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Thread: Sending your kids to private school ?

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    Default Sending your kids to private school ?

    Anybody send their kids to private school ? Would you if you could ? Would you feel guilty if you did ? If you do, is there any guilt for doing so ?

    According to Allison Benedikt at Slate , people who send their kids to private school are "bad people". Her words, not mine. According to her EVERYBODY should send their kids to public school no matter how lousy and/or dangerous they might be. Not to worry , in a generation or two , thanks to parental support , outrage , pressure, involvement etc. the public schools will all be great. This from a woman who admits that in four years of high school she read exactly one book and self describes herself as culturally illiterate. She's also the same gal who hates her own dog for getting old and sickly.

    I'm sorry but I cannot make this stuff up.

    Giving the politics, sociology and educational policy stuff a wide berth, was she serious ? Does she write this stuff just to provoke people ? Or do her editors at Slate really think her stuff qualifies as intelligent discourse ?

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    Default Re: Sending your kids to private school ?

    Quote Originally Posted by Eric Stoner View Post

    Giving the politics, sociology and educational policy stuff a wide berth, was she serious ? Does she write this stuff just to provoke people ? Or do her editors at Slate really think her stuff qualifies as intelligent discourse ?
    I can't tell if it's intelligent discourse, because I'm not really sure what her argument is. I mean, I think an argument purporting the sky is actually neon green could qualify as intelligent discourse if it's written in a convincing manner and has anecdotes/evidence to back it up.

    Personally I think it's stupid, but I also think it depends on the school district. I'm the oldest of 7, and my siblings move around a lot, as did I when I was a child. We've all attended both public and private schools in various states. I can't imagine why you'd feel guilty for sending a child to private school... Why pay 10-30k/year simply to feel as though you're depriving your child of a better experience?
    “The irony of commitment is that it's deeply liberating -- in work, in play, in love. The act frees you from the tyranny of your internal critic, from the fear that likes to dress itself up and parade around like rational hesitation. To commit is to remove your head as the barrier to your life.”
    - Anne Morris

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    Default Re: Sending your kids to private school ?

    Apparently she is serious. She literally wrote in effect : Look at me , I went to a lousy public high school , learned nothing in college but now I write for Slate !

    Her article is all over the blogosphere today. It's not the critiques that bother me ( her panties have been left in shreds ) but all the positive accolades she is getting i.e. "What a brilliant idea ! " I wonder if she knows Obama sends his kids to private school ? Is he a "bad person" too ? I have to ask because she is a self described "cultural and historical illiterate ". Just the sort of person we want leading discussions of serious social topics.

    My problem isn't even with her so much. She's just trying to make a buck and the way it works , the more people that read her stuff , the more she gets paid. My question is why does Slate give her the forum ? Her last piece that generated similar controversy centered on her willful neglect of her aging dog and her fantasies about drowning it ! Again, I cannot make this stuff up. I think this woman is SICK !

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    Default Re: Sending your kids to private school ?

    Do you have a link?
    “The irony of commitment is that it's deeply liberating -- in work, in play, in love. The act frees you from the tyranny of your internal critic, from the fear that likes to dress itself up and parade around like rational hesitation. To commit is to remove your head as the barrier to your life.”
    - Anne Morris

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    Default Re: Sending your kids to private school ?

    My thoughts:

    I've gone to public and private school.

    My public high school was an epic shithole. Metal detectors, gang-bangers, and bewildered looks when I told people where I attended. Basically the epitome of what ever rap star pretends that they went through.

    My private high school was a Christian facility. Indoctrination all up in that bitch.

    I wouldn't really say that the education provided was superior at either institution, although I will say that the Christian school definitely had the upper hand when it came to classroom distractions. It was easier to pay attention and to study in the private school. However, I observed a heavier dose of high school rebellion in the private facility. Private schools breed just as many fuck-ups as public schools due to the nature of rebellion, not income or education.

    Am I glad that I went to private school? Absolutely, but not for the reason that you would think. I'm happy to have gone only because of the higher income level life that it opened my eyes to. Without that point of view, I wouldn't have been so quick to begin stripping, because I would have thought that my life was normal and just fine, and therefor would have had nothing to immediately strive for.

    Moral of the story? Private schools make strippers.

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    Default Re: Sending your kids to private school ?

