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Thread: Sinking ship

  1. #1
    Veteran Member charlotte_ai's Avatar
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    Default Sinking ship

    I'm totally burned out.

    I'm so sad today. So so sad. I started dancing and thought I'd found the job of a lifetime. I loved it, loved what I did, and I did OK. I've never been a people person and talking to strangers scares the shit outta me, but I was doing it. I started dancing to support my modelling work. Just some extra cash so that I didn't have to hold a 9-5. A flexible job to fit in around my shoot schedules. Its not perfect for me, but good money doing something you enjoy is always worth it.

    And now... I just don't know anymore. I've basically let my modelling go. I feel like I have no future. Like dancing has consumed my life, even though I am so shit at it.

    The shocking realisation that I'm simply being carried along by my beautiful friends and co-workers, that this week most of my money has come from girls grabbing me for doubles and from my few regulars made me feel really worthless. Not only am I not making my own money, I am burdening others now. Not that I am asking them to help me out, they are just amazing like that, but every dollar they share with me, is a dollar they could have kept for themselves. My BFF's at work have saved me this week, and I have done nothing to repay their kindnesses.

    I can't look at guys when I'm on stage. Just having them look at me makes me feel violated. Guys say "oh my god you're so hot/sexy etc" and I just want to tell them to fuck off. In the last 2 weeks I have kicked a guy, almost in the face, and thrown (literally THROWN) a beer over another for refusing to tip me. In front of a friend of the owners. I've told them to f off, that they are cheap, losers, assholes and idiots. I've been getting grabbed and touched a lot more than usual, and last week I came home, curled up on my boyfriends lap, and cried and cried. I tried to arrange a video shoot to promote the club and it was an epic epic screw up and failure because I didn't set it up right.

    I spent a good chunk of tonight sitting and drinking and doing coke with a regular, just to block everything else out. Everyone's asking if I'm OK. I'm not. I really feel like my looks are all I have in the club at the moment, and they're sub-par as is. I haven't been keeping up my nails and tan and pedi and the important stuff.
    I have no spark. Nothing interesting to say. No hopes, goals, everyone seems to have study or kids something as a reason to be there, but I have nothing. I am turning into a massive man-hater at work. My house is a mess. I've lost weight, which would normally have me cheering, as I always need to, but I have no idea why, so it's just stressing me. I'm angry and sad and self absorbed and disappointed that I'm like that. My narcissism knows no limit. Just read my posts. Very reflective of a self absorbed idiot with her head up her ass. I know it. And yet I'm still the same.

    I hate who I am. I hate that I fail as a dancer. It's so simple to understand what to do and I am getting it so wrong. I hate that I'm a burden on my friends and co-workers and managers.

    I'm so sad and I feel so pathetic.

  2. #2
    Veteran Member BANHammerGoddess's Avatar
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    Default Re: Sinking ship

    Babe-- it's likely not work, or the money, or anything external.

    You've got the classic signs of depression.

    Some supplements that could help if you're deficient (which it's easy to be working night shift and odd hours and not getting good exercise and nutrition.) Someone on here recommended Vitamin D and that really helped me a lot, but I've also looked into other things and take them as needed after a few weeks of taking them almost every day.
    Otherwise, you need to consider finding a therapist or someone who you can just talk to who can help you rebuild yourself.

    Maybe dancing isn't for you, but I know I've felt like this before and it ended up, looking back, having nothing to do with dancing. It's just that dancing helped me deal with being kind of a half-person for longer than a regular job would.

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    God/dess whirlerz's Avatar
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    Default Re: Sinking ship

    Hugs to you Char..I agree w/the above..dancing's really hard, & for some of us even more so. Please, lay off the drugs/drinking, they'll just make it worse. Is there some other type of work maybe part time, that you could pick in the meantime? For now at least, maybe you ought to get away from the club & review your situation.
    Take care of yourself, please. Keep us updated.

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    God/dess papillonluvr's Avatar
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    Default Re: Sinking ship

    Girl-I think you should stop dancing. Take a break, get out and go do something else and refocus your priorities. Get your head back on straight. Stripping will always be there.
    "You can close your eyes to reality but not to memories -Stainslaw J. Lec

    Confuscius say: "Man who pull bra stap get bust in face"


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    Default Re: Sinking ship

    The fact that u seem to hate urself is the worst part. The above posters r right..U may need to take a step back-- the drugs and alcohol r definitely making u mentally and physically unfit. U have to LOVE YOU in order to be ok while doing this job otherwise u will self destruct..U seem like a nice individual..Pls regroup and let us know how ur doing.

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    Default Re: Sinking ship

    It sounds like you are simply experiencing a burn out ): I would take a break. Take a month or two off and if you are still wanting to do it..come back fresh. It's pretty common for us strippers to go through a burn out phase. Like papillonluvr said, stripping will always be there. You always have it to come back to. Hugs

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    Default Re: Sinking ship

    So sorry, girl. If you can, take two weeks off to rest and re-evaluate. If you absolutely can't, please don't drink or do drugs...now I don't give a shit what anyone does, but I do know if you are going through a period of depression or are prone to it, alcohol and drugs will amplify it ten million times and you will feel shittier and drink to drown it out - if you can't do anything else get your head clear.....

