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Thread: Family found out I dance

  1. #1
    Senior Member PrincessN's Avatar
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    Thumbs down Family found out I dance

    With Asian families they are strict if we ladies act or dress like westerners

    so now I've gone away from home bought an apartment but still dancing worldwide, my family suck at supporting me, and the parents even turned my siblings against me, my younger sister advised me never to come home again, as it won't be a happy ending

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  3. #2
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    Default Re: Family found out I dance

    I'm sorry that they reacted that way . Hopefully they are just in "shock" or "disappointed" atm and in time they might learn or begin to accept your choices.
    “Give a girl the right shoes and she can conquer the world” -Marilyn Monroe

    "True sexiness has many facets-confidence, strength, intelligence, and humor. It isn’t just about trying to look sexy; it’s an art and one becomes skillful in it when she realizes that there are all these conflicting elements that all come together to make something magical"-Dita Von Teese

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    Senior Member TaTasha's Avatar
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    Default Re: Family found out I dance

    That's wrong of them to treat you like this. No matter what you are doing they are your family and they should support you or at least show you love through anything. I think they will come around with time. Sorry u are having to go thru this
    Quote Originally Posted by GlamourRouge View Post
    I still can't understand why people care about OTHER PEOPLE'S choices that don't affect them or hurt anyone. I go with the whole "ONE DAY WE ARE ALL GOING TO BE DEAD AND DUMB CRAP YOU CARED TOO MUCH ABOUT WON'T MATTER" and then they usually come to their senses. But its true. One day we will all be dead or dying or too old to function and the things you cared too much about won't matter, and the things you didn't care enough about (like FRIENDSHIPS) will be all you regret.

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    Default Re: Family found out I dance

    I hope they come around in time. My family learnt abt my dancing when the boss from my former vanilla job outed me (sm ppl have a chip in their shoulder, this guy has a whole damn can of Pringles). No one was happy abt it but sm eventually came to accept it - others, mainly in my home country, would hardly even talk to me when I was there a month ago.

    I know it's easier said than done, but you can't please everyone, & in the end, you need to do what's right for you.

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    Moderator Djoser's Avatar
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    Default Re: Family found out I dance

    Quote Originally Posted by Aniela View Post
    ...(sm ppl have a chip in their shoulder, this guy has a whole damn can of Pringles)...


    Sorry to laugh, I'm sure it wasn't funny at the time, and this isn't funny right now to the OP.
    You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star.
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    Senior Member PrincessN's Avatar
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    Default Re: Family found out I dance

    It's fair enough they know, but I know what family can be like, one of my cousins got killed by her own family because they believed she was having an inter racial relationship although she wasn't and even told them, but one of her so called school friends told her dad, and a month later she was found dead, but now wether they come around or not it won't be the same

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    Senior Member delilahd's Avatar
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    Default Re: Family found out I dance

    That is really intense and takes the risk level a lot higher for you. I'm very sorry that this is going down like this for you. Your safety and well being are the most important things for you and you gotta live your life in a way that makes you happy and keeps you safe. If dancing does that for you and your family is choosing to not come around, it becomes a matter of figuring out which priorities you want the most. BIG HUG!


    I am camming to sensual Jazz ONLY this week.

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    Senior Member PrincessN's Avatar
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    Default Re: Family found out I dance

    Thanks yeah I've figured out what's right for me
    If they don't like what I'm doing than be it

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    Senior Member delilahd's Avatar
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    Default Re: Family found out I dance

    It's good to hear you've figured out what you want!


    I am camming to sensual Jazz ONLY this week.

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    Senior Member PrincessN's Avatar
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    Default Re: Family found out I dance

    Well I just rubbed salt in the wound I messaged my sister
    And said listen kid, I shall do what I want, be what I want, and tell mom and pops and the others I won't bother them ever again and this is my good bye love you sister, be what you want to be I will always support you LOVE N"

    Is that okay?

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    Senior Member TaTasha's Avatar
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    Default Re: Family found out I dance

    I think it was good to let them know that you love them unconditionally, as they should let you know too. Overall, I think what you said was really real, honest, and good. You can't live to please other judgemental people, you gotta do what's right for you! But I can tell you have a grasp on that so that's good!
    Quote Originally Posted by GlamourRouge View Post
    I still can't understand why people care about OTHER PEOPLE'S choices that don't affect them or hurt anyone. I go with the whole "ONE DAY WE ARE ALL GOING TO BE DEAD AND DUMB CRAP YOU CARED TOO MUCH ABOUT WON'T MATTER" and then they usually come to their senses. But its true. One day we will all be dead or dying or too old to function and the things you cared too much about won't matter, and the things you didn't care enough about (like FRIENDSHIPS) will be all you regret.

