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Thread: An Advice about a too much Attached Regular

  1. #1
    Newbie NicoleM.'s Avatar
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    Default An Advice about a too much Attached Regular

    To start with, I'd like to thank you beautiful ladies for all the great suggestions contained in the forum .. all these informations really have been helping me a lot ! Now I've decided to join the community to share a little bit with you a part of my life.
    I apologize ahead of time for my non-perfect english, but that's not my main language.

    I've been camming for too months on Streamate: traffic isn't so great as i thought in the beginning, but still making good money .. now I need an advice from who have experienced this before: I have this regular who always takes me for long private sessions just to talk about life. Sometimes he writes me on my streamate mail box, but I thought it wasn't a problem as long as he continued paying often for my company. I WAS WRONG.
    Last night, as he usually does after a session, he sent me an email to wish me a good night, or so I thought. It's not the first time he opens the subject of coming to meet me, I always try to keep things clear, but this time he has become a little too much harassing. I reminded him that this is my work, but nothing seems to convince him to forget that ridiculous idea, he continues and continues and continues and I don't know what to do right now.
    He gives me really good money as a customer for now, but, to tell the truth, it starts to scary me a little. Maybe 'cause it's my first time with a so harassing customer, idk.
    So what should I do right now ? Keep him, answer to his emails and try convince him, or just totally ignore him ?

    Thank you ladies.

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    Featured Member Incantatious's Avatar
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    Default Re: An Advice about a too much Attached Regular

    I have a "reg" whose only purpose is to desperately try to arrange and convince me to meet and fuck him.

    He knew - more than a year ago - that it was a no. But he takes me private at my rate of 9.99 per min to "discuss it further". And now instead of saying no over and over as I used to do, I string him along. His actions tell me that he is happy to pay me for the privilege of doing so, despite knowing that I initially said a very clear "No".

    Sometimes you will encounter people who cannot understand what "no" means. Such people will either continue to either pay you to convince you otherwise, or NOT pay you to convince otherwise... The former ones, I keep; many pay highly. I treat it like extremely elaborate roleplay. The latter ones, I ignore.

    I'm never going to give in and meet these guys of course, but if some random stranger on a camsite takes one look at my pretty body and assumes that my personal integrity and boundaries are in any way easy to break on that basis, they can suck my fat rates dry. I'll happily give them the impression that I might be obtainable, next Tuesday or something.. I just "need to get to know you a little better of course". Whatever.

    If he is harassing you in a way that makes you feel that uncomfortable however, ban him and move on. He is no different to anyone else who enters your chat, other than he's attached to you, so why treat him any different?





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    Veteran Member Nina_Den's Avatar
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    Default Re: An Advice about a too much Attached Regular

    I am sorry to be the one to tell you this, but at that point, the money-thing is probably gone for good.
    I've had this happen to me way more than once, and I know how frustrating it is, because these kind of costumers do spend good money in the beginning, but I personally think they do it because they think they literally "bought" you at a certain point, and that from that point you are obliged to either send them freebies, talk to them on Skype, give them your Facebook name or, as happened to you, meet them. They want either the GF experience or the real deal, and they think the way to "achieve" this is by spending a few times in paid chat with you.

    I say, send him one strict message explaining your stance on the matter. Be very clear. Honestly, you've nothing to lose.
    If he understands, that's great. If he doesn't, and write you something along the lines of "But I thought you liked me!", or, "But I spent so much money on you!" - ban the shit out of him because it's only going to be a waste of your precious time.



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    Veteran Member Nina_Den's Avatar
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    Default Re: An Advice about a too much Attached Regular

    Quote Originally Posted by Incantatious View Post
    I have a "reg" whose only purpose is to desperately try to arrange and convince me to meet and fuck him.

    He knew - more than a year ago - that it was a no. But he takes me private at my rate of 9.99 per min to "discuss it further". And now instead of saying no over and over as I used to do, I string him along. His actions tell me that he is happy to pay me for the privilege of doing so, despite knowing that I initially said a very clear "No".

