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    Default manageable silence?

    I am a regular of a dancer now for two years and lately we just aren't gelling lately. My question is she told me she is at the point she would rather sit with random customers than sit in "manageable silence" with me. What the heck is manageable silence?

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    Featured Member vivianbear's Avatar
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    Default Re: manageable silence?

    OMG!! LOL!!! Dude, I'm a pretty harsh Fem Domme but it's a rare occasion that I out and out tell a guy he's boring me to that extent. And I've fired a lot of custies. She is my new hero. I want to buy her all of the drinks.

    Dude, she's bored with you. You've tapped her out. She obviously doesn't like anything about you, personally and it's to the point where she doesn't need you, financially. You can do one of two things:

    1) Call her bluff. Drop her as your ATF. Simply ignore her and find another girl to spend money on. Granted, at this point, she probably knows all of your tricks (not in the deceptive use of the term but that you are a "trick" and she knows your behavior habits as one) so she's just going to tell the new girl literally everything about you. She probably knows how much you always bring and what your true spending limits are so the new girl will strategize thusly and drain your wallet according to what suits her best, until she's ready to fire you too. And so the cycle will continue with girl after girl until the end of your days.

    OR

    2) Pay her MORE MONEY. I don't know what you pay to hang out with her. Do you buy her time in a Champagne Room? Do you just sit out on the floor and sip drinks? Whatever you do, pay her about $300 more to do it, in the same amount of time. In fact, when you see her for an evening, simply hand her $300 immediately and say, "I'm sorry you feel un-enthused by seeing me, some nights. I want you to want to see me. I'll do whatever it takes to make it worth your while. I'd like to pay this Tribute to you and obviously continue to pay you for your valuable time, as I normally would. Please let me earn back the privilege of occupying your time and space." Hopefully, this will incentivize her to approach you with a different attitude and should you maintain your tributary, she'll continue to make you a priority in her nightly roster.

    You can also:
    * Tell her that she doesn't need to talk to you or really acknowledge you. Just pay her (more) and allow her to relax while you creepily sit in silence, fawning over her. She can ignore you or talk to you only when she wants to request more money or run up your tab or whatever. You're there to pay her, not to use her for your personal entertainment outlet.

    *Hand her your credit/debit card upon seeing her and tell her it's hers for the night, as long as you're allowed to hang out. She can drink on it or situate herself in a Champagne Room with some girlfriends (also on your dime, of course) for a few hours, until you're tapped out. I'm sure she'll know when that is.

    *Pay her and just be her furniture. Literally. Get down on your hands and knees and allow her to prop her feet onto you and relax for as long as possible. Again, probably in a private room, where she can take a break from the floor and read a book or sip champagne or whatever it is she'd prefer to do than look at your face while you bore her to death. This may seem unusual but hey, spice things up a bit! Just be there to make her glad she came to work, that night. The easier you make her job, the more she'll look forward to seeing you and taking your money.

    This is my very real-life approach to dealing with burn-out regs. It works for me. Hopefully, it's your style, too. Good luck!
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    Featured Member Chili Palmer's Avatar
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    Default Re: manageable silence?

    For real?

    A dancer, whom you have paid (ostensibly) a lot of money to over the years just told you being with you is so bad she'd rather be with anyone else, and you have to ask what you should do now? Why does this site attract so many sackless customers?

    You're not married. Move on. Find someone else to spend your money on, and, instead of insisting they sit with you for minutes on end with nothing to say, just buy your friggin' lapdances and let her get on with her life, too. Please don't whine about how you "need to connect" before you get a dance because unless your dancer is clairvoyant, clearly that's not happening.

    CP

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    God/dess simone87's Avatar
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    Default Re: manageable silence?

    ^ yup. who cares what "manageable silence" actually means, im sure you get the gist of it..she's either pretty pissed about something, pretty rude, or just had no filter! lmao, find somebody else!!! that you don't even sound offended that she said that to you is the funny part

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    Default Re: manageable silence?

