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Thread: Regular who thinks he can talk to me the way he wants...

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    Default Regular who thinks he can talk to me the way he wants...

    I have a regular who comes in every time I work and spends 5 hours with me in the VIP. He's in love with me and since I don't want to see him outside the place and be his girlfriend he occasionally sends me a long text telling me how he doesn't know if I'm real and that I am a liar and that I'm like "the rest of the girls". Ladies I'm getting real sick of texting him and having to hold back when he tells me off, I put up with it because he spends good money. How do I handle it when he starts telling me off via text? He even types in capital letters when he's upset.

    he tried that yesterday and I replied I'm not trying to argue with him so talk to you later, then he got upset that Im signing off in the middle of our texts. Well excuse me for not wanted to get yelled at by text.

    he loves playing victim but he decides to walk In the strip club and spend money I didn't force him. I do not even ask him to come.
    He criticizes my other regulars because they like to come in the club get dances and then leave. He tells me he's not like the other guys who like to hit it and quit it. He actually cares about me. Well honestly I like my other regulars because they don't annoy and text me like he does.

    What do I do next time he decides to tell me off like he owns me? I don't like it.

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    Veteran Member BANHammerGoddess's Avatar
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    Default Re: Regular who thinks he can talk to me the way he wants...

    You could try ignoring it.

    In one of the sugar daddy posts here, the women here were talking about what to do with a guy who paid regularly but not enough to put up with his annoying daily texts, and the consensus was, short of demanding more money, to not answer the texts unless she got more money. Put in only the amount of effort that's worth the money coming in.

    You may lose him. Maybe you could come up with a text message response like, "Hey, I'm having a really good day today, and when you talk to me like this, you act like you don't care about me and my feelings. So I'm not going to talk to you when you're like this. You can text me when you're going to be a positive addition to my day."

    And then not respond.

    Get the power pulled back into YOUR court.

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    God/dess Selina M's Avatar
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    Default Re: Regular who thinks he can talk to me the way he wants...

    ^^ I second that. This is a tricky situation. 5 hours in VIP is a lot of money to give up but if he's being that much of a dick...

    You could try simply telling him what you just told us: "I don't ask you to come in and see me. If you like me enough to voluntarily spend that much time with me, you should not be talking to me so disrespectfully." Put him in his place. Let it sink in. Ignore him if he starts texting you rude shit. A lot of guys will slink back like a scolded puppy. If he doesn't, well, you were getting fed up with him anyway, and I'm sure you can find another regular

    He's obviously coming around to the correct conclusion that you are not interested in a relationship with him, and is getting butthurt about it, so there's only so much more time you'll be able to keep him coming in anyway, if he is so dead set on a relationship. It's kind of a question of cutting the weight now or later and whether the financial gains/loss is worth it.
    "People jack off with the left hand and point with the right."

    "You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave."

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    Veteran Member BANHammerGoddess's Avatar
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    Default Re: Regular who thinks he can talk to me the way he wants...

    You could potentially wring more money out of him by pre-empting him.

    Instead of waiting for him to text (he's probably looking at his phone all the time waiting for you to text and then blows his top when you don't,)
    text him something short like, "hey,I'm about to jet out to hang with my girlfriends and get some new lingerie. I'm really looking forward to showing it off for you!"

    or "I had such an awesome time last night (or whenever) I hope you have a great week thinking about me and have lots of naughty dreams until we meet up at the club again. Hugs!"

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    God/dess Sophia_Starina's Avatar
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    Default Re: Regular who thinks he can talk to me the way he wants...

    Quote Originally Posted by kassie View Post
    I have a regular who comes in every time I work and spends 5 hours with me in the VIP. He's in love with me and since I don't want to see him outside the place and be his girlfriend he occasionally sends me a long text telling me how he doesn't know if I'm real and that I am a liar and that I'm like "the rest of the girls". Ladies I'm getting real sick of texting him and having to hold back when he tells me off, I put up with it because he spends good money. How do I handle it when he starts telling me off via text? He even types in capital letters when he's upset.

    he tried that yesterday and I replied I'm not trying to argue with him so talk to you later, then he got upset that Im signing off in the middle of our texts. Well excuse me for not wanted to get yelled at by text.

    he loves playing victim but he decides to walk In the strip club and spend money I didn't force him. I do not even ask him to come.
    He criticizes my other regulars because they like to come in the club get dances and then leave. He tells me he's not like the other guys who like to hit it and quit it. He actually cares about me. Well honestly I like my other regulars because they don't annoy and text me like he does.

