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Thread: Dating and camming

  1. #1
    Veteran Member Fallenangel2904's Avatar
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    Default Dating and camming

    I'm bringing this up because it's something I've been curious about. How do you girls juggle dating and camming? I'm a single girl. Ended things with my ex at the beginning of the year, we had been on again off again for a long time (though a lot more off then on lol) I wasn't so much interested in dating for a long time, even on our 'off' times, but this year I really have made it a point to get out there and date, especially the last few months. Not necessarily looking for anything long term, just seeing what happens.

    Do you girls tell your dates right off the bat what you do for a living?
    When should you come clean about it?
    Do you find when you DO share it that there is a stigma with guys thinking now you're 'easy'? 'Oh she takes her clothes off for a living, she's not girlfriend material, but I bet she'll fuck me' Of course this isn't true but given the shit we hear on cam all day not unreasonable to think why guys would think it....
    Also how do you balance sex drive while camming? When I cam I have hardly any sex drive while I'm not on cam. How do you balance that?

    Lets discuss!
    For the love of nipples!


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    Featured Member MissSassyPickles's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dating and camming

    I recently had a breakup and plan on getting back into dating.

    I would NEVER tell anyone on the first date. I would not tell them until we are considering monogamy.

    I know some people disagree with this, but as soon as you tell a guy you are in the adult industry they see you as a sex object. Sorry but this is a fact.

    If a guy met you through the adult industry, obviously that's different because they know what you do, and they also UNDERSTAND what the adult industry is.

    A vanilla guy just doesn't understand, and as soon as he hears the words 'sex' and 'porn' that's it.

    It doesn't matter how nice he is, it doesn't matter how understanding he is, he is a MAN and that is how men react, they think with their pensises first and their brains second.

    Have him see you as a person first, job second (or third or fourth).

    You don't have to lie. Just say you work from home and will elaborate later.

    Sorry for the rant.
    Quote Originally Posted by qurl View Post
    You are sassy AND smart Miss Pickles.

    "Well behaved women seldom make history." - Laurel Thatcher Ulrich


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    Featured Member MissSassyPickles's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dating and camming

    Oh and as far as sex drive goes, I'm perpetually horny and have always had a higher sex drive than any of my male counterparts, so sex work takes the edge off for me, so I can't be much help in that department
    Quote Originally Posted by qurl View Post
    You are sassy AND smart Miss Pickles.

    "Well behaved women seldom make history." - Laurel Thatcher Ulrich

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    God/dess CourtneyRaine's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dating and camming


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    God/dess Vlodina's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dating and camming

    Hell, I've been in a relationship from way before I started camming (7 years) but I imagine my biggest concern if I were single would be actually meeting guys. I barely leave the house!

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    God/dess CourtneyRaine's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dating and camming

    I tell guys straight off the bat, because I'd rather weed out the guys who are going to pre-judge me. Some guys have negative stereotypes. I've also met guys who don't. As far as the sex drive I don't have sex with guys I'm just seeing casually so that's a non-issue for me. In my last relationship camming didn't affect our sex life at all, but I also have a high sex drive.

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    Veteran Member Fallenangel2904's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dating and camming

    Quote Originally Posted by CourtneyRaine View Post
    I fail at using the search function! Ahh lol

    Quote Originally Posted by MissSassyPickles View Post
    I recently had a breakup and plan on getting back into dating.

    I would NEVER tell anyone on the first date. I would not tell them until we are considering monogamy.

    I know some people disagree with this, but as soon as you tell a guy you are in the adult industry they see you as a sex object. Sorry but this is a fact.

    If a guy met you through the adult industry, obviously that's different because they know what you do, and they also UNDERSTAND what the adult industry is.

    A vanilla guy just doesn't understand, and as soon as he hears the words 'sex' and 'porn' that's it.

    It doesn't matter how nice he is, it doesn't matter how understanding he is, he is a MAN and that is how men react, they think with their pensises first and their brains second.

    Have him see you as a person first, job second (or third or fourth).

    You don't have to lie. Just say you work from home and will elaborate later.

    Sorry for the rant.
    That's actually how I feel too. I was briefly seeing someone a few weeks ago (It didn't go anywhere for reasons having nothing to do with camming...more because he was a douchbag who showed his true colors lol) but my best friend who knows what I do told me I should tell him and be honest with him( when we were still seeing each other). I debated whether or not, but decided against it for a lot of the above reasons, glad I didn't because he was a douche bag anyway...lol.

