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Thread: Regular wanting me to go home with them.... Ugh....

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    Member AshleyRyder's Avatar
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    Duh Regular wanting me to go home with them.... Ugh....

    Okay, how do I deal with this situation? Basically, I'm a newbie and was STUPID and gave my #1 regular my number. Well, not only that but mega flirted with him so he'd buy many dances with me & talked to him about hanging outside of the club... Yeah...
    Obviously, I don't plan on ever hanging out with him.. It was all just fantasy to keep him interested in me.
    Well, now we talk all the time and I act like I care to talk to him, but I don't.
    How do I get rid of him? I definitely don't plan on hanging out with him outside of the club and I always make excuses not to.
    What do I do now? I know I am such an idiot and this is such a STUPID move.
    I've learned my lesson though.


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    Default Re: Regular wanting me to go home with them.... Ugh....

    Quote Originally Posted by AshleyRyder View Post
    How do I get rid of him?
    Have you tried simply not talking to him? Ignore his texts, ignore his calls, and just drop off the face of the earth as far as he's concerned. Alternatively, you could just be straight up and say you're not interested and tell him to leave you alone.

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    Default Re: Regular wanting me to go home with them.... Ugh....

    Problem is he comes to the club every night & there is no way to avoid him. He's completely stopped associating with all the other girls. He only comes for me. :/ I am scared he might be unstable too and might flip out if I straight up tell him I'm not interested.


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    Default Re: Regular wanting me to go home with them.... Ugh....

    You're probably being paranoid about him flipping out. Just text him and tell him you don't want to see him again, so to stop coming to your club. Or do it in person next time you see him at the club. Don't be apologetic or cutesy - just straight up say you have no interest in him and he needs to go. If he presses or shows up, tell a bouncer and I'm sure they'll tell him to leave.

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    Default Re: Regular wanting me to go home with them.... Ugh....

    pshh, im not a newbie and i give my regulars my number.its a prepaid, granted, but its a good way of letting them know what days i work. maybe get google voice number next time. i always flirt with customers and make them think they are "special" and i care about them, its the name of the game, so relax!! that's what these men come in here for.
    if he's still spending good money on you, keep him around, as long as he's not doing anything cray cray. if he is , then just block him and don't talk to him. pretty simple. i know it can be scary starting out , but i think you are overreacting bit about how dumb you were being. let me tell you, almost ALL of your regs and most customers will ask you to hang out with them outside the club..if they are a good spending regular ill be cutesy about it and say something like "maybe, once we get to know each other better! i've been burnt before so itll take some time to get me outta my shell", or you can flat out say you don't do that, but be prepared for them to pretty much ALL ask you that.
    don't stop making customers feel special though, of course they aren't special to YOU, but they come in here for a fantasy girl because they are lonely and can't get attractive female conversation for free. flirt away my dear

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    Default Re: Regular wanting me to go home with them.... Ugh....

    Is he spending money on you in the club?

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    Default Re: Regular wanting me to go home with them.... Ugh....

    All customers come with an expiration date, either if you go out with them or if they "fall in love" with another dancer. It won't last. So if this guys spends money on you in the club, just relax and have a good time while you're there. Anytime a regular starts to make plans for OTC I just remind him that we should enjoy right here, right now, in the champagne room, preferably. (wink, wink)

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    Default Re: Regular wanting me to go home with them.... Ugh....

    Take him to VIP. He's yours to control.. don't let him control you!

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    God/dess xxxGothBarbie's Avatar
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    Default Re: Regular wanting me to go home with them.... Ugh....

    Psh regulars are a waste of time & energy!
    "Alot of people are afraid to say what they want, that's why they don't get what they want"~ Madonna




    "Respect is a dying art"

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    Default Re: Regular wanting me to go home with them.... Ugh....

    ^^^ I may be a bit paranoid on this topic, but I have traditionally avoided allowing any club customer to be 'led to believe' that I was A. romantically interested in him personally, B. willing to spend 'exclusive' time with him inside the club, and especially C. willing to spend ANY time with him outside the club.

    Yes sticking to this policy 'cost' me a bunch of potential earnings. However, and especially so in these difficult economic times, customers hold expectations that ... in return for the customer spending a ton of money on a particular dancer ... if the dancer has ( in the customer's mind at least ) expressed romantic interest, if the dancer has entered into communications outside the club, and especially if the dancer has suggested that she will meet with him outside the club, that the customer will eventually 'get his money's worth'.