    Question one: Are you weird and/or creepy? If so, maybe you should do something about it.

    Question two: Are you spending enough money on this lady to validate your creepiness/weirdness/boorishness? Hey, everyone's got problems.

    Question three/four: Have you read the news lately? Hear any good stories recently? Maybe you just suck to talk to because you have nothing interesting to say.

    Question five: Do you LIKE being talked down too? Some dudes like it, so if you've given off that vibe, you should fully accept the consequences OR let her know that you don't like it.

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    Default Re: manageable silence?

    As a customer/employee I've seen a variety of reasons for this type of reaction...

    1. You are a time waster, who used to buy more dances when things were new but you maybe started insisting on "sitting" before getting dances, and this time investment has finally made it not worthwhile for her to dance with you. Also, are you tipping for her time sitting or tipping after dances? Like any service industry ~20% goes a long way, and yes I'm saying even if you aren't demanding extras and are keeping your hands to yourself.

    2. She might be burning out and needs to take a break from dancing, or could be having issues outside the club with her guy/kids/etc. Its a job for her, and everybody needs a vacay eventually, dancers tend to be drama magnets, and pull others into it like a black hole, consider yourself lucky if she hasn't hit you up for help with anything financially (if this is the case).

    3. You are potentially boring and/or pervy when you do try to talk. Even though after 2 years you should have solid rapport built with someone, it's certainly possible that you fall into the creeper category and thus aren't exactly someone she wants to hang out with.

    I can't imagine what I would have done for my ATF to say/react like that to me...and I was hardly baller status (average of 5-8 hundo a week when I was a regular) and we got to know each other really well.

    If you are going there for some big ongoing sexual fantasy with one girl and you forget that dancers are regular women, and have all the same likes/dislikes/hopes/wants/dreams you will ultimately not "jell", since there is only so much sexual "game" she can run on you when there is no genuine interest there; you'll stop enjoying it and she will run out of material.

    Eventually the conversations/interactions will HAVE to be about more "everyday" things such as car trouble, new couches, good cookware, moving apartments, drama with family/friends etc etc... And for some, that's just as enjoyable, (or more enjoyable since there is genuine connection when a dancer talks about real life) but maybe it isn't your cup of tea, and she sees that. Thus it could be time to move on.

    Just my 0.02 (€. £. ¥. $)

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    Default Re: manageable silence?

    Quote Originally Posted by Chili Palmer View Post
    For real?

    A dancer, whom you have paid (ostensibly) a lot of money to over the years just told you being with you is so bad she'd rather be with anyone else, and you have to ask what you should do now? Why does this site attract so many sackless customers?


    Quote Originally Posted by Chili Palmer View Post
    You're not married. Move on. Find someone else to spend your money on, and, instead of insisting they sit with you for minutes on end with nothing to say, just buy your friggin' lapdances and let her get on with her life, too. Please don't whine about how you "need to connect" before you get a dance because unless your dancer is clairvoyant, clearly that's not happening.
    Idk. A lot of customers pay for a lot of different things. If he is more trouble than he is worth to her then so be it, but there are plenty of customers who seek/need some type of comfort level before they spend and are willing to pony up accordingly.

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    Default Re: manageable silence?

    Start spending more money on her to win her favor or find someone else. Maybe you're not paying her enough to deal with your awkwardness... sorry if that sounds harsh but something obviously amiss.
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    ^What Sophia said.
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    I wish there was an "auto-like" setting that I could just have applied to all of your posts Sophia....

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    Default Re: manageable silence?

    I'm guessing manageable silence means that she is keeping up the conversation and you're not spending enough money. My regulars are pretty good about coming in only to see me and spending. When were done, they don't stick around. They leave the club. The only time I've got 'manageable silence' going on is when a meet a new guy, he spends a lot of money and expects me to sit and chat and there is no more money flowing. When I'm not busy I'll stop back later.




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    Default Re: manageable silence?

