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Thread: Help...advice??

  1. #1
    Senior Member Honey Ryder's Avatar
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    Default Help...advice??

    Rant ahead....since a lot of people here IMO are non as judgmental in a lot of other places I was hoping ya'll would offer me an honest opinion?

    I've been having a lot of problems with my boyfriends' kids and dealt with a lot, but recently felt I've reached a breaking point. Often times when he had them (every other week) he'd start ignoring me and blowing me off. He wouldn't text me, he wouldn't call me or spend time with me. I let a lot go but one day I needed a ride home from the hospital and he wouldn't take my phone calls even though I sent him texts stating it was important. I ended up sitting there for two hours waiting for a ride because he wouldn't take away 10 mins to answer my phone call.

    We recently found out I am pregnant, but have decided to terminate it for personal reasons. The day we made an appointment to do so I was struggling a lot. I hurt physically, I'm sick all the time, and emotionally drained. I asked him just for that day to spend the day with me and he wouldn't because he didn't want to tell his kids they couldn't go swimming and hear them complain about coming to my house. He even yelled at me in the parking lot of a fast good place for asking him to come over. I'm sorry, but my kids have had to give up swimming over me being too sick to go, and we made this together, and he could have taken them swimming any other day of the week. Was I really asking too much?

    I hope ya'll don't mind me asking here...I have pretty much no family and my friends are biased. I feel totally lost on this...

  2. #2
    God/dess whirlerz's Avatar
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    Default Re: Help...advice??

    He sounds inconsiderate to me, & to yell @ you, that's wrong


    MANY MEN WANTED TO LAY ME DOWN, BUT FEW WANTED TO LIFT ME UP

    -Eartha Kitt

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    Default Re: Help...advice??

    I imagine it is very difficult to date when you have children from a previous relationship, but his behavior is not explained by him just trying to be a good father. If he could not even be there for you after a hospital trip or during the time you chose to abort, he is not worth your time any other day. This isn't something a heart-to-heart can solve. IMO, he just needs to be out of your life.

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  6. #4
    Senior Member Honey Ryder's Avatar
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    Default Re: Help...advice??

    Well we haven't had this done yet...this happened the day we set up the apt which is saturday. I just cramp and throw up a lot and I'm sick all the time because of the pregnancy. And the choice to end it has drained me and it's something he's pushed for...I just needed his emotional support.

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    God/dess whirlerz's Avatar
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    Default Re: Help...advice??

    Yep, I agree w/Tues..I think sometimes they use their kids as an excuse not to get too close, or to get out of responsibilities w/you..anyway that's been my experience.
    I think you deserve much better treatment


    MANY MEN WANTED TO LAY ME DOWN, BUT FEW WANTED TO LIFT ME UP

    -Eartha Kitt

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  9. #6
    Senior Member Honey Ryder's Avatar
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    Default Re: Help...advice??

    The situation with his kids is kinda weird...they pretty much control his life. He lets them get away with a lot and hardly will tell them no. I feel that what's going on should have came before a swimming pool, but when I try talking to him he puts it off like I'm being selfish.

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    God/dess whirlerz's Avatar
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    Default Re: Help...advice??

    Nah, it sounds like a no win situation to me


    MANY MEN WANTED TO LAY ME DOWN, BUT FEW WANTED TO LIFT ME UP

    -Eartha Kitt

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    Senior Member Honey Ryder's Avatar
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    Default Re: Help...advice??

    I believe I am starting to see that...I have kids too, but I teach them to be selfless and that if someone is truly hurting that it comes before play time. I am just so bad at second guessing myself on stuff.

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    God/dess whirlerz's Avatar
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    Default Re: Help...advice??

    Ok, well I think we all are..plus it's difficult to see things clearly when your involved..which's why we ask for another's view point Take care of yourself now, mentally & physically ok?


    MANY MEN WANTED TO LAY ME DOWN, BUT FEW WANTED TO LIFT ME UP

    -Eartha Kitt

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    Senior Member Honey Ryder's Avatar
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    Default Re: Help...advice??

    I am starting to think given the fact that I throw up all the time, and he knows the heat bothers me...the fact he even asked me to go to a swimming pool tells me he isn't even considering me in anything at all...

    I will take care of myself...once all of this is done I can make a clean break from him and heal, thank you.

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    Default Re: Help...advice??

    Quote Originally Posted by Honey Ryder View Post
    Well we haven't had this done yet...this happened the day we set up the apt which is saturday. I just cramp and throw up a lot and I'm sick all the time because of the pregnancy. And the choice to end it has drained me and it's something he's pushed for...I just needed his emotional support.
    ^Feeling like that is 100% understandable. He is supposed to be your partner. He should be there for you when you're feeling sad, sick, stressed, etc. He shouldn't be screaming at you over wanting his support. This is made all the more outrageous by the fact that he's acting this way when you're about to terminate a pregnancy--one co-created by him! I'm so sorry his failings are coming to a head when you need him the most, but I think you need to muster all the strength you can and sever ties with him. I wouldn't even trust him to bring you back from the doctor. This really sucks, but I'm glad you at least saw what he's like when you really needed him before it was too late.

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    Senior Member Honey Ryder's Avatar
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    Default Re: Help...advice??

    I am starting to think given the fact that I throw up all the time, and he knows the heat bothers me...the fact he even asked me to go to a swimming pool tells me he isn't even considering me in anything at all...

