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Thread: This is why you DON'T help strangers

  1. #1
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    Thumbs down This is why you DON'T help strangers

    Well I really fucked up. I met a lady at the homeless shelter when I was volunteering and I tried to help her.

    She was at the shelter for 2 months last October. I had an old car I didn't want any more so I offered to give it to her. Agreed to help her get her divorce. Eventually cosigned an apartment.

    Why did I do this? I really felt bad for her, and I had this extra time and a car I didn't need. I thought it would be easy and make me feel good too help.

    So what happens? For 4 months this woman delays taking over the insurance and ownership, so I'm at risk whenever she drives. I'm still the owner... Finally I had enough. She was dodging me, so I went over to her apartment (which I co-signed for).

    My car is not there. But her husband's truck is there. So I talk to the neighbours and find out 1) she's back with her husband and they are living in the apartment I cosigned for together now, 2) she gave the car to someone who is driving it so I have to report it stolen, 3) when I call her on this shit she starts crying and telling me this nonsense, then calls HIS phone and says I'm bring mean and she's crying to HIM then.

    When I served him with divorce papers he said he was going to stab me in the neck! The cops didn't' want to charge him. Now I have to go back to the SAME cop station and tell them my situation to help get my fucking car. Like an idiot.

    Fuck, lol, this is so ridiculous. I have learned my lesson and I am not doing good deeds for strangers ever again!

    OMG. End rant. Hugs appreciated.
    "Women have been leading men on to get rich quick since the beginning of time. The system is older than dirt. Don't be a player hater." - me

  2. #2
    God/dess LuckyOne's Avatar
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    Default Re: This is why you DON'T help strangers

    Hugs.

    When you see water running uphill... that is when a favor is being repaid.

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    Default Re: This is why you DON'T help strangers

    Unfortunately many people who receive assistance don't appreciate it. She sounds like trash and I'm sorry you got mixed up with this. I learned a long time ago that helping people often means they will take advantage so I keep my helping at a minimum.

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    Moderator Optimist's Avatar
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    Default Re: This is why you DON'T help strangers

    You can help people but in a way that will not screw your life up. Nothing that's long term and legally binding. Domestic violence victims go back an average of 3 times before they are really emotionally ready to try a new emotionally independent lifestyle. It may be years before she's ready. Look at Rhianna! So help, but know it will take a long time for them to really get free in their minds.
    “What a caterpillar calls the end of the world we call a butterfly.” - ECKHART TOLLE

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    Senior Member xoxoroxie's Avatar
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    Default Re: This is why you DON'T help strangers

    Wow, well, how long did you know this person to co-sign an apartment for her?? That's a HUGEEEE favor. I wouldn't not help people anymore because of one person that took advantage; the things you chose to help her with were huge liabiliities. I think the world is great because of people like you and I've been helped out with things, I would just make sure you know them well beforehand and not give something that puts you at risk - there are grateful people out there that would have appreciated and been responsible.
    xoxo rox$ie

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  8. #6
    Senior Member xGeminix's Avatar
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    Default Re: This is why you DON'T help strangers

    I never help people unless it's family, and I wouldn't regret it if I never get paid back or something.

    I seen my mother get screwed over to many times for helping people.

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    Default Re: This is why you DON'T help strangers

    There's a difference between helping a stranger and going out in a limb above and beyond for one. Giving a car away and co-signing for an apartment definitely fall on the latter end of that spectrum. I'm sorry you got burned, but I hope the experience doesn't turn you off helping all strangers in less invested ways.

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    God/dess MargaritaVillain's Avatar
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    Default Re: This is why you DON'T help strangers

    LuvlyDancer,
    Your heart was in the right place and you are clearly a good person.
    Sorry she took advantage of you and put you in a bad situation.
    When life gives you lemons, make lemonade... then find someone whose life gave them vodka, and have a party.

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  13. #9
    God/dess simone87's Avatar
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    Default Re: This is why you DON'T help strangers

    you sound like you have a very kind, giving heart! and it sucks when things like this happen to good people, but it is often the good ones that always get burnt. its always nice to help people out in small ways, but that was a huge one! i would never cosign for anyone but family ( even then, maybe not!), or do anything that might affect my credit or life in the future for somebody i don't know inside n out..that being said, live n learn. don't totally give up on helping people, but next time be careful giving way too much! *big hugs*.

