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Thread: Telling your parents??? Help!

  1. #1
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    Default Telling your parents??? Help!

    I'm 23, in college and living alone. I've been dancing for 2 months now and i absolutely love it. My boyfriend and friends have all known from day 1 and been supper supportive. My mom thinks I work nights at a bar as a barmaid. It's tearing me up inside to lie to her. I want to have a true genuine relationship with her and therefore think I should come clean. I also have a pole at home which i have to take down every time she comes to visit. I'm afraid she'll connect the dots. I want to continue stripping for at least a few more years but I can feel the lies building a wall between us.

    Please help girls!!

    Have you told your parents? how did they react?
    Should I do it for my own peace of mind or not tell her so she could be blissfully unaware?
    What should I expect when i tell her and how do deal with her freaking out?

    Please share your experience! Thank you!

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    Default Re: Telling your parents??? Help!

    Keeping it a secret can be very wearing. I often wish I could be truthful with my family, just so I didn't have to do the mental double-check of every lie I have to tell (why didn't I answer my phone last week? what is my alleged job again? shit I can't tell that story because I met that person in a club...) or whether I left anything stripping-related out in my apartment when my family might be around. It sometimes freaks me out that I can just pretend to have this completely different life so regularly. If being honest were a legitimate option, even if it took some work, I'd go for it.

    However, I imagine saying that when there's no chance of it is much, much easier than actually doing it. If it were me, I would be a wuss and gauge her reactions to pole dancing as exercise first, or somehow move the topic of conversation to strippers to see what her general opinion is if you don't already know it. To actually discuss it, I think I would outline goals and such. "This is what I want to gain from stripping; this is how it is helping me right now and in the long run." Resist any urge to vent about the bad nights you've had. "A typical night at work for me is: ______." "I waited to tell you this because I know there are a lot of misconceptions about it, and I did not want to worry you if I decided that it wasn't for me. I've been working for about two months now, have been doing well, and I respect you too much to hide my job from you."

    Again: easier said than done, but that's how I've fantasized telling my dreamworld healthy and functional family. I would perhaps fudge the fact that she's the last to know if it comes up though. Perhaps just tell her that your best friend was aware because you wanted someone to be informed of your whereabouts in case you had a car accident or something. Moms love daughters who are paranoid about safety on the roads!

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    Veteran Member Purrfect's Avatar
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    Default Re: Telling your parents??? Help!

    I was agonising the same thing over 2 years when one day my mother simply asked me if I travel abroad to dance. I freaked but she was mega supportive and has never said a bad thing about it! Heck, she said she would do it herself if she was younger. It was the biggest relief ever. I think if you generally have a pretty open minded relationship then she will be okay with it. Id say go with your gut feeling. It is also a good idea if you are dancing to fund some long term goals, eg saving for a house, investing in shares, paying for your studies or something similar. Good luck! It is so hard but wow does it feel good to come clean with the ones you love the most.
    "Unless it's mad, passionate, extraordinary love, it's a waste of your time. There are too many mediocre things in life. Love shouldn't be one of them." - Dream for an Insomniac

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    Default Re: Telling your parents??? Help!

    at first mine were pretty disappointed/angry/sad/all that, but after awhile they saw how happy i was when i'd never been happy with any other job.they saw i kept the same job for years, i was earning great money and never had to move back in or ask for help, and they came around. my mom buys me dancer outfits for christmas now lol. i agree with tuesday, guage her response to things stripper-related, just be careful dropping too many hints if she starts getting upset. i wish we could always tell the truth to those closest to us, but "stripping is for poor girls who have no other choice, its a step below being a street-walker!" mentality is hard to shake off after a whole life-time of being fed that. it really depends on your mother, every parent is different..some can come around, and others will just worry and cry and feel they did something wrong! but if you feel you can turn it around and maybe tell her about the misconceptions about stripping and that you enjoy it, go for it.

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    Default Re: Telling your parents??? Help!