    Glad to see you again Eric. To answer this question (and this is a good one)yes I would send my kids to a private school, especially if the public school district I lived in was crappy and too much of an agenda. By that I mean I have friends who have kids and they go to public schools because they can't afford private and instead of teaching classes like math or science or even fine arts have morals classes where they teach about things that are morals based (gay marriage abortion and other social aspects). I'm not saying those issues are good or bad just that they don't belong in school in either way. Morals should be taught by the parents. Also, what some of the public schools do now by pushing parents to spend more, often by forcing them to pay for someone else's kids is horrifying. A friend was told she had to buy 2 of everything, one for her kid and one for someone else's kid because the parents couldn't afford it. Sorry but not her responsibility to pay for someone else.

    Where I live though has one of the best school districts in the state so if I had kids here they would attend the schools. The schools are run conservatively on a fiscal level. Where I grew up is now a ghetto and has one of the worst schools in the state and if I lived there my kids wouldn't be attending school there. The high school I attended was once a good school but now has a serious gang and teen pregnancy problem (they even have daycare)and there is no way I would want any teens I have to attend such a trashy school.

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    Default Re: Sending your kids to private school ?

    I love this debate. There is no right answer. It just depends on what the child likes best, or what is best for the child.

    Statistically, public vs private school does not determine who does better in life. I've seen those statistics over & over. However, those who do go to a private school tend to have more money & thus fair better only because they have more resources and can afford tutors, extra curricular activities, the ability to afford to change schools to one father away if needed, etc. <<< Those are really the true measures of success.


    My experience:

    I went to public school my whole life and the education level was phenomenal honestly. I was really poor, but a lot of kids in my city (and neighboring cities) were very wealthy. I even went to school with a top rapper's son, and it was public school. I did enjoy it, education-wise. It was a very tiny city, so in many ways it kind of was like a private school, but everyone still... didn't have the same interests and paths pushed on each other thank god. So there was still a strong element of freedom and not being forced to be friends with everyone. Most of the teachers weren't always in your business, which I also liked. I feel like with a private school, parents kind of expect teachers to always be in their students' business, and I would not like that personally.

    For undergrad, I opted for another public school, which I also really liked because the class sizes tended to be larger (like 200+) though there were some small classes of like 15-30 students as well. But I enjoyed the larger class sizes and the fact that I could be more anonymous. I still made some good friends in my classes though . I also liked that it allowed me to miss class as I pleased, because I don't learn in lecture style if I'm not into the material, and if I'm into the material then I would actually want to attend. Instead, for the material I wasn't into, the only way I can learn it is if I teach myself it on my own. I feel like, in a private school with smaller class sizes, the teacher would have freaked out if I was gone that much.

    Then for grad school, I opted for a private school. It was the first one I had ever attended. The material was great, but I HATED how all the teachers were basically breathing down the back of my neck and forcing themselves into my life. I did not like that at all. Class sizes were teeny tiny, and even within my class, I had a cohort of like 5 people I was expected to basically become ~*family*~ to. I liked a couple girls from my class, but I didn't really click with most of the people. I hate the fact that it was SO SMALL, and everyone talked to everyone. Could not stand it, ugh. I ended up dropping out after almost a year completed. Mostly to focus on health stuff, but I was happy to be out of a private school. Not my thing at all.


    That being said, I really like the idea of montessori schools and waldorf schools. But only those. The montessori learning model doesn't really use the private school model, which makes it so the children can focus on individuality and doing whatever they want to do. Waldorf schools are art-based schools, and seem cool if the child is into that kind of thing.

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    Default Re: Sending your kids to private school ?

    Quote Originally Posted by GlamourRouge View Post

    That being said, I really like the idea of montessori schools and waldorf schools. But only those. The montessori learning model doesn't really use the private school model, which makes it so the children can focus on individuality and doing whatever they want to do. Waldorf schools are art-based schools, and seem cool if the child is into that kind of thing.
    you're just like me, i love those. i tried sending my kid to montessori, a little too expsensive for me at this point, but if i were to ever send my child to a private school it would be waldorf or montessori..never to a christian/catholic school

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    Default Re: Sending your kids to private school ?

    I have nothing against anyone sending their child or children to private school, as long as the school provides a quality education, and not this:


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    Default Re: Sending your kids to private school ?

    ^^ I actually didn't know anything about evolution until college. Thanks, Oklahoma Christian schools!

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    Default Re: Sending your kids to private school ?

    Honestly, it would depend more on what the kids want to do. If they want to play sports, as far as I am aware in most places that means a public school, later on anyway.