    Sometimes you will encounter people who cannot understand what "no" means. Such people will either continue to either pay you to convince you otherwise, or NOT pay you to convince otherwise... The former ones, I keep; many pay highly. I treat it like extremely elaborate roleplay. The latter ones, I ignore.

    I'm never going to give in and meet these guys of course, but if some random stranger on a camsite takes one look at my pretty body and assumes that my personal integrity and boundaries are in any way easy to break on that basis, they can suck my fat rates dry. I'll happily give them the impression that I might be obtainable, next Tuesday or something.. I just "need to get to know you a little better of course". Whatever.

    If he is harassing you in a way that makes you feel that uncomfortable however, ban him and move on. He is no different to anyone else who enters your chat, other than he's attached to you, so why treat him any different?
    I must admit that's also a good point. It's much more rare, but it's possible. It only happened to me twice so far, but perhaps that's because I live in Israel and I only get this one (trying to convince me to meet IRL) from Israeli guys, and, naturally, I don't get that much Israeli traffic.
    However, these two guys have tried to convince me to meet during a couple of private sessions, but at a certain point they gave up.

    Incantatious - you rock for being able to drag it on for a YEAR.



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    Default Re: An Advice about a too much Attached Regular

    I have learned that even good regulars almost always have an expiration date.

    This is why I try not to count on that money and want to continually add more sources of income and more regs. When they take up too much time I begin to focus on other customers and give them less of my time, take way longer to give responses to emails, and if they get to be too much trouble I completely ignore or block as a last resort.



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    Default Re: An Advice about a too much Attached Regular


    Quote Originally Posted by laurielegs View Post
    I have learned that even good regulars almost always have an expiration date.

    This is why I try not to count on that money and want to continually add more sources of income and more regs. When they take up too much time I begin to focus on other customers and give them less of my time, take way longer to give responses to emails, and if they get to be too much trouble I completely ignore or block as a last resort.
    Quote Originally Posted by ~Carmen~ View Post
    I can see you being 90 and flipping your long hair, still teasing the boys.



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    Default Re: An Advice about a too much Attached Regular

    I had a customer who was spending at least $2-3k a month on me. He was the worst customer I ever had. He was so needy, pushy and harassing to the point I would log off and cry. He made me very uncomfortable in my own cam room. For awhile, I was putting up with his shit because of the money he was spending on me. The stress he was putting me through affected my performance for others. Then one day I had enough and banned him. I am so glad I did it. No amount of money is worth your peace of mind. And like everyone else said, most customers have an expiration date. When one door closes, another one (maybe more) opens.


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    Default Re: An Advice about a too much Attached Regular

    Incantatious said it all best! This happens to me all the time, yet they continue to pay for long prvts. I'm now to the point where I think it is some kind of fetish. In my case, the more I say "No, I'm never going to meet You,the more they take me prvt. and talk about how they are going to convince me otherwise!"
    they love it! I'm kind of glad that this is a fetish, because I can usually rely on them taking me prvt., especially when it's been so slow. The other guys who just keep pressuring me in free chat, I just ignore, or ban
    EDIT: there are 2 guys on SM who I do feel are a real threat. They prey on the new girls mostly. I forgot about them, but they might be the ones who you feel are creeping you out. You can PM me for their screen names.

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    Default Re: An Advice about a too much Attached Regular

    These are the worst. I get this constantly but mainly on the site i'm on guys skip the "spend thousands" like it was in the past, now they try to spend $0 and ask"Where are you"? Or they'll spend $20 and keep trying to hint out " what time is it there". When i started camming it was never like this. Guys that were spending a bundle hinted but never this direct " I will only take you private if you tell me where you live" type. I had a reg yesterday doing just that. Like ooh "escort??" as if that's just like asking if I go skiing on the weekends. I said umm no I only cam. He said "ohh I just wanted to get dinner" lol then later goes on about how men will always want sex blah blah.

    Point is no matter what you tell these men they love love love lying to themselves. Now If in a private I play dumb and go "ooh really? wow that's so hot!!!". I do that as long as I can until the guy sounds serious then i pull the " wait I thought that was your fantasy". All in all if you say no they will still harass you. If you say yes they will harass you. No way is right when it comes to the guys that are trying to push boundaries.