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    Default Re: This is why you DON'T help strangers

    My woman would buy her ex a car and he would sell in within a few months and not give the money to her. One day she came home from work and he had sold all the furniture. Only help those who you know will appreciate it and not waste it. Or at least stranger that you will never find out that they screwed you after the fact.

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    God/dess Sophia_Starina's Avatar
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    Default Re: This is why you DON'T help strangers

    No good deed goes unpunished.

    How do we go on from here? Is there any way you can call your insurance company and remove yourself from the paperwork?
    Quote Originally Posted by Jay12 View Post
    ^What Sophia said.
    Quote Originally Posted by yoda57us View Post
    I wish there was an "auto-like" setting that I could just have applied to all of your posts Sophia....

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  17. #12
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    Default Re: This is why you DON'T help strangers

    It was so stupid, I can see that now. It's so embarrassing to write this out, because it looks so dumb when I see it in black and white.

    I definitely learned my lesson: I think it's "Don't go out on a limb to the extent it can screw your own life up at all".

    What a nightmare. I only knew her for a couple months, it was really dumb of me to do.

    Going forward, I think I want to avoid getting the cops involved. This situation makes me look like an idiot and I'm too embarrassed. I got the key now so the car is not being driven. I don't want the car and I have no place to put it. Parking where I live is $200 / month and there might not be a spot since it's the dead of winter.

    I'm gonna tell her to just give me my license plates and take over the ownership. Trying to get the car back is going to be too much of a hassle. I'll post an update. Thanks for not being too judgy, I know this makes me sound like an idiot, it was just such a stupid thing to do.
    "Women have been leading men on to get rich quick since the beginning of time. The system is older than dirt. Don't be a player hater." - me

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    Default Re: This is why you DON'T help strangers

    The stuff about how abused women go back... It's been really shocking lately. I started doing all this pro-bono work for women who are abused, and I start a divorce proceeding, and then they keep reconciling. It's so weird, because the other women I work for DO NOT go back once they have crossed the line and people hire lawyers. It was so unexpected. I read a little bit of literature on abused women recently so I understand more what's happening, but I'm not volunteering at the shelter any more.

    There was so much sickness there, it's like these women in cycle of abuse, wanting to leave but then it turns out going to the shelter is just a way to teach him a lesson - then get back together. It's generalizing but often true. Also there are some women who shock me at how well they work the system, like leaving the home at the perfect time of month to get a welfare check, get all your dental work done from where he punched you, then go back home after you took all you need from the system.

    You really need to not give a fuck about people to survive working in the legal system. Doing shit because you care is asking for lots of heartache.
    "Women have been leading men on to get rich quick since the beginning of time. The system is older than dirt. Don't be a player hater." - me

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    Default Re: This is why you DON'T help strangers

    Can't you just donate the car and get a tax write off? They usually take care of everything when you do that too so it won't be as stressful either

    I know Salvation Army accepts car donations and a bunch of other places
    Quote Originally Posted by qurl View Post
    You are sassy AND smart Miss Pickles.

    "Well behaved women seldom make history." - Laurel Thatcher Ulrich

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  21. #15
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    Default Re: This is why you DON'T help strangers

    Quote Originally Posted by LuvlyDancer View Post
    The stuff about how abused women go back... It's been really shocking lately. I started doing all this pro-bono work for women who are abused, and I start a divorce proceeding, and then they keep reconciling. It's so weird, because the other women I work for DO NOT go back once they have crossed the line and people hire lawyers. It was so unexpected. I read a little bit of literature on abused women recently so I understand more what's happening, but I'm not volunteering at the shelter any more.

    There was so much sickness there, it's like these women in cycle of abuse, wanting to leave but then it turns out going to the shelter is just a way to teach him a lesson - then get back together. It's generalizing but often true. Also there are some women who shock me at how well they work the system, like leaving the home at the perfect time of month to get a welfare check, get all your dental work done from where he punched you, then go back home after you took all you need from the system.