    Quote Originally Posted by Vlodina View Post
    Hell, I've been in a relationship from way before I started camming (7 years) but I imagine my biggest concern if I were single would be actually meeting guys. I barely leave the house!
    I'm basically a hermit most of the time so that's been an issue for me lol. I've been doing the online dating thing which has been ehh interesting lol.
    For the love of nipples!


  12. #8
    Featured Member HaydenBlue's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dating and camming

    Quote Originally Posted by MissSassyPickles View Post
    I recently had a breakup and plan on getting back into dating.

    I would NEVER tell anyone on the first date. I would not tell them until we are considering monogamy.

    I know some people disagree with this, but as soon as you tell a guy you are in the adult industry they see you as a sex object. Sorry but this is a fact.

    If a guy met you through the adult industry, obviously that's different because they know what you do, and they also UNDERSTAND what the adult industry is.

    A vanilla guy just doesn't understand, and as soon as he hears the words 'sex' and 'porn' that's it.

    It doesn't matter how nice he is, it doesn't matter how understanding he is, he is a MAN and that is how men react, they think with their pensises first and their brains second.

    Have him see you as a person first, job second (or third or fourth).

    You don't have to lie. Just say you work from home and will elaborate later.

    Sorry for the rant.
    BOW DOWN. Lol.

    Exactly! How I feel. I've tried the both, "being 100% honest" vs "keeping it for later" and the latter is the better of two.

    I'd try to be honest, and think "well maybe this guy is different and he's mature and he'll just accept it and keep it in his pants" - nope. They SAY "Ok, no problem!!" and then slowly, like a hardening peen, they just push and beg and prod, until they're like "HEY, LETS FUCK NAO." Sooo annoying and always a disappointment.

    I've tried to lessen it? By telling them I was a Dominatrix (lols) - STILL, nope. Don't try that either. Doesn't work. The last guy I tried that on, was good for a bit then he was like, "Hey so do you meet guys you hit and make them eat your pussy and finger you??" Facepalm. Non-industry/vanillas are really starting to annoy!! me. lol.

    First impressions are big. Some things need to be kept to yourself for awhile - our job is kind of a "bomb" to the vanilla world.







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    Default Re: Dating and camming

    What annoys me is when the vanilla guys find out oh you're a cam model and then all of a sudden start talking to you like they're a freebie hunting "customer" wanting all kinds of n00dz etc lol

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    God/dess Marina Starr's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dating and camming

    I personally wouldn't tell unless we're getting serious. I have the 'let's wait and see' attutide, let the cream rise to the top because too often times people will show you that they are not worthy of knowing such private aspect of your life.
    Last edited by Marina Starr; 05-16-2013 at 06:03 AM.
    Quote Originally Posted by ~Carmen~ View Post
    I can see you being 90 and flipping your long hair, still teasing the boys.



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    God/dess anonymous camgirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dating and camming

    Ok let's say you are not in this industry. You have a regular vanilla job. As you go out there and date. The rule of thumb is NO sex for at least 90 days or 3 months til he gets to KNOW you. Men are strange creatures, they are wired for sex, women are wired for monogamy. So why in HELL would you tell him what you do for a living?? It's hard enough getting a guy to commit when you have a non adult job. And WHY do you have trust a guy?? OMG!.. Girls, you owe nothing to anyone but yourself. WHO CARES? cuz i will tell you one thing, he more than likely doesn't care about you on a first date. I mean in general if you are a good looking girl or any girl , men are just sizing you up for sex anyways.. NO DO NOT TELL!

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    Featured Member AliceFun's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dating and camming

    In 12 years i had two relationships with 2 guys that i met while in this industry (members) , they were both foreigners.
    I never told any of my nationals what i actually work and it was good like that, i just dont feel like opening up to people that could take advantage of me or even worse, use that info against me. In my country people are very conservative and guys wont understand what is all about. As long as i am in this industry i prefer to keep a low profile about my work and dont give men power over me by telling the truth. I better be safe than sorry. That's me.

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    Default Re: Dating and camming

    I was dating this guy for a few months and then dropped the bomb. It also happened to be a few days before my birthday and guess what? He stopped answering my calls and ditched me on my birthday.

