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Thread: Hookups Killing the Romance

  1. #26
    Moderator Optimist's Avatar
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    Default Re: Hookups Killing the Romance

    I think this quote does a fantastic job of summing this up.

    There’s more going on here than a shift in the culture. There is no universe in which asking someone out on a date does not mean setting aside a specific time for the two of you to become better acquainted. It’s a signal of intent to prioritize getting to know another person. In contrast, texting late in the evening to say “hey” or “sup” is a move, perhaps calculated, to seem just slightly more than indifferent. Often these throwaway texts imply that you’re doing someone a favor by acknowledging that they crossed your mind while you were out having sooooo much fun.

    Dating is fine. Meeting up is fine. Both have their place. But meeting up is not dating, and this guy pulled a bait and switch. Pretty douchey.
    http://www.hookingupsmart.com/2013/0...-of-courtship/

    Quote Originally Posted by MissSassyPickles View Post
    You're right! My mistake lol




    I would say that working in a sexually charged atmosphere with more open minded people it changes your perceptions of things. The people that a stripper/camgirl/escort/whoever spend their time with are more likely to be open minded as well so I can see why you say that. The majority of women are not as open with themselves sexually and what they want, nevertheless telling men what they actually want as well.

    Being in the industry in any area makes you see more clearly and understand men much better in that sense.
    I agree 1000%. We work in the equivalent of a social science laboratory and eat or starve on our ability to read where these guys are coming from. I've sometimes wished women in general could see how men act at the club, face how they actually operate and stop with the fairy tales, wishful thinking and Katherine Heigl movies. Then they could change how they view guys, change their expectations, and the way they date and even conduct their marriages. Stop with the fear of their own vagina, take responsibility for getting their orgasm instead of hoping Prince Charming will just work it out for them. This nonsense of blaming the women at the club for being temptresses would stop if they could face their husband's real M.O. (modus operandi) and their willful cluelessness, honestly. Ach, I'm on a rant. Anywho....
    Last edited by Optimist; 02-13-2013 at 09:22 AM.
    “What a caterpillar calls the end of the world we call a butterfly.” - ECKHART TOLLE

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  3. #27
    Moderator Optimist's Avatar
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    Default Re: Hookups Killing the Romance

    Quote Originally Posted by invibe View Post
    Honestly the whole scene is just too strange now. There is a ton of "dating advice" people read that basically amounts to playing chicken with who will call or text first, what to say, what is or isn't being too needy and clingy, what the first date should consist of to not give the wrong idea which counter intuitively is to give the wrong idea... Most of the advice specific to guys is to avoid at all costs being labeled a nice guy, so chivalry is pretty much dead in dating. Really not a surprise that nobody knows what the fuck is going on in the ambiguous world "dating but we don't call it that" anymore lol.

    If I find someone cute I talk to them and see if it goes anywhere. Thankfully I am just old enough to know how to actually have a face to face conversation with girls I am interested in without being drunk. Yeah fear of rejection is very powerful stuff, I think that people have invented a way to try to avoid it by being so indirect that everyone is confused.
    This sums up what some guys are doing to try to pretend they're doing the grown up post graduate dating thing when really, they're still in college hookup land.
    These are guys who have no interest in dating. They use the word “date,” something they wouldn’t have done in college, because they know that the 20-something landscape is more varied than the college culture. They’re simply modifying the script in hopes of getting the same end result – a no-strings encounter after a brief period of acquaintance. I’m not sure why they simply don’t advertise for casual encounters up front, but increasingly men who want to avoid relationships are using the word date. And that’s confusing for women.

    The most important strategy women have at their disposal when dating in their 20s is the extensive use of filters. You must ruthlessly filter out men who are not offering what you want. Which is a real date. Men are counting on you not asking too many questions, like, “Hey Nick, how does meeting you at this dive at midnight count as exploring this great city?”
    http://www.hookingupsmart.com/2013/0...-of-courtship/
    “What a caterpillar calls the end of the world we call a butterfly.” - ECKHART TOLLE

  4. #28
    Veteran Member summerbre's Avatar
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    Default Re: Hookups Killing the Romance

    You know, two summers ago when I was still trying to date "seriously" (recently been put on hold!), I would tell guys who asked for my number that I expected a phone call if he wanted to ask me on a date, not a text message. I wouldn't say it in a bitchy way! But I think setting that standard let them know I wasn't just going to come over to their house to "watch a movie" ( ) if they decided last minute that they were up for a little action after work.

    It was an easy way of weeding out the time wasters, douchey guys or guys just looking for a fuck buddy. I don't equate a woman making a man "jump through hoops" to a woman who sets simple and accessible standards for herself. Asking a guy to call you is perfectly reasonable! And you know what I found? Most men were impressed, if not at least intrigued by the fact that I knew what I wanted and wasn't afraid to ask for it.