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    Senior Member PrincessN's Avatar
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    Default Re: Family found out I dance

    Thanks hun

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    Default Re: Family found out I dance

    Sorry to hear. It must be hard to get shut out like that. It's a shame they feel that way, but ultimately, this is YOUR life, especially if you're supporting yourself. You make the decisions. You live with the consequences, good or bad. And they need to accept that even if they don't like it. Doesn't mean they can't try to talk you out of it or convince you to change jobs. That just goes with being protective. But if you're dead-set on this and you're a self-sufficient adult, then I don't think this is a case where shutting you out does any good. I know it's a cultural thing too, but still...

    That being said, I know it's hard, but I wouldn't write your family off completely. Don't do what they're doing. It's a waste of your time, emotion, etc and a hardened heart is, quite frankly, exhausting. Besides, time is a funny thing - given the right circumstances, it can lead to all sorts of healing. An Asian girl friend of mine from a super-traditional family married a white guy. Talk about explosion - her father cut her off completely. Didn't even show up to the wedding. But a few years later, he got cancer. He wanted his daughter back and realized what an idiot he'd been. They reconciled, he got better and now they're one big happy family. Small miracles happen. It just takes time.

    I'm not saying this will be the case. It may never happen. But maybe don't shut yourself off to the possibility of it happening. That would be a shame. To miss that. And besides, while it's a sad situation, you spending all that emotion and time over THEIR problem would suck. You have better things to do with your time and energy!

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    Senior Member PrincessN's Avatar
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    Default Re: Family found out I dance

    Thanks a lot
    That makes a lot of sense

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    Default Re: Family found out I dance

    family is supposed to love u unconditionally. give it time, they may come around or you could even lie and say you quit... just to keep the peace. some people are just so judgemental it makes me sick.

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    Featured Member vivianbear's Avatar
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    Default Re: Family found out I dance

    Quote Originally Posted by PrincessN View Post
    Well I just rubbed salt in the wound I messaged my sister
    And said listen kid, I shall do what I want, be what I want, and tell mom and pops and the others I won't bother them ever again and this is my good bye love you sister, be what you want to be I will always support you LOVE N"

    Is that okay?
    This is totally perfect. You don't owe them anymore explanation than that. I think it's good to be open to a relationship and support of your siblings, too. My parents were really emotionally abusive to me, as a teen and would bring my baby sister into it pretty often. She would hurl insults and slurs at me and they would just tell me I deserved it. Now, she's in her 20's and we're really close. Our dad is dead our mom and treats her just as badly as I was ever treated so now I think she has a better understanding of what I went though. We really need and support each other and I'm very glad we're close. I hope you have the same relationship with your sister, someday. Your parents may never come around but she might. Til then, you go live your life for YOU.

    Quote Originally Posted by Babybuns View Post
    family is supposed to love u unconditionally. give it time, they may come around or you could even lie and say you quit... just to keep the peace. some people are just so judgemental it makes me sick.
    IMHO, lying is a VERY bad idea, especially in the OP's case. Her family sounds extremely abusive, controlling and above all, reactionary. This could lead to her family finding out and physically abusing or harming her to enact revenge. If she's had a family member killed for making a decision, she should stay as far away from these people as humanly possible. If anything, her parents shunning her is at least a good insight to what direction this could take, if they got any worse. Nothing is worth losing your life over. Not even keeping up appearances to please your family.
    "SS=stripper shit, in the same spectrum as CS=customer shit, which is within the spectrum of SaS=sales shit, which is all contained in the universe of BS=bullshit." -- Jay Zeno (mod)

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    Default Re: Family found out I dance

    Quote Originally Posted by vivianbear View Post
    . Nothing is worth losing your life over. Not even keeping up appearances to please your family.
    THIS!!!!!





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    Default Re: Family found out I dance

    Quote Originally Posted by PrincessN View Post
    It's fair enough they know, but I know what family can be like, one of my cousins got killed by her own family because they believed she was having an inter racial relationship although she wasn't and even told them, but one of her so called school friends told her dad, and a month later she was found dead, but now wether they come around or not it won't be the same
    What?!?!?! Has anyone been arrested for this?
    Quote Originally Posted by Jay12 View Post
    ^What Sophia said.
    Quote Originally Posted by yoda57us View Post
    I wish there was an "auto-like" setting that I could just have applied to all of your posts Sophia....

