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Thread: Totally destroyed right now..

  1. #1
    Senior Member xoxoroxie's Avatar
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    Default Totally destroyed right now..

    I know what I have to do.. this is unexcusable... my boyfriend calls me and tells me that he "just saved some girls life" doing a favor for a friend of a friend.. and is telling me how he is going to stay at a "shitty hotel" in the city with her and leave in the morning ... I don't even know who the hell this girl is! Naturally I freak out and can't believe he's fucking serious. Everything was great, he was supporting me in stripping. He knows how tired I am from commuting and stripping, coming home at 7 am at times barely able to open my eyes and walk myself home! My body is sore and tired and all I can do is sleep when I get home. I told him if he does this there's no way we can continue.. this is one hell of a bomb to drop on me after I get out of work and want to spend time .. he tells me when I complain this is how hes gonna spend his friday night.. what!? He hangs up on me and turns the phone off on me. He knows how I freak out when I can't call him. Most of the time, things are great, we're so in love--and keeps telling me how faithful he is to me... then THIS!? How would anyone in their right mind put up with this!? I obviously have to call it over.. but he's been here for me through so many shitty things.. but now he's turned out to be the shitty thing that I'm going through. I'm just so tired and working so hard at this stripping thing, putting up with bullshit just to make some money .. I'm exhausted physically and now this. More than anything we were supposed to be best friends and I'm so betrayed. There's no way after this I could take him back, some girl I don't even know is more important than me? To add to it, we live far away right now. How the HELL could he expect me to trust that situation? Well I don't! Oh, and his birthday just happens to be tomorrow too (technically right now). I mean come on.


    ... thank you for reading this.. and I appreciate any advice ...
    xoxo rox$ie

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  3. #2
    Veteran Member sophiesecrets's Avatar
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    Default Re: Totally destroyed right now..

    =( wow. well ya... u gotta call it off or ur his doormat, but i kno u gotta b hurting... wat a dickhole. sounds like hes trying to get one over on you and f'k you if u dont like it. too bad hes "far away" right now... i kno id like to go upside his head with something...sturdy.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]



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    Featured Member zivlet's Avatar
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    Default Re: Totally destroyed right now..

    Quote Originally Posted by xoxoroxie View Post
    And keeps telling me how faithful he is to me... ..
    ^^This is a red flag to me. First way to spot a liar is repetition or over-emphasis of things.

    At least if you leave him now, you've got your new job to focus on, and SW to support you
    Quote Originally Posted by Jessica1001 View Post
    (Oh, and also, allow me to excuse myself while I pick my mandible up from underneath my desk.)
    Quote Originally Posted by tempest666 View Post
    Holy shit dude! You look fucking awesome! Get a damn boob job..
    Quote Originally Posted by Sunnylexie View Post


    I have a feeling some men don't actually need a woman (or anyone at all) in their lives. They could marry their own penises and live happily ever after.
    Start the day with a smile and get it over with

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  6. #4
    Senior Member xoxoroxie's Avatar
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    Default Re: Totally destroyed right now..

    i know, i appreciate the support.. that's why i posted here...
    thanks to SW and its members I got a cool job that saved my life
    he ended up calling me and telling me what he was really doing, it's too embarassing to say because you'd probably be like wtf girl are you putting up with - i know i would say that to someone else! well i am anonymous anyway so what have i got to lose. he has a problem with drugs, and usually always does it with his guy friend. i don't have a big problem with that because it's not very often and he's not some strung out junkie. what i have a huge problem with is him doing drugs alone with girls. that's what he was doing and he knows i hate it. i'm so upset about it. i can see how to a person who does drugs it's not a big deal, but it is to me. and when i called, he acted like it wasn't a big deal and kept telling me to relax and saying i was being melodramatic because i was upset. he stayed on the phone with me a while in front of them and did refer to me as his girlfriend, but he said some shit like 'so and so is gonna think you're crazy for acting like this'. to add insult to injury i was supposed to be visiting him this birthday but i didn't have enough money. in his defense, i say he most likely was just doing drugs with her cause these people are trashy and gross and i think for him it's just a hook up for drugs. i know i have to end it but it's hard, he hasn't fucked up like this since november and i hate how things are really good otherwise, it makes it SO hard to leave when you know someone really does love you but is a fucked up person. .. i think its time to give someone new a chance, but my life is literally the club and home, right now, so i'd probably end up meeting someone in the club. :/ what i hate is that most of the time he is a beautiful person with potential, my best friend, extremely supportive, and he never usually acts like this.. usually he is very loving and supportive.. that's why it's so hard! maybe i should just keep him as a friend until he gets his act right, but, even at that .. i am a scorpio.. and we consider things betrayals easily. so it is even hard to see him as a friend.