    If the dancer continues to 'string along' the customer, a situation will eventually arise where the dancer must either A. actually make good on her explicit or implicit promises of providing the customer with his 'money's worth', or B. effectively tell the customer that he has been 'taken' ... that the dancer has no intention whatsoever of actually making good on her promises ... that the dancer has no real interest in the customer beyond his 'wallet' ... and that after accepting thousands of dollars of spending from the customer that were obtained under 'false pretenses', the dancer now expects the customer to simply [email protected]#K OFF.

    When faced with B. some number of customers may come to a rational conclusion that the previous interchanges with the dancer under 'false pretenses', and the dancer's eventual expectation for him to simply F#@K OFF, were to be expected ... that this is just the way things are at strip clubs ... such that the customer should accept the situation calmly and simply 'walk away'. However, a whole array of different customer reactions are also possible ...

    - the customer stalking the dancer in real life while continuing to try and convince her to make good on her earlier promises ( calling, showing up on dancer's doorstep, 'coincidentally' showing up while dancer is shopping / at gym / at other 'real life' situations )

    - the customer attempting to force the dancer to make good on her earlier promises i.e. 'taking' his money's worth over the objections of the dancer ( i.e. de-facto rape )

    - the customer attempting to extract retribution from the dancer in other ways ( tipping off the dancer's landlord, tipping off the IRS, (falsely) tipping off local cops that the dancer is involved in drugs or other illegal activity, tipping off other club customers that the particular dancer is a R.O.B... thus killing her future club earnings )
    Last edited by Melonie; 08-19-2013 at 12:12 PM.

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    Default Re: Regular wanting me to go home with them.... Ugh....

    I agree ^ Most of them are creeps! I won't EVER deal with regulars, I don't care how it affects my money. In the end I'm gonna be comfortable knowing that I don't have to worry that "Jack" is stalking me everywhere I go bc I've led him to think I like him. I've had guys come in just to get dances with me but none of them ever knew my real name OR anything else about me. I got lucky with the few I had that spent their money, told me how hot I was, & left afterwards.
    "Alot of people are afraid to say what they want, that's why they don't get what they want"~ Madonna




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    Default Re: Regular wanting me to go home with them.... Ugh....

    ^^^ also the 'creep' factor has arguably increased a lot in recent years. When I first started dancing back in the 90's, if a dancer did wind up 'taking' a regular customer for a few grand, that customer was likely to simply chalk up that few grand as 'entertainment expense' since coming up with that few grand to spend on the dancer probably didn't have much impact on other aspects of that customer's lifestyle. However, today, if a dancer 'takes' a regular customer for the same few grand, that money now probably represents a major financial 'sacrifice' having been made in other areas of that regular customer's life. Thus, today, from a psychological standpoint at least, a regular customer who was 'taken' arguably has a much stronger incentive to try and get his 'money's worth' by one means or another.

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    Default Re: Regular wanting me to go home with them.... Ugh....

    Regulars exhaust me. Even the nice ones still expect more than I want to give them. It's just not worth it, IMO.

    The safest way I've found to lose a guy like this is to out-sincere him. The latest one was a genuinely nice guy all the times we spoke, but he gave off the vibe he could explode if led on. He talked about wanting to take me to dinner, buy me shit, blahblahblah. Ultimately, I do think he wanted a genuine girlfriend. He also mentioned he once planned to murder a girl who lied to him about something pretty serious over a long period of time, while taking economic advantage of him. So! I simply told him I thought he was a really great person and I enjoyed talking to him, but I don't casually date. I am interested in something long-term, and since he sees himself with a big family in a few years and I don't want kids (though I made it sound like I can't have them either), I couldn't make him as happy as he deserved. So, I had to set that little bird free to find his true soul mate. It's just so sad we weren't meant to be and stuff...

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    Default Re: Regular wanting me to go home with them.... Ugh....

    Quote Originally Posted by xxxGothBarbie View Post
    Psh regulars are a waste of time & energy!
    in most cases, i don't like regulars..but if you work at a club like mine, where regulars are your bread and butter, it can't be avoided..girls guard their regs like dragons guarding gold too, and go to all sorts of lengths to keep them. this might not be necessary in a place like vegas or another major city where there is an abundance of tourists you'll never see again and new face , but if its a small club where the same people keep coming in, that's where your earnings are going to come from. 80% of my money is from regs, i feel like anybody else is a bonus to my night. i expect to maybe dance for 2 or 3 new guys a night, mostly regs though. and they are a pain!! i don't tell them any personal info, i don't make fb friends, i don't let them see my car, etc. just in case one decided to go "psycho". good luck reporting me when you don't even know my legal name. i don't feel bad leading them on either, they are in a strip club..not okcupid.

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    Default Re: Regular wanting me to go home with them.... Ugh....