    The reaction depends on your parents personalities and upbringing... mine are older, they grew up in the 40s and 50s, so it was harder to get them to see it as not horrific.

    My mom was a little upset at first but the more I mentioned it the more she seemed to grow ok with it and actually started asking me questions - it was cute that she was obviously trying to be interested and learn more about it. She gets a kick out of some of the witty things I say to asshole customers. We have a different relationship now since I've moved out, because she's lonely, so she's more accepting of pretty much anything I do.

    My dad was even more put off by it than my mom, but never gave me trouble since I was being a "good girl" otherwise. He's pretty much "As long as you're in school and not a drug addict, whatever." It also helped that I was lending them money sometimes and I pointed out that if I worked a minimum wage college kid job, I wouldn't be able to do that. He also kind of wrote the whole thing off as a phase... I imagine they'll be unhappy if I'm like, 27 and still dancing though.

    I think that you not living with them will help; they won't be seeing you coming home from work and won't be forcibly reminded of it so much.
    "People jack off with the left hand and point with the right."

    "You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave."

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    Default Re: Telling your parents??? Help!

    Wow, that is an interesting idea. My club is quite upscale. I will consider it if she seems to have an overly negative image of strip clubs.

    I have now decided to tell her for two main reasons:

    1) i am trying to make our relationship a more close one and lying is just not helping it
    2) when i keep the truth from her in hopes of saving her the heartache, i'm taking away HER opportunity to grow stronger by dealing with information that is difficult.

    Also, as I recognize that most of the people have prejudice and negative images about strip clubs, I love my job and I don't see anything wrong or bad about it.

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    Default Re: Telling your parents??? Help!

    If it were me, I would be a wuss and gauge her reactions to pole dancing as exercise first, or somehow move the topic of conversation to strippers to see what her general opinion is if you don't already know it. To actually discuss it, I think I would outline goals and such. "This is what I want to gain from stripping; this is how it is helping me right now and in the long run." Resist any urge to vent about the bad nights you've had. "A typical night at work for me is: ______." "I waited to tell you this because I know there are a lot of misconceptions about it, and I did not want to worry you if I decided that it wasn't for me. I've been working for about two months now, have been doing well, and I respect you too much to hide my job from you."

    This is great, I'll definitely try this level headed approach. Thank you!!

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    Featured Member Odette's Avatar
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    Default Re: Telling your parents??? Help!

    OK I totally get how you feel, it sucks lying to people you love but just BE PREPARED for this conversation to possibly not go down as you expect. When my parents found out I was dancing it was soooooo much worse than I ever thought it would be in my craziest nightmares. They called the pastor and his wife over from our old church and had like a stripper excorcism for fucks sake. And told me that "You're going to end up pregnant, or on drugs."...because there are so many dicks out during lapdances...riiiight. They frrreeeaaaked the fuck out. And then my mom had a flare up of her MS which was apparently "brought on by all the stress I caused our family." It kills me to not be able to at least be open with my mom (dads are so much harder...to be able to "get" stripping is much easier when you've already lived life as a female I think), but the one time I've bridged the subject since all the drama (told them I quit, then told them I was "thinking" about starting again), she freaked out and told my dad...started more drama. Sometimes it's just not worth it, and you have to learn to live with the lying...a fake relationship is better than NO relationship, and some families, that's what you get if you come clean. Disowned/shamed instead of respected for honesty in a tough subject and being self-sufficient. Remember once you tell her, you can never UNtell her. So make darn well sure you think she'll react well or you might be in for a lot and a long time of drama.
    "We can't expect you to just know all the secrets of our top-secret-titty-club!" --Jenna Marbles

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    Default Re: Telling your parents??? Help!

    my freinds and family all knew ..... i was always the one very skimpy dressed or naked sund tanning in the back yard .... talk to your mom tell her before someone tells her .... that will save a ton of bullshit and she can help dad deal with it better...........

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