    Parents are really going to have to take an active role in the education of their children. Not to be too harsh, but the public schools are aiming for numbers and I just get the sense that it is lowest common denominator bias on a nation wide level. There is no incentive to actually push kids to learn. The metrics for success are annual test scores. In that environment the program is going to be tailored to the all important test and everything else becomes a nice to have.

    There will always be kids that just aren't mature enough or interested enough to go to college right after high school. I was one of these, did just enough to be eligible to play football and wrestle and nothing more. The bar was too low, had the requirement been a 3.0 GPA I probably would have got the grades to play.

    I have no experience with private schools. My assumption is that parents who can afford it are hoping the standards are high enough to be worth something.

    For young kids getting an "elvis" or gold star for a grade is fine, the important thing is that they have fun and enjoy participating. At a certain age there has to be a rude awakening that success in real life is measured in results. It only pays to be a winner, everyone else gets what they put into it. I actually know of a couple of smart but otherwise useless people who went all the way through college and somehow still don't know how to show up to work in time or handle their projects in a forthright manner, like they are waiting for a grown up to do it for them.

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    Default Re: Sending your kids to private school ?

    ^^^ I would make the point that attending CERTAIN private schools can begin a chain of 'elite' education which continues on through an 'elite' college to an 'elite' career. While this is certainly not well publicized, it is about the only way that still exists for a middle class child to have a shot of eventually joining the 'top 1%'.


    My assumption is that parents who can afford it are hoping the standards are high enough to be worth something
    Yes the higher academic standards are important. More important though is being taught how the world REALLY works !!! ( again I'm talking about an 'elite' prep school not a Catholic high school ! )

    But what is arguably FAR more important is the child being able to form associations / friendships with fellow private school students whose families are not only 'loaded' but also heavily connected re industry, finance, government, etc. In a future age / economy where there are tons of qualified candidates for every available high level job, those associations / friendships can open doors that might otherwise remain 'locked', regardless of a person's educational credentials.


    As to the author Allison Benedikt, she's a Chicago 'Lib' who used to work for the Trib, who married into the 'top 1%' ( mother in law is an insurance company exec in DC, father in law is senior partner in extremely well connected NY / LA law firm ). I won't dwell on the potential overtones of a 'top 1%er' encouraging people NOT to send their children to 'elite' private schools !!!
    Last edited by Melonie; 08-30-2013 at 03:46 AM.

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    Default Re: Sending your kids to private school ?

    My problem with Benedikt and her ilk is that she'd rather everyone go to a lousy school than see more children attend a good one. She also ignores reality. First of all there are plenty of poor parents who have to send their kids to public school who ARE involved ; who DO try to make them better ; who DO get outraged at lousy test results and poor teachers. The problem is the whole system is stacked against them. When I was a kid Mayor Lindsay tried to let the local communities control their own schools. One of those neighborhoods was Ocean Hill -Brownsville. In 1968, the local school board tried to fire some incompetent teachers and Albert Shanker led the whole UFT out on strike in protest. Lindsay caved and community control became a UFT dominated joke ! In 40 years things haven't gotten much better. She also ignores the whole parochial school issue. Yes, some fundamentalist Christian schools teach nonsense but by and large private schools do a LOT better than the public schools. Btw, why do the states where those schools are located tolerate some of their nonsense ? Private or not , they still have to be licensed by the state. Most of all she just waves off the natural desire of parents to see that their children have the best possible opportunities , especially educational. That is no more "wrong" than seeing to it that their children are properly fed. If that is "bad" then so are parents who want the lead paint removed from their apartments. Unless Ms. Benedikt thinks it would be better to expose more children or even all children to higher lead levels with the concomitant brain damage that inevitably results in the hope that more children exposed to such hazards would result in greater lead removal. That's exactly the sort of thing her logic supports.

    There are plenty of good public schools and plenty of horrible private ones. The children don't choose where to go , their parents do.

    Melonie raises the related issue of the " 1 % " elite in this country who go from cradle to retirement with little to no meaningful contact with the "99 %". Except maybe for their maids and housekeepers. Ironically , in Britain where they've had Eton , Harrow , Oxford and Cambridge for far longer than we've had Groton, St. Paul's, Harvard and Yale, they have had much greater upward mobility than we have since W.W. II. My problem is not with the 1 % per se. For one thing, I want to expand it to 2 % or even 5 % as soon as possible.
    One of a number of reasons for our lack of progress for our middle class is poor education. And it's getting worse. She also points to how insular the 1 % has become and how it seems to be getting more and not less exclusive.

