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Thread: Why do some women ignore when not interested instead of just saying so?

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    Default Why do some women ignore when not interested instead of just saying so?

    As the title states, why do some women completely ignore a call/text from a guy when she is not interested? I recently got this girl's number and the same day I sent her a text just saying I do remember her (we went to the same high school and that's how conversation was initiated/opened) and received no reply. So the next day I call her up and to say hello but she says she is at work and cannot talk but will call me back after. Its the end of the day and no call. So still being interested but starting to feel that she is not interested, I send her a text (to be less upfront and make her more comfortable instead of putting her on the spot via phone call) that reads "Hey did not receive a call back from you. I would like to get to know you and have a coffee/tea but if your not interested I understand, just let me know and you wont hear from me again. Best wishes, Jeremiah." So I made it simple, clear, and direct, and yet still no response. I gave it a rest. I just feel that she should have had the decency/courtesy to just say she is not interested, instead of giving me false hope by saying she would call and then ignoring my last text message. If people (guys and girls) would just be more upfront instead of rejecting someone by avoidance, the dating world could be so much better. By the way this is the girl I had a missed opportunity with the first time around, at least now I know that its no bueno.

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    Default Re: Why do some women ignore when not interested instead of just saying so?

    In most cases it is just easier to ignore someone until they go away, the path of least resistance avoiding any potential confrontation.

    “Never argue with an idiot. They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience.”

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    Default Re: Why do some women ignore when not interested instead of just saying so?

    Yes that^ or maybe she's lost her 'phone or is busy and can't think of what to reply to you.
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    Default Re: Why do some women ignore when not interested instead of just saying so?

    Black if you didn't get the attention you were looking for, look for another girl. Simple.

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    Default Re: Why do some women ignore when not interested instead of just saying so?

    Thanks for the input guys. Maybe a good thing to do is assume the girl will be ignoring me, so that way I don't get my hopes up and if she does respond, its a treat. Maybe this was for the better to save me from some potential drama. Its anybody's guess but that's life. This is my first time to experience a woman doing this to me. At other times they have simply told me they were not interested and or made up an excuse which I must say I do prefer over the no contact method. I got my answer, and my answer is no answer lol damn oh well. I just deleted her number from my contact list and that is that. No hard feelings here.

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    Default Re: Why do some women ignore when not interested instead of just saying so?

    ^ how did you get her number? I saw your post in Life Support...

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    Default Re: Why do some women ignore when not interested instead of just saying so?

    Quote Originally Posted by unbeleavable View Post
    ^ how did you get her number? I saw your post in Life Support...
    I ran into her this past Thursday at Starbucks. I was feeling pretty bummed from the last missed opportunity/potential connection that I was so happy when I recognized her car outside in the parking lot and figured she was in there. So I thought to myself, this is my second chance. I went up in there and basically said "Hey I was shy to talk you last time but I would like to grab a drink/hang out with you sometime." This was after a little of small talk she initiated. She gave me her number and you know the rest.

    Also Id like to add, next time if I don't get a response the first time around I will leave it at that. I understand things happen but it takes two to put in the conscious effort and if only one party is initiating and not getting a response if any...then the answer should be obvious. The person is not interested. I dont buy into the fact that someone is so insanely busy they cannot get back to a text/phone call. That is not an excuse. We all have time in our lives, we can make time. Not every second of every minute of every hour and so on is filled with activity. We have time. But I will take this as a learning experience. Bear in mind as I have stated before I only have had 2 girlfriends/relationships and approached 3 females. So I will say my skills/knowledge in the dating world is average to say the least, there is always room for improvement.

    Now I understand some girls ignore to save face/hurt feelings but in my opinion it comes off as rude and immature. I have more respect for people who just say what is on their mind and be honest about it then just not doing anything and leaving you hanging. But there are so many variables such as cultural norms/expectations/ways of conduct. Bleh, sometimes things can be complicated. Playing hard to get, certain rules. etc. Why cant we just be simple and direct. No games, etc.

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    Default Re: Why do some women ignore when not interested instead of just saying so?

    don't worry about it guys do this all the time. THey'd rather just fade you out then deal with the responsibility of saying no. Happens to everyone.
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    Default Re: Why do some women ignore when not interested instead of just saying so?

