam, swim and snorkel EVERY DAY and lay on the beach and relax before work, every night. Try to get through your contract or time on island and get out. Good luck.
    Last edited by vivianbear; 01-30-2013 at 12:00 AM.
    "SS=stripper shit, in the same spectrum as CS=customer shit, which is within the spectrum of SaS=sales shit, which is all contained in the universe of BS=bullshit." -- Jay Zeno (mod)

    "Show me a hot chick and I'll show you someone who's tired of fucking her."






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  37. #25
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    Default Re: Anxiety is RUINING my life

    i totally agree with everyone else in taking care of yourself and taking up nurturing lifestyle changes; also glad to know the medication is helping

    have you ever tried acupuncture? it's very non-invasive, effective, and you can receive treatment while you're on meds.
    Unsophisticated in the finest sense of the word.

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