    Btw, Melonie there are a few elite Catholic prep schools and a very few elite Protestant prep schools.

    To keep this as germane as possible to S-Web, I've known a LOT of single mom strippers over the years. I was always impressed by how hard they worked and how they struggled and sacrificed so that their kid or kids would have it a LOT better than they did. A number of them sent their kids to private schools. A few struggled to afford to live in upper scale areas so that their kids could attend good public schools. There is just no way I can see anything "wrong" with that.

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    Default Re: Sending your kids to private school ?

    I have no experience with private schools myself, and have no kids. But I don't think a parent should feel guilty over the decision to send their kids to a private school. kids are already being shaped in their attitudes, and the way they think; before they ever enter school. I don't think a public vs private school makes any difference in that aspect.


    I think it depends on the public schools in an area, as to whether an education is better at a private school. And I don't think students in a private school are necessarily better behaved, or more scholastically inclined. My brother and sister went to catholic schools, but they were the ones who got in trouble over not doing homework; or skipping school entirely.
    When the power of love overcomes the love of power, we will know peace. Jimi Hendrix

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    Default Re: Sending your kids to private school ?

    I have no experience with private schools myself, and have no kids. But I don't think a parent should feel guilty over the decision to send their kids to a private school. kids are already being shaped in their attitudes, and the way they think; before they ever enter school. I don't think a public vs private school makes any difference in that aspect.


    I think it depends on the public schools in an area, as to whether an education is better at a private school. And I don't think students in a private school are necessarily better behaved, or more scholastically inclined. My brother and sister went to catholic schools, but they were the ones who got in trouble over not doing homework; or skipping school entirely.
    When the power of love overcomes the love of power, we will know peace. Jimi Hendrix

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    Default Re: Sending your kids to private school ?

    Sorry to keep double posting. I'm getting an error message that tells me I have to wait 30 secs.
    When the power of love overcomes the love of power, we will know peace. Jimi Hendrix

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    Default Re: Sending your kids to private school ?

    Apparently being a nitwit is a prerequisite to writing for Slate.

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    Default Re: Sending your kids to private school ?

    Quote Originally Posted by Melonie View Post
    As to the author Allison Benedikt, she's a Chicago 'Lib' who used to work for the Trib, who married into the 'top 1%' ( mother in law is an insurance company exec in DC, father in law is senior partner in extremely well connected NY / LA law firm ). I won't dwell on the potential overtones of a 'top 1%er' encouraging people NOT to send their children to 'elite' private schools !!!
    With that it makes me think the article is really a misguided hipster rant. They could send their kids to rub shoulders with all the other elite kids but that is too "mainstream". Why not go through the metal detector experience, it's not like they will have to actually live like that and it makes her seem cool.

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    Default Re: Sending your kids to private school ?

    Quote Originally Posted by simone87 View Post
    you're just like me, i love those. i tried sending my kid to montessori, a little too expsensive for me at this point, but if i were to ever send my child to a private school it would be waldorf or montessori..never to a christian/catholic school
    I once subbed in a Montessori school and loved the ideas. I really am a strong believer in letting each kid learn for themselves and use that when I teach religious education.

    I was thinking of this actually and how my college experience really went all across. I attended a Catholic college for a semester, then switched to a art college where I graduated, then attended a public graduate school. The Catholic college was full of entitled rich kids and they looked down on me because I wasn't, and several spread a rumor I was one of the "needy" kids from the poor neighborhoods who attended, though this wasn't true and my parents weren't that much lower on the socioeconomic scale (my parents are middle class bordering upper middle class). The art college had a lot of rich kids too but so many people who attended had no business in college and I ended up finishing my classes a few weeks after class started because they were too easy. Grad school was much harder and though it was public school had stricter requirements, such as they wouldn't allow anyone in without a 3.0 GPA and you had to maintain one all through school. All your classes in your field had to be a B or it was considered a failure and several classmates didn't graduate on time because of it. Most of my classmates were middle class or above.

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    Default Re: Sending your kids to private school ?

    Quote Originally Posted by eagle2 View Post
    I have nothing against anyone sending their child or children to private school, as long as the school provides a quality education, and not this:

    Didn't you ever watch the Flintstones? Didn't they live with a dinosaur? well, there you go, proof humans and dinosaurs lived together.

