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Thread: Need advice on getting approached

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    Newbie roscoespoon's Avatar
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    Smiley Need advice on getting approached

    Hello ladies,

    I am new to this site and find it to be a much better alternative to the male dominated websites out there. I am a man and I love going to gentleman's clubs. I have been going now for At least the last 10 years but I am still relatively young at 29. I am a clean cut and relatively handsome African American male. I do not frequent the urban clubs but the more upscale gentleman's club since I have a love for white women. I live in metro Detroit and often bounce between 2 of the more well known clubs In town players and the coliseum.

    On some nights I can't keep the women off of me but then there are most nights where it is hard to get one dancer to sit with me. I would like to know what do you ladies look for in a potential customer? What should I do or avoid doing to get more attention? I always smile, I always tip and quite well I might add. I just need some advice to make my trips more memorable. Thank you in advance for your answers and advice.

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    God/dess shanna dior's Avatar
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    Default Re: Need advice on getting approached

    Sounds like you're doing everything right. If you're interested in a girl who isn't coming by, don't be shy about going up to her yourself - either by tipping her during a stage set or going up to her when she's alone or with another dancer and asking for her company.

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    Newbie roscoespoon's Avatar
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    Default Re: Need advice on getting approached

    Thanks for your advice. I have done that before in the past with a 50-50 success rate. I often get the I am intimidating speech although that puzzles me as well. Physically I am 6 feet 245lbs muscular built so I can see how it's a bit intimidating being the only black customer in the club at times. I'll have to try this more next time I go.

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    Default Re: Need advice on getting approached

    Quote Originally Posted by roscoespoon View Post
    ...Physically I am 6 feet 245lbs muscular built so I can see how it's a bit intimidating being the only black customer in the club at times. I'll have to try this more next time I go.
    Size could be an intimidation factor.

    I have no idea what your personal style is and I certainly do not want to be out of line. But for the upscale mostly white clubs, probably your best choice of style should be 'executive'. A well selected wardrobe can send the right signals.

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    Default Re: Need advice on getting approached

    Size could definitely be it, but even if it's a race thing, it's probably for the best that the dancer says no when you approach her as her dance for you would probably be lacklustre and you'd have wasted your money.

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    Newbie roscoespoon's Avatar
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    Default Re: Need advice on getting approached

    I understand how dress could play a role in not getting approached. Typically when I go to a club I put on nice slacks and a nice button down shirt. I always shower beforehand so that I never come in with a weird smell. I do understand how sometimes race can be a factor I just never have been the type to play the race card since most of the times there are other factors at hand. I am always respectful sometimes too respectful considering the treatment the ladies receive from some of the other male counterparts in the club. I have heard all of my life that I can be intimidating so I changed that over the years but I still hear that when I am in the clubs. I always and I mean always tip at the stage, however there are times when I see a dancer that I would like to spend some time with I tip more. I know that once of the clubs I go to is recently under new ownership so I am thinking that maybe this can have a play as well, as most of the girls now will only come by if you are sitting in a booth and most of the time they are the "do you want a dance" girls. Maybe I should just change clubs that I go to but this typically happens at 2 of my favorites, and I love going there because the dancers they have are all beatiful.

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    Default Re: Need advice on getting approached

    sounds like you are doing everything right, some girls are just dumb. another thing is that it is dark and its often hard to read facial expressions. so we cant tell if you are making eye contact and smiling. approaching a girl or waving her over is much better. I love customers who wave me over!

    also, are you actually getting dances? if not you might have developed a reputation for not spending in which case, that is your fault.

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    Default Re: Need advice on getting approached

    I've never waved any dancers over, honestly I thought dancers hated that so I never bothered. And yes I always get dances. Most of the time I do not have this problem but I would say out of the last 4 times I went I sat by myself 2 of those times. Typically I stay for about 3 hours and spend close to $500. But on the rough nights I sit there for about 5 hours with minor convo if any from dancers. They have a decent turnover so I hardly ever see the same dancer more than 3 times and I usually go 2 times a month

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    Default Re: Need advice on getting approached

    Give dancer whatever a larger stage tip is in you area. Clearly tell her where you are sitting and that you want dances. A 50/50 success rate is actually quite good. Stop whining.

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    Default Re: Need advice on getting approached

    Not whining at all. I came here to get the advice of professionals that do this for a living and that can let me know ifi I am doing something wrong. And from the advice I have received it sounds like I am doing the right things.