    My amazing boyfriend now though, I told him almost right off the bat and he didn't even bat an eyelash. In fact, he's helped me so much with technical issues, filming me, editing videos and has actually cameo'd in a few videos WITH me.

    Some guys will change their view into you being nothing but a big whore.
    Some guys it will be too much.
    And some guys will surprise you.

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    Default Re: Dating and camming

    I would never tell them. You have to really trust a person and a lot of women think they trust their boyfriends but hardly any of the men we date/dated in the past were ever worthy enough of knowing if we cam or not. Only do it if they really love you and have an open mind.

    You know how I'd approach it if I did? I'd say "Hey...have you ever seen those websites where people get on cam and have sex? Well....I think we are so hot having sex that it would be fun to do it with other hot people, without actually being with them." See what they say. Then...start up a couples account on a site that you don't even work on. Then...after a while if they like it say "Hey..I think I'm going to sign up on another site all by myself...would you be ok with that?" and see what they say. It sounds like hard work but that's how I'd test it out. That way they will never know you cammed before and if they get spooked by the whole thing you can say "Ok..that's cool", then a couple weeks have a falling out over something stupid and end it.

    I tell no one except for the people who live with me. It's something that's my business, and although I'm not ashamed, it would be awkward if my neighbor went into my chat room and watched me or took me pvt. It wouldn't be the end of the world, but it's a thing I'd rather avoid.

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    God/dess anonymous camgirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dating and camming

    Quote Originally Posted by cammodel View Post
    I would never tell them. You have to really trust a person and a lot of women think they trust their boyfriends but hardly any of the men we date/dated in the past were ever worthy enough of knowing if we cam or not. Only do it if they really love you and have an open mind.

    You know how I'd approach it if I did? I'd say "Hey...have you ever seen those websites where people get on cam and have sex? Well....I think we are so hot having sex that it would be fun to do it with other hot people, without actually being with them." See what they say. Then...start up a couples account on a site that you don't even work on. Then...after a while if they like it say "Hey..I think I'm going to sign up on another site all by myself...would you be ok with that?" and see what they say. It sounds like hard work but that's how I'd test it out. That way they will never know you cammed before and if they get spooked by the whole thing you can say "Ok..that's cool", then a couple weeks have a falling out over something stupid and end it.

    I tell no one except for the people who live with me. It's something that's my business, and although I'm not ashamed, it would be awkward if my neighbor went into my chat room and watched me or took me pvt. It wouldn't be the end of the world, but it's a thing I'd rather avoid.

    Yea sometimes you can't even trust someone you are married to.. I totally agree with you... and i have been in camming for over a decade and it is weird that people you know in real life watch you on cam.. I feel used and the friendship in real life becomes less genuine.. I normally will cut people off that I find out if they are viewing me in free chat on a regular basis.. it's like they are more interested in my pseudo persona than the real me.. offends me.

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    God/dess CourtneyRaine's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dating and camming

    Bringin' back a thread from the past because my situation doesn't warrant a new one. Dating and camming and sex and all that.

    So about a year and a half ago I went out on a couple of dates with this guy I met on Craigslist (I know). He was actually really great, good job, generous, easy to talk with, fun. I thought we hit it off. I told him on the first date what I do for a living and he was actually okay with it. Did ask me questions about it but not in a pervy way (like if I have a schedule, if I like it, what do I think of my custies, is it stressful, etc.). He did try to kiss me goodnight on the first date but I pulled away because I'm not really the type to kiss on the first date. Okay and actually? I haven't even kissed anyone at all in over 2 years but he doesn't know that.

    So the second date, he didn't really try to make a move, nor did I because that's not my style. I didn't hear from him for a while afterwards so after a week or so I sent him an email that it probably wasn't going to work and we should just go our separate ways. He never replied back, nor did I expect him to. You win some, you lose some.

    So NOW, like 18 months later I get an email from him that he's not sure if I remember him but he was thinking of me and he regrets that he didn't follow through with me, and that he was going through some stuff at the time but he wished he would have handled me better. I asked why he's contacting me now and he said he would think of me from time to time and wanted to reach out, but he didn't think that I was interested in him because I had pulled away when he tried to kiss me.

