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Thread: Gettign Cloudy Vision on the Sugar Baby Life-- may drop mine

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    Default Gettign Cloudy Vision on the Sugar Baby Life-- may drop mine

    At the end of the day, its about the money. I understand that and this is why I am here.

    But I also have the chance to make many professional networks under my SD and knowing his connections is giving me the opportunity to send resumes on a first-name basis. But still -- money is the name of the game and I felt undervalued financially since we've been together. I know I deserve more, I am owed more for all that I do.. sending pics, videos, emails throughout the day, making every appointment time, lunch date etc. but still not left with anything after paying rent. The money certainly covers all my expenses and I do have a regular job BUT the combination of both is not leaving me with much for myself at the end of the month. And that was the point! To have extra money to put in my savings account or splurge on myself.

    So I asked for a higher allowance, again and this time-- if he doesn't come through I may end it.. should I? I made the argument in another thread that ending a SD/SB relationship just because you're not getting as much as you should is silly. Every relationship is different.. you may be dealing with a jerk and demand a lot. You may be with a sweet guy that really does make you feel special and factor that into your allowance. But since the emotions that usually play out in normal relationships don't enter SD/SB arrangements.. money still has to be the #1 factor and even if I may lose what I am getting now.. waking up everyday feeling like "this should be more than what it is..., spending my own money shopping, paying bills with nothing left for myself.. isn't worth it. The feeling of being undervalued isn't cool..

    Also, it seems their is this idea that sugar babies should have enough for designer shoes, fancy clothes, jewelry,etc. He should be giving you gifts cards to lavish stores, etc and if not-- than you're not a true sugar baby. I haven't gotten anything like that.. and I suspect its because he's cheap. Besides my allowance.. I haven't gotten much in actual gifts, so either the money needs to go out or this is just ridiculous.. or is it all smoke and mirrors to believe sugar babies should be living like rock stars?

    Have you ladies ever been an arrangement where you knew you weren't getting enough but accepted it (even after attempting to negotiate). Do you have trouble comparing your rates, lifestyle to other sugar babies? This has been a huge issue for me. Did you do go forward out of necessity (you needed the money, waiting for something better, thinking just give it some time... etc) or you just ended it from the jump?

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    Default Re: Gettign Cloudy Vision on the Sugar Baby Life-- may drop mine

    ^I have a super simplistic question: you could just spend less time on him but retain the amount youre provided?

    Especially since you have to keep asking for raises and he doesnt just do it. So, something else needs to be done probably?

    Sounds like youre almost a day-in/day-out girlfriend (esp with daily emails, vids, pics, lunch, appointments, etc), you could do a calculation based on your efforts. Like track how much time youre investing in him and average that out, daily, like:

    monthly allowance / 30 days = (A), or how much you make everyday
    avg hours spent on MrX everyday = (B), or how much time you spend on him every day (include texts, emails, videos, pics, lunch, appointments, etc)

    A / B = C. Is "C" worthy of how much time youre spending on him?

    It may be sobering to see in real dollars (C) and impact your output of effort... esp if you feel as if he isnt paying enough in return. Like make your interactions with him all an efforts to results kind of analysis (Im shit at math so any apologies if this equation doesnt make sense). So, the most you can do is change your own efforts? Then he can see that your effort is equal only to a certain value. If you have to repeatedly ask him to raise his contributions - what may be more effective is withdraw your efforts and be less accessible?

    That wont cut off the money made, will reduce how much time youre investing without a sufficient return, he may chase you more bc youre suddenly less accessible, your free time is more open to other SDs maybe so it is a cumulative income from several sources (idk if that's your goal), but more importantly it may make you feel less stressed out?





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    Default Re: Gettign Cloudy Vision on the Sugar Baby Life-- may drop mine

    Thank you!

    That is a really, really good idea. I can't believe I didn't think of it. And that is exactly what I will do. Thanks!!

    Quote Originally Posted by roast View Post
    ^I have a super simplistic question: you could just spend less time on him but retain the amount youre provided?

    Especially since you have to keep asking for raises and he doesnt just do it. So, something else needs to be done:

    Sounds like youre almost a day-in/day-out girlfriend (esp with daily emails, vids, pics, lunch, appointments, etc), you could do a calculation based on your efforts. Like track how much time youre investing in him and average that out, hourly. It may be sobering to see in real dollars and impact your output of effort... esp if you feel as if he isnt paying enough in return. Like make your interactions with him all an 'efforts to outcome' analysis.

    The most you can do is change your own efforts? Then he can see that your effort is equal only to a certain value. If you have to repeatedly ask him to raise his contributions - what may be more effective is withdraw your efforts and be less accessible.

    That wont cut off the money, will reduce how much time youre investing without a sufficient return, he may chase you more bc youre suddenly less accessible, but more importantly it may make you feel less stressed out.

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    Default Re: Gettign Cloudy Vision on the Sugar Baby Life-- may drop mine

    ^sure! I edited the shit out of the post sinc eyou quoted it haha so hope either version makes sense?