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  6. #29
    Moderator Optimist's Avatar
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    Default Re: Hookups Killing the Romance

    Oh and this:
    When people don’t want much out of a connection, they don’t put much effort in. If a 20-something guy is open to a relationship with the right girl, he’ll go the dating route. Real dates. Courtship. It’s still the best way for two people to get together and fall in love. If he’s looking primarily to get sex with a variety of people, he may use the word date, but his effort will be minimal and the “dates” will be late night rendezvous.
    Referring to the use of technology, especially texting, to facilitate dating, Williams says:

    In the context of dating, it removes much of the need for charm; it’s more like dropping a line in the water and hoping for a nibble.

    Not only that, it’s not unusual for guys to send out mass texts, or at least texts to more than one girl at once. Kristen got a text from Jake around midnight one Saturday night, a month or so after he’d broken up with her. It said, “I need you here now.” Kristen didn’t reply but happily ditched her friends to catch a cab to Jake’s apartment. When she got there, she rang his bell but he didn’t buzz her in, telling her it was not a good time after all. He asked her to “Just go. Please.” Kristen refused to leave without some explanation, and while she was standing there another girl arrived and pressed Jake’s doorbell. It turned out she was Jake’s new love interest, and he’d sent the same text to both of them. Given a choice, he preferred new to old.
    “What a caterpillar calls the end of the world we call a butterfly.” - ECKHART TOLLE

  7. #30
    Veteran Member The Six's Avatar
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    Default Re: Hookups Killing the Romance

    Quote Originally Posted by Optimist View Post
    Oh and this:


    Referring to the use of technology, especially texting, to facilitate dating, Williams says:

    In the context of dating, it removes much of the need for charm; it’s more like dropping a line in the water and hoping for a nibble.

    Not only that, it’s not unusual for guys to send out mass texts, or at least texts to more than one girl at once. Kristen got a text from Jake around midnight one Saturday night, a month or so after he’d broken up with her. It said, “I need you here now.” Kristen didn’t reply but happily ditched her friends to catch a cab to Jake’s apartment. When she got there, she rang his bell but he didn’t buzz her in, telling her it was not a good time after all. He asked her to “Just go. Please.” Kristen refused to leave without some explanation, and while she was standing there another girl arrived and pressed Jake’s doorbell. It turned out she was Jake’s new love interest, and he’d sent the same text to both of them. Given a choice, he preferred new to old.
    This is not much different from women taking guys home, getting into bed with them, and then suddenly deciding that it's a "bad idea" and that he should leave because she just broke up with her boyfriend, or whatever.

  8. #31
    Veteran Member summerbre's Avatar
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    Default Re: Hookups Killing the Romance

    ^ ??????????

    You sound so bitter, sweetie!

  9. #32
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    Default Re: Hookups Killing the Romance

    How so, darling? I'm saying there are two sides to this. Why is it not bitter when those things are posted about men?

  10. #33
    Veteran Member summerbre's Avatar
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    Default Re: Hookups Killing the Romance

    I agree, there are two sides, but the scenario you painted was very different!

    In one situation (Kristen/Jake) you have a man who's knowingly tried to bait two women at the same time, exploiting their emotions for his own sexual gain. In the other (Yours) you have a woman who may not have known her own vulnerability until the context pushed her to change her mind. Personally, I still believe the guy would be the one at fault in that situation if he showed anger instead of compassion! One is manipulative, one is just human.

    There are two sides, but based upon your posts, you show very little empathy towards the female psyche and think that a woman witholding sex to protect herself emotionally is the equivalency of a man knowingly stringing a woman along to get her in bed before showing his true colors. Indicates a bit of bitterness and perhaps a lack of an understanding of women.
    “The irony of commitment is that it's deeply liberating -- in work, in play, in love. The act frees you from the tyranny of your internal critic, from the fear that likes to dress itself up and parade around like rational hesitation. To commit is to remove your head as the barrier to your life.”
    - Anne Morris

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  12. #34
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    Default Re: Hookups Killing the Romance

    Women aren't always delicate, innocent flowers that are slaves to their emotions. That any time a woman leads a guy on she's "just human" is laughable.

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    Default Re: Hookups Killing the Romance

    Quote Originally Posted by summerbre View Post
    I agree, there are two sides, but the scenario you painted was very different!

    In one situation (Kristen/Jake) you have a man who's knowingly tried to bait two women at the same time, exploiting their emotions for his own sexual gain. In the other (Yours) you have a woman who may not have known her own vulnerability until the context pushed her to change her mind. Personally, I still believe the guy would be the one at fault in that situation if he showed anger instead of compassion! One is manipulative, one is just human.

    There are two sides, but based upon your posts, you show very little empathy towards the female psyche and think that a woman witholding sex to protect herself emotionally is the equivalency of a man knowingly stringing a woman along to get her in bed before showing his true colors. Indicates a bit of bitterness and perhaps a lack of an understanding of women.
    bait at the same time?...
    He texted first girl...got no reply.
    He then texted another, she obviously replied back that she was coming over.
    So because girl#1 failed to reply, he told her to KIM.
    Quote Originally Posted by Natalllia View Post
    Comparing strip clubs to other kinds of sales jobs is not a valid approach, because we are selling a service, not an inanimate object.

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