    I will take care of myself...once all of this is done I can make a clean break from him and heal, thank you.

  20. #13
    Senior Member Honey Ryder's Avatar
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    Default Re: Help...advice??

    I see what you are saying. He just made it seem like I'd be taking so much from his kids. I was like...swimming for one day? Making them come over when they don't want to? Seems like they could get over that...

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    Default Re: Help...advice??

    Wow, yeah, him inviting you to a pool when you're getting sick and are photosensitive is basically just his way of trying to make you look like the unreasonable one. It may not even be intentional, and he's just that selfish that he didn't consider the state you're in. Either way, I think your life will be much better without him in the long run, even though this timing is particularly painful. I wish you the best in recovering physically and emotionally.

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  23. #15
    Senior Member Honey Ryder's Avatar
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    Default Re: Help...advice??

    ty Tuesday...it is tough now, esp because I feel like dog poo anyways. But I have got through a lot, I believe I can get through this too.

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    Featured Member Vamp's Avatar
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    Default Re: Help...advice??

    If a friend came to you with this same issue what would you tell them?

    You deserve alot better then this. People dont even treat their animals this way. Think about it. I know it hurts but really wake up to what he is doing to you.
    Do you really think someone who treats you this way now is going to be there for you in the future? People dont change. You can move on from this and find a good man. They are out there.

    I went thru alot of stuff myself before. There was a book that really helped me ... the title is awful... but the book is great ....
    http://www.amazon.com/Women-Who-Love...+love+too+much

    I hope you can see how valuable you are, to yourself and those around you. I hope that you see that you are the love you are looking for. hugggss
    Nature knows no indecencies; man invents them. ~ Mark Twain


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    Default Re: Help...advice??

    Quote Originally Posted by Honey Ryder View Post
    I am starting to think given the fact that I throw up all the time, and he knows the heat bothers me...the fact he even asked me to go to a swimming pool tells me he isn't even considering me in anything at all...

    I will take care of myself...once all of this is done I can make a clean break from him and heal, thank you.
    I think you're doing the right thing. You definitely deserve better.

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    Senior Member Honey Ryder's Avatar
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    Default Re: Help...advice??

    TY vamp

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    God/dess simone87's Avatar
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    Default Re: Help...advice??

    wtf is his problem??!! i understand putting your children first and all, but this is beyond that. sounds like he's using them as an excuse, or has some guilt complex that he's trying to overcome by indulging them at every turn. does he not realize his child is inside you and you are his woman?? what an ass! don't count on his support, that's for sure. do what you want with this pregnancy its your choice, but think of yourself because he obviously isn't. i cannot believe he would treat you this way, that is unacceptable under any circumstance! sorry

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    Featured Member strippername's Avatar
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    Default Re: Help...advice??

    I didn't read anyone else's responses--Sorry!

    The first thing I thought is you don't want this jerk to be your baby daddy anyways. He can't give you one day after going through all of that? That is mean and I want to give you a hug. The second thing I thought was the same thing as the first thing. I don't know.

  31. #21
    Member FuriousAngel's Avatar
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    Default Re: Help...advice??

    Christ, this guy sounds like such a useless syphilitic dickbag. I mean, really, yelling at you in the parking lot, when you are going through this? Not making time for you? Prioritizing pool time? It is guys like this that make ball kicking and cbt such a useful past time. -.-

    I really, really hope you stick with your plan of ditching this tool. You do not deserve to be treated like this.

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    Senior Member bunny8558's Avatar
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    Default Re: Help...advice??

    On another negative note, if he allows his kids to make decisions for him and allows their whining to control him, they are bound to be intolerable as children and adults... Do you want to be around that, or even worse, have children of your own with someone with no interest in raising well-behaved kids? He sounds like an immature, self-absorbed guy. I've dated some.

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  35. #23
    Banned Melonie's Avatar
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    Default Re: Help...advice??

    Nah, it sounds like a no win situation to me
    Indeed ! It appears clear that your BF places the needs of his own children above YOU, and far above your own children !!!

    If I could offer one word of advice, it would be .......................................... NEXT !

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    Senior Member wendylove's Avatar
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    Default Re: Help...advice??

    he may be over trying to keep his kids happy (love him). but at the same time he is takeing you for granted .. You need his souport and love too explane to him if he dose not souport you then your going to boot his ass to the curb .... no relationship is better than a bad one..... so sorry to hear abought your troubles...

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  38. #25
    Senior Member Honey Ryder's Avatar
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    Default Re: Help...advice??

    Quote Originally Posted by simone87 View Post
    wtf is his problem??!! i understand putting your children first and all, but this is beyond that. sounds like he's using them as an excuse, or has some guilt complex that he's trying to overcome by indulging them at every turn. does he not realize his child is inside you and you are his woman?? what an ass! don't count on his support, that's for sure. do what you want with this pregnancy its your choice, but think of yourself because he obviously isn't. i cannot believe he would treat you this way, that is unacceptable under any circumstance! sorry
    Well the week we found out about the pregnancy he didn't have his kids. He was by my side most of the time. He even helped me pick up my place and helped with my laundry. The very instant his kids came around it was like flipping a switch.

    I told him I wanted to break up because I don't wanna be anyone's every other week girlfriend...and that the relationship was unfair to me.

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