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Thread: Working After a Break-up

  1. #1
    Featured Member Odette's Avatar
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    Default Working After a Break-up

    I am going through a break up at the moment. It was not a very long relationship, but I fell for the guy, fell hard, and instead he completely changed his mind sucks! There was a bunch of issues and complications though, and a huge part of me is very relieved to be done with him as after our break up I've started to notice more and more red flags that I didn't see before: I'm kind of feeling "better now than later" about the whole thing. But I'm still really sad.

    Since we all know how well sad strippers do at work, I've been avoiding it. To top things off he's in town this weekend and my club is located in the neighbourhood he grew up in. =double terrified to go in.Work was shit the last two weeks so I don't have high expectations, and I feel like if I have one more crap night on top of this breakup and my exams I'm really going to lose it. I have a temper when I'm REALLY upset or my anxiety levels are running high, and right now they're pretty much jacked right up there. This guy basically confirmed every doubt that I've ever had about men and was my third in a series of shit relationships. Though normally I'm cheerful and pleasant, right now I'm definitely a big giant cloud of pessimism. I threw some beer bottles out the window in a rage the night we broke up. The rage hasn't fully subsided and I still get the occasional urge to drop-kick the nearest man in the face. Another reason I've been avoiding work. I don't want to end up being one of *those* girls that loses her shit at work and gets fired/makes a scene whatever. I don't think being around alcohol would help either since that makes me even sadder and super depressed the day after...don't need to add salt to the wound so to speak. How do you girls handle working after a nasty breakup? Part of me wants to march right in and just get on with it, but part of me thinks I may just need some time to myself (a few more days, start again next weekend), and the other option I thought of was to travel and switch it up--distract myself and make some bank at the same time. Leaning towards the third option at the moment...The other thing I feel I may be in need of right now is a vanilla job to occupy my brain for a good chunk of the week.
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    God/dess simone87's Avatar
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    Default Re: Working After a Break-up

    usually when in in a bad mood ill go in and the money and busy atmosphere cheer me up and distract me..but if you know yourself better than i do obviously so if you feel you may lose it, i wouldn't go in just yet. or if you do, take it slow, and maybe have a regular come in and cheer you up and shower you with some money? travelling would be a great idea if you can, fresh scenery has always helped me tremendously! sorry about your break up i had a long string of losers too, i lost it after the 4th one in a row! but i switched clubs, and made some new friends and gave myself some new goals and activities to move towards.

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    Default Re: Working After a Break-up

    I'm in the same spot w/ the breakup, hon. I've worked sporadically the last couple wks since it happened, but I admit I've been pretty angry & depressed over it. The last couple nites, & tonite as well, I've taken off w/ sm old injuries acting up, been taking lots of salt baths & playing an ungodly amt of World of Warcraft. It's not really helping the brooding but at least I am not calling him to tell him just what a shitsack I think he is right now.

    I've been writing everything down that I'm feeling re: the breakup, addressing it to my ex even tho I'm not sure I ever intend for him to see it. It's a good way to get out all the things that I haven't felt I could tell him, where I can be as brutally honest as necessary. I can't say whether it's really making me feel any better but it is a good way of venting. Other than that, just trying to take it easy - I second the fear that my rage/anxiety will boil over at work so I have been avoiding it as well.

    Just focus on taking care of yourself for the present time, hope you're back to yourself soon, & you're welcome to PM me if you want to vent.

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    Veteran Member Artema's Avatar
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    Default Re: Working After a Break-up

    Sorry you're going through this. I'm about to go through a breakup myself. I wouldn't feel bad about missing work if you need to get your head around straight. However the rage factor could come in handy and you could use that energy to make money. Also depends on how badly you need money right now...

    I know for a fact that tearing up mid-dance definitely won't make money.

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    Veteran Member DreamsInDigital's Avatar
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    Default Re: Working After a Break-up

    You know yourself best. I think traveling is a great idea. Anything you can do to distract yourself. For me, I headed right into work after my last breakup, even though I felt miserable. I'm definitely not above crying and being upset in the dressing room, but I make sure I'm done with all that BEFORE I start my shift. And then I make myself look beautiful and head out on the floor. Going to work does end up making me feel better, because what is nicer than having a bunch of guys tell you all night how beautiful you are and how they wish they had a chance with you? It's kinda stupid, maybe, but it makes me remember that for every guy who doesn't want me, there are a million more that do, and I'm not a loser just because I got dumped. Don't let him interfere with your life too much!

