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Thread: was i right for giving up dancing??

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    Default was i right for giving up dancing??

    Hey guys.. so I've been really puzzled lately n need sme advice. My boyfriend n I hve bn together for 2 1/2 yrs now. We hve 2 kids together.. When we met I was a dancer because I had our son to support. Well after I had our daughter he said I could go back but to a dif club than where I was working. Well our relationship got pretty bad always fighting when I had to leave for work n words exchanged that shouldn't hve. He finally explained to me that it's not that he fels "insecure" but now he's so "secure" bout me that he doesn't wnt anyone to see me anymre therefore I had to quit dancing or else he was gnna leave me. Now he is bouncing at the club he didn't want me going back to. He tells me it's not tha same as me being a dancer n everyone seeing me naked. However it makes me uncomfortable cause I kno how grls in that environment can be from first hand... N I jus dnt wnt him seeing them naked... Since I had to quit for him... Should he have to quit for me??

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    Senior Member aberrant's Avatar
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    Default Re: was i right for giving up dancing??

    Yes. It's completely unreasonable for him to not want you to work at a club, but for him to continue working there.

    I personally think it is BS for him to ask you to quit at all. You were a dancer when he met you, so it isn't as if he didn't know what he was getting into. His reason is also stupid. He is too secure for other people to see you? That doesn't even make sense.

    He is being insecure and possessive and trying to control you, possibly so that you will be dependent on him.

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    Senior Member ameena's Avatar
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    Default Re: was i right for giving up dancing??

    Yup. If I were in the same situation, I would tell him that if he wants me to quit my job because he's uncomfortable, then he shouldn't be working a job that makes you uncomfortable. I would give him an ultimatum that you'll quit when he quits.
    Curiosity skilled the cat.

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    Default Re: was i right for giving up dancing??

    The only thought that comes to mind is " Do as I say not as I do".

    So of all other jobs he can have he decides to work at a strip club as a bouncer? This of course is after he meets you as a dancer and fights to get you from going to work? He also demands that you switch clubs for some odd reason then later pushes you to quit? After all of this he decides to get a job at the same club that he demanded you switch from?

    Hmmm....

    Honestly I'm thinking he's fucking someone at the club or he has fucked someone at the club.

    The point is he decided to work there without your input as if he'll do whatever he wants and you're supposed to fall in line.

    Now are you willing to say " If you don't quit I'm leaving you?".If that's the case you may or may not like what he has to say.

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    Featured Member Brandi_Lynn's Avatar
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    Default Re: was i right for giving up dancing??

    ^^

    Well said
    "You're better than no one and no one is better than you."
    -- Bob Dylan

    “There's never going to be a great misunderstanding of me. I think I'm a little whacked.”


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    Default Re: was i right for giving up dancing??

    You sure he didn't want you to quit so he can do his own thing at the club? You sure he is not hiding anything?

    Anyway, I think it's complete bullshit that he gets to boss you around like that. You quit dancing for a man, a whole lifetstyle change, for a guy who can't even respect your own boundaries. I think he is either insecure about you making more than him (prob has nothing to do with other guys seeing you naked) or he is leading some double life in the club..it doesn't make sense to me that he doesn't want you to work in a SPECIFIC club...I think he is fucking somebody/somebodies.

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    Default Re: was i right for giving up dancing??

    Well I rly dnt think he is cheating on me. I kno tha grls that work there except a few of em and it is hard for him to get a job because he doesn't have much experience and because of his background

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    Default Re: was i right for giving up dancing??

    Quote Originally Posted by kcntj0912 View Post
    Well I rly dnt think he is cheating on me. I kno tha grls that work there except a few of em and it is hard for him to get a job because he doesn't have much experience and because of his background
    I'm willing to bet he could find a job doing security for a regular night club or bar.

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    Default Re: was i right for giving up dancing??