    What do I do next time he decides to tell me off like he owns me? I don't like it.
    Hook.
    Line.
    Sinker.

    He got you.

    Those over the top VIP sprees were the bait.... and you're on the line.

    I understand that the thought of losing 5-hour VIP money is a daunting prospect... but you'll earn every penny the hard way with this guy.

    He is playing some asshole mind game.

    The slick "I thought you were different" bullshit gets to folks. But you have nothing to prove. His opinions, his cringeworthy clinginess and manipulative drivel is detrimental to your well-being.

    It's not worth it. No way, no how.


    Let's look at it this way... you've made some decent money, he has revealed himself to be a whiny, needy basket-case.

    Cut your losses.


    Ignore his texts.

    You have other regular customers... NORMAL regulars... not crazies like Mr. Tantrum-Text.


    You can make money without the emotional/mental strain... and without the texting charges, hah!


    You can:
    Say nothing or just say that you don't like his tone, conduct, actions so you won't be interacting with him any more.

    In these situations I've always gone silent and the guys got the hint. They moved onto the next girl. And then the next, the next, and the next.
    He's a twisted needy prick. His money isn't enough for this level of nonsense. The fact that he is distressing you enough to post is evidence enough.


    Let's keep it simple....
    Today is a new day.
    He doesn't exist.





    Personal note:

    These types of guys make me want to run far, far away....
    Nope nope nope nope....

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    Quote Originally Posted by Jay12 View Post
    ^What Sophia said.
    Quote Originally Posted by yoda57us View Post
    I wish there was an "auto-like" setting that I could just have applied to all of your posts Sophia....

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    Default Re: Regular who thinks he can talk to me the way he wants...

    Quit texting customers. That's Out of The Club contact. He thinks he has a chance and something more because of it. Dissolved boundaries. You are a dancer not his girlfriend or even friend. Or keep having these same problems over and over. Good Luck

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    Default Re: Regular who thinks he can talk to me the way he wants...

    realistically... either ignore and keep milking the money at the cost of your sanity, or tell him what you just told us.

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    Default Re: Regular who thinks he can talk to me the way he wants...

    O....M....G. Reading that was like reading almost the exact same situation I used to deal with. A guy that is super old and super bitchy! Too much time and money on his hands with nothing to do but sit back and text strippers all day. Like your guy, he'd complain about my other regs allll the time and send long ass whiny/bitchy texts. I used just ignore it or deal with it, but now I just let him have it! I tear into that man allll the time and let him know that I'm not gonna put up with him being a jackass. He still sends angry/"hurt" (yeah right) texts every now and then (again, like in your case, I won't see him/be his girlfriend so I must be "all about the money"), but I just set him straight and it cuts that all out pretty quick. I tell him if he doesn't like what I do to leave me alone and don't come in and see me anymore.

    He still comes back every week.

    If I were you, I certainly wouldn't cut ties with him for the amount of money he spends.. My cut of 5 hours in VIP at my club is 2k - a guaranteed 2k every time I work? Uh, yeah! Sign me up! But stand up for yourself. If he thinks he's in love with you, he's won't be able to bear losing you, so he'll definitely keep coming back and spending,... minus the angry texts.

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    Senior Member Holly_V's Avatar
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    Default Re: Regular who thinks he can talk to me the way he wants...

    Quote Originally Posted by pizzedoff View Post
    Quit texting customers. That's Out of The Club contact. He thinks he has a chance and something more because of it. Dissolved boundaries. You are a dancer not his girlfriend or even friend. Or keep having these same problems over and over. Good Luck
    Lots of dancer text customers, it's a smart way to keep in contact with regs. Also I think your tone is a little bit rude.

    With regard to the thread question I think your response depends on how much his texts affect you. If you can laugh at his texts and not let it get to you I would suggest continuing to milk him. Next time he texts you reply with something like "I really enjoy spending time with you at the club but I don't like it when you text me mean things, text me when you're in a better mood". Basically you need to let him know the boundaries of what is and isn't acceptable.