    I actually teach religious ed at church to kids who attend the local public school. I'm actually amazed at how much they already know at first grade and how well the parents teach and are involved. Many of the parents could send the kids to private schools but the public schools out here are excellent.

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    Default Re: Sending your kids to private school ?

    Quote Originally Posted by Melonie View Post
    ^^^ I would make the point that attending CERTAIN private schools can begin a chain of 'elite' education which continues on through an 'elite' college to an 'elite' career. While this is certainly not well publicized, it is about the only way that still exists for a middle class child to have a shot of eventually joining the 'top 1%'.
    That's not true. There are plenty of very wealthy people who went to public school. Mark Zuckerberg did. So did Marissa Mayer (CEO of Yahoo) and Larry Page (of Google), and Steve Jobs. You don't need to go to an "elite' private school to get into an 'elite' college either. From:

    http://thechoice.blogs.nytimes.com/2...arddean-part5/

    In previous generations, private secondary schools supplied the overwhelming majority of the students at Harvard and its peers. This September, public schools provided almost 70 percent of the students entering Harvard, and even that percentage is misleading with respect to the economic diversity of today’s Harvard.

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    Default Re: Sending your kids to private school ?

    Quote Originally Posted by Kellydancer View Post
    Didn't you ever watch the Flintstones? Didn't they live with a dinosaur? well, there you go, proof humans and dinosaurs lived together.
    Sadly, there are people who really believe "the Flintstones" is based on fact. This photo is from the Creation Museum in Kentucky:


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    Default Re: Sending your kids to private school ?

    That's one thing I despise about the fundies they get science wrong. As goofy as Catholics can be in school they teach all the theories. Many people do think people lived with dinosaurs and that is wrong of course. I get everyone mad when I say I assume that Adam and Eve were probably apes.

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    Default Re: Sending your kids to private school ?

    Quote Originally Posted by eagle2 View Post
    That's not true. There are plenty of very wealthy people who went to public school. Mark Zuckerberg did. So did Marissa Mayer (CEO of Yahoo) and Larry Page (of Google), and Steve Jobs. You don't need to go to an "elite' private school to get into an 'elite' college either. From:

    http://thechoice.blogs.nytimes.com/2...arddean-part5/

    In previous generations, private secondary schools supplied the overwhelming majority of the students at Harvard and its peers. This September, public schools provided almost 70 percent of the students entering Harvard, and even that percentage is misleading with respect to the economic diversity of today’s Harvard.
    I think the service acadamies (e.g. Naval Academy) actually have the strictest enrollment standards and most of those students probably went to public schools. Did public schools do anything except provide a path to go through K-12 is what I would like to know. Pure speculation but I reckon the parents and individual aspirations of the students did all the heavy lifting.

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    Default Re: Sending your kids to private school ?

    There are plenty of very wealthy people who went to public school. Mark Zuckerberg did. So did Marissa Mayer (CEO of Yahoo) and Larry Page (of Google), and Steve Jobs.
    Indeed you are correct to point out that the 'tech boom' created quite a few multi-millionaires ... where creative and inventive risk takers were well rewarded for their original ideas. But that covers less than 1% if the '1% ers'. And granted that there are quite a number of actors, musicians, pro sports players who receive multi-million dollar rewards for their unique abilities. That covers another 1% of the '1% ers'. Another much larger group were born into the 1%.

    In truth, for those not lucky enough to be in the right place at the right time with a marketable original idea, or for those not lucky enough to be born with an extraordinary personal talent, amd for those not born with a proverbial silver spoon, it is far more common for persons to wind up earning 1% paychecks by being hired into the upper echelon of an established business. That requires that otherwise 'locked' doors be opened.


    In previous generations, private secondary schools supplied the overwhelming majority of the students at Harvard and its peers. This September, public schools provided almost 70 percent of the students entering Harvard, and even that percentage is misleading with respect to the economic diversity of today’s Harvard.
    This is true ... due at least in part to government mandates and other 'pressures' on the university. All I can say is that, in keeping with your previous generation comparison, it will be interesting to see if, 20 years from now, the same percentage of tomorrow's Harvard graduates wind up in the same 1% positions that previous generations of Harvard graduates have.


    I think the service acadamies (e.g. Naval Academy) actually have the strictest enrollment standards and most of those students probably went to public schools.
    This is also true. However, the fact is that, with extremely few exceptions, graduates of West Point, Annapolis etc. are not going to ever earn 1% paychecks. Nor are they going to wind up in positions that have influence over the way the world really works.

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