    Black I understand your frustration & see you have a good attitude about it. I've seen guys try to hurt when their ego was stepped on & you don't seem to be that guy. The only thing I can tell you about meeting & dating is, it's a numbers game. You need to try to meet as many girls as you can until you find one special but more importantly she finds you special. I've been on both sides of your complaint, I've had women create distance & I've created distance by ignoring. I hate games, that's why I don't date, haven't had a special woman in my life in a few years. I think your obsessing over just one & this gives a since of starved for attention & that isn't very attractive. Keep your head up & she will see you.... It's a numbers game.
    Last edited by unbeleavable; 03-16-2013 at 02:06 PM.

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    Default Re: Why do some women ignore when not interested instead of just saying so?

    In my experience, "No" means challenge to men. I am just better off staying silent without feeding the beast.

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    Default Re: Why do some women ignore when not interested instead of just saying so?

    sometimes you just don't want to hurt feelings or don't exactly know what you want to do yet, and you need to think or maybe they ARE just busy depending on how long its been. guys are famous for doing this, its not just women.

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    Default Re: Why do some women ignore when not interested instead of just saying so?

    Quote Originally Posted by LaurenAus View Post
    don't worry about it guys do this all the time. THey'd rather just fade you out then deal with the responsibility of saying no. Happens to everyone.
    Quote Originally Posted by unbeleavable View Post
    Black I understand your frustration & see you have a good attitude about it. I've seen guys try to hurt when their ego was stepped on & you don't seem to be that guy. The only thing I can tell you about meeting & dating is, it's a numbers game. You need to try to meet as many girls as you can until you find one special but more importantly she finds you special. I've been on both sides of your complaint, I've had women create distance & I've created distance by ignoring. I hate games, that's why I don't date, haven't had a special woman in my life in a few years. I think your obsessing over just one & this gives a since of starved for attention & that is very attractive. Keep your head up & she will see you.... It's a numbers game.
    Quote Originally Posted by JoJoX View Post
    In my experience, "No" means challenge to men. I am just better off staying silent without feeding the beast.
    LaurenAus: I can see how for some people the fade method can be more comfortable but I personally don't feel its right and or fair to the person who is showing interest and effort. One of my best friends (I literally only have like 5 good friends, rest are acquaintances) who is a girl that I met at my local community college a while back expressed interest in me on more than a platonic level. She straight up asked me if I wanted to date. I only saw and see her as a friend and even more like a sister so I told her right off the bat. "I think your great and any guy would be lucky to have you but I see you as my best friend." I didn't want to beat around the bush or lead her on, that way she would have closure and can move on. If a girl did that to me, it would feel so much better than her not responding and leaving me wondering but then again I know now obviously not responding = rejection.

    unbeleavable: Thank you for the kind words/encouragement as well as input on the matter. I do have to say that I rarely get girls that show me the kind of attention that she did so when it happens, its special for me. I get girls that smile and what not, but this one seemed to have cast a spell on me. Her motions, eye contact, smile, etc. And this is coming from a guy who was once hard to convince...that could just be that I did not give myself enough credit. I know I am worth something, we all are. Sometimes we just need to remind ourselves that people need to earn our love and effort and that we are a catch. For the truly confident this comes with much ease (confident not cocky) but for others like me, I am just beginning to love myself and appreciate who I am. Maybe only then will I be more than prepared and ready for the next one that comes my way.

    JoJoX: I can see where your coming from if you had said no and they still persist. Sure there is playing hard to get and no can mean yes but I wont go into all that mush, I will assume no means no. Yes means yes. So if a girl tells me no she is not interested, then I would just wish her well and be done with it. Most of the time I see men persisting even after all the signs/signals and heck the blunt answer is executed, they still pursue then thats on them. Its unfortunate for both sides, one party does not want while the other party keeps on knocking. Knock it off lol. Some people just cant take a hint and or refuse to accept rejection.

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    Default Re: Why do some women ignore when not interested instead of just saying so?

    Quote Originally Posted by simone87 View Post
    sometimes you just don't want to hurt feelings or don't exactly know what you want to do yet, and you need to think or maybe they ARE just busy depending on how long its been. guys are famous for doing this, its not just women.
    True that Simone87. People say love is complicated, it does not have to be! I say accept the person for who they are the first time around, appreciate them, compromise, etc. Maybe its easier said than done a lot of the time but dang all I want to do is live a good life with somebody, no need to fight, compete, etc. I have the "Its us against the world" mentality. The lady would be my partner, my better half, best friend, etc.

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    Default Re: Why do some women ignore when not interested instead of just saying so?