    Quote Originally Posted by vm3118 View Post
    she would rather sit with random customers than sit in "manageable silence" with me. What the heck is manageable silence?
    ^Have you been spending what you usually do? If yes, have you asked her for OTC meetings, pushed her boundaries ITC or have you been too "clingy" (hurting her chances of making money from other customers)? A dancer would only be that rude to a spending regular, IMO, if she is trying to "ditch" you as her regular (probably for the above reasons).
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    Default Re: manageable silence?

    Quote Originally Posted by vm3118 View Post
    I am a regular of a dancer now for two years and lately we just aren't gelling lately. My question is she told me she is at the point she would rather sit with random customers than sit in "manageable silence" with me. What the heck is manageable silence?
    How much money do you spend per visit?

    How much time does she spend with you other than when she is dancing for you?

    Do you complain when she cuts your time together short in order to go look for more business?
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    Double team! 2 latinas with big tits!!

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    Default Re: manageable silence?

    Ouch. Okay, I think any reasonable person would look at that statement as a sign to move on. For me, that would be the only possible course of action, and I would have done it right then. The fact that you're not sure what to do makes me worry a bit that you've become too attached; I can't imagine that, if you were in a right frame of mind, you'd have any question about what you should do. If you're too attached, it's double important you move on now, and she's given you great motivation to do so. IMO, don't pay her more -- if what you were paying her was the issue, she'd frame it up that way, not the way she did it, IME.

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    Default Re: manageable silence?

    ok heres some history on us. I have been seeing her three times a week for the last two years. As far as money I have pretty much been here sole supporter for the last two years. I usually spend between $750 and a $1000 a week besides other bills and expenses I take care of on a monthly basis. I sit with her for her whole shift and besides the money she makes on stage she doesn't usually work the room. I had a six week period a couple of weeks ago where I couldn't make it up there except for one night a week but I still paid her for the other nights. I have had one lap dance the night I met her and haven't had one since. We reached a point where she said we were to close to get lap dances and she has actually turned down dances I offered to pay $200 a pop for. Money has never been an issue and I have spent a lot on her in the last two years. She hasn't wanted to dance but it seems to work best for her to go to college full time and not have to work a fast food/serving job. Ive always been considerate of her desires and haven't asked her to do anything weird or perverted so lets take that off of the table lol.

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    Default Re: manageable silence?

    ^ if what you are saying is true..im just speechless. she won't get off her ass to give you a dance you are willing to pay 200 bucks for?? don't waste anymore of your time or money. im usually not on the customer's side in these cases but this is an exception. there are two sides to a story though, i would love to hear her side of it since this sounds completely bizarre..she sounds like a spoiled little princess from what you are describing. just leave her be, she can hustle hard all night long for dances where guys try and stick their fingers up every orifice in her body and rip her off, is she a newbie by any chance?
    Last edited by simone87; 08-09-2013 at 10:31 PM.

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    Default Re: manageable silence?

    ^ Also everyone, I'd like to point out that the average course of studies is about 3years long (the same length of time the custie has been her regular)....
    Tiny tweaks----->BIG CHANGES

    Quote Originally Posted by Kirakonstantin View Post
    More fear-mongering? Really? Yes, this is not the 1990's anymore. Yes, things are changing. Either dance or don't. Freaking out and sowing fear isn't going to help anyone.




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    Default Re: manageable silence?

    ^ 4-7 years in the USA.

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    Default Re: manageable silence?