    Ignore his messages for awhile and just respond to them later and later.Then when he pops in to complain just pretend busy.

    Currently I have a guy that stalks my room now. He sits in says nothing then leaves and does that through the day. Then pops in saying " hey I just woke up" as if I didn't see his name in my room 10 times over the course of several hours.

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    Default Re: An Advice about a too much Attached Regular

    Personally I cannot even pretend in a roleplay sort of way I would meet them, because it creeps me out WAY too much. Luckily for me, I have never really had this issue. MGF has very strict policies on not saying anything personal, and I am not about to risk my account - So I tell the guys that.

    I have had clingy customers though, eventually I push them away. They start to get moody with me if they have a bad day, or have temper tantrums if they don't like something I say. I can't handle that bullshit.

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    Default Re: An Advice about a too much Attached Regular

    When I was a new girl to webcamming I had a customer like this. He even talked me into calling him on the phone. Why? because I was scared of losing his money. NO MORE..it ended up being way more trouble then what the money was worth. I have learned over the years and will tell them straight up NO I won't meet you. I personally cannot stand the needy ones. They annoy me to no end. I'm not on here to have a relationship and will not even let them think that.

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    Default Re: An Advice about a too much Attached Regular

    Quote Originally Posted by Nina_Den View Post
    I am sorry to be the one to tell you this, but at that point, the money-thing is probably gone for good.
    I've had this happen to me way more than once, and I know how frustrating it is, because these kind of costumers do spend good money in the beginning, but I personally think they do it because they think they literally "bought" you at a certain point, and that from that point you are obliged to either send them freebies, talk to them on Skype, give them your Facebook name or, as happened to you, meet them. They want either the GF experience or the real deal, and they think the way to "achieve" this is by spending a few times in paid chat with you.

    I say, send him one strict message explaining your stance on the matter. Be very clear. Honestly, you've nothing to lose.
    If he understands, that's great. If he doesn't, and write you something along the lines of "But I thought you liked me!", or, "But I spent so much money on you!" - ban the shit out of him because it's only going to be a waste of your precious time.
    couldn't agree more - i've had regulars who felt they had spent enough to finally get into bed with me. it is important to have regulars but the more money someone spends on me, the more i have to work to keep the power dynamic in my favor so they don't get the wrong idea.

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    Default Re: An Advice about a too much Attached Regular

    Quote Originally Posted by NicoleM. View Post
    To start with, I'd like to thank you beautiful ladies for all the great suggestions contained in the forum .. all these informations really have been helping me a lot ! Now I've decided to join the community to share a little bit with you a part of my life.
    I apologize ahead of time for my non-perfect english, but that's not my main language.

    I've been camming for too months on Streamate: traffic isn't so great as i thought in the beginning, but still making good money .. now I need an advice from who have experienced this before: I have this regular who always takes me for long private sessions just to talk about life. Sometimes he writes me on my streamate mail box, but I thought it wasn't a problem as long as he continued paying often for my company. I WAS WRONG.
    Last night, as he usually does after a session, he sent me an email to wish me a good night, or so I thought. It's not the first time he opens the subject of coming to meet me, I always try to keep things clear, but this time he has become a little too much harassing. I reminded him that this is my work, but nothing seems to convince him to forget that ridiculous idea, he continues and continues and continues and I don't know what to do right now.
    He gives me really good money as a customer for now, but, to tell the truth, it starts to scary me a little. Maybe 'cause it's my first time with a so harassing customer, idk.
    So what should I do right now ? Keep him, answer to his emails and try convince him, or just totally ignore him ?

    Thank you ladies.

    You need to deal with him without becoming enmeshed in his issues, which is to say don't let him occupy any space in your thoughts. Just keep it simple, either you string him along or you let him know there is no chance. The nice thing about Streamate is you can perma-ban him. So if it becomes too much of an issue for you then just ban him.

    Personally I only ban them after they become a drain instead of a way to make money. I don't let their issues bother me. I worked as a stripper for a little over three years and I had guys trying to get me to go home with them every single day. If he is really that bad ban him before he starts threatening to self-harm, you will be doing him a favor.