    Quote Originally Posted by BlackSheEp3 View Post
    True that Simone87. People say love is complicated, it does not have to be! I say accept the person for who they are the first time around, appreciate them, compromise, etc. Maybe its easier said than done a lot of the time but dang all I want to do is live a good life with somebody, no need to fight, compete, etc. I have the "Its us against the world" mentality. The lady would be my partner, my better half, best friend, etc.
    You seem like you are still young, I think that you should just concentrate on dating around and having a good time until you find someone worth while. You should not be getting you hopes up on one girl especially one that you have not been dating for a while.

    If you had met another girl an hour after you got this particular girl's number, would you have even tried to get her number (hypothetical new girl)? You should always keep your options open unless you are in a committed relationship.

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    Default Re: Why do some women ignore when not interested instead of just saying so?

    Quote Originally Posted by safado View Post
    You seem like you are still young, I think that you should just concentrate on dating around and having a good time until you find someone worth while. You should not be getting you hopes up on one girl especially one that you have not been dating for a while.

    If you had met another girl an hour after you got this particular girl's number, would you have even tried to get her number (hypothetical new girl)? You should always keep your options open unless you are in a committed relationship.
    I feel like an old man at times, in case your wondering I'm 26. And I agree with your advice, date around and meet more people. I will tell you just getting a date is hard enough lol. I don't frequent clubs/bars (I don't drink and plus those settings are just not my fancy) and so the places to meet women are at my local community college and or the coffee/tea shops I enjoy. Maybe the mall but I dunno...its not like the damn movies/TV portrays it. My one friend told me that if a woman finds you physically attractive and you approach her, your good to go in that you have a chance. Now if she finds you unattractive, you will be viewed as a creep. Its just the way the cookie crumbles he says. I find that very disappointing because if a girl approached me that I did not find physically attractive I would not think creep. Shes just not my type. A person is not creepy based on their attractiveness (which is subjective, beauty is in the eye of the beholder after all).

    Hmmm if I had met another girl, I would not have inquired about a number. I know the previous one and I are not even established potentially yet but I would like to go on a case by case basis. I put my time and effort into the one at hand that has caught my attention and admiration. I dont feel it would be fair to the second girl since I am already pursuing one. Basically instead of racking up multiple numbers, I would choose to obtain one at a time. And if it works out, then great. If not, then I will try again with someone else.

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    Default Re: Why do some women ignore when not interested instead of just saying so?

    Quote Originally Posted by JoJoX View Post
    In my experience, "No" means challenge to men. I am just better off staying silent without feeding the beast.
    ^^^ This! Alot of guys wont leave it alone at not interested. They want to know why, they try to change her mind, some just start harassing because they get pissed off, etc
    But if you just ignore them.... they silently go away.... weird how that works
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    Default Re: Why do some women ignore when not interested instead of just saying so?

    Quote Originally Posted by JoJoX View Post
    In my experience, "No" means challenge to men. I am just better off staying silent without feeding the beast.
    Guys who "challenge" my "NO" are jerks, anyway and will get an even harsher "No" should they pursue me further. OP, I feel you that men/women/everyone should be way more up front about either being available or not. I've never given my number out to anyone that I didn't either expect to call me or want to hear from in the first place. Why give your number out at all if you wouldn't be willing to even answer the phone or text? Contact information is private. I'm sure men do this too but I feel like I know way too many women who complain about some "jerk" (not meaning you, OP) who's "blowing up their phones" and yet they can't remember why they even gave the number to this individual, to begin with. Don't be flattered or intimidated by attention, just say "NO" and move on with your day.
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    Default Re: Why do some women ignore when not interested instead of just saying so?

    Sorry dude, but if a girl ignores you more than twice it becomes HIGHLY annoying if they contact you again, in which case they would have no desire to reach out to you. At least for me and most people I know. Just drop it and move on.

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    Default Re: Why do some women ignore when not interested instead of just saying so?

    There are a million reasons why she's ignoring you. It could be she's playing hard to get, she's really busy or stressed at work/life, she's ending things with a current partner, she found a different partner, she doesn't like you, she just doesn't care, or she wants to keep you around as a backup plan.

    My advice is to text her inviting her out to a fun event with you. If she says no or ignores you, she's just not interested. If she says yes, she is willing to give you a chance.

    At the end of the day, people are selfish and no one wants to reveal their motives. I know this is easier said than done, but don't give your attention to someone who won't give it back in return. Again, way easier said than done if you really like her.

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    Default Re: Why do some women ignore when not interested instead of just saying so?