    Quote Originally Posted by vm3118 View Post
    ok heres some history on us. I have been seeing her three times a week for the last two years. As far as money I have pretty much been here sole supporter for the last two years. I usually spend between $750 and a $1000 a week besides other bills and expenses I take care of on a monthly basis. I sit with her for her whole shift and besides the money she makes on stage she doesn't usually work the room. I had a six week period a couple of weeks ago where I couldn't make it up there except for one night a week but I still paid her for the other nights. I have had one lap dance the night I met her and haven't had one since. We reached a point where she said we were to close to get lap dances and she has actually turned down dances I offered to pay $200 a pop for. Money has never been an issue and I have spent a lot on her in the last two years. She hasn't wanted to dance but it seems to work best for her to go to college full time and not have to work a fast food/serving job. Ive always been considerate of her desires and haven't asked her to do anything weird or perverted so lets take that off of the table lol.
    To be honest, $1000 a week is not chump change but if you have been her "sole supporter" for two years now she is probably starting to realize that sitting with you for her entire shift three or so times a week is costing her money in the long run. I'm not buying the "to close to get lap dances" line at all. She is making easy money from you by sitting, chatting and keeping her clothes on. The fact that you are buying this BS indicates to me that what we are talking about here is another case of a guy who has fallen and can't get up.

    Get out. Get out now. Gather up whatever self respect you can find and walk away from her and the club. You are being used by a stripper. It happens.
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    Default Re: manageable silence?

    Quote Originally Posted by yoda57us View Post
    To be honest, $1000 a week is not chump change but if you have been her "sole supporter" for two years now she is probably starting to realize that sitting with you for her entire shift three or so times a week is costing her money in the long run. I'm not buying the "to close to get lap dances" line at all. She is making easy money from you by sitting, chatting and keeping her clothes on. The fact that you are buying this BS indicates to me that what we are talking about here is another case of a guy who has fallen and can't get up.

    Get out. Get out now. Gather up whatever self respect you can find and walk away from her and the club. You are being used by a stripper. It happens.
    Yeah, the money doesn't really add up. Even if she's working only three days a week, that means he's really only spending $250-$330 per shift, which, if she's only getting on stage and not working the room, isn't really that great of earnings. I mean, if he's going in one day a week and handing over $1000 to hang out all night for one shift, she's obviously making other money the other two nights (so the sole supporter line is BS) but if he truly is the only one paying her, that's pathetic. Sure, it's some money but there are camgirls that wouldn't leave the house for only $330, even to sit around for 5-8 hours sipping booze and being bored with the same guy, every night. Any stripper in her right mind would see this as a waste of time in an instant. They're both getting a raw deal. This just sounds like a horrible arrangement, all around.
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    Default Re: manageable silence?

    ^ thats how I look at it VivBear, no way would I allocate my time that way! break it down to $ per hour ($41 at $330 per 8hr shift) and for a stripper, that's not great.

    If he spent the $1000 over 1 shift I think the relationship between them would improve, and he could actually have a life the rest of the week? I think he needs to get a hobby. 24hours a week in a strip club for someone not working there is pathetic (sorrry OP but it's pretty lame).
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kirakonstantin View Post
    More fear-mongering? Really? Yes, this is not the 1990's anymore. Yes, things are changing. Either dance or don't. Freaking out and sowing fear isn't going to help anyone.




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    Default Re: manageable silence?

    I feel the same way as the above two posters. Plus, given the same amount of money, I would NOT want to spend the entire shift with one customer. I like the variety. The OP spends roughly 100% of her work time with her-I would be bored to tears in no time. Why doesn't she do $300 worth of dances and let both of them be on their way? This may not be the popular opinion, but he (the OP) seems clingy to me.

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    Featured Member Addison's Avatar
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    Default Re: manageable silence?

    Two years of you coming in three times a week and staying for her entire shift? I'm surprised she didn't get sick of you sooner. Anyone could become dull and annoying in that frame of time! Little to no communication outside the club and short visits keeps the relationship fresh, lively, and entertaining because there's always something new to talk about and you're always excited to see one another.

    How did she act during that six week period where you came in only once a week? It was probably pretty good, huh?

    My advice: Decrease the number of your visits and/or stay for a MUCH shorter period of time (2 hours max). Don't decrease the money, though! lol

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    Default Re: manageable silence?

    Wait so 3 nights a weeks and $1000? I have a feeling that maybe that number is inflated just a tad bit. Could it be more like 650 or 800? Point is this I don't know what fees she has to pay out and how long a "shift is". She could easily be in from 11:30am to about 3am the next morning. My point is that spending time with someone is nice and all but after a few years spending something like 6-8 hours with one person can be draining. There really isn't a break, change of pace with a new fresh person.