    You really need to not give a fuck about people to survive working in the legal system. Doing shit because you care is asking for lots of heartache.
    You are a lot more sympathetic than I would be. I feel sorry for abused women (and men too but it's more women)and have helped a few leaving these situations. However, if they return to the abusive spouse then my sympathies disappear. I too have seen these women file for divorce then return to him and I would think if I was abused I would definitely divorce him and I am strongly anti divorce in certain cases like abuse and cheating. I think the problem is these women have such low self esteem they think they only deserve men like this.

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    Default Re: This is why you DON'T help strangers

    Quote Originally Posted by Optimist View Post
    You can help people but in a way that will not screw your life up.
    +1 for this, Optimist!

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    Default Re: This is why you DON'T help strangers

    Quote Originally Posted by LuvlyDancer View Post
    It was so stupid, I can see that now. It's so embarrassing to write this out, because it looks so dumb when I see it in black and white.

    I definitely learned my lesson: I think it's "Don't go out on a limb to the extent it can screw your own life up at all".

    What a nightmare. I only knew her for a couple months, it was really dumb of me to do.

    Going forward, I think I want to avoid getting the cops involved. This situation makes me look like an idiot and I'm too embarrassed. I got the key now so the car is not being driven. I don't want the car and I have no place to put it. Parking where I live is $200 / month and there might not be a spot since it's the dead of winter.

    I'm gonna tell her to just give me my license plates and take over the ownership. Trying to get the car back is going to be too much of a hassle. I'll post an update. Thanks for not being too judgy, I know this makes me sound like an idiot, it was just such a stupid thing to do.
    Well, you are a kind hearted person..don't beat yourself up about it, I'm sorry it happened. Do the best you to move on, I know you will. Take care, I wish you the best, & yes do update.


    MANY MEN WANTED TO LAY ME DOWN, BUT FEW WANTED TO LIFT ME UP

    -Eartha Kitt

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    Default Re: This is why you DON'T help strangers

    Sorry this happened to you x
    xoxo

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    Default Re: This is why you DON'T help strangers

    Wow You are SUCH a nice person !! Can't believe you did so much for her... some people will not use what you offer to their benefit. She had a car and could have done whatever! You cosigned her a place to live! My parents refused to even cosign me for years because the financial obligation falling back on them. Things will turn around for you, if anyone deserves it it is you! Lesson learned, always officially sign a car over in her name or sell it. And neverrr cosign anyone!

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    Default Re: This is why you DON'T help strangers

    You're a great person for helping her but for the future, if you want to help like this again, DOCUMENT EVERYTHING. Whether it's friends, family, strangers you're trying to help, ALWAYS handle it LEGALLY when it comes to big numbers and documents like cosigning. If you help with conditions, like you did with her, write the conditions down and have her sign it. You can use a piece of toilet paper and crayon to write it on and it will hold up in court in case things go bad. You made a verbal contract with her so now it's your words against hers. You may have to chalk this up to an expensive lesson. But please don't stop your kind hearted giving nature. There's a way you can be generous AND smart. Now you know.
    "Where there is love there is life"-Mahatma Gandhi

    "Be The Best, F!ck The Rest"- P.P.


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    Default Re: This is why you DON'T help strangers

    I am sorry that happened to you. You are not an idiot, you are a good person who sees the good in others and that's nothing to be ashamed of. Just focus on your charity volunteering next time rather than getting involved with an individual and you will make a difference. For now, look out for yourself and see if there is any way to get your name taken off the lease so you won't have any problems in the future if they don't pay their rent.

  29. #22
    Veteran Member aleciaxxx's Avatar
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    Default Re: This is why you DON'T help strangers

    you definitely did way too much for this woman you were doing plenty by helping out at the shelter

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    Default Re: This is why you DON'T help strangers

    I've been burnt plenty of times helping people out who then turn around and spit in your face or try to treat you like their personal slave. I did the same, got jaded and swore never to help anyone ever again. Anyways i do like to help people so now what i do is I still help people but I make them meet me halfway so they have to put some effort in too. It's a good way to sort out the lazy suckers who expect opprtunities to flow past their nose when they complain and then are too lazy to reach out and grab it from those who genuinely need and want help and will run with it.

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