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Thread: Sexual Economics aka The Dollar Den View of Love

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    Default Sexual Economics aka The Dollar Den View of Love

    (snip)

    In his fascinating book Predictably Irrational, Dan Ariely demonstrates the fallacy of Supply and Demand. The traditional view is that the price of something is determined where supply and demand intersect. Using sex as an example, historically in the U.S. the price of sex was marriage, or at least an engagement. (It is believed that up to 50% of the Pilgrims had intercourse before officially marrying.) Social norms dictated this price, and women withheld easy access to sex until they secured commitment. From the male point of view, the price of sex was high, requiring a lifelong pledge of love and fidelity.

    After the Sexual Revolution, those norms rapidly broke down until we arrived at today’s price, usually some variation of sex after date #3 and/or the male’s expression of willingness to be exclusive, at least for now. As the price of sex has plummeted in our society, the price of commitment has risen. In a study by the National Marriage Project at UVA on why men are delaying marriage, the #1 reason given by respondents was:

    “I can get sex without marriage more easily than in times past.”

    However, the relationship between supply and demand is not entirely independent. According to Ariely, buyers can often be manipulated because they do not have a good understanding of their own preferences and the corresponding prices they are willing to pay. In the world of consumer goods, MSRPs, advertising, and sales promotions all influence the consumer’s willingness to pay. These are supply-side variables.

    In the sexual marketplace, women (the sellers of sex) can manipulate prices on an individual basis. They have a range of “sales tactics” they employ, e.g:

    Delaying sex to drive up the price.
    Charging a “luxury goods” price if the female is especially attractive.
    Sweetening the deal via emotional escalation.
    Indicating a willingness to forego other opportunities via fidelity.

    On the demand side, Ariely describes something called “arbitrary coherence.” Rather than being primarily motivated by real preference, which is what we should expect, buyers often make their decisions based on memory instead. This is not surprising – we are all conditioned by our past experiences. We have gotten used to doing things a certain way, and have established expectations. We seek coherence with past decisions each time we make a new one. That’s true for relationships as well.

    Just as women may influence the sell side, men may influence the buy side by cohering with previous decisions, e.g:

    Expecting sex in the timeframe he previously experienced it.
    Changing the requirements for commitment based on the behavior of a previous partner, i.e. price discrimination.
    Continuing to pursue short-term flings or ONSs even when they are not enjoyable.
    Viewing the exchange as devoid of emotional investment.

    Obviously, previous experiences may have a profound effect even if they have nothing to do with our true preferences today. The guy who foregoes a great girlfriend prospect and the girl who hooks up to be cool are making choices that are not necessarily an accurate reflection of real pleasure or utility.

    Ariely suggests the importance of becoming aware of our own vulnerabilities. Question your repeated behaviors and decisions. How did you establish this preference? Does it still make sense? How much pleasure are you getting out of it?

    We are not very rational beings by nature, but we can make better choices by considering more carefully what it is we really want, and what we are willing to sacrifice in order to get it. (snip)

    http://www.hookingupsmart.com/2013/0...l-marketplace/
    “What a caterpillar calls the end of the world we call a butterfly.” - ECKHART TOLLE

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    Default Re: Sexual Economics aka The Dollar Den View of Love

    Reminds me of a book called "The Purchase of Intimacy" which I always wanted to read but never got around to. Here's the description from Amazon:

    "In their personal lives, people consider it essential to separate economics and intimacy. We have, for example, a long-standing taboo against workplace romance, while we see marital love as different from prostitution because it is not a fundamentally financial exchange. In The Purchase of Intimacy, Viviana Zelizer mounts a provocative challenge to this view. Getting to the heart of one of life's greatest taboos, she shows how we all use economic activity to create, maintain, and renegotiate important ties--especially intimate ties--to other people.

    In everyday life, we invest intense effort and worry to strike the right balance. For example, when a wife's income equals or surpasses her husband's, how much more time should the man devote to household chores or child care? Sometimes legal disputes arise. Should the surviving partner in a same-sex relationship have received compensation for a partner's death as a result of 9/11?

    Through a host of compelling examples, Zelizer shows us why price is central to three key areas of intimacy: sexually tinged relations; health care by family members, friends, and professionals; and household economics. She draws both on research and materials ranging from reports on compensation to survivors of 9/11 victims to financial management Web sites and advice books for same-sex couples.

    From the bedroom to the courtroom, The Purchase of Intimacy opens a fascinating new window on the inner workings of the economic processes that pervade our private lives."
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    You are sassy AND smart Miss Pickles.

    "Well behaved women seldom make history." - Laurel Thatcher Ulrich

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    Default Re: Sexual Economics aka The Dollar Den View of Love

    Sex is a great topic...

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    Default Re: Sexual Economics aka The Dollar Den View of Love

    Once again another great topic. I have some strong views on this and to be honest it is because of the mistakes I made while dating. The biggest mistake I made dating was rushing into sex without a commitment or assuming there was. Once I started with holding sex an interesting thing happened and that is I got less men interested in me but more quality men. Friends of mine who waited for sex (including marriage)got men willing to commit much earlier. I like sex, but want it to be something more serious than what it was when I was young.

    While doing online dating I learned about the 3 date rule and was horrified. To me unless you already know someone having sex on the third date is way too early. Not to mention they might be having sex with other women and all the risks. I have known people (mostly women)who got diseases from people they slept with early and know several women who got pregnant too.

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