    If you can't help but get upset over the texts then the money isn't worth the damage to your self esteem and you could be using those five hours in the VIP catching a new regular. hope that helps

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    Default Re: Regular who thinks he can talk to me the way he wants...

    re: holly
    I realize that and realize reading all the posts that dancers are saying their problems at works it most of the time mentions contacting these duchbags out of work. Read how many posts about this very issue. Im far from naïve hun, Ive learned the hard way and I am giving good advice to make more money. Ive known sweet naïve girls play this gf game w/ guys found fucking dead in a ditch. You don't know when these mfers gonna snap, or sit in parking lot and blow their own head off (know of this too). Be safe out there doing this type hustling. Its smart advice.

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    Default Re: Regular who thinks he can talk to me the way he wants...

    These are the types that I am afraid will come into the club with a gun one day. I commend you for having this much patience. Look for busier regulars- doctors, married guys, lawyers.

    The customers who text a lot...they stop spending.

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    Default Re: Regular who thinks he can talk to me the way he wants...

    A simple, "I'm sorry you feel that way. I'll be working *insert days* this week, hope to see you there. *Insert dancer name* x" would suffice. There's no need to play into his games by endless texts trying to convince him that you're not what he's accusing you of being. It's painful to loose a Big spender, but sometimes the money isn't worth the grief.
    “Give a girl the right shoes and she can conquer the world” -Marilyn Monroe

    "True sexiness has many facets-confidence, strength, intelligence, and humor. It isn’t just about trying to look sexy; it’s an art and one becomes skillful in it when she realizes that there are all these conflicting elements that all come together to make something magical"-Dita Von Teese

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    Default Re: Regular who thinks he can talk to me the way he wants...

    Quote Originally Posted by pizzedoff View Post
    Dissolved boundaries.
    ^The rest of this comment could have been phrased a lil' more delicately, but you have a point. I don't contact customers due to this etc. But, many girls do this successfully and safely and keep long term regulars because of it. Many regulars do have a shelf life, but this prolongs their expiry date for sure!
    Last edited by OliveJardin; 04-10-2013 at 12:47 AM.
    “Give a girl the right shoes and she can conquer the world” -Marilyn Monroe

    "True sexiness has many facets-confidence, strength, intelligence, and humor. It isn’t just about trying to look sexy; it’s an art and one becomes skillful in it when she realizes that there are all these conflicting elements that all come together to make something magical"-Dita Von Teese

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    Default Re: Regular who thinks he can talk to me the way he wants...

    Double post.
    “Give a girl the right shoes and she can conquer the world” -Marilyn Monroe

    "True sexiness has many facets-confidence, strength, intelligence, and humor. It isn’t just about trying to look sexy; it’s an art and one becomes skillful in it when she realizes that there are all these conflicting elements that all come together to make something magical"-Dita Von Teese

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    Featured Member luscious sadie's Avatar
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    Default Re: Regular who thinks he can talk to me the way he wants...

    if I were you, I would send him a message and establish boundaries. I had this exact problem with my high spending regular. I established boundaries and haven't let him break them. We cut back on the texting, we don't share everything now... I established the regular customer stripper boundaries that I have with other customers.
    [/center]

    Quote Originally Posted by Laurisa View Post
    Money can't buy happiness, but poverty can't buy shit.

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    Default Re: Regular who thinks he can talk to me the way he wants...

    I establish boundaries with regulars who text-- I tell them I am terrible with my phone and text irregularly to everyone (I really do). My phone is not a leash, and I tell them I'm a female player and don't want to break their hearts (lulz). They just text me to see when I come into work lol
    I suggest giving this guy what he really wants-- he's playing the role of controlling, concerned boyfriend and wants you to play petulant, childish girlfriend. Send cute, bratty texts irregularly so he waits to see when you'll initiate or return. If he's on your case too much, tell him you aren't tied to your phone and have stuff to do... AND that your last regular understood that and you better. See what he says then! lol

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    Default Re: Regular who thinks he can talk to me the way he wants...

    that will not work. I dealt with this exact situation with my regular just two months ago. You literally have to put your foot down and say "this is how this is. If you don't like this, you can stop seeing me. I will not have this any way other than this way. If you do not like that, you are welcome to not come and see me anymore. If you wish to continue this relationship then this is how it will be."

    do NOT let him have control of ANY situation. If he makes fun of your other customers tell him that you will not discuss them with him. If he tries to continue the conversation, tell him that your time is up. You are literally going to have to treat him like he is a child who is constantly overstepping boundiares. Stupid and annoying but that's how you're going to have to go forward with this, if you choose to.
    [/center]

    Quote Originally Posted by Laurisa View Post
    Money can't buy happiness, but poverty can't buy shit.