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    Default Re: Working After a Break-up

    Quote Originally Posted by DreamsInDigital View Post
    You know yourself best. I think traveling is a great idea. Anything you can do to distract yourself. For me, I headed right into work after my last breakup, even though I felt miserable. I'm definitely not above crying and being upset in the dressing room, but I make sure I'm done with all that BEFORE I start my shift. And then I make myself look beautiful and head out on the floor. Going to work does end up making me feel better, because what is nicer than having a bunch of guys tell you all night how beautiful you are and how they wish they had a chance with you? It's kinda stupid, maybe, but it makes me remember that for every guy who doesn't want me, there are a million more that do, and I'm not a loser just because I got dumped. Don't let him interfere with your life too much!
    this^ I'm sorry..I prob. can't add anything helpful, but I can relate..I am in a depression right now made worse by a bad week. I hope you feel better soon. Take care


    MANY MEN WANTED TO LAY ME DOWN, BUT FEW WANTED TO LIFT ME UP

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    Veteran Member lovelydancer's Avatar
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    Default Re: Working After a Break-up

    I would think that working through a breakup would help....mainly because you would be too busy to think about him and your hurt, and more focused on making money (I did this during a hard breakup I went through when I first started dancing, and it allowed to keep myself distracted until I was ready to deal with the heartache).
    I wouldn't be nervous about going into work hun. Think about it this way - he would be on YOUR stomping grounds, you could potentially make him miserable, jealous, or have the managers kick him out (if you were uncomfortable with him being there). You are in your element - dont allow him to make you feel anything less than amazing. And definitely don't let the POTENTIAL of him showing up prevent you from going into work to make money.

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    Default Re: Working After a Break-up

    After I broke up with my ex, I went to work and worked so much harder and made much more than I had been making WITH him. He didn't like me to do rooms even though I still did them. I just did them less, didn't push as hard for them and godforbid I had a good tip AFTER the room, he wanted to know what I "did" to get that tip. It was such an unhealthy relationship so when I got to go back to work without worrying about my controlling psycho ex asking me question after question, I made a ton more and it made me feel really great lol.

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    Default Re: Working After a Break-up

    I always make better money when I am arguing with my man. Sounds really weird but it's always been like that. I actually started stripping right after an extremely rough break up and stripping was the one thing that I can say truly brought me out of my depression. (weird but true) I think it's great to work after a break up, it keeps you busy and your mind isn't running thinking about those things. It's also very freeing! It feels good to be getting out and meeting new people. Can you try another club near you? that's also a great option. You won't be reminded of him because it's a whole new setting and something totally fresh to you.

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    Default Re: Working After a Break-up

    Omg I feel like ur twin rite now... I also recently went through a breakup of sorts (can't exactly call it that cuz we weren't technically in a relationship, but we'd been basically dating without calling it that) that hurt, but it was good that it ended when it did, and involved things being thrown... Well, I did get into a huge argument that almost turned into a fist fight with another dancer tonite. And honestly I would have got into it with her even if all this shit hadn't just happened (she was way wrong, stepped on my toes to the point where she messed up my money without even making money off the guy herself, just out of bitterness) but I probably went in on her a little extra because of all my built up rage. So yeah, if you have options where you can work without going into your usual club, Id definitiely do that! And feel better! Just keep reminding yourself, now that its over ur one step closer to finding the dude who's right.

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    Featured Member Odette's Avatar
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    Default Re: Working After a Break-up

    Yeah I think you guys are definitely right that work will serve to distract me. I'm going to travel this week go visit my fam and some friends and maybe try out a shift or two back at home. I've also been sick with something...thinking that may have helped contribute to my shitty mood being stuck in bed with nothing to think about except the break up...skipping work was definitely a good thing last night, my neck isn't all swollen up anymore after a nice 12 hr sleep Definitely need to make sure I stay busy now though. I'm getting my stuff back from him today...that's been hanging over my head all weekend because I don't want to see him and have it turn into either another argument or ??? I can't wait to just get this over with and forget about him. Hoping the working at a new club will help with that. At least I'm skinny because I've been too sad to eat all week, should make it easier to get hired lol Thanks for the advice, you girls are lovely hugs to the other ladies going through break ups! Fuck those dudes we're amazing
    "We can't expect you to just know all the secrets of our top-secret-titty-club!" --Jenna Marbles

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    Default Re: Working After a Break-up

    Maybe try a day shift so alcohol doesn't have as strong of a presence. Clientele also tends to be calmer and nicer, so that might help mitigate the 'kick dudes in the face' feeling.

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    Default Re: Working After a Break-up

    Sometimes after a breakup it really isnt the best time to be dancing..U may have that I hate men vibe and guys rnt drawn to that..It sorta depends on how ur feeling..If theres bad feelings and frustrations and depression sometimes that is easily seen by other dancers and customers..It actually takes away from ur money. At times its better to get through the shit times a bit before u put urself around other people who u mostly have to pretend like ur happy around.

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    Default Re: Working After a Break-up

    I'm also going through a bad relationship breakup thing myself. So glad I found this post, makes me feel a bit better knowing I'm not the only one dealing with this.
    It's pretty hard right now, seems like my guy is having some trouble living up to his responsibilities as a provider an we have a family together but I'm not sure if I trust him anymore and he's got some anger problems that I just AM not going to deal with anymore.