    This tells you not only is she not interested, but if she were, you would regret becoming entangled with a person of such poor character.

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    Default Re: Why do some women ignore when not interested instead of just saying so?

    Sounds rude, but a lot of the time it's easier just to avoid the situation than confront it. A lot of men are like this too.

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    Default Re: Why do some women ignore when not interested instead of just saying so?

    Quote Originally Posted by BlackSheEp3 View Post
    Also Id like to add, next time if I don't get a response the first time around I will leave it at that. I understand things happen but it takes two to put in the conscious effort and if only one party is initiating and not getting a response if any...then the answer should be obvious. The person is not interested. I dont buy into the fact that someone is so insanely busy they cannot get back to a text/phone call. That is not an excuse. We all have time in our lives, we can make time. Not every second of every minute of every hour and so on is filled with activity. We have time. But I will take this as a learning experience. Bear in mind as I have stated before I only have had 2 girlfriends/relationships and approached 3 females. So I will say my skills/knowledge in the dating world is average to say the least, there is always room for improvement.

    Now I understand some girls ignore to save face/hurt feelings but in my opinion it comes off as rude and immature. I have more respect for people who just say what is on their mind and be honest about it then just not doing anything and leaving you hanging. But there are so many variables such as cultural norms/expectations/ways of conduct. Bleh, sometimes things can be complicated. Playing hard to get, certain rules. etc. Why cant we just be simple and direct. No games, etc.

    I don't mean to be bitch but I'll be blunt. Get a life get a grip and get over it. Women get stood up all the time. Yes there's no excuse for answering a text but there's your answer. You're simply not a priority to this girl. She's probably a busy woman and not overly concerned with some guy that knew her from high school . Harsh but true. Move on and find someone else. If she didn't answer your text you should have left her the hell alone at starbucks. She probably wasn't expecting to run into you.

    She wasn't playing any games or being hard to get. She was being direct and to the point when she didn't respond which signaled she wasn't interested. And approaching her at starbucks didn't help your case you came off desperate.

    I don't find ignoring rude at all. If someone is not interested I rather have them ignore me so I know to move on. Any form of contact can come across as leading someone on to me.

    You're only 26 get out there man. 30s is dating hell everyone is pretty much paired off at the point, in a long term relationship, or in a long term relationship leading to marriage. Never date one girl at once. Don't put all your eggs in one basket. Guys sure don't lol. Before I met my BF I was seeing like 5 guys.lol But I'm upfront with it.lol I say until we're exclusive I'm also dating other people here and there.


    Quote Originally Posted by BlackSheEp3 View Post
    Now I understand some girls ignore to save face/hurt feelings but in my opinion it comes off as rude and immature. I have more respect for people who just say what is on their mind and be honest about it then just not doing anything and leaving you hanging. But there are so many variables such as cultural norms/expectations/ways of conduct. Bleh, sometimes things can be complicated. Playing hard to get, certain rules. etc. Why cant we just be simple and direct. No games, etc.

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    Default Re: Why do some women ignore when not interested instead of just saying so?

    If she wasnt interested then she wouldnt have given you her phone number. She couldve made up that she had a bf and said no to you at Starbucks but she didn't. I believe she was just giving you her number to see if you might be someone she could date if you seemed like what she is looking for. We can tell if we like you by your conversation which will then make us want to hang out with you. I believe you came on way too strong and direct. You shouldve called her on the phone with a good conversation and then asked her out. Texts are very impersonal and if you havnt built "rapport" with her, they dont give much incentive to want to go out with you by you trying to build something in texts. where as with a phone call, you have a good convo and you sound sexy, so when we hang up the phone we think about you and we hope you ask us out if you didnt already in the call. Time is valuable and nobody is gunna give you their time if you dont really make them want to do so. I am sure she already has guys shes talking to but nobody that important so if you had came along with the right swag she wouldve been all about hanging out with you and the other guys wouldve got the "silent" treatment if ya know what I mean. Trust me I get guys that try this approach all too often with me so I know, honestly it turns me off so bad to feel "pressed" that early on. You need to press but not with out the rapport building first. Its just like sales, ha.

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    Default Re: Why do some women ignore when not interested instead of just saying so?

    This is why sales guys are so good at getting all the girls, they know how to build rapport, make you like them a lil then close the deal so to speak by getting you to go out with them, showing you a good time and saying what you want to hear

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    Default Re: Why do some women ignore when not interested instead of just saying so?

    Guys do the same thing!

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