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    Default Re: Need advice on getting approached

    I second waving the girl over, or at stage ask her to join you when you tip. You might also ask a waitress to get a particular girl to come over. Honestly, we like it when customers are assertive about what theyre interested in. if a girl stops and you want a dance, but want to chat with her a moment first, let her know you wil be getting a dabce so she isnt concerned about wasting time, or tip her to hang out a little while.

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    Default Re: Need advice on getting approached

    Quote Originally Posted by roscoespoon View Post
    I've never waved any dancers over, honestly I thought dancers hated that so I never bothered.
    As a dancer, it's not annoying. It's actually really nice to be waved over since I know you're interested in me then. Some dancers can be very shy and intimidated by approaching people, so being waved over may be the only way to get them to you, and it's a great confidence booster for them.

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    Default Re: Need advice on getting approached

    roscoespoon,

    Often when we fit into a group that tends to get stereotyped by dancers in clubs (usually by race, size, or in my case, gender), those of us that are far outside of those stereotypes often pay a price. Dancers tend to avoid people that they determine to be "not worth the trouble" for any number of reasons. When I first started clubbing I ran into every negative female customer stereotype that there is. It took me a while to learn how to make the experience work for me, and often it involved having to approach dancers that I wanted attention from. I didn't like doing that at first, since I, like alot of other customers, preferred to have the dancers approach me. But it was either that or sit alone. It sucks that it had to be that way, at least at first, in order for me to have any fun at all. Just like you somedays I had to fight them off with a stick, and other times I couldn't get the time of day. But I learned that once the dancers get to know you, especially if you frequent the same club(s), they get to see you as a person more than the stereotype that you no longer represent. And in turn you help negate that stereotype and hopefully make it easier for others to follow after you.

    Not sure if that made alot of sense (I'm REALLY tired right now). But at least you should know that you're far from alone on this .

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    Default Re: Need advice on getting approached

    Approach the girl you have your eye on and ask her to join you. If she's with another customer but isn't dancing for him or it doesn't seem like he's tipping her, maybe ask a bartender or waitress to approach her and tell her you'd like her company when she's free. Up front, say that you would like to enjoy her company for awhile and are willing to pay for it in advance. Or you can buy dances, of course. If the dancer still won't spend time with you, she's a fucking idiot and shouldn't be working there, and you should spend your hard-earned money on someone more deserving of it.

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    Default Re: Need advice on getting approached

    @Lopaw. You make very valid points and I do appreciate your response. Actually the response of everyone on this forum. I will follow the advice given and become more aggressive when it comes to the clubs. I must admit part of the experience for me is the fantasy involved with going. The feeling of being in a room full of beautiful women and they actually approach you for a change as opposed to "normal life" were men have to approach women. I can appreciate that dancers may be shy as well and therefore if I see a dancer I must spend time with to be more aggressive and assertive.

    @firemaiden04 - I do like the point you make in which you say use the staff to get a dancers attention. There have been numerous of times in which I have been in a club and noticed several of the women that I was very interested in sitting looking bored with customers. I like the idea of having the waitress inform the dancer know that I am interested when she is free.

    So thank you all for your input I will definitely use the additional tips the next time I head to my favorite clubs.

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    Default Re: Need advice on getting approached

    I just go and grab her when she is done with another customer. I make it known that she is what I want and am straight forward about asking her to sit w/me. I have always had positive responses and it takes the ambiguity out of the situation. You could always ask a host, but In some clubs, it precipitates tipping by the dancer and more pressure for you to compensate for it.

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    Veteran Member summerbre's Avatar
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    Default Re: Need advice on getting approached

    Tip a $20 or more on stage, point to where your sitting and say "see me when you're finished." Done!

    Also, if you know you'll be spending a certain amount (at least over $200, I'd say) then buy "funny money" if your club offers it. Set it somewhere visible, sticking out of a shirt pocket or on the table next to your drink. Whoever you purchased it from is likely to tip off certain dancers that you're spending, as well.

    Otherwise, sounds like you're doing the right things.

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    Default Re: Need advice on getting approached

    Quote Originally Posted by summerbre View Post
    Tip a $20 or more on stage, point to where your sitting and say "see me when you're finished." Done!
    LOL, this is precisely how I get the attention of dancers I like, to a tee!
    Quote Originally Posted by AmyLynne View Post
    I don't care what customers think. I care about separating them from their wallet.
    The only people who get rich off of Get Rich Quick Schemes are the ones who sell them, not the ones who buy them.