    Quote Originally Posted by AshleyRyder View Post
    Okay, how do I deal with this situation? Basically, I'm a newbie and was STUPID and gave my #1 regular my number. Well, not only that but mega flirted with him so he'd buy many dances with me & talked to him about hanging outside of the club... Yeah...
    Obviously, I don't plan on ever hanging out with him.. It was all just fantasy to keep him interested in me.
    Well, now we talk all the time and I act like I care to talk to him, but I don't.
    How do I get rid of him? I definitely don't plan on hanging out with him outside of the club and I always make excuses not to.
    What do I do now? I know I am such an idiot and this is such a STUPID move.
    I've learned my lesson though.
    I say play dumb. If he keeps bringing it up I would just say " you know I really didn't think you were serious" I thought this was all part of your fantasy.

    Then break it down further. If there is a large age gap use it. Say well you're x amount of years and I would think blah blah blah and that someone like " insert any woman closer in age " would be more your type.

    Then if that doesn't really work just try to drop yourself with "wow I'm such an idiot I didn't even see that you were serious, I mean why would I when you're xyz and etc etc etc. Then drop a " I actually thought you were a married man just sowing his oats in fantasy " blah blah.

    Then move into but I'm only XXx years old it would just be odd for us to date. I mean you're my mother's /grand mother's age. It just would seem etc etc.

    Doesn't sound as nice but playing dumb may get you to squeeze right out of things. Plus some of these guys could use a dose of reality anyways. Even bring up so do many girls my age date you in real life? He'll probably say no which brings him back to "this is fantasy".

    Another way is you can try to be sneaky and just drop hints. You sit with him and do a dance and say you know you remind me of my dad or some stupid shit like that lol. Sounds fucked up lol but no guy that want to live out his fantasy really wants to think that he's seen as old and creepy. Then again some guys have that pedophile style fantasy thing going so you never know.

    In camming I'm probably too honest. Does it hurt my money yes it does but I can't have creepy old guys getting any more creepier. They tend to be the most looking to lock someone down, date etc. I just hit them with a dose of reality and go "wait how old did you say you were again?" Wow really? So wait did you get drafted during WWII? lol Usually the guys goes umm "I'm not that old" lol. I say "ooh ok wow..hmmm "long pause". lol Dumb and ditsy pushes them on but some even after that are presistent.

    As long as they can respect the fantasy realm of where they are then I don't bring up age at all. Once they start the "hunting for in person vag" that's when all bets are off and I drop some reality on them.

    I personally at this stage of interest wouldn't do " not interested". That's too cold and short.Doing it this late in the game could create stalker, abuse behavior. I say just slowly make some hints and let him get one of them.

    If the way I suggested seems a tad cruel then you can go another route with " hey so this really hot guy (my age and also looks to match) asked me out and he's really sweet then ask him for his advice. lol

    Ohh a good one " your bff just proposed to you this week" . Go through some long drawn out story about how you never knew how much you secretly had a crush on him blah blah. Plus now he's proposed what should you do? Ask for his advice. lol


    Last resort: Use the "it's not you it's me" speech. Go on some "I have issues with men and trust blah blah" "I just don't think I can put myself through heartache again" etc etc. " It's not fair to you to deal with someone with so many issues... etc.

    I wish I had more but that's all I could come up with. Keep us posted.

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    Default Re: Regular wanting me to go home with them.... Ugh....

    Tell him your S/O found out about him. If you never told him you had a S/O say you didn't bring it up because you were really into him and didn't want to scare him off. Tell him you can't see him outside the club now because your S/O is being very suspicious & jealous. Tell him it's a bad relationship that you think is ending but hasn't yet. Then make him feel like he is still special & that the relationship can only continue at the club. Since you are at the club you need to make money, so if he stops paying, just say you need to make money. It's pretty much the perfect trap. Sooner or later he will loose interest though, tis the way it works.

    Don't double back on a lie, just move forward and keep making money. If you don't like playing that kinda game then don't do it again. However you'll significantly improve the life expectancy of your regulars playing these kinds of games. Guys like to chase. Just keep it all innocent, stay unattainable, but keep it feeling like you have real interest. It takes time, but you'll sooner or later figure out what to say in every situation.

    That said there are a small % of customers who will stay loyal & just want you to be upfront. Maybe like 10 visits or so they will say something like you don't have to play games with me or w/e. They likely won't try to meet you outside the club or will completely understand if you don't want to. You'll have to get a feel for these types but they are the best kind of regulars. They usually latch on for long periods of time, are low drama, and are kinda happy the "relationship" is NSA. With these guys DON't go friend mode on them though. They don't want to hear about your life troubles. Stay sexy. Just don't try to game them. It will do more damage then good.

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