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    Senior Member PrincessN's Avatar
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    Default Re: Family found out I dance

    No one was arrested for it, it was an on going case, they had suspects but came to no avail, and now her family have vanished no track of them

    And yeah I honestly can not go back to my family well parents, my little sister text me today, that parents are really wanting revenge on me, as they think I made the family look disrespectful in front of others, sister also said for my sake not to return, and she will contact me again at a later date, as parents confiscated her cell phone, she had to use her friends to message me.

    I love dancing, travelling the world, camming and above all, the freedom I have, and I to be honest will not change that for anything.

  31. #20
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    Default Re: Family found out I dance

    omg, that's crazy! that's good you are far away from them then! i know family is important and all, but they sound extremely abusive and messed up. thank god you got out if they are plotting "revenge" (wtf? on their own daughter??). i'd do what you are doing, live and enjoy your life and don't give that up for people who would treat you that way if you do something they don't like. i also understand that with asian americans 'family honor" is a big deal but i've never heard it going to that extremes

  32. #21
    Senior Member PrincessN's Avatar
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    Default Re: Family found out I dance

    Trust me its a world of salvery of families, live by there rules, do what they say,
    My mom has become a bitch towards me, I practically done everything in my power to make it good, but fuck them they screwed it up not me, I'm still doing what I'm doing, I am glad they are out of my life, but it also saddens me

  33. #22
    Featured Member Odette's Avatar
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    Default Re: Family found out I dance

    Quote Originally Posted by simone87 View Post
    omg, that's crazy! that's good you are far away from them then! i know family is important and all, but they sound extremely abusive and messed up. thank god you got out if they are plotting "revenge" (wtf? on their own daughter??). i'd do what you are doing, live and enjoy your life and don't give that up for people who would treat you that way if you do something they don't like. i also understand that with asian americans 'family honor" is a big deal but i've never heard it going to that extremes
    Oh it happens. Have you ever heard of honour killings? There have been hundreds of cases of them in the UK and the US in the last decade. We just recently had a case in Canada where 2 girls were murdered by their own father for wearing western clothing and having boyfriends.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shafia_family_murders
    http://news.nationalpost.com/2012/01...onour-killing/


    I'm not asian, but my family may as well be, they're super conservative bible thumpers, and when they found out I was dancing shit BLEW UP and things were majorly fucked for about 2 years. I barely talked to them for over a year, and when I did things were often tense and wierd, and there were a few other secondary blow-ups after the initial one. In one argument my father threatened to burn down every strip club in the city. My sister was really a huge bitch about everything at first, but she came around first, I feel yours probably will eventually...if she can get around your controlling parents to communicate with you. I had to tell my family that I quit, I tried going the whole honesty route, but it became pretty clear pretty fast that they just cannot deal with it. That may be the best option for you too in order to get them off your case. It could certainly be bad if they found out you didn't...but...it sounds pretty bad now? How did they even find out?

    OP, the most important thing you will need right now is some good friends. When your family is shitty to you, all you have is your friends. Make sure your friends are ones that know you inside and out and are positive rather than negative influences in your life. I think you should stay away from your family as well as they sound very dangerous...if you are ever fearful for your life you need to tell someone, ideally the police. They are in another country I'm guessing? Please stay safe!
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    Senior Member PrincessN's Avatar
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    Default Re: Family found out I dance

    One of my girlfriends from high school, told my mom while she was out shopping, that I'm a dancer, lets just say when I saw my so-called friend it wasn't pretty, the bitch, I only have 2 best friends that I can rely on, everyone else is jealous or the usual our friends a stripper blah blah fake people hate them,
    Parents are in the UK, I'm in and out of the UK, dancing abroad etc, I can actually do without my parents, can they do without me time will tell

  36. #24
    Senior Member PrincessN's Avatar
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    Default Re: Family found out I dance

    So last night I get a message from one my closest cousin sisters who I made so much time for, paid for her vacations etc and so the message read

    Hey N,
    I just want you to know you are dead to me, your mom told me what your doing, and if I see you, you won't get away from me I will destroy your life, you f***ing slut

  37. #25
    Banned Aniela's Avatar
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    Default Re: Family found out I dance

    ^^^ That sounds like a threat to me. My first thought was if she lives in your area to notify the police, if for no other reason than to have it documented. You've told us abt your cousin being killed by her family. Might be time to start taking steps to ensure your own safety beyond not returning home.

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