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    Default Re: Need advice on getting approached

    UPDATE
    Just wanted to provide an update on what happened since the last time I asked this question. I went to my favorite club Friday after work in time to catch the end of day shift beginning of night shift. There was no where to sit booth or table wise so I had to sit at the tip rail. There was a particular dancer that I have eyed for a while about to take the stage. After a little dancing I tipped her a $20 and asked if she would like to sit with me when she finished her set, and she said that she would love to. After her set she went into the back to freshen up and came back to sit with me. After some conversation she revealed to me that since the club was sold a little over a year ago there has been some significant changes at the club. The dancers were no longer allowed to sit on customer laps or at the tip rail, they were only allowed to sit with the customers at the booths (which would explain not being approached at the tip rail). We conversed for quite some time before we headed back to the VIP.

    Thanks for all the tips and advice to make my night more memorable. Come to find out everything I was doing helped it was just the simple rules that the club enforced that stopped all customers from getting approached on the floor. She even allowed my foot fetish fantasies to come true thanks to the tips from you all. So thanks again your advice has been appreciated.

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    Default Re: Need advice on getting approached

    I am also a bigger dude. I'm mullato though I don't like the term, Obama is a little darker than I am. When I was new in the clubs I would play up my shyness, lack of suave, dorkiness, etc. as it seemed to convince the dancers I was harmless and ok to dance for. (In addition to tipping well, smiling, and the other stuff you are already doing right.)

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    Default Re: Need advice on getting approached

    Glad to read about your success. Of course, the ladies are the experts so take their advice. May I add something. Networking at the "bar" can be your friend. Talk to guys who are upbeat and having a good time. Those are the men who are regulars and are well known by the ladies. This should be easy since you two favorite clubs. The girls will stand and talk to your new friend(s) and check you out. You will be introduced. Once they get a "feel" for you all will be well....... Don't forget to mention the other Club you like so they know your a regular.

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    Default Re: Need advice on getting approached

    @tenderman. The advice that I received definitely helped. I also noticed that since I frequent the same two clubs really the dancers for the most part are the same. I guess seeing a familiar face time and time again breaks the ice. Really what it took was for me to approach the dancers instead of sitting back waiting to be approached. It all took a change for the better once a very popular day shift dancer noticed me from a few trips before. Like I said I tipped her nicely she approached asked if she knew me and it was all uphill from there. She introduced me to a few night shift dancers (since this is mostly the time I go) and the rest was history. Now whenever I go I never have a dull time. I always have a good time and never went home disappointed since.

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    Default Re: Need advice on getting approached

    All sounds good, Roscoe. Keep in mind, familiarity, generosity and decency usually lead to good times. There's also the added benefit of being able to look at yourself in the mirror the next morning without feeling like a pervy asshole. That's always nice.

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    Default Re: Need advice on getting approached

    pretty much every club ive worked at has very strict rules about girls not approaching guys at the stage. they are enforced more heavily than drug, stealing, and extras related rules. girls will go ballistic and scream at other girls who even wave at guys at the stage.

    if you are at the stage and you want a dance: GET UP!!!!!


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    Default Re: Need advice on getting approached

    My story is not exactly about your problem but I think it illustrates a good point. I work as an escort and one day the agency I was with at the time sent me to an outcall to meet a client at his hotel room.
    When I got there and he opened the door my heart jumped-I have never seen such a tall and muscular man in my life (he also happened to be Arfican American but that didn't phase me, after seeing how big he was it didn't even matter what ethnicity he was, not that I avoid certain ethnicities, I'll fuck anyone who wants to have a good time ).
    Anyways, a part of me was ready to spit out a prepared excuse and get the hell out of there but then he smiled at me so kindly and so genuinely that my heart melted just as fast at it jumped a second ago. He reminded me of Michael Clarke Duncan smiling.
    He turned out to be one of the sweetest, respectful and polite men I've met through this work (and I met a lot of awesome guys) so my lesson that day was 'It's rare that a good smile won't do the job".
    I would imagine coming across really friendly is a good way to counteract any perceptions you may run into because of your looks. Oh, and nothing beats a well tailored suit. Looking professional projects a certain image about yourself, you want to come across as a desirable client and there are many ways to do it: smile, clothing, body language, I even pay attention to what the guy drinks. You seem to have a fantastic attitude so I am sure things will only keep getting better for you.

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