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Thread: What would you do? Should I say anything?

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    Featured Member OJenni!'s Avatar
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    Default What would you do? Should I say anything?

    So I had a boyfriend I dumped over a year ago. We have some common friends and they are on my facebook.

    Recently I got a message from one of those friends calling my ex a addict and a loser for stealing from him. Several messages exchanged and he started coming on to me. Saying how sexy and beautiful I am, etc. Then the issue of my job came up. Apparently my ex told him what I do, which I am pretty open about anyway. He proceeded to tell me he wanted to meet up and have sex with me. I played it cool and politely declined his offer. I also told him that it's not cool to cheat on his girlfriend.

    I know this guy is in a relationship (even his facebook says so) and he has plenty of photos of him and his gf. I know his GF quite well and I see her often. We both have dogs and often see each other at the parks, as we both live in the same area. She is a good friend of mine, although I would not necessarily call her a best friend. We go to many of the same clubs, have lots of mutual friends and even attended the same university.

    I took screen shots of the conversation and am considering showing her. I have my hesitations mainly because this was just a facebook conversation and nothing that happened in real life.

    what would you do? Should I say something to her?



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    Default Re: What would you do? Should I say anything?

    I would just go jogging at the park with my dog more often. If I were you.

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    Featured Member JoJoX's Avatar
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    Default Re: What would you do? Should I say anything?

    I think if you see her that often, I personally would be uncomfortable hiding this from her. If it's messing up your comfort level, tell her. No one has the right to mess with your comfort level. Also, I'd tell the ex. Simply because these people are involved in your life and you don't want this to haunt you later, if it does. What if she finds out the hard way? Not only that, he is a real piece of shit for thinking you're that dumb and easy to sleep with him. He pretty much had a game plan- first insult the ex, then call u beautiful then ask to have sex with you. That is a game he tried to play. That alone is very insulting and he deserves to be called out for it.

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    Default Re: What would you do? Should I say anything?

    "Hey insert-name-here,
    I have something kind of awkward to bring up, but I want to preface this by saying I'm only telling you so you can protect yourself. I don't want to be involved in any drama and I'm likely going to pretend this conversation never happened after telling you. Here's the thing: your boyfriend started a conversation with me on facebook talking bad about my ex. I don't really care about that, but after that, he propositioned me for sex. I turned him down and that was that. The reason why I'm telling you is that, while we're not the closest of friends, I think it's kind of skeevy he's trying to have sex with other women while in a monogamous relationship. I took screencaps as proof, in case you need or want that. I just wanted to give you a heads up because if he tried that with me, he's likely tried that with other women, and he's not just likely running around on you, but he's also risking your sexual health if you guys do not use protection with each other. I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news, and I hope we can remain friends despite your boyfriend being a skeezy shithead."
    Ungoogle yourself:


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    Default Re: What would you do? Should I say anything?

    A similar thing happened to me not so long ago. It was a work friend, not a very close friend but somebody I liked and got on well with, and her husband , they were newly wed,already had one little boy and she was pregnant with his child. And he had come in from a night out, came on FB and I was working, I was online for about 8 hours in total on and off and all that time in between saying other things, he was trying to have me invite him round for sex.
    I chose not to say anything in the end but I often worry if I should have done. I didn't want to break up their family unit or cause stress to a pregnant woman.
    I like what Fiendish Gyrator said
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    Default Re: What would you do? Should I say anything?

    As satisfying as it would be to see a jerk like that get his comeuppance the most likely outcome is to lose a friend.
    "Well done. Here are the test results: You are a horrible person. I'm serious, that's what it says: 'A horrible person.' We weren't even testing for that."

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    Default Re: What would you do? Should I say anything?

    When it comes to these kind of situations I always try to think as if I was the person on the other end of the relationship.

    Would I want to know if my bf was propositioning someone else for sex? Yes.

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    Default Re: What would you do? Should I say anything?