    I guess I learned how to deal with cam customers from my stripping experiences. I don't know how it works for you but here is how it works for me, "Who I am on cam is not me, it's a character I play as part of the performance I do in order to make money." Any idiot who falls for my act and who wants to meet me in real life isn't attracted to me, no, he is attracted to my act, i.e. the girl who is hot and horny for complete strangers on the Internet. That sure as Hell isn't me in real life so if some guy falls for that chick, obviously he would never make a good partner anyway and I sure as Hell am not going to meet anyone like him in real life.

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    Default Re: An Advice about a too much Attached Regular

    lol thanks LIfe travel, I'll try to work that into a mantra because I tend t o become waaaaaay to involved and I'm trying to prevent it beforehand. It's just an act.

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    Default Re: An Advice about a too much Attached Regular

    Quote Originally Posted by lifetravelergirl View Post
    I guess I learned how to deal with cam customers from my stripping experiences. I don't know how it works for you but here is how it works for me, "Who I am on cam is not me, it's a character I play as part of the performance I do in order to make money." Any idiot who falls for my act and who wants to meet me in real life isn't attracted to me, no, he is attracted to my act, i.e. the girl who is hot and horny for complete strangers on the Internet. That sure as Hell isn't me in real life so if some guy falls for that chick, obviously he would never make a good partner anyway and I sure as Hell am not going to meet anyone like him in real life.
    I want to make a poster of this sentence .. hell, that's exactly what I was determined to keep in mind once I started and that's also why I feel uncomfortable when someone tries to 'enter in my real life'.
    Thank you all for the great advices, you have made me understand that money isn't worth it.
    Yesterday I sent him a very clear message about how a meeting between us has no way to happen and to stop it. The answer was something like 'That's your loss, from now on you won't be making money anymore blahblah, I'm offendend so goodbye.' THANKS GOD.

    And thanks to you ladies again !

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    Default Re: An Advice about a too much Attached Regular

    Quote Originally Posted by NicoleM. View Post
    To start with, I'd like to thank you beautiful ladies for all the great suggestions contained in the forum .. all these informations really have been helping me a lot ! Now I've decided to join the community to share a little bit with you a part of my life.
    I apologize ahead of time for my non-perfect english, but that's not my main language.

    I've been camming for too months on Streamate: traffic isn't so great as i thought in the beginning, but still making good money .. now I need an advice from who have experienced this before: I have this regular who always takes me for long private sessions just to talk about life. Sometimes he writes me on my streamate mail box, but I thought it wasn't a problem as long as he continued paying often for my company. I WAS WRONG.
    Last night, as he usually does after a session, he sent me an email to wish me a good night, or so I thought. It's not the first time he opens the subject of coming to meet me, I always try to keep things clear, but this time he has become a little too much harassing. I reminded him that this is my work, but nothing seems to convince him to forget that ridiculous idea, he continues and continues and continues and I don't know what to do right now.
    He gives me really good money as a customer for now, but, to tell the truth, it starts to scary me a little. Maybe 'cause it's my first time with a so harassing customer, idk.
    So what should I do right now ? Keep him, answer to his emails and try convince him, or just totally ignore him ?

    Thank you ladies.
    I just don't have it in me to do the 'string him along and get his money' thing. I'm very straight-up with guys about my boundaries, and I don't want them thinking they can always get whatever they want "for the right price." Especially when there are plenty of other guys out there willing to spend on cam girls without expecting to meet. If all he wants to do is meet a girl in person, well...there are other sites specifically for that sort of thing. It's like he's saying "Okay, bb, I know you're not comfortable with this, but I really, really want this, so I'm gonna keep buggin' you about it 'til you change your mind." You should just do what you want to do. You said that this guy is starting to scare you a little bit, and he clearly isn't respecting your boundaries.
    My referral link for models to join the Boleyn Models daily pay program
    https://cammodelpay.com/ref?page=&campaign=&affToken=NDcx

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    Default Re: An Advice about a too much Attached Regular

    I would continue to let him pay for your sessions. If he pushes on cam, at least you're getting paid for every cent. Be sure to remind him that you're flattered but camming is a means for you to have fun and make your income only. That the site does not permit meetings for both the safety of the model, and the client. If he ends the chat, oh well, if not, you can change the subject. I would ignore his emails however. You are there for your paid time only and sending emails after you've already done your job is ridiculous unless you want to. If he wants to continue with you, you need to make it clear that you will not be meeting up with him...ever.

