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Thread: "Letters From An Extra's Girl : If it's So Easy, Why Haven't You Done It?"

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    Tired "Letters From An Extra's Girl : If it's So Easy, Why Haven't You Done It?"

    I wasn't sure if this had already been posted but this was another great piece from Tits and Sass.

    Even thought I think this was written earlier than the post :"Getting Away" With Hating It: Consent in the Context of Sex Work" it seems directly linked in many ways.

    Anyways it left me with a bittersweet taste in my mouth. The last line gave me a cold shiver down my spine.

    http://titsandsass.com/letter-from-a...it/#more-11737

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    Default Re: "Letters From An Extra's Girl : If it's So Easy, Why Haven't You Done It?"

    i agree with a lot of it, and agree with a lot of the comments below it. everyone has a different experience, but not all strippers need to turn to extras to survive

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    Default Re: "Letters From An Extra's Girl : If it's So Easy, Why Haven't You Done It?"

    Thanks for posting this. It's a chilling read but, sadly, it's a composite of many conversations I've had over the years with both clean girls and extras girls regarding why they do it, why they don't do it and what both sides think of the other...
    Quote Originally Posted by Katrine View Post
    yoda, I want you so bad it aches in the swimsuit area.
    Quote Originally Posted by Sophia_Starina View Post
    Sophia_Starina is a sensible stripper...Naked all the way.....
    Quote Originally Posted by tempest666 View Post
    Double team! 2 latinas with big tits!!

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    Default Re: "Letters From An Extra's Girl : If it's So Easy, Why Haven't You Done It?"

    My qualm about working side by side prostitutes is that their negative reputation will bring that to myself and the club. I've worked in clubs where it did happen, and I knew I was "fluffing" some of the guys, but whatever. Either way we're often warming them up for a prostitute, massage parlor, a seedier club, or the wife they're not attracted to. And there were many customers not interested at all in extras, and even after trying out an extras girls would come back to me. I never thought better of myself, just more clear headed, better at communicating, and better at managing money so I never felt pressured to do what it took to make $X. In this club I do not think guys were innocently coming in then getting sold on the ego boost of getting a stripper to do something just for them. They would get a dance with every girl in the club to ask if they'd do xyz until finding a taker. Or they'd be the type to go on strip club rating sites to find girls' mileage. Sorry, not buying this girl's reasoning. Yes, of course you could take a guy with little strip club experience and convince him anything you do is special.. That's not the extras seeking customer that annoys clean girls. I now work in a squeaky clean club, girls might try to push rules but they will be fired, and guys spend huge amounts of money compared to the dirty club. Some hope they'll get girls to date them but plenty just want a night of fun. These are the "farmers market" customers and plenty appreciate the class and cleanliness and good reputation. They would be uncomfortable and embarrassed to be seen in the other places. You can boost a guys ego by telling him you have a great time with him all to yourself, and you can get him to stay and have fun for hours on end by entertaining him. If you get him off he pays and goes home! And I've had no support since my late teens, always figured out how to manage my money, and I plan for the future so I will one day make equivalent or even more money not dancing once I can't do it anymore. F her assumption of career strippers.

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    God/dess simone87's Avatar
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    Default Re: "Letters From An Extra's Girl : If it's So Easy, Why Haven't You Done It?"

    ^ exactly!! if you can't make money as an entertainer and you don't have the charm, smarts, and business sense then go be an escort. don't try and pass yourself off as a real entertainer and give us a bad name
    ( not saying escorts don't have business sense, or charm, or smarts, or anything else so plz don't take it that way anybody ! only referring to extras girls)
    Last edited by simone87; 06-11-2013 at 10:52 AM.

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    Default Re: "Letters From An Extra's Girl : If it's So Easy, Why Haven't You Done It?"

    I think the reason she neither condones nor condemns is because life isn't all black and white. There is a cost for everything. Working at a 9-5 like a fast-food joint, the cost is your time, you are trading your time or your life for a few dollars an hour. In essence you are trading your life for money. In some respect we all trade our life for money but the extra girl is not only selling her time, she is also selling parts of herself that she might prefer to share with someone she loves. She mentions how she is no longer able to enjoy sex in her article because of her occupation, selling her body for money. I have talked in the past about how working as a stripper caused me to loose interest in sex, feel dirty, etc. Then I had one or two very judgmental women tell me that I wasn't cut out for the sex industry. Maybe not. Maybe I am human and maybe there is a cost for everything we do. I suppose if an individual was comfortable having sex with lots of people all the time then having sex with lots of people all the time for money wouldn't be a sacrifice but there tends to be a reason why humans are comfortable with things that other humans would be very uncomfortable with. In my own experience I believe that I was more comfortable with questionable guys who just wanted to use me like a fleshlight because of experiences I had as a child. Bad things that were common in my childhood didn't seem bad when I got older because I had been conditioned to accept them as normal. They just were. Like my relationship with a very bad guy that lasted way too long, he reminded me of my father and the awful things he did to me were familiar. Familiar becomes it's own experience like when you hear an old song you used to enjoy, it's familiar. You may not like it but it reminds you of your struggles to fit in, be loved, gain acceptance...

    People like to judge, they like to see things as all black or all white, it makes life so much easier, so much more two dimensional. In the end we all do what we need to do to survive. I was recently rehashing some experiences from my past (not extras related) and I remember in the past being more open. I used to talk about mistakes I made when I was younger but people used my experiences to judge me in the present. My mother always used to tell me, "You are too honest, you need to not share certain things with people." It is a flaw of mine to share things that are meaningful to me in order to communicate something I learned or something that is meaningful to me but I am learning to avoid sharing. In this life we are all alone and being at peace with that alone-ness is good, it may be very difficult to achieve. I have learned that it is our experiences that teach us the most meaningful lessons and my natural tendency is to want to share my experiences because I for some reason believe if I share my experience, whoever I am sharing it with will learn something meaningful from the retelling of my experience. Somehow it never seems to work though and the listener just goes away thinking less of me. Perhaps that is what Parables were about, once you remove yourself from the "lesson" people can learn from it instead of focusing on thinking less of you.

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    Default Re: "Letters From An Extra's Girl : If it's So Easy, Why Haven't You Done It?"

    ^^^ well said.

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    Default Re: "Letters From An Extra's Girl : If it's So Easy, Why Haven't You Done It?"

    Quote Originally Posted by simone87 View Post
    ^ exactly!! if you can't make money as an entertainer and you don't have the charm, smarts, and business sense then go be an escort. don't try and pass yourself off as a real entertainer and give us a bad name
    ( not saying escorts don't have business sense, so plz don't take it that way anybody !)

    Simone, reread this. Normally I love the way you communicate but this is a horrendous statement. Escorts can have business sense but not charm, smarts, or consider themselves an entertainer? Why, oh why, is there so much bashing of one another on a sex industry site? Yes, it's called stripperweb. But there's fetishists, cam models, DJs, blues, escorts, porn stars, and probably a few other occupations/participants of the sex industry.

    Anyway, not sure you meant that, or meant to state it that badly.

    Most dancers can agree on one thing, "I don't care what you do with your own body, but keep it out of the club." I think Melonie chimed in recently and said that extras were going on in the clubs in the 90s as well, just maybe not as blatantly. I believe that there's room for just about every type of performer here on SW. If I were to have one wish about stripping, it wouldn't be "dear Lord, please get those extras girls out of the club!" but instead would be, "dear Lord, please close down half the strip-clubs so we have a more concentrated pool of customers, talent, and good management."

    I may be selling a fantasy and an erotic experience that is still legal, but I'm not above admitting that sometimes, having extras girls in the club make my job easier because when I'm feeling bitchy and not wanting to do my regular spiel, I just act insanely horny and let them draw their own conclusions about what's in store for them after I have their money.

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    Default Re: "Letters From An Extra's Girl : If it's So Easy, Why Haven't You Done It?"

    i already said, this does not apply to escorts. im talking about girls who are too insecure or too lazy to try and do their job in a clean way, and to entertain. any guy in the club is going to say ( well a LOT are gong to say) "sure! i'd love to get a blow job for the price that other dancers are offering a simple dance for!". its the easy way out. yeah you can make money, by doing something illegal and by undercutting the other dancers who are trying to DANCE, not escort. my comment is about stripping, not any of the other adult industry professions. i have the utmost respect for escorts, but their place is not in the club doing that while i try and dance and entertain, ya know...
    maybe i worded it wrong but i didn't mean that escorts don't have business sense. i was only referring to girls who try and give cheap extras inside the club as strippers.
    don't pretend to be something that you are not. i don't pretend to be an escort when im just a stripper right now. so please, just keep the industries seperate. that's what my point was
    Last edited by simone87; 06-11-2013 at 11:01 AM.

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    Default Re: "Letters From An Extra's Girl : If it's So Easy, Why Haven't You Done It?"

    Quoted from the article:
    I just ask you, Clean Dancer, to think on this: if it is so easy to make money by sucking and fucking, why haven’t you done it? You call it the easy or lazy way to riches. I call it walking through hell in seven inch platforms.
    Schrodinger's Cake.
    Have the cake and eat it too... it's neither nommed nor is it whole... yeah... okay.

    The author of the letter is batshit. She laments the derision clean dancers throw her way but says that she detests the repercussions of her actions. She is a victim twice over... except that the only person victimizing her is HER! She feels so wounded but sees herself as blameless. It's preposterous.

    Strip clubs =/= Brothels.

    I support sex workers as long as they don't muddy the waters, so to speak, of establishments where X,Y, and Z are not allowed. It creates an uneven playing field and it does more harm than good.

    Wanna escort? Be an escort.
    Wanna do porn? Do porn.
    Wanna give "sensual massages"? Get your license and rub a dub dub.

    Wanna be a stripper. Do your fucking job. No more. No less.

    A strip club is not the place to peddle your services. It has nothing to do with morals. It has to do with money. And if you're the unhappy hooker of the club... STOP. Just fucking stop. Do yourself a favor and give it up. You're not doing yourself... or ANYONE... any favors by selling yourself short (according to the author) and fucking up the dynamics of a club.

    The dumb bitch thinks she is a martyr. In truth, she is a moron with no sense of responsibility.

    You act as if we are taking a shortcut by sucking and fucking our way to some magical pot of stripper gold at the end of the VIP rainbow. I hate to break it to you, Sister, but you ARE the fluffer girl and I’m taking it up the ass on camera so that this porno sells.
    Ooh! An analogy! Yippee!
    Too bad it's wrong.

    Strippers are like a police force operating within the letter of the law. Extras Girl is a vigilante hitman who doesn't abide by the rules and acts as judge/jury/executioner because she feels obligated to. There is NO logic to her assertion that fucking and sucking is an inevitable progression of the strip club experience. Saying we get guys riled up and she "takes one for the team" is BULLSHIT. Blue-balls never killed anybody.

    Extras Girl needs to sit the fuck down and wise the fuck up.
    Quote Originally Posted by Jay12 View Post
    ^What Sophia said.
    Quote Originally Posted by yoda57us View Post
    I wish there was an "auto-like" setting that I could just have applied to all of your posts Sophia....

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    Default Re: "Letters From An Extra's Girl : If it's So Easy, Why Haven't You Done It?"

    Quote Originally Posted by lifetravelergirl View Post
    I think the reason she neither condones nor condemns is because life isn't all black and white.
    Exactly. She is neither condoning nor condemning but she is accepting the fact that the situation exists...and asking for less hate and judgement. To be honest it's easier said than done. Most of my regs are clean dancers trying to earn a living in clubs that are either rampant extras clubs or clean clubs that are getting dirtier. The pity party that the blogger is trying to throw for herself is falling on deaf ears for most of these girls.
    Quote Originally Posted by Katrine View Post
    yoda, I want you so bad it aches in the swimsuit area.
    Quote Originally Posted by Sophia_Starina View Post
    Sophia_Starina is a sensible stripper...Naked all the way.....
    Quote Originally Posted by tempest666 View Post
    Double team! 2 latinas with big tits!!

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    Default Re: "Letters From An Extra's Girl : If it's So Easy, Why Haven't You Done It?"

    she condemns her own work and then condemns the people condemning it more like..very confused girl

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    Default Re: "Letters From An Extra's Girl : If it's So Easy, Why Haven't You Done It?"

    Quote Originally Posted by simone87 View Post
    she condemns her own work and then condemns the people condemning it more like..very confused girl
    Right. She doesn't know whether she is on foot or horse-back. She can begrudgingly wax poetic about her activities. But at the end of the day she is in charge of her life.

    There is no reason to take it up the ass and then act all butthurt.

    So fuck her and her convoluted "reasoning".
    Quote Originally Posted by Jay12 View Post
    ^What Sophia said.
    Quote Originally Posted by yoda57us View Post
    I wish there was an "auto-like" setting that I could just have applied to all of your posts Sophia....

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    Default Re: "Letters From An Extra's Girl : If it's So Easy, Why Haven't You Done It?"

    Quote Originally Posted by yoda57us View Post
    Exactly. She is neither condoning nor condemning but she is accepting the fact that the situation exists...and asking for less hate and judgement. To be honest it's easier said than done. Most of my regs are clean dancers trying to earn a living in clubs that are either rampant extras clubs or clean clubs that are getting dirtier. The pity party that the blogger is trying to throw for herself is falling on deaf ears for most of these girls.
    I have never condemned women who do what I am unwilling to do for money. As long as they stay out of the club, we are golden. When she's talking about "performing" her activities in a place of business "Zoned" for other activities she is in the WRONG. No sympathy.

    There is no slippery slope in the club.

    We are free agents. If dancers feel pressured to do something that makes them uncomfortable, they are free to leave and find another place of business that suits their boundaries better.

    Extras Girl's letter is a smattering of invalid excuses and self-serving garbage.
    Quote Originally Posted by Jay12 View Post
    ^What Sophia said.
    Quote Originally Posted by yoda57us View Post
    I wish there was an "auto-like" setting that I could just have applied to all of your posts Sophia....

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    Default Re: "Letters From An Extra's Girl : If it's So Easy, Why Haven't You Done It?"

    Quote Originally Posted by Sophia_Starina View Post
    We are free agents. If dancers feel pressured to do something that makes them uncomfortable, they are free to leave and find another place of business that suits their boundaries better.
    Agreed. What I find weirdly coincidental is that the girls who perform heavy extras in the clubs seem to have the same mindset as the guys who pay for sex ITC but would never consider hiring an escort. Last weekend I bought a fifteen minute VIP session from a dancer I had just met. The subject of extras never came up and it's not what I was looking for when we went to the private room. Imagine my surprise (not!) when our 15 minute dance turned into a pitch from her regarding what she would do for me if I bough 30 minutes or an hour the next time. She was blatantly up front about the fact that her BF would never let her do escort work but he was OK with her selling full service in the "safety" of the club's VIP rooms. I read the same bull crap from guys on other boards all the time. They complain that dancers charge too much for sex in the VIP room but then poo-poo the idea of simply hiring an escort who will give you the same, or probably better, service for, quite often, less money.

    The two worlds are better kept separate in my opinion but I'm afraid that the horse is already too far out of the barn at this point. I've never made any secret of the fact that I pay escorts. A great day for me is an afternoon in the club laughing and teasing with a fave dancer before heading off to an evening with a fave escort. I'd much rather be with a woman who is comfortable doing what she is doing and not "giving in" to something she doesn't want to be doing for the sake of selling a VIP room...
    Quote Originally Posted by Katrine View Post
    yoda, I want you so bad it aches in the swimsuit area.
    Quote Originally Posted by Sophia_Starina View Post
    Sophia_Starina is a sensible stripper...Naked all the way.....
    Quote Originally Posted by tempest666 View Post
    Double team! 2 latinas with big tits!!

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    Default Re: "Letters From An Extra's Girl : If it's So Easy, Why Haven't You Done It?"

    The article basically says clean dancers can't make money and therefore are jealous of the money extras girls make but are "too good" to go the extras route. Bullshit. Just because a stripper can't make money being a stripper and has to resort to doing extras doesn't mean that's the case for all of us. I make very good money and have never done extras and I can say with certainty that I will never do extras. No use in getting jealous over extras girls money - if I wanted money that way, I'd get it that way. Plus I make more than the majority of extras girls here in Detroit.
    "Rather have my feet hurting than my pockets."

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    Default Re: "Letters From An Extra's Girl : If it's So Easy, Why Haven't You Done It?"

    Quote Originally Posted by Nina_ View Post
    The article basically says clean dancers can't make money and therefore are jealous of the money extras girls make but are "too good" to go the extras route. Bullshit. Just because a stripper can't make money being a stripper and has to resort to doing extras doesn't mean that's the case for all of us. I make very good money and have never done extras and I can say with certainty that I will never do extras. No use in getting jealous over extras girls money - if I wanted money that way, I'd get it that way. Plus I make more than the majority of extras girls here in Detroit.
    No! You missed the most important point Extras Girl mentioned!
    She implies that without her shenanigans, there would be no reason for guys to go to strip clubs. We warm them up and she finishes the job. Otherwise no guys would go to clubs... But she's saaaaaaaaaad about it.

    (End of Sarcasm)
    Last edited by Sophia_Starina; 06-11-2013 at 07:46 PM.
    Quote Originally Posted by Jay12 View Post
    ^What Sophia said.
    Quote Originally Posted by yoda57us View Post
    I wish there was an "auto-like" setting that I could just have applied to all of your posts Sophia....

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    Default Re: "Letters From An Extra's Girl : If it's So Easy, Why Haven't You Done It?"

    Quote Originally Posted by yoda57us View Post
    The two worlds are better kept separate in my opinion but I'm afraid that the horse is already too far out of the barn at this point. I've never made any secret of the fact that I pay escorts. A great day for me is an afternoon in the club laughing and teasing with a fave dancer before heading off to an evening with a fave escort. I'd much rather be with a woman who is comfortable doing what she is doing and not "giving in" to something she doesn't want to be doing for the sake of selling a VIP room...
    I agree. It's already out of the barn.

    And I commend you for doing things right. Do you, do what you wanna do. It's better to have sensible boundaries about the entertainment provided and what activities are appropriate elsewhere.

    I give you kudos.
    Quote Originally Posted by Jay12 View Post
    ^What Sophia said.
    Quote Originally Posted by yoda57us View Post
    I wish there was an "auto-like" setting that I could just have applied to all of your posts Sophia....

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    Default Re: "Letters From An Extra's Girl : If it's So Easy, Why Haven't You Done It?"

    Quote Originally Posted by Sophia_Starina View Post
    I agree. It's already out of the barn.

    And I commend you for doing things right. Do you, do what you wanna do. It's better to have sensible boundaries about the entertainment provided and what activities are appropriate elsewhere.

    I give you kudos.
    I appreciate that Sophia but I'd be lying if I said I didn't learn the hard way in some cases. I've seen girls that I really liked become raving drunks or just plain miserable human beings because they thought that sex in VIP was something that they could handle. While I can understand some of the blogger's lament I also know that no one has to do anything they don't want to do. There is always a choice.
    Quote Originally Posted by Katrine View Post
    yoda, I want you so bad it aches in the swimsuit area.
    Quote Originally Posted by Sophia_Starina View Post
    Sophia_Starina is a sensible stripper...Naked all the way.....
    Quote Originally Posted by tempest666 View Post
    Double team! 2 latinas with big tits!!

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    Default Re: "Letters From An Extra's Girl : If it's So Easy, Why Haven't You Done It?"

    There is no reason to take it up the ass and then act all butthurt.
    I see what you did there c(: I'm gonna siggy that one.
    I have sympathy for girls who work on the more intense end of the sex-work spectrum, because I remember feeling all violated and out of whack when I was new, and I was only doing lapdances! I condone prostitution, etc. if the woman is comfortable with it and it honestly doesn't damage her emotionally, but TAKE IT OUTSIDE THE CLUB. Stripclubs are for stripping. I didn't like her explanations about how extra's girls don't hurt our incomes. There aren't even any extras at my club, and at least twice a night I hear the ever-famous, "Well, the girls in the city will do (xxx) for that same price." If no one did extra's, it would be a little easier to just sell the idea of sex and maybe a booby-grab for a tip. Why don't they get that? It's a really simple concept and it pissed me off a little that someone was trying to discredit it. No! Dancers need to all be on the same level at their respective clubs. It's like the girls who come in to my club and let customers feel them up in the LD room for free, and then it's harder for me afterwards to get tips from them/sell dances. Take it to the parking lot after work or something, but definitely not if you're going to be mentally downtrodden because of it, later. The essay was a fun insight, I guess, but I don't think it changed anyone's opinions of girls prostituting in stripclubs....

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    Default Re: "Letters From An Extra's Girl : If it's So Easy, Why Haven't You Done It?"

    Quote Originally Posted by Sophia_Starina View Post
    Quoted from the article:


    Schrodinger's Cake.
    Have the cake and eat it too... it's neither nommed nor is it whole... yeah... okay.
    slightly OT but this made me lol.

    thanks for the thought-provoking responses, all.

  36. #22
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    Default Re: "Letters From An Extra's Girl : If it's So Easy, Why Haven't You Done It?"

    I like this one more. Less martyrdom, more blatancy. http://titsandsass.com/an-extras-gir...ia/#more-11758
    There is no reason to take it up the ass and then act all butthurt.
    -Sophia_Starina

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  38. #23
    God/dess Sophia_Starina's Avatar
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    Default Re: "Letters From An Extra's Girl : If it's So Easy, Why Haven't You Done It?"

    Quote Originally Posted by ToeOfTheCamel View Post
    I see what you did there c(: I'm gonna siggy that one.
    Hahaha! Yes! Awesome
    Quote Originally Posted by Jay12 View Post
    ^What Sophia said.
    Quote Originally Posted by yoda57us View Post
    I wish there was an "auto-like" setting that I could just have applied to all of your posts Sophia....

  39. #24
    God/dess Sophia_Starina's Avatar
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    Default Re: "Letters From An Extra's Girl : If it's So Easy, Why Haven't You Done It?"

    Quote Originally Posted by joshg View Post
    slightly OT but this made me lol.

    thanks for the thought-provoking responses, all.
    My pleasure.
    Quote Originally Posted by Jay12 View Post
    ^What Sophia said.
    Quote Originally Posted by yoda57us View Post
    I wish there was an "auto-like" setting that I could just have applied to all of your posts Sophia....

  40. #25
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    Default Re: "Letters From An Extra's Girl : If it's So Easy, Why Haven't You Done It?"

    this girl is a whiny little bitch. I'm sorry, but you expect me to fuckin feel sorry for you and give you a fuckin hug because you decided that it was a good business decision to suck dick in the champagne room. Bitch please.

    yea, i dont doubt she is going through all sorts of PTSD. But,its her fault. she could have struggled with making sales like the rest of us but instead she decided to struggle iwth the consequences of allowing a bunch of disgusting men into her twat. no sympathy here.

    also, the title made me roll my eyes. The reason why i havent done it is because I have firmly set my boundaries since day one and have stuck with it. Its really not that goddamn hard.
    The best thing i have heard in a strip club to date:
    customer: we should get married right now! we should get a shotgun marriage!
    me: uhh... i think you are misunderstanding what a shotgun marriage means. A shotgun marriage means you knock me up and my daddy shows up at your door with a gun and forces you to marry me and raise the baby. You mean elope.
    customer: hmm... nah actually i will take the shotgun marriage. At least then we would be having sex.


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