    That's wat I was thinking. Or well there is a class where he could get a decent job it's 100 bucks n he wnted to take tha class but I wouldn't let him while I was dancing I mean tha money is great n I told him that if he quits I'll pay for it n he jus tells me "it's funny how yu didn't wnt me to take tha class while yu were doing wat I didn't wnt yu doing but now yu Wnna pay for it"... I mean he's a great guy n we love each other n our kids but it seems like wit this he ants to be tha one in control

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    Default Re: was i right for giving up dancing??

    The only reason you should quit is because YOU want to.

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    Default Re: was i right for giving up dancing??

    I think it's ridiculous for him to say that you can't work at a club, but he can. He can look at other naked girls but other guys can't look at your nakedness? And what's this nonsense of wanting you to quit a specific club? Like others have said, it sounds fishy.

    Also, his reasoning of he's "too secure" is just.... what? That doesn't even make sense.

    Yeah, this whole thing is just... not right.
    Don't try to win over the haters. You are not the Jerk Whisperer.

    Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.






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    Question Re: was i right for giving up dancing??

    Well he wanted me to quit the other club because a lot had gne wrong there while I worked there.. tha bouncers were careless but still. I do bartend at the strip club I worked at after I had my daughter but they all wnt me to cme back dancing. Ever since I quit we hve had it a lil rough but I did it to save us n now when he goes to work I jus get sick to my stomach. It's almost as tho I'm hyperventilating... It sucks but he says it's not tha same thing cuz tha grls aren't seeing him naked n if I wnted to I can bartend at a male strip club...

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    God/dess chanzep's Avatar
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    Default Re: was i right for giving up dancing??

    If you need to dance then do it.
    xoxo

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    Default Re: was i right for giving up dancing??

    Let him keep that job because knowing where he works will make it easier to put him on child support. If you're hyperventilating, if you 'feel' something is up... it probably is, and often times people who are very controlling are also cheating. If a lot had gone wrong at that particular club, why would he want to work there? Why not some other club? Why don't you tell him that so-and-so called you and asked you to come bartend/waitress/work the door at the club he is working at now. It's not the same as dancing, no one will see you naked, so he has no reason to trip about that. If he comes up with some other reason for why he doesn't want you there in any capacity, then as others have said, he's probably messing with one of the girls. Remember, girls (and guys) can be scandalous, and just because you know them and they smile in your face does NOT mean one of them isn't messing with him behind your back.

    It really just sounds like he's more trouble than he's worth. If he really wanted you and the kids to have the best possible life, and you're okay with dancing, it seems to me he would really suck it up and let you continue to dance until money is better, just so things wouldn't be so tight. I mean, maybe I'm wrong, because I don't know him. He could be a good guy, but if you decide to stay with him, just always remember in the back of your head that you CAN do just fine without him. You CAN put his ass on child support, plus make enough money to give yourself and your kids a good life, you CAN find someone else to love you when the time is right, you CAN raise your kids to be beautiful people on the inside and out, without him. That way if things get worse, you won't be stuck with him purely out of doubt.

    P.S., having some money put up 'just in case' couldn't hurt. If you're currently bartending, or doing anything involving tips, it might be a good idea to hide a twenty in the tampon compartment of your purse every time you have a decent night, then deposit it in an account he doesn't know about.

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    Default Re: was i right for giving up dancing??

    I won't say you're "wrong" because this isn't that kind of a question. If you regret leaving that should tell you what you need to do.

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    Default Re: was i right for giving up dancing??

    He told me that he talked to tha manager bout hiring me there they jus don't hve a position open for me rite now. I've talked to tha manager as well cuz she's a friend of ours soo I hope that they will hve a position soon to see if they rly will hire me. But if they dnt wat am I supposed to do jus be okay wit him working there? I mean.. it's rly frustrating n like this weekend he works but so do I so he's gnna hve to find a ride to work n a ride hme cuz I work an hour away n he works 5 mins away

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    God/dess simone87's Avatar
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    Default Re: was i right for giving up dancing??

    tell him the same thing he told you..he needs to quit! and if he doesn't you will go back..that is hypocrisy at it's finest right there.

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