Results 1 to 5 of 5

Thread: Where Do You Draw The Line Between...

  1. #1
    Banned
    Joined
    Aug 2011
    Location
    Aboard The Spaceship
    Posts
    4,787
    Thanks
    3,183
    Thanked 10,142 Times in 3,290 Posts
    My Mood
    Breezy

    Thumbs down Where Do You Draw The Line Between...

    Where do you draw the line between fighting for what you believe you deserve versus being a total bitch?

    In other words, what is the difference between letting people walk all over you versus being flexible and compassionate toward others as to not cause problems?
    Standing up for yourself versus being too opinionated?
    Being irrational & unfair versus strongly fighting for what you want?

    I have not mastered these types of situations, and I'm not even completely sure how to go about them. I feel like I can't win. ...But can you even win? If I'm too nice about it, nothing changes. If I'm too ~*mean*~ about it, I'm a bitch and it escalates even when I immediately try to walk away or compromise.

    I'm not talking about petty things because I could care less about drama or dumb stuff that doesn't matter. I'm talking more about major things like...
    a.) legal things like landlord saying I owe XXX when she already has 100% of deposit to cover it and more (but of course I'm the ~*rude, ungrateful one*~ since the landlord let me break the lease with a replacement tenant due to loud neighbors preventing me from working/sleeping yet she still feels shes above the law & does not do things as they are supposed to be legally conducted by law)
    or b.) good friend dating an ex-boyfriend of yours & not telling you for over a year til you discover it on your own (but of course I'm the ~*irrational bitch*~ for ~*dictating*~ her personal life),
    or c.) neighbors trying to make you out to be an unfriendly and therefore "bad" tenant when in fact they are the loud disrespectful ones (but of course I'm the ~*unfriendly, unrealistic, uptight one*~ except camming aka the way I make my living depends on no 21-year-old drunken screaming outside my window to the point where it sounds like they are next to me)
    Things like that, that you're forced to deal with and can't escape until its done with.

    Whenever I choose one response or the other, I either forfeit something I feel I deserve and they walk all over me, or they think I'm a total bitch + make up lies/false impressions to tarnish my character + they don't want to talk to me ever again or make my life hell? I don't give a fuck what people think about me, but I have to care about lies created about me that jeopardize major things I have to worry about like my living situation.


    Is there even a *correct* thing to do in situations like these? Is there a rule of thumb in these situations that I simply just don't know? Or are most people just generally awful, selfish creatures that believe they can do whatever they want and make everyone else's life hell? I mean, I base my arguments on facts (or legality) and "do unto others as you would have them do unto you." I do realize other people have different perspectives, but why do they all become so defensive/hostile?! I try to come off as calm & compassionate, but then I just come off as fake. So instead of a bitch, I'm now a fake bitch. Know what I mean?

    Should I just always defend what I think is right? Or let everything go for the sake of peace? I used to do more of the latter, but I feel like I have started doing more of the former and its causing so much stress. I don't want to cause harm to others, but at the same time I don't want to be walked all over.

    How often do you get into situations like these, and what do you personally do in them?

  2. #2
    Moderator unbeleavable's Avatar
    Joined
    Jan 2006
    Location
    Atl
    Posts
    3,429
    Thanks
    4,881
    Thanked 2,349 Times in 1,220 Posts

    Default Re: Where Do You Draw The Line Between...

    Glamour, I'm probably the wrong person to ask because I'm aggressive in certain situations & I see nothing wrong with fighting for what you perceive as right. I still gets calls to yell sometimes when the tears didn't work.

  3. The Following User Says Thank You to unbeleavable For This Useful Post:


  4. #3
    God/dess chanzep's Avatar
    Joined
    Apr 2005
    Location
    Texas
    Posts
    5,532
    Thanks
    26,284
    Thanked 7,699 Times in 3,084 Posts
    My Mood
    Blah

    Default Re: Where Do You Draw The Line Between...

    Well if someone wrongs me I usally go mad or stay away, I used to be very sweet and it did not work for me. I don't know about housing laws in the US so I can't advise you, but your friend should not be dating your ex and your neighbours sound like cunts.
    xoxo

  5. The Following User Says Thank You to chanzep For This Useful Post:


  6. #4
    God/dess rickdugan's Avatar
    Joined
    Apr 2010
    Location
    NYC
    Posts
    4,570
    Thanks
    4,406
    Thanked 7,481 Times in 2,715 Posts
    My Mood
    Amused

    Default Re: Where Do You Draw The Line Between...

    Glamour, IMHO the best thing that you can do is to trust your gut. IMHO being perceived as an asshole is far better than allowing someone to roll me over, but each person has to work out how much he/she can tolerate. But I also lump these situations into different categories.

    Personal friendships/family/neighbor relations: I have extremely low tolerance for disloyalty from friends and family and will use the "fuck you" knife very quickly if I am wronged. For example, your friend should have talked to you about the ex-bf thing and her defensive position afterwards was bullshit. I would shit-can someone like that out of my life completely if it was done to me. With respect to your neighbors, IMHO fuck what they think of you - no landlord is going to kick out a good tenant just because a neighbor is whining.

    Money/business: I tend to force myself to be a little more calm when money is involved. Once things get heated or personal, any rational compromise quickly goes out the window. For example, what your prior landlord is trying to do sucks, but you really have little recourse except to sue her, which is often more trouble than it is worth. The best solution in these situations is to get a detailed breakdown of everything that you are being charged and calmly challenge anything that you think is unreasonable and/or not your fault (routine wear and tear, prior damage, etc.). IME calm but firm, with some ability to split the difference on certain matters, often leads to better outcomes.

    Anyway, just my and good luck!

  7. The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to rickdugan For This Useful Post:


  8. #5
    Member
    Joined
    Jun 2012
    Posts
    73
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 76 Times in 29 Posts

    Default Re: Where Do You Draw The Line Between...

    Going with the gut is usually good.
    If I'm unsure I'm being unreasonable or not I try to pretend for a moment that I'm hearing all the details from a random stranger and assess it. Or even try to view the situation from the other persons viewpoint. Sometimes a different perspective can help clarify if anyone is being unreasonable or or if it's one of those unwinnable situations where both parties simply have different expectations/values and walking away from the problem is the only solution.
    I find knowing what to do and doing it are two seperate things. As a result I'm usually "too nice", and I don't follow my own advise! But at the end of the day you are the only one who has to deal with the consequences of your actions and live with it for your entire lifetime, not your neigbors or friends or anyone else, you need to do what you feel is right for you. You can't do better than your best.

  9. The Following User Says Thank You to emstar For This Useful Post:


Similar Threads

  1. How to draw the line?
    By zippy092 in forum Newbie Board
    Replies: 13
    Last Post: 05-11-2010, 03:55 PM
  2. Why Draw the Line Where You Do?
    By Everyman in forum Customer Conversation
    Replies: 49
    Last Post: 05-08-2010, 06:21 PM
  3. Where do you draw the line?
    By Yekhefah in forum Stripping (was Stripping General)
    Replies: 25
    Last Post: 06-09-2008, 12:12 AM
  4. Where Do You Draw The Line?
    By sc0101 in forum Stripping (was Stripping General)
    Replies: 14
    Last Post: 12-21-2006, 04:12 PM
  5. Where do we draw the line
    By krchab99 in forum Stripping (was Stripping General)
    Replies: 29
    Last Post: 07-23-2006, 10:06 AM

Tags for this Thread

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •