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Thread: Sooo I'm getting married.

  1. #1
    Featured Member Lady Xplicit18's Avatar
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    Default Sooo I'm getting married.

    I just went back to dancing about a couple of weeks ago (haven't in over a year) and this club has actually been great for me financially. The thing is, is that I'm getting married. My fiancé can not afford all of my bills, but really does not want me to dance after our wedding (this month). I really don't know what to do because I'll be assed out on my bills. I wouldn't like to dance anymore as well (random men touching me), but really don't know what to do (regular jobs do NOT cover my bills/won't happen overnight). Any advice, especially if you're married and dancing would be great.

    LX
    "Strippers are like pet tigers. They are nice to look at but they are not for everyone."

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    God/dess cherryblossomsinspring's Avatar
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    Default Re: Sooo I'm getting married.

    First off I understand the situation you're in. I personally don't know how I would be able to be married and be in the industry. I know many women do it without skipping a beat but it's not for every relationship. No I don't think it makes the man weak or a bitch for not being so happy with a woman he loves to be physically assaulted daily. So I would never take that stance. My point is that if he doesn't have enough to provide for you then he really doesn't have the right to tell you shit. I'd seriously take a moment out before walking down that aisle because this issue if not resolved now may surface down the road.

    Ask him what he plans to do to cover your bills. If he doesn't have an answer then you're heading towards a rocky marriage.

    It's time to pull out the bills, lay them on the table and have a sit down with him.

    The two biggest issues why marriages fail : 1. money 2. sex

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    God/dess simone87's Avatar
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    Default Re: Sooo I'm getting married.

    would he mind you doing camming or clips? or maybe going to a minimal contact/no-contact club? i totally agree with cherry blossoms, this WILL resurface later on if you can't afford your bills without stripping and he can't afford your bills you will become angry and resentful and stressed..im going through the same thing, i fight with my fiancee every night about my job and i told him " if you can't help me out, then i have to keep my job. there is no other option". its really stressful fighting and i totally understand, but its even more stressful when money is incredibly tight and you are working your ass off and not making ends meet, all because of he doesn't want you stripping.

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    Veteran Member ~*SwanPrincess*~'s Avatar
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    Default Re: Sooo I'm getting married.

    I've been married for seven years and dancing for eight. My husband has never been psyched about me dancing. I explained to him that it's all about perspectives and boundaries. I have always danced 2-3 days a week working 4-6 hour shifts. (Average 15 hours/week) Being a dancer with a flexible schedule will give you much more time as a couple than a full time job would. Also dancing gives you financial stability. Being financially stable will eliminate stress,arguments, etc.
    When I'm home I never talk about dancing. Every now and then I might tell him something funny/lighthearted that happened at work, but never anything negative. I also have very clear boundaries at work as well. I do not drink too much, and am a very clean dancer.
    Your situation is a little different than mine because I have never not wanted to dance, but I hope I could at least give you something to think on. I think maybe you just need to weigh the pros and cons and figure out what will work best for you!

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    Veteran Member aperfectseal's Avatar
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    Default Re: Sooo I'm getting married.

    I have been dancing for 3 years, and married for 2 years. I met my husband before I started dancing, though. He definitely wasn't psyched about me starting dancing but he understood why I did it because of the great money and flexible schedule. Our quality of life was drastically improved because we had so much more time together and were no longer under constant financial stress. I planned on quitting dancing once I finished college. Well, I got my psychology degree, and the job offers didn't exactly start rolling in. I was facing 40+ hour weeks making $30k before taxes. I decided to keep dancing while I pursue a different degree in the medical field where once I graduate, the money will meet or exceed what I make dancing.
    For us, I think what has really helped is what Swan Dancer said, and we just don't talk about it. "How was your day?" "Great, I made $500, how was your day?" I never talk about people from work, stories customers tell me, bring home gifts from customers, etc. Whenever I do bring up someone that pissed me off or something like that, it usually turns into some sort of argument, so it's just easier to not bring it up. We also don't tell any of our friends/family. It is our secret. The thing that helps is that he TRUSTS me. He knows that I will never meet customers OTC for any reason whatsoever, or that I will ever offer extras. I definitely NEVER EVER tell him if customers get too handsy or things like that.
    I am looking forward to eventually quitting dancing, but for now, it is the best option for both of us, and he understands that.
    If you want to quit dancing, maybe you can slowly transition out of it? Like, get a regular day job, and dance just a couple nights a week to cover the rest of your bills? Or start taking classes so that you can eventually leave dancing behind you and secure a job that pays enough?
    The bottom line, is that if your fiance is unable to cover your bills if you quit dancing, he really can't be asking you to quit, now can he? I'm sure he just cares about you and doesn't want his wife in that setting all the time. I'm sure you already have, but try talking to him about how he can trust you, how the club is safe, etc etc... Good luck and congrats on the engagement!

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    Default Re: Sooo I'm getting married.

    I think being married in our industry actually makes it easier; you have someone mentally there for you when you need to vent or just feel normal.

    If you are paying all the bills & isn't going to take them over... Yet tells u hey u need to quit... Maybe you should rethink getting married

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