    I would definitely tell her! He is a piece of shit for 1) Going behind her back and propositioning you and 2)Thinking you're that easy. Sounds like she deserves better! If I were her, I'd definitely want to know before the relationship got more serious, or, like Sugarmouse's friend, a child is involved. This guy is never gonna change, and I think you'd be doing her a favor and letting her know what happened so she can decide if she wants to stay with him or not. It's also a matter of sexual health, too. If he is trying to sleep with you, who's to say he's not trying to sleep with other women (and succeeding) as well? And if she is having unprotected sex with him, thinking the relationship is monogamous, that puts her at risk of contracting an STD.

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    Default Re: What would you do? Should I say anything?

    i remember when my friend didn't tell me about my sons' father hitting on her, while i was in the other room..when i did find out, i felt betrayed and angry! she said she didn't want to make it seem like she was trying to break us up, and that she was afraid i would consider her a "bf thief" but i would have really appreciated it if she had been upfront and i wouldn't have put any blame on her.

    then when we broke up, my son's father hooked up with a new girl and cheated on her incessantly. i decided to tell her, because she is young and naive and i saw in her what i used to be. and offer proof, but she was soo wrapped up in her fantasy that she immediately accused me of being a home-wrecker and jealous. some people get angry when their belief-system is put into question, especially when it comes to somebody they really love. well, she will see the light soon, as she has decided to get pregnant with another child he won't take care of and i feel like i did the right thing and whether she believes or not i won't feel guilty!
    i feel that if you really consider her a friend that you should tell her, and save this poor girl an STD and further pain with this asshole!

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    Default Re: What would you do? Should I say anything?

    I'd say definite tell her, but depending on what type of girl she is, don't count on her thanking you for the news.

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    Default Re: What would you do? Should I say anything?

    It's an awkward position for you to be put in, but, if I were her I would want to know. You telling her would be one woman looking out for another. It's probably a good thing you aren't close, as she may not speak to you afterwards, whether it's out of embarrassment or jealousy (I don't understand why, but some women jump to blame the woman being propositioned instead of their partners-especially if she is in the adult industry ). She deserves to know and it's a good thing you kept proof, in case her partner denies it.

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    Default Re: What would you do? Should I say anything?

    If youre going to tell or not depends on where your loyalty lies. Youre in an awkward position now. While you didnt want to get involved in their relationship he involved you and now you have to pick a side. So whose side are you on his or hers?

    If youre on her side then you have to tell her. But because I dont like confrontations and like the other posters said you dont know how shes going to take it, I would suggest sending her a message using exactly what Fiendish Gyrator described as a template and include the screenshot. This way she can work out all her emotions privately and not in your face.

    If youre on his side then do nothing.

    While youre under no obligation to call him out as a cheater, morally you have to decide if thats something youre comfortable with. Are you okay with just sitting back and watching him hurt someone like that? Are you okay with knowing he could be endangering her health like that? Are you going to be okay interacting with the girl knowing theres something youre just not telling her? Are you going to be okay watching their relationship develop and progress knowing hes betraying her?

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    Default Re: What would you do? Should I say anything?

    It's one of those damned if you do and damned if you don't situatiuons.If you say something she could accuse you of lying or leading the boyfriend on, or she sould be greatful. If you don't say something, maybe nothing ever happens, maybe she gets pregnat, and STD, or hurt emotionally when she finds he's had a string of affairs. You don't know how she will take it if you tell her, and you don't know what will happen if you don't say anything.
    So it boils down to how you feel. Would you feel worse if you told her and she freaked out and you lost a freind, or worse if you didn't say anything and she ends up getting hurt. In either case don't ever regret doing what you think is best, whatever the outcome.

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    Default Re: What would you do? Should I say anything?

    Tell her, but be very careful how you tell her. It really depends on the type of person she is as to how to approach her but what fiendishgyrator wrote is a good start or even you can quote it word for word if your friend is likely to take it well
    "You can close your eyes to reality but not to memories -Stainslaw J. Lec

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    Default Re: What would you do? Should I say anything?

    Show her the messages and tell her. You already know hes going to try and spin in so its pinned on you, unless you show her the messages.

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    Default Re: What would you do? Should I say anything?

    You should definitely tell her, but figure out a way to do it anonymously. You do not want to get in the middle of this drama.

    Also, this guy sounds like, if he found out YOU told his GF, he would be a really vindictive little bitch and probably do everything in his power to make you regret it.
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