    Here is something about me, which I wrote to him this morning (since I'm a pretty open book kind of person). As a cam model, I feel that so many people have this stereotype that cam girls are easy, not good for relationships, are only good for one thing, etc. On top of being naturally prudish (since even before I entered the industry), I am almost hyper-vigilant about NOT engaging in physical affection with anyone unless and until I am certain that he's someone I'd want in my life for a while, that I can have something meaningful with. Before, if I liked a guy enough to kiss him I'd do it. Now, I feel I can't, or I don't, because I don't want the guy to think I want to go all the way just because I kiss him, because I really don't, and that's the message I'm afraid of sending. In fact, I thought the guy wasn't interested in me because I didn't put out.

    He wrote back that he was interested, and still is, and wants to know if I'll see him again. He said that he is a physical kind of guy and that if he likes a girl he'll kiss her and if she doesn't go for it he thinks she's uninterested, but he understands my proceeding with caution now that I've explained it to him. And yet he still wants to try dating again. He's also foreign, so I'm not sure if he has different cultural expectations about dating/affection the way that I do.

    I guess I am writing this because, I just want to know if anyone else has the same problem; being *too* reserved with guys who know you cam because you are afraid they'll read too much into it and then expect more than you want to give. I don't want a guy to think I'm easy when I'm not (and there nothing wrong with that is you are okay with casual sex but again, it's just not *my* style). If a guy knows I cam and we make out, for example, I'm afraid he's just going to think I'm looking for a good lay and nothing more. Since my last serious relationship ended over two years ago I feel like I am in this bubble and I have no idea how to handle dating anymore. Do you know what it's like to not even have your hand held for that long? I feel like an amnesiac who has to re-learn everything and I wonder if it's even worth it.

    I will agree to see the guy again, because he was very nice and wasn't pushy and I honestly enjoyed our time together. I just don't know how to handle things.

  28. #17
    Member KittyAudrey's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dating and camming

    ^^^ Just tell him to respect you like any other lady.
    What I told my bf was that I am two persons, the person while I'm camming and the real me, the person he got to know when we met, he had no business in knowing the "camming me" because it was staged and I thought in a way to feel comfortable in that persona in order to work and have a nice time working, is fun a refreshing to have another of myself everytime I cam, but that doesnt mean I am all that Im selling. I personally never share my camming name with my bf/dates because I like my personal space and I like to protect myself always.
    Of course when I look for someone for a long term relationship I look for someone that loves the true me and accepts my camming persona, after all that is what this lovely package comes with
    Last edited by KittyAudrey; 09-09-2013 at 04:48 PM.
    "I dnt have $$$ nao bb, but I Promise Ill give ya tons of $$$ after u show bb plz plz"

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  30. #18
    Veteran Member tlulu's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dating and camming

    I usually just tell the guy. Of course I don't go out and yell it to the world or tell ANY guy that I've just met. If I decide to go out on a date with him (because I feel some sort of spark), then I do. I personally haven't had a bad experience with it, and I don't feel as if it brings out the "freeloader" in them as much as I expected it to. I don't know, maybe it's just the way that I present it. I say it in a very nonchalant manner I suppose, I tell them that my work is a little unconventional and that I am a webcam model. I never say "cam girl." Sometimes I've been blunt about it when they didn't understand: "You know those 'live now girls" that pop up on porn site? Yeah, that LOL."

    Usually they laugh, act surprised and ask me a few questions about it. I tell them that "I set my own hours, I am my own boss, I don't deal with men directly, I can ban them if I don't like them, and I make awesome money from it. I do what you do everyday (aka masturbate) but I get paid for that." For the most part, they just accept it and don't ask any further questions about it. At the same time though, I do live in a big metropolitan area where people seem to be pretty open, so I suppose that it helps.

    Of course, sometimes if I'm semi involved with a guy, he sometimes think that he knows what I could do to "make my shows" better. They're not being mean, just stupid. Men often think that they know better when it comes to business. But in any case, what I've liked about being open about this so far is that I spice up my own personal sex life without it getting weird. Because they know that I'm "open" per say about sex, it's not weird to involve toys and such like.

    For some reason though, it's been nice to have people not look at me as if I'm "easy" even if I do the job that I do. Because of the way that I lay it out, they know that it's just solo work, which doesn't mean that I'm ready to go out and bang anything that moves. They know that I have other ambitions that I want to fulfill, and they seem to concentrate on that for the most part.

    Of course everyone's situation is different. It depends on where you live, the places that you go to and the type of men that you meet. You just have to feel it out.
    Last edited by tlulu; 09-15-2013 at 02:41 PM. Reason: Spelling. Ugh.