    I have to do with some guys sometimes (not SB/SD stuff) when Im like 'ugh how... am i not making more off of our exchange?' and then I have to do hard figures to figure out if Im just being a brat or Im unconsciously screwing myself over by being too accessible. Id guess this general idea may apply in your situation? Cant hurt! People more experienced will probably weigh in but I had to do this exact thing recently and was gobsmacked (in a productive way) by the amount of time I was giving up. It is like a very simple way to calculating the ... sexy opportunity cost of continuing the time invested with him and hope it produces higher return down the line, or reduce the time and have more availability for larger offers from others ... or just your sanity lol.





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    Default Re: Gettign Cloudy Vision on the Sugar Baby Life-- may drop mine

    I know this isn't the advice you're looking for, but don't underestimate the value of this:
    Quote Originally Posted by Exxotica View Post
    But I also have the chance to make many professional networks under my SD and knowing his connections is giving me the opportunity to send resumes on a first-name basis.
    If you're actively job hunting - which it sounds like you are if you're sending out resumes plural - I wouldn't cut ties with this SD until you've got a job offer. Otherwise, you risk souring the relationship and him bad mouthing you to his pals that you've been networking with. Of course, this is only if the contacts/job hunting has ended up being a high priority for you.

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    Default Re: Gettign Cloudy Vision on the Sugar Baby Life-- may drop mine

    I agree with Roast and Shanna. I had a SD of my own for a while, and I don't think he paid nearly enough, especially for the amount of texting he did, expecting instantaneous responses from me. He even tried to get a free Skype show once lol. I just spent less time answering things like that, and kept our meet-ups short, sweet and to the point. I got some free groceries from him, but more importantly he was a manager who needed to occasionally hire a freelancer to do what I do in vanilla world. So I charged what the company I work for charges and got to keep it all for myself We carried on until his wife caught him lol. I probably would have kept it up a bit longer too, since as you said it's better than nothing, I enjoyed the money I did get, and he provided some other life benefits for me.

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    Default Re: Gettign Cloudy Vision on the Sugar Baby Life-- may drop mine

    See, I knew what you said in that other thread didn't add up lol. It's okay though, we're here to help! Personally, I would ask him for more and explain that you don't have anything left for yourself. In my experience it's good to get the bases covered (rent, car note, groceries, bills) AND enough to splurge on yourself and stash a nice chunk of savings. If all of that isn't factored into the price I don't bite. Shopping, dinner, etc should be factored into the price if that is what you were expecting from jump. If you only expressed to him that you just wanted your rent paid that's all he's going to give you. I think if you're not getting what you want and I hate labels but, you're just a glorified girlfriend and not a SB. If he's asking for all of that and you're still unsatisfied it's time to up the funds or move the hell on.

    Also, I want to say that you should NEVER fully rely on a SD. Yes, the money is great and you can have the time of your life but shit happens, people move on. Always make sure you can pay your own rent/bills without him just in case something happens. I've seen some SDs get $10k a month for a year, live beyond their means, and blow all of their money. Once they got dropped they got evicted out of their $7k luxury apartments and were looking like who did it and ran. I'm happy you have a job though but I'd use his contacts to also try and see if you can secure another big fish.

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    Default Re: Gettign Cloudy Vision on the Sugar Baby Life-- may drop mine

    Everyone is right. I need to be more aware of the time I spend with him but also know that there are benefits to this even those that aren't financial. I almost dropped him altogether before I made this thread..there is so much to know about sugar babying.. How did women do it before the Internet? Anyway thank you to all

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    Default Re: Gettign Cloudy Vision on the Sugar Baby Life-- may drop mine

    Does it have to be all or nothing? Not sure you want to, but it may be worthwhile to 'transition him to the friend zone', if keeping the professional part of the relationship helps your long term career... Ask yourself if a year from now, and you haven't communicated in a month or so, if contacting him to ask for a referral, etc would be worthwhile...

    Quote Originally Posted by Exxotica View Post
    At the end of the day, its about the money. I understand that and this is why I am here.

    But I also have the chance to make many professional networks under my SD and knowing his connections is giving me the opportunity to send resumes on a first-name basis....<snip>

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    Default Re: Gettign Cloudy Vision on the Sugar Baby Life-- may drop mine

    Does it have to be all or nothing? Not sure you want to, but it may be worthwhile to 'transition him to the friend zone', if keeping the professional part of the relationship helps your long term career... Ask yourself if a year from now, and you haven't communicated in a month or so, if contacting him to ask for a referral, etc. would be worthwhile...

    Quote Originally Posted by Exxotica View Post
    At the end of the day, its about the money. I understand that and this is why I am here.

    But I also have the chance to make many professional networks under my SD and knowing his connections is giving me the opportunity to send resumes on a first-name basis....<snip>

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    Default Re: Gettign Cloudy Vision on the Sugar Baby Life-- may drop mine

    jesus did not realize sb's had to work that hard. I think I'm just a reaaaalllly lazy sb with an SD who doesn't want me in his life all the time either.
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