    i'm so upset guys. this is my best friend who has been there for me through a lot, and i want so much for us to be together because he is getting his life on track, save for tonight! .. but maybe he served his purpose to me as that supportive friend and its time to say goodbye.
    Last edited by xoxoroxie; 03-02-2013 at 04:06 AM.
    xoxo rox$ie

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    Veteran Member sophiesecrets's Avatar
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    Default Re: Totally destroyed right now..

    Well i wont tell u how to feel. I support a grown man... there are many reasons, but on the outside looking in anyone would think i was being taken advantage of. Thats not...necessarily the case. You know yours better than any of us could. Just remember, u dont have to put up with that sh*t for a second. <3 GURL POWA.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]



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  10. #6
    Veteran Member Joanna_Kaary's Avatar
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    Default Re: Totally destroyed right now..

    I'm sorry girl I know it hurts. But you gotta look at it like his addiction IS like another girl he's putting before you. And you also gotta remember that until he gets clean things are only gonna get worse so the sooner you jump ship the better for you. And also the better for HIM because you leaving *might* just be one of the wake up calls that will eventually make him realize he needs to clean his act up... and if not don't feel hurt, it doesn't mean you weren't good enough it just means drugs have a strong hold. But if you stay with him you're only gonna enable him emotionally regardless of whether you also help him out financially so really the kindest thing you trully can do for him (and yourself) is to show him that tough love of saying goodbye for now. Maybe let him know that if/when he kicks the habit he can call you but I don't think its a good idea to even be friends right now. I know its so hard to cut people out of your life so good luck.

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  12. #7
    God/dess Sophia_Starina's Avatar
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    Default Re: Totally destroyed right now..

    You're not totally destroyed.

    Your relationship is fucked.

    Don't let a boy put you through the wringer like that. Hang out with friends, spend time with meaningful people, he is not someone you want to hitch your star to. Move on to bigger and better things.
    Quote Originally Posted by Jay12 View Post
    ^What Sophia said.
    Quote Originally Posted by yoda57us View Post
    I wish there was an "auto-like" setting that I could just have applied to all of your posts Sophia....

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    God/dess simone87's Avatar
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    Default Re: Totally destroyed right now..

    as a former addict myself, i say you definitely need to just cut ties if he isn't willing to quit. he is putting it before your relationship, the other girl thing is quite sketchy and disrespectful, and if he isn't trying to quit and change things WILL get worse. addicts can be good people, hell they can be GREAT people. but the drugs destroy you and your life, and take hold of you and make you do things you wouldn't normally do " you can turn your back on a person, but never turn you back on a drug" lol. it will only cause you pain if you continue it longer. he has shown you what he puts first. im so sorry, this is painful i know, but move on and find a guy that is perfect for you *hugs*

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    God/dess Smurfette's Avatar
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    Default Re: Totally destroyed right now..

    I agree with Joanna, he IS cheating on you by doing drugs. He's going behind your back and doing something that he knows will hurt you. He's choosing his high over your feelings and your relationship together. The fact that he's apparently doing it with random girls instead of his buddies or whatever serves as just another twist of the knife. he's completely disrespecting you with his actions.
    Last edited by Smurfette; 11-05-2014 at 01:12 PM.

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  18. #10
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    Default Re: Totally destroyed right now..

    I know you say he's not a junkie, but this is classic junkie behavior. You can't see it when you're still clouded by love (been there), but once you get some distance, you'll realize how bad this relationship is for you. Call it quits, and I promise you'll realize that you are much, much better off in time.

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  20. #11
    Senior Member xoxoroxie's Avatar
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    Default Re: Totally destroyed right now..

    Quote Originally Posted by Smurfette View Post
    I agree with Joanna, he IS cheating on you by doing drugs. He's going behind your back and doing something that he knows will hurt you. He's choosing his high over your feelings and your relationship together. The fact that he's apparently doing it with random girls instead of his buddies or whatever serves as just another twist of the knife. he's completely disrespecting you with his actions.