  13. #8
    Veteran Member charlotte_ai's Avatar
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    Default Re: Sinking ship

    Thanks for your support girls. I really have nothing to be depressed about, my life is good other than sucking at my job.

    I have decided after tonight (which was a bit of a repeat of Saturday night, with more booze and more drugs- although I actually made money tonight) that I really do need time off. I am not a drinker, and only a social drug user. I could count the number of times I have done cocaine in conjunction with working on one hand. Could. Before the last few weeks that is.

    So I am going to take most of next week off. Eat well. Sleep. Train. Spa, sauna, get massage, take vitamins. Get my house tidy and spend time with my boyfriend and his family. Decompress and see if I feel better when I return. I'll decide the fate of my dancing with a fresh and rested mind.
    Thankyou all!
    Last edited by charlotte_ai; 03-24-2013 at 12:41 PM.

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    Default Re: Sinking ship

    I'm glad your latest post seems much more collected. I think you're definitely making the right choice in taking some time for yourself. Cocaine and drinking can really make a shit situation seem a thousand times worse, so I think this will really help you put things in perspective.

    Best of luck.

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    Default Re: Sinking ship

    Quote Originally Posted by papillonluvr View Post
    Take a break, get out and go do something else and refocus your priorities. Get your head back on straight. Stripping will always be there.
    ^This! I do understand how this job can change or skew your focus. It's easy to consider it a full time job and let it consume time you could be spending doing more productive things...even though you only got into the industry in the first place to support your other career and for the flexibility. You sound REALLY burnt out-and we have ALL been there! Work less or take some time off to re-focus, look after yourself and to "get back on track". Also, a change is as good as a holiday IMO-so, when you are feeling up to it again, why not change clubs for a while? Changing clubs often jolts you out of your comfort zone and back into hustle mode .
    “Give a girl the right shoes and she can conquer the world” -Marilyn Monroe

    "True sexiness has many facets-confidence, strength, intelligence, and humor. It isn’t just about trying to look sexy; it’s an art and one becomes skillful in it when she realizes that there are all these conflicting elements that all come together to make something magical"-Dita Von Teese

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    Default Re: Sinking ship

    Enjoy your time off and I hope you are feeling better and happier soon
    “Give a girl the right shoes and she can conquer the world” -Marilyn Monroe

    "True sexiness has many facets-confidence, strength, intelligence, and humor. It isn’t just about trying to look sexy; it’s an art and one becomes skillful in it when she realizes that there are all these conflicting elements that all come together to make something magical"-Dita Von Teese

  18. #12
    Veteran Member charlotte_ai's Avatar
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    Default Re: Sinking ship

    Argh! I just can't get away! Was enjoying my time off, and have a paid shoot scheduled later today which was making me feel super happy, then I get a call. The club is introducing lap dancing. Yup. The no-contact, classy, renowned for having the citys most beautiful girls, is now offering $30 lap dances. Fuck.
    They even offered them fully nude for a couple of hours tonight before realising that was a bad idea (why would a guy pay $90 for 15, when he can pay $30 and see the same thing) So now all I can think about is switching up my hustle when I get back to accommodate it, and make money. I think I've got it figured, and if it works ill actually make more money, but I wish I could just go to fucking sleep and stop thinking about it.
    I've got such an important day, 2hrs left to sleep, and I can't.
    In other news, I have a magazine shoot today, and if it goes well, I'll be on a cover.

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    God/dess papillonluvr's Avatar
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    Default Re: Sinking ship

    I'm happy you're feeling better already!

    This should make you see how stressful dancing is for you-it's probably not healthy for you. Especially is you're concerned about lap dances. (Sorry-HUUUGE eye roll at-GASP!-lap dances!). You're not even back at work but are already freaking out. Maybe dancing isn't for you?
    "You can close your eyes to reality but not to memories -Stainslaw J. Lec

    Confuscius say: "Man who pull bra stap get bust in face"


  20. #14
    Veteran Member charlotte_ai's Avatar
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    Default Re: Sinking ship

    I was always led to believe (by the club, no less) that lap dancing and touching customers is illegal. So now they're trying to tell us it's ok?
    And it's more about introducing a lower price point than we already had that concerns me. I've decided how to deal with it and hopefully make more money than I do now, but It's a massive shock to us all.
    I only dance in situations where there's no contact with customers. Thats my level, that's what my SO and I agreed on, and that's why I'm pretty worried. It means I may have to find a new club.