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    Senior Member Holly_V's Avatar
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    Default Re: Regular who thinks he can talk to me the way he wants...

    Quote Originally Posted by pizzedoff View Post
    re: holly
    I realize that and realize reading all the posts that dancers are saying their problems at works it most of the time mentions contacting these duchbags out of work. Read how many posts about this very issue. Im far from naïve hun, Ive learned the hard way and I am giving good advice to make more money. Ive known sweet naïve girls play this gf game w/ guys found fucking dead in a ditch. You don't know when these mfers gonna snap, or sit in parking lot and blow their own head off (know of this too). Be safe out there doing this type hustling. Its smart advice.
    This forum is here as a support network between dancers. Your posts tend to be critical rather than supportive. I've noticed this on other threads as well. It makes me wonder whether you are even a dancer at all.

    Also where the hell do you live where so many strippers you know are being killed. Seems kinda weird.

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    Default Re: Regular who thinks he can talk to me the way he wants...

    Five hours in VIP is an awful lot to give up, but I would seriously set some strict boundaries with him. If he doesn't respect that and continues to upset you with his text, then enough is enough. Trust me, its just not worth your time for anymore of his games.

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    Default Re: Regular who thinks he can talk to me the way he wants...

    5 hours in VIP every shift? So you never have to get on stage or sell lap dances, and still leave with 2000-3000 every night? I would put up with worse than a bunch of whiny, obnoxious texts for that.

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    Default Re: Regular who thinks he can talk to me the way he wants...

    Work six days a week if he comes in every night! Then you don't have to deal with the text bulls**t as you'll see him that night. Until he stops coming in and spending - then, cut him off.

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    Default Re: Regular who thinks he can talk to me the way he wants...

    Quote Originally Posted by Holly_V View Post
    This forum is here as a support network between dancers. Your posts tend to be critical rather than supportive. I've noticed this on other threads as well. It makes me wonder whether you are even a dancer at all.

    Also where the hell do you live where so many strippers you know are being killed. Seems kinda weird.
    Your reply to me comes off rather judgemental. It would be like me replying saying I think you are an extra's girl by your posts.

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    Default Re: Regular who thinks he can talk to me the way he wants...

    But of course that would only be my opinion, as this a forum for ideas and there is no rules to ideas. You can not control me or what I write.

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    Default Re: Regular who thinks he can talk to me the way he wants...

    Thank you all for your advice, they were very helpful and helped me explore my options.

    I decided I will no longer put up with his whiny baby victim text. He sends me one whiny text and I continue to will tell him "I don't wanna argue so talk to you later" ever since I did that he has stopped arguing by text for now. I guess he realizes that I won't be putting up with that.

    He still calls me out a little bit in the VIP but I ignore and disregard those words and as if he never even said it it works really well. These guys are like children that we must train. I was able to keep the money flow and calm him down without confrontation just a few actions.

    Needless to say he bought me a diamond promise ring and I said how pretty! But no promises from me ! And then he replied I"d knew you"d say that. I don't understand why these guys walk into the strip club and expect us girls to be their girl friends. I refuse to even lead him cuz he"ll use it against me.

    Thnk you girls for your help I really needed support. This site is awesome!

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    Default Re: Regular who thinks he can talk to me the way he wants...

    Thank you all for your advice, they were very helpful and helped me explore my options.

    I decided I will no longer put up with his whiny baby victim text. He sends me one whiny text and I will continue to tell him "I don't wanna argue so talk to you later" ever since I did that he has stopped arguing by text for now. I guess he realizes that I won't be putting up with that.

    He still calls me out a little bit in the VIP but I ignore and disregard those words and as if he never even said it it works really well. These guys are like children that we must train. I was able to keep the money flow and calm him down without confrontation just a few actions.

    Needless to say he bought me a diamond promise ring and I said how pretty! But no promises from me ! And then he replied I"d knew you"d say that. I don't understand why these guys walk into the strip club and expect us girls to be their girl friends. I refuse to even lead him or even tell him what he wants to hear cuz he"ll use it against me.

    Thnk you girls for your help I really needed support. This site is awesome!

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