    I had to deal with this, and I'm still dealing with it now. I had a very generous guy fall for me on cam 5 years back and to this day he still chats with me (for free mind you) and still wants to meet up. Occasionally he still gives me money, or pays for cam time just to chat but I've made it clear that we aren't meeting up. From day one it was understood that this was only a virtual friendship, nothing more. You can't help that guys fall for you but you must put your foot down and continue to offer yourself as a fantasy and nothing more for your own safety.

    You could string him along, but I don't think that route is very safe. It's your choice in what to do at the end of the day. There's nothing wrong with being flirty and stretching your dollar but I wouldn't push it too far as some people get into dangerous situations that way. My husband is a certified hacker and so are all his buddies. It only takes one crazy one to ruin your life. I understand that SM is safe to a certain extent but you don't know the lengths some of these guys take to find you. All it takes is a personal email, perhaps a still photo to drop into google images, face recognition software, a facebook page, a skype name, location, etc. Be safe!
    Last edited by kortneykay; 07-22-2013 at 08:43 AM.




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    Default Re: An Advice about a too much Attached Regular

    Unfortunately some people don't seem to understand.
    I will keep this experience in mind to don't repeat the same mistake again .. Kortneykey, you are right; from now on I'll try to be keep these people at a safe distance.

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    Default Re: An Advice about a too much Attached Regular

    Quote Originally Posted by TheBrownFox View Post
    "Okay, bb, I know you're not comfortable with this, but I really, really want this, so I'm gonna keep buggin' you about it 'til you change your mind."
    reminds me of the coercive teenage boys from high school... i guess old habits die hard, right? if a girl says no to something, the trick is to continue asking, hoping she'll break down.

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    Default Re: An Advice about a too much Attached Regular

    Quote Originally Posted by karaamsel View Post
    reminds me of the coercive teenage boys from high school... i guess old habits die hard, right? if a girl says no to something, the trick is to continue asking, hoping she'll break down.
    Unfortunately, many men are entitled when it comes to seeing women purely as a sexual object.

    How DARE you turn down my advances! The media has told me since I was 1 years old, that your soul purpose in life was to try and look hot for men to fuck you 24/7. No means no until I make you say yes, and I know women are just horny money grubbing Bitches si I dont care about your ~feelings~!!!!

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    Quote Originally Posted by CanadianRuby View Post
    No means no until I make you say yes
    yup - i'm going to get what i want but i'm going to make you confused about how much you consented to this. if i purely force you to do it, i'm a monster. if i talk you into it, then it was totally what you wanted in the first place.

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    Default Re: An Advice about a too much Attached Regular

    These guys are paying for a FANTASY. I have a reg who literally doesn't want anything in a show except to spend an hour trying to convince me to go meet him in real life. I just string them along, say "maybe once I get to know you better," "now's not a good time, maybe later," blah blah blah.

    Think of it this way: They are paying for the fantasy. So humor them a little. But if you really don't like it or it's not your style, ban and move on.

    Otherwise, pay his babble no mind and keep taking his money.

    There is nothing wrong with keeping him around and taking his money even though obviously you will never meet him. THIS IS WHAT HE WANTS, SINCE HE'S PAYING FOR IT. I've never met anyone on cam but I lie and say I once dated a guy I met on cam because it's good for business. It's all about selling the FANTASY. The ROLEPLAY.

    Lots of people sell lies for a living (um, organized religion? hello? that's an even bigger fantasy/scam in my opinion). Just humor him or ban. It's very simple.

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    Default Re: An Advice about a too much Attached Regular

    well it is all about feeling comfortable and if you're creating a thread about it, i'm guessing you are not comfortable. always listen to your gut. it may not be a fantasy to them.

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