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    Default Re: Sinking ship

    Quote Originally Posted by charlotte_ai View Post
    The club is introducing lap dancing
    ...*jaw drops* Wow, I NEVER thought I'd see the day! I hope they don't take a cut of it (but knowing that club too well I'm guessing you guys come out with either $20-$25?)!
    “Give a girl the right shoes and she can conquer the world” -Marilyn Monroe

    "True sexiness has many facets-confidence, strength, intelligence, and humor. It isn’t just about trying to look sexy; it’s an art and one becomes skillful in it when she realizes that there are all these conflicting elements that all come together to make something magical"-Dita Von Teese

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    Default Re: Sinking ship

    Quote Originally Posted by charlotte_ai View Post
    I was always led to believe (by the club, no less) that lap dancing and touching customers is illegal. It means I may have to find a new club.
    ^I'm sorry to hear that. I'm guessing they are under new management or something ? It's still a non touching club and touching isn't legal there despite what they tell you so you DO NOT have to comply (of course it goes on everywhere though, but only in VIP/Upstairs at the club usually).

    If you like the club, stick with it and hopefully they'll phase it out or do a price hike (they are greedy so if it's popular they will!).

    If you go to another club (baring in mind this one IS, or was the "cleanest" there) it's more than possible to be a clean dancer and make money ! Remember touching is NOT compulsory! I never allowed it at some of the other "Dive" clubs and the $ was still great . Plus, the other clubs have lower standards looks wise-,so being a model and a hustler, you'll definitely have the upper hand .

    Good luck with it all x
    “Give a girl the right shoes and she can conquer the world” -Marilyn Monroe

    "True sexiness has many facets-confidence, strength, intelligence, and humor. It isn’t just about trying to look sexy; it’s an art and one becomes skillful in it when she realizes that there are all these conflicting elements that all come together to make something magical"-Dita Von Teese

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    Veteran Member charlotte_ai's Avatar
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    Default Re: Sinking ship

    Maybe I'll do a bit of both, work for the competition, and hustle it at PP.
    We get $20/5min. $240/hr topless only.
    I can't work out how logically you would want to sell an hour show (customer pays $360, you get $220) and get full nude, when you could make $240/hr just being topless. They were full nude lap dances, but someone explained the logistics of the female anatomy to the guy making the changes, and he recanted and made them topless only. Guess I can hustle a tip for a flash during the dance since I don't do it on stage, too.
    I'm gonna try it.
    I have no idea how to do a lap dance, however. I know it sounds wierd for a stripper nOt to know how to lap dance, but when you never have, it's hard to learn.
    It's taken me all day to come up with the positives, but I'm getting there. That's my style. Freak out. Process info. Look for positives.

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    God/dess simone87's Avatar
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    Default Re: Sinking ship

    wait, how do you guys earn any money if you never do lap dances? is it just stage?? o.0

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    Veteran Member charlotte_ai's Avatar
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    Default Re: Sinking ship

    It's just air dances. There's a little podium and chairs in each room. We jump up on the stage and dance there in front if them. Or sit on our ass on the couch with them and talk sometimes. Dances are (were) 15min minimum in length. Once we are undressed we are not allowed to place our feet off the stage in the room, and we're not supposed to get too close to them. We have the strictest laws in the country when it comes to strip clubs.
    The lap dances they're introducing mean we're off the stage, dancing around the chairs, and some girls are doing the grinding thing. What concerns me is it's a lot easier to let a customer touch when you are on their lap, and while they're supposed to keep hands by sides, there's a bunch of dirty girls that have been longing to bust out and do extras like getting fingered. This is going to make it easy for them, and hard for us no contact girls to compete.

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    Default Re: Sinking ship

    Quote Originally Posted by charlotte_ai View Post
    I have no idea how to do a lap dance, however.
    ^Try a shift at their sister club either down the road or out west...your will soon learn lol
    “Give a girl the right shoes and she can conquer the world” -Marilyn Monroe

    "True sexiness has many facets-confidence, strength, intelligence, and humor. It isn’t just about trying to look sexy; it’s an art and one becomes skillful in it when she realizes that there are all these conflicting elements that all come together to make something magical"-Dita Von Teese

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    Veteran Member charlotte_ai's Avatar
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    Default Re: Sinking ship

    Girls. I just wanted to say, thank you all so much for taking the time to offer support and talk things through with me. I really was in a terrible place when I put that first post. Really, really bad.
    Sometimes I feel alone and isolated, my family doesn't know I dance, and I can't cry all over my boyfriend all the time, especially at 5am when I get home from work. I do have support in my fellow dancers from work, but sometimes an outside perspective helps so much.
    I took most of 2 weeks off. I slept a lot, trained, rested, read sales stuff, worked out my lapdance hustle, went out with the girls and my boyfriend. Then went back to work and got hit by a car on my first shift. But that's a story for another time. Nothing serious, but it meant I had MORE time off to rest and feel better, lol.

    At the end I am feeling so much better. And the support I got here really helped me, so thank you, thank you, thank you. I am filled with gratitude to you all, and grateful is my favorite state of being.

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    Default Re: Sinking ship

    I love you! You're welcome to cry on me at any time!
    FUCK YEAH finally retired after 6 years dancing!!
    NEW to camming
    Use the discount code "DANCER" to get 15% off ALL mermaid bikinis & swimwear at



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