    Plus, it's been so hard to get into work lately because he makes such a big deal about me wanting to go and dance or getting into to a dispute with me the night before I go in. Now that were taking some time apart, I can get back in my zone and go to work. It's such a confidence booster; ) def do the dayshift or a midhift. Usually far less douchebags deserving of a kick in the face lol

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    Default Re: Working After a Break-up

    Quote Originally Posted by arielbriel View Post
    After I broke up with my ex, I went to work and worked so much harder and made much more than I had been making WITH him. He didn't like me to do rooms even though I still did them. I just did them less, didn't push as hard for them and godforbid I had a good tip AFTER the room, he wanted to know what I "did" to get that tip. It was such an unhealthy relationship so when I got to go back to work without worrying about my controlling psycho ex asking me question after question, I made a ton more and it made me feel really great lol.
    This!^


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    Default Re: Working After a Break-up

    First, that's awful. I'm very sorry for your hard times. This book contains relationship advice that is amazing. It's geared towards marriage but really it's everything you ever wanted to know about why and how relationships work.

    Two, it really does suck to work in a public place, half naked, and anybody from your past can walk in. I try to be in places w/ good bouncers and mangers, but eh... doesn't always work out. I find avoiding people works best. Just close that door for good.

    And get back in there and start working. The longer you drag it out in your mind, the longer it will take to get back to living.

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    Default Re: Working After a Break-up

    I work at a club across town where the girls don't give two shits about me. At my regular club, if i looked sad in the dressing room some girl would give me a hug and want to talk. I would just end up crying the rest of the night. In a different environment I feel less comfortable which helps me keep my shit together. Also, the customers that get dances/come to see me are so caring and sweet. If is so hard to keep it together around them.

    I have lots of experience in this department. There are times when it is just better not to go in. There are times when I tell myself I can go in and sit ing the dressing room if i want. I'll go out for stages and eventually make some money. I have allowed myself to cry in a really sweet customer's lap once... not the best idea, but i made a lot more money than i would have crying in my bed. I have allowed myself to go to work and just sit at the bar and play games on my phone (my club is very relaxed). Eventually someone comes over....

    Going to another club is what seems to work best.

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    Featured Member Odette's Avatar
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    Default Re: Working After a Break-up

    So the travelling has definitely helped keep my mind in check, and occupied. I still catch myself thinking about this guy sometimes but it's getting less and less and at this point I feel as though I'm pretty much "over" him. Or over the worst of it. Phew. I was expecting it to be a long ass time like after my first big breakup...but I am so grateful this one moved right along. Thanks for all the advice ladies, very helpful! For any ladies who come across this thread in the future: get your butt to work. Working did help me get over things faster I think, why: If anything, I was at least "trying" almost every day to work towards something. Trying to be productive, trying to make money, trying to make myself better (working out, eating healthy food, practicing pole and floorwork, doing yoga). Most days I was successful. Some days were shitty but I felt better about myself than if I was just doing nothing but being sad at home alone. Another thing is the routine. Routines can be very distracting (in a good way), and I feel that our jobs often lack structure because we are independent contractors, and while most of the time that is nice, at times, everyone can use some structure. For me, now I know after break ups are one of those times.

    When I went home to visit my fam I got hired at a nice clean bar for dayshift, I've made 2 trips back since to work at this new bar and now all of a sudden it's been 5 weeks since this break up! This bar has a schedule so I had to plan and commit to working, which I actually really liked, as I have a tendency to flake on working! Time flew right by, and the changing back and forth of scene (I've still been living in the same city--talk about work and home separation!) has been just what I needed. My calendar is filling up with fun things to do with friends and between a social life and working who needs men! But I did find a nice new little friend ...just keeping things casual, it's going to be a while before I'm ready or wanting a new bf.
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    Default Re: Working After a Break-up

    Awesome thread. Had a quote to add:

    "The best revenge is massive success." - Frank Sinatra
    Quote Originally Posted by qurl View Post
    You are sassy AND smart Miss Pickles.

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    Default Re: Working After a Break-up

    Just saw this, and had to post because of what happened to me last night.

    I'm working away, having an awesome night, and who should stroll in the door but my ex. Now, we had a fairly amicable breakup, and talk from time to time (about the dog, mostly), but I was absolutely blindsided. It was like a slap in the face, and I know it showed on mine. Ugh.

    I'm assuming that he didn't know I'd be working that night, and that he was with friends, and THEY were the driving force in going there....but with all the best will in the world, it was just awful. He was never really ok with my work, and I just felt smacked in the face with all the previous judgements, and couldn't keep my mind off the fact that he was there with friend who hadn't met me before.

    It's just every woman's worst nightmare, isn't it? You break up with a guy, you know he is bitching to his friends about you, and then they show up where you are in your freaking UNDERWEAR, giving them the perfect opportunity to judge away while you stand in plain view nearly naked. It's actually the stuff of nightmares.

    I tried my hardest not to let it stop me, and kept working the room, but the spark was jut gone, and they could tell. It went from getting every guy to stand up for a dance, to getting a sucession of nos - and then I was trying not to look around and see where he and his friends were, and knowing that not only were they seeing me in my underwear, they were seeing me BEING REJECTED WHILE IN MY UNDERWEAR.

    I gave up and went home. I didn't see him on the way out, so all I can hope is that he was equally weirded out and left before I did, because I would have hated him to know that he drove me out of my own workplace.

    Just. Horrifying. Had to share.
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