Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast
Results 1 to 25 of 52

Thread: A Mom's letter to sons' female FB friends...

  1. #1
    Veteran Member summerbre's Avatar
    Joined
    Jul 2012
    Posts
    600
    Thanks
    763
    Thanked 1,186 Times in 375 Posts

    Default A Mom's letter to sons' female FB friends...

    http://givenbreath.com/2013/09/03/fy...-teenage-girl/

    It is worth noting that the original letter contained pictures of her and her kids at the beach, in bathing suits. I feel like her sons have Madonna/Whore complexes in the making. Wouldn't it be better to instruct her sons on how to look at women in general, rather than instructing the women in her sons' lives on how to present themselves in a way that is not "tempting?"

    I'm not a parent, but I think it's extremely important - especially for women with sons - to teach your children how to be respectful and understanding of the opposite sex. I think she's going about it in completely the wrong way. Thoughts?
    “The irony of commitment is that it's deeply liberating -- in work, in play, in love. The act frees you from the tyranny of your internal critic, from the fear that likes to dress itself up and parade around like rational hesitation. To commit is to remove your head as the barrier to your life.”
    - Anne Morris

  2. The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to summerbre For This Useful Post:


  3. #2
    Featured Member Tsepmet1's Avatar
    Joined
    May 2012
    Location
    Fantasy Land
    Posts
    1,432
    Thanks
    1,138
    Thanked 2,844 Times in 878 Posts
    My Mood
    Fine

    Default Re: A Mom's letter to sons' female FB friends...

    I seriously disagree with this letter. Although, I'm constantly frustrated with girls who overly-sexualize things on their Facebook profiles.

    However, she shouldn't be placing blame on the girls. What about her children's reactions to such photos? This is real life, not some bubble you can hide people away in. Her children will see half-naked women (or completely naked women) in far more compromising situations than these. Then what? Her children will think that these women are subhuman filth for allowing themselves to be photographed in such a manner.

    What about in their adult lives when their partner attempts to be sexy for them? They will be damaged by their mother into thinking that sexuality is somehow bad, and that they should be modest and/or ashamed.
    Last edited by Tsepmet1; 09-06-2013 at 02:45 PM.

  4. The Following 9 Users Say Thank You to Tsepmet1 For This Useful Post:


  5. #3
    Banned
    Joined
    Jul 2005
    Posts
    11,037
    Thanks
    1,891
    Thanked 5,124 Times in 3,086 Posts

    Default Re: A Mom's letter to sons' female FB friends...

    Freak mom who needs a life. No, I don't post photos like that of me on Facebook, and I don't think it's wise to do so, but what business is it of hers? It's also creepy how she looks at her son's Facebook page. Finally some of the reasons why these girls post these photos is because the boys ask for it, including perhaps her son.

  6. #4
    Veteran Member summerbre's Avatar
    Joined
    Jul 2012
    Posts
    600
    Thanks
    763
    Thanked 1,186 Times in 375 Posts

    Default Re: A Mom's letter to sons' female FB friends...

    Quote Originally Posted by Tsepmet1 View Post
    What about in their adult lives when their partner attempts to be sexy for them? They will be damaged by their mother into thinking that sexuality is somehow bad, and that they should be modest and/or ashamed.
    ^Exactly! Madonna/Whore complex! - I used to date a guy with one of those. Even though we used condoms, every time we had sex he would wash his penis with soap and water, THEN hand sanitizer, THEN take a shower immediately. He had a lot of guilt associated with sex in general, because of a strict Catholic upbringing. The sad part was, he was really intelligent and pretty aware of it - he just found ways to justify it. Obviously we didn't last long.

    This sort of parenting could backfire and cause her sons to grow into sex-fearing misogynists. The kind of guys that get angry and disrespectful towards attractive women, because on a deeply unconscious level they're ashamed of their own sexuality.

    Why not try teaching your sons to see, appreciate and respect everything a woman has to offer - brain, body and soul? I mean, if those girls are so "interesting" (as she keeps professing), why not instead sit down with your sons and say - "Yes, Jane is really pretty, but in no way does that undermine her intelligence/kindness/*instert interesting characteristic here* - It's OK if you find her attractive, because that's normal, but remember to also treat her with respect." And leave it at that. Ugh. It's like a precursor to victim-shaming or something. This letter bothers me the more I think about it! Lol
    “The irony of commitment is that it's deeply liberating -- in work, in play, in love. The act frees you from the tyranny of your internal critic, from the fear that likes to dress itself up and parade around like rational hesitation. To commit is to remove your head as the barrier to your life.”
    - Anne Morris

  7. The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to summerbre For This Useful Post:


  8. #5
    Moderator Aurora_Sunset's Avatar
    Joined
    Feb 2011
    Posts
    6,429
    Thanks
    19,845
    Thanked 18,506 Times in 4,919 Posts
    My Mood
    Breezy

    Default Re: A Mom's letter to sons' female FB friends...

    A cousin of mine posted this on fb earlier and I had a similar reaction. Why must everything be a madonna/whore complex with some people? Yesterday, someone else posted a video from a girl who bashed girls who "twerked" because "girls like that" have no self-respect, are skanky, and "teaching" boys not to look at them the right way. Ugh. Why is it we have to either hide our sexuality so our other characteristics can be seen, or we can only be sexual? I feel like this same standard is most definitely not applied to guys. "Oh, he's smart, kind, and a hottie! Awