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Thread: Am I being stupid? Argument with my husband...

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    Veteran Member aperfectseal's Avatar
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    Default Am I being stupid? Argument with my husband...

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    Last edited by aperfectseal; 01-26-2013 at 09:59 AM.

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    Featured Member zivlet's Avatar
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    Default Re: Am I being stupid? Argument with my husband...

    It sounds like you used to take it responsibly, in the right setting, and as safe as possible and also like it was something fun you two did together that helped your relationship. Whether it was a drug, a certain friendship group, a certain location you both went to or whatever-it was something that enchanced your relationship.
    He's stopped doing it for reasons not to do with you. Fair, it was a health related decision.

    I think he is being unreasonable.
    Just MHO-and bear in mind I have never taken a drug apart form alcohol and smoking weed at uni so I know only as much as the next 'cleanish' stripper but that's how it looks to me.
    He can tell you to be safe, be careful-it sounds as if you are to me-if I was ever going to do a drug like that one-I would do it at home with people I trusted-I don't even get drunk at gigs or big festivals, if I drink enough alcohol to get me drunk it's in the town I live in with close friends-I like to be as in control as possible, so I get what you mean I think.
    But yeh, telling you to be careful and that he has concerns-maybe worries you'll end up with the same issues as him? Fair.
    Not flipping out at you and telling you off for not promising him you won't do something again that so far hasn't been a bad thing in your lfe. I think that's unreasonable.

    Edited to add-maybe he sees it as a sexual//emotional connection enhancer between just you and him, and/or worries you'll be like that with others ?
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    Veteran Member aperfectseal's Avatar
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    Default Re: Am I being stupid? Argument with my husband...

    Wow Sugarmouse, that was really insightful. I think you might be on to something with him being worried that I might establish a unique connection with somebody else other than him if I were to do it again without him. The times that we did it together I think that we were able to share an emotional bond that seemed really meaningful at the time, (and still does once we were sober.) And I could imagine that he wouldn't want me to have that with anyone else. Thank you so much for taking the time to reply to my post because it has really helped me to see another way of looking at the situation.

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    Default Re: Am I being stupid? Argument with my husband...

    From a guy's point of view, I don't think it's about you being a drug addict or him being worried about you health-wise. If I had to guess, it boils down to you doing something that he can no longer do. You doing an action that seems 'freeing' and 'fun' that he just can't partake in anymore because of the risks. And that makes us guys insecure. There, I said it, it's true Seriously, though, it's not about the drugs - it could be anything really - it's about you going off and having fun without him. Doing something that linked the two of you so personally - without him. Having an experience without him. And there's probably a dash of "but if you love me, you'll quit too". Which, yes, is unreasonable, but it's how he feels and he's being honest about it.

    My best guess is to talk to him when you're both calm. Yes, it requires some vulnerability and he may initially be irritated, but if you go to sympathetically with an honest goal of understanding why he reacted so strongly, he may just open up a little more. Or he may just get grumpy and turn on the TV. But it's worth a shot.

    Hope that helps a little!

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    Veteran Member aperfectseal's Avatar
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    Default Re: Am I being stupid? Argument with my husband...

    Thank you so much, Kessler. Your response has really helped me to feel less frustrated by the situation. I have tried talking to him today but to no avail. He slept on the couch last night and all of our communication today has been through texting, lol. I will try to be less stubborn when I decide to talk tto him next. I really appreciate you taking the time to write all of that out

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