    Just as a note I used to connect with a specific member (cam) and that member would end up being the majority of my income. In most cases they were trying to get some sort of girlfriend experience but also monopolizing alot of time. Since they were the brunt of income I generally didn't have a problem with this until they started pushing for alittle more and spending alittle less. These types spend a great chunk but they require attention that almost appears to be much more than whatever they provide. Also with the time they require they in essence cut off your supply of making new regulars as well. So when you either have a falling out or have to cut the cord, you're basically almost starting over from scratch and will take a financial hit if you didn't prepare for it.

    So from her abrupt tone I think he's actually not spending enough or even though he's not looking for extras he's obviously looking for something more. She's probably annoyed with his " maybe someday" expectations and it's wearing on her.

    As someone posted above there are two sides of the story.

    I want to think " she's using him" but something seems off. There's something we're not getting information on.

    Fantasy is fun but the more time you spend with someone the more someone is going to want reality. It seems difficult for many not to desire more when they spend so much. So think if he was seeing her 3 times a week and for her full shift that's anywhere from 18- 30 hours a week. Again we're not exactly sure what type of shifts she works. Also time away from the club? Calling, texting? Are they hanging out doing dinner as well? In essence he's getting alot of attention for not that much. So if tip out is say $100 a night she's basicaly walking away with maybe $600 or $500 a week yet out of 3 days from that week she can't really interact with any other customers because he spent money for her undivided attention for an entire shift.

    Remember we also don't know what conversations they have which is why I feel there is something missing from this story.

    Now when he eventually cuts her off which he will at some point she'll have to make a mad scramble and dash if she didn't save any of that money.

    In my last couple of years in camming I made a similar error when dealing with the "all about me" high tipper. Surely the money was great and I can honestly say the best spenders I have had in the past were actually quite handsome and pleasure to be around. Even though their company was great they usually got out of line far sooner than any other lower tipper. I specifically connected this behavior to the money they were spending and also time and attention required. Which untimately is possibly a greater loss all around. Still their desire for undivided attention and larger lump sums always resulted in alienation of other tippers or spenders.You'll never really know what you could have missed out on during your time with them. At least in her case if she is working 5 days out of the week then she has 2 days to attract new clientel. If she's only working those 3 days then she would be rather screwed.

    So maybe she's just at her breaking point and rather forgo the money than having to deal with another uncomfortable silent moment with him. I can't really say. I want to believe that she's just gotten so comfortable that she feels he's not going anywhere. If it's not that there must be something that he's saying that she is tired of hearing.

    Also I read above he's seeing her now only 1 day a week. Has her schedule changed to less days per week at the club?

    Again for all I know what I posted above could be totally off and she's just being unappreciative. Refusing a dance for $200? Hmm that seems odd to me. As I said eariler something is missing from the story.

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    Default Re: manageable silence?

    If I was expected to sit with the same guy for my entire shift 3x/week for $1000/week max I would go crazy after two months tops, drown myself in whiskey, and say some things way more soul-crushing than "manageable silence." It's just way too much time/neediness for too little money, OP. I agree with Addison's suggestion.

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    Default Re: manageable silence?

    So you have known this girl in the club for two years and can't find enough to talk about to carry on a conversation? Not to sound crass but in the real world that's when couple breaks up. Perhaps its time for you to move on.

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    Default Re: manageable silence?

    Quote Originally Posted by Drizzle View Post
    So you have known this girl in the club for two years and can't find enough to talk about to carry on a conversation? Not to sound crass but in the real world that's when couple breaks up. Perhaps its time for you to move on.
    LOL, but this is not happening in the real world and they are not a couple. We are talking about a customer and a dancer. Dancers will sit with annoying guys for hours, days and weeks on end if the money is there. Once the annoyance factor outweighs the financial reward the trouble starts. I'm thinking that is the case in this scenario. We are not hearing the entire story.
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