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Thread: how to talk to someone staying on your sofa

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    Featured Member smeca's Avatar
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    Default how to talk to someone staying on your sofa

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    Last edited by smeca; 02-14-2013 at 01:15 AM.

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    Featured Member zivlet's Avatar
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    Default Re: how to talk to someone staying on your sofa

    It looks to me as if, because she doesn't HAVE to go anywhere, she's not!
    Can you tell a small lie-say you're having someone over to stay ? Or your landlord (if you rent)is due to visit so you need to clean the place up and can't have evidence of her?
    I know it's a lame thing to do but if this was me I'd find it awkward and woudl think it more likely to get her out saving the friendship, than admit that the situation's getting on your nerves a bit...
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    (Oh, and also, allow me to excuse myself while I pick my mandible up from underneath my desk.)
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    Holy shit dude! You look fucking awesome! Get a damn boob job..
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    Featured Member smeca's Avatar
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    Default Re: how to talk to someone staying on your sofa

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    Last edited by smeca; 02-14-2013 at 01:15 AM.

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    Featured Member zivlet's Avatar
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    Default Re: how to talk to someone staying on your sofa

    I've had similar situations and it's not nice but I figured, if that was ME on someone's sofa, I'd want out of there as soon as I could, so I assume others will! And they don't!
    Not because your sofa isn't comfy or you're not more than pleasant to be living with-I'm sure you are, but nobody can have a fulfilling existence living unofficially on someone's sofa, plus if it was me, I'd know I was imposing and would feel awkward, I'd do it, if I needed to but I'd be out as soon as I could be-It's not fair on the person whose house it is plus I'd WANT to be back on my feet and in my own place. Some folk just seem not arsed about it
    It's for her own good that you make her move on just keep remembering that-you're not being nasty , it's time she sorted herself out .
    Quote Originally Posted by Jessica1001 View Post
    (Oh, and also, allow me to excuse myself while I pick my mandible up from underneath my desk.)
    Quote Originally Posted by tempest666 View Post
    Holy shit dude! You look fucking awesome! Get a damn boob job..
    Quote Originally Posted by Sunnylexie View Post


    I have a feeling some men don't actually need a woman (or anyone at all) in their lives. They could marry their own penises and live happily ever after.
    Start the day with a smile and get it over with

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    God/dess simone87's Avatar
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    Default Re: how to talk to someone staying on your sofa

    i'm with sugarmouse, i'd make up some good reason to avoid akwardness..i mean its easy to say " tell her to move out!" but then when you're in the situation you feel bad..that's why i never let people stay with me unless they are paying, generosity and kindness always get taken advantage of it seems could you say the landlord is telling you that she has to leave?

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    Default Re: how to talk to someone staying on your sofa

    Tell her you need your place back in a few days because things are heating up with a guy or something. Just create an excuse. If all else fails:
    " Hey , there's a hostel down the road. I'll drop you off tomorrow. "

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    Member Aeva's Avatar
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    Default Re: how to talk to someone staying on your sofa

    Maybe you could try to have a mini heart to heart! "I want to help you out as much as possible, but having my own space is important. I am starting to feel a little cramped and I need my place back to myself by next Tuesday. If there's anything else I can do to help you out, please let me know! I'm sorry, it's just hard for me to have a roommate.. that's why I live by myself."

    That's what I would say! I hope it's easy to get her out, it's rough to ask a friend to get the hell out =P
    Good luck

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    Featured Member smeca's Avatar
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    Default Re: how to talk to someone staying on your sofa

    Thanks everyone. I've chatted briefly today and she has another viewing. it's hard as some people have already said they don't want someone who works nights moving in, and it needs to be no or low deposit at the moment. My bf is coming to stay soon though and she knows this now, she said something about another friend that ifs willing to help out so she should be somewhere soon. ironically me being so happy living alone means I haven't been chatty and in the loop with how her search ifs going! :s

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    Veteran Member Seatortuga's Avatar
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    Default Re: how to talk to someone staying on your sofa

    Listen to your instinct and I agree with everyone else, make up an excuse so she leaves gently. I don't know the laws where you are in the UK, but in TX, a friend staying over, after 30 days has the exact same legal rights if they had signed the lease themselves. That means getting her out requires eviction procedure through the local court and is expensive! It's not worth it, put you first, good luck

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    Featured Member smeca's Avatar
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    Default Re: how to talk to someone staying on your sofa

    man it is so hard! so many people have shut her down after hearing she works at night/dances!

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    Default Re: how to talk to someone staying on your sofa

    Tell her she can't tell these people that she dances. It's best to get a friend with a cell to take the call vouching for her employment status. If you have a cell you certainly could be that go to person and help her move fast. I suggest a cell phone because with a land line the person may be away for whatever reason and worst case scenario, someone else might pick the call up and screw it up.
    “What a caterpillar calls the end of the world we call a butterfly.” - ECKHART TOLLE

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    Default Re: how to talk to someone staying on your sofa

    Oh, and tell her to go to these viewings like she's going to a corporate interview UBER STRAIGHT LACED. If she has a suit or other super straight attire like a button down down shirt and knee length or lower skirt or pants, that's perfect. She wants to inspire complete confidence. They should not for a moment think she would ever do a drug or screw a guy, I mean totally chaste unsexy clothing. I hope it works out for both of you. That's a jacked up position for her to be in and you gotta figure her family is a pretty hot mess to leave her hangin' like this.
    “What a caterpillar calls the end of the world we call a butterfly.” - ECKHART TOLLE

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    Featured Member smeca's Avatar
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    Default Re: how to talk to someone staying on your sofa

    ^ Good idea about smartening up. Some poeple are asking specifically what nightclub she works in and things, it's hard to get around that. Bit freakin nosy if you ask me, but it's their house so how do you get around that question! I said to just ask why it would be a problem when they get funny about night work, and to stress she's not going to come home and be noisy or party...

    She's seeing a place now so will see how it goes when she's back and suggest this if needs be. a friend has just offered a room but it's miles away, at least it's a base though.

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    Member Aeva's Avatar
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    Default Re: how to talk to someone staying on your sofa

    Does she have proof of income? When I was looking for a place I happened to work at a club that made a little receipt paper of my earnings - so I collected a few of my best nights over the course of 3 weeks & I definitely wasn't turned down making 300-400/night. People are judgmental, but money talks. Maybe you could even write up some receipts for her. The landlords looked a little weirded out when I handed them flash cards a different time, but if that's what your earnings are on, hey - what did they expect from a stripper anyways? haha

    Make sure she's wearing appropriate clothes, at least for sure!! Some people might not think highly of cute sweats-suits or things too flashy.

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    Featured Member Addison's Avatar
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    Default Re: how to talk to someone staying on your sofa

    Good advice. Hope it all works out.

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    Featured Member smeca's Avatar
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    Default Re: how to talk to someone staying on your sofa

    thanks all, she's got a room now and it's actually been pretty fun, she wasn't taking advantage or anything it's just hard to get a house share as a dancer! But beware anyone offering to help someone, put a time limit on it at the start!

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