    I sympathize with your situation, as I've been there. I'm happily married to a former drug addict who has been clean for years, and the difference between him then and now is like night and day. If your bf honestly WANTS to get better, and you love him enough, you could try sticking by his side to support him while he gets treatment / goes to rehab / gets his act together. But it will require a strong commitment from him, including dumping all of his druggie friends, and he has to want it for himself, not just be doing it because you nag him. And I think you'd have to give him a bold ultimatum: fuck up again & you're out of my life for good, no exceptions. Addicts CAN get better but they ultimately have to make that decision for themselves. You can help, love and support him but you can't force him to change. If you don't think you're willing or able to stand by him, or you don't think he's committed enough to quit, you should end it now before you experience further stress and heartbreak.

    I honestly think my relationship has turned out really well but it's RARE that it happens this way, and I certainly wouldn't advocate pouring all your time/energy into someone who doesn't want to change.
    Thank you. He hasn't done drug with a random girl since November, and this time was only cause he was getting paid to hook her up and he needed $$ to pay his mom back for bartending classes.. that's why I'm supporting him because he really is doing good going to class and I know he's going to be a really good bartender. I believe that he didn't want to do it and only did it for the money. He apologized to me a lot today. He wants to make money so he can provide for the both of us .. so I want to see this through a couple more months at least, to the summer the latest; he's gonna be bartending soon.

    If he did drugs with random girls all the time, I would have been gone a long time ago - there's no way in hell I'd put up with that. This guy has been there for me every step of the way through stripping and other things before that. I believe like you, that things could be really well for us- I really don't think it's a lost cause. He knows what he did was wrong and said he won't do it again. This person feels like my soulmate, and IDK it sucks but I feel like the chapter isn't closed. So I understand why women stick around sometimes. There are people who let their girlfriends escort and don't care.. he's not doing that he just hooked someone up with drugs. I want to be that liberal type of girlfriend, not controlling, insecure and possessive like I usually am.

    Also he's changed his # but he pissed me off because someone got a hold of it again and I don't know. Me and him have a lot to talk about.. when I feel like it really is a lost cause.. I will leave.
    xoxo rox$ie

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    God/dess Selina M's Avatar
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    Default Re: Totally destroyed right now..

    I don't think you being upset at this is being possessive or controlling.... I think you're just tired of all the drugs and drama :/
    I have totally been there and the only advice I can give is that it will reach a breaking point, which is either going to be a blowup fight or you just silently snapping into the realization it's a lost cause.
    "People jack off with the left hand and point with the right."

    "You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave."

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  23. #13
    Senior Member xoxoroxie's Avatar
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    Default Re: Totally destroyed right now..

    well here's an update because this thread was depressing.
    i dont know what happened to him, really, he kinda disappeared. and at first i was stressed out and upset but i was oddly calm about it. i guess i knew it was just time for it to end anyway. i feel like anything going on with him is bad.. and i guess i came to the realization that he's just a junkie and even though i believe part of him wanted to change (not me wanting him to change, but himself) i guess he couldn't. which is unfortunate, because he just turned 31! .. anyway.. since he's been gone it seems like guys have been coming from all over the place.

    i know its time to move on when someone new comes into my life, and for a couple weeks there wasn't and i was still focused on him.. but he just freakin' disappeared and his phone is off all the time.. the times i called and it went through nothing. i'm just really over it all, and he's probably cheating on me or doing something fucked up that i would really hate. so i'm just done.. blocked him on FB, might block his # too. i don't know. i don't want to hear from him unless he has an apology and explanation but i can't love a freaking junkie and i've never, ever wanted to call him that but it is what it is. even one that was my "best friend" .. but i also had to say goodbye to a girl that i thought was one of my "best friends" but a pretty bad friend.. i guess this is a turning point for me saying goodbye to people that might have good intentions but are bad for me and getting REAL friends that dont involve any complexities that might damage me.

    since he's been gone i've been going out and meeting tons of people and making new friends, and getting good opportunities.. i also may have met a cool guy that the worse thing he does is smoke weed (which i still dont like but w/e) ~ i already told him i danced too. i don't wanna stay single, and its annoying being single anyway cause guys hassle me.. but ya things are GREAT i'm so glad to have snapped out of it, and its sad that he had to go away for it to happen but whatever; at least it did. thank you for the support !
    Last edited by xoxoroxie; 03-31-2013 at 02:20 AM.
    xoxo rox$ie

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