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  32. #19
    Veteran Member BlasianBytch's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dating and camming

    don't let guys sleep over if you intend to cam the next day you can end up like me trying to get this fucker out of my apt and he's here playing street fighter and trying to cuddle.

    FUCKER GO HOME.

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  34. #20
    Featured Member Charlotteslut's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dating and camming

    I've found people in the poly/queer/kink communities (often these are the same people, lol) are way more likely to be accepting of sex work. If you're into those types of things at all, I encourage you to seek out partners in related social groups.

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  36. #21
    Veteran Member shysara79's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dating and camming

    My long term partner knows and never seems to care... Until we get in a fight and then it's the first thing brought up. She actually used my camming as a justification for her affair ( ex . You sit around naked all day talking to people so why is it so bad that I was emailing and going to lunch and texting xyz all the time). Which did turn into full blown affair btw. Mind you, my therapist jumped her ass for this and although some may disagree if I get in another relationship someday I am not sure I would tell.

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    Default Re: Dating and camming

    My ex left me after I started camming because he couldn't bear the idea of having to share me with anyone. I got attention that I wasn't getting from my ex and as soon as we split, it was amazing how much better/ happier I was. I digress though... I recently started seeing someone, and he knew what I did from the off. The fact that he automatically accepted it made my life a lot easier. I didn't have to feel guilty about not telling him. I can't imagine NOT telling someone from early on, mostly because if they can't accept you as you are and for what you do, they probably aren't the type of person you want in your life anyways. no sense in leading them (or yourself) on if there is no way it could work.

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    Default Re: Dating and camming

    "..So do you have a magic wand on your wish list?"

    -My bf after chatting a bit about my idea to start camming and security and such around it.

    When I first told him I wanted to do it, he just shrugged, smiled, and said he was fine with it...
    ...then he asked what I'd be doing and chatted a bit about what I could do currently and it was abundantly clear that he had gone to a few cam sites before. XD

    He's fine with burlesque, he's fine with me being bi and poly, and he's fine with me camming, AND he's really cute. I am the luckiest girl in the world... <3

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  42. #24
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    Default Re: Dating and camming

    Dating and camming. For me-NO! i just opened myself up to tryng dating once again, after not dating for 2 years.
    Had my first 'official date' yesterday, with a guy I met a couple of months ago, that has been pursuing me HARD! It was a disaster!
    It was during the afternoon, and he totally pissed me of-First of all, he was LATE! Then, when we walked passed a mobile barista truck I love, I mentioned how awesome their coffee was, and has he ever tried it-*Hint Hint-(I would like some coffee please). I'm a coffee fanatic. He said that his father always told him that drinking coffee makes you age faster. Huh? I asked him if he was a child and too young to drink coffee when his dad said that-he tells me yes.
    Then he gets a call from his ex -girlfriend's friend during lunch, and spends most of our time bitching it out with her about his ex. WTF?
    Couldn't wait to get home to jump on cam. That's the last time I will ever see him.
    I took a chance and dated someone older, and yuck! Im going back to my young guys-They are so much more 'in the moment, and fun'
    I'm not interested in dating anyway....too much work, and seems like another job.
    I love living alone, being alone, and love the option to just walk out my door should i want to be social.

  43. #25
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    Default Re: Dating and camming

    Man Glamourmilf, what you described is Exactly how I feel sometimes; "I'm not interested in dating anyway....too much work, and seems like another job.
    I love living alone, being alone, and love the option to just walk out my door should i want to be social." That is me to a T. In fact the last official 1:1 date I went on was the beginning of 2012 with that guy who's going to take me out next week. Part of me LOVES being alone and not having to worry about other people, I can make decisions that are 100% right for me and not have no worry about compromising what I want for anyone else. On the other hand, I feel like I could use the support of having someone to talk to and be there for me. Plus, I'm 28 and hearing my biological clock ticking. I'm not saying I want a kid in a couple of years and I'm not saying I don't, but it certainly isn't going to be an option if I keep isolating myself the way I do now.

    Part of me sometimes thinks I should be one of those "crazy ladies" who gets some online boyfriend in another country I'll never actually meet, or start a pen pal romance with some guy in prison. It would offer the emotional feel-good compliments and praise that a real life man would without the need to actually alter my life in any way. Or, I could just not go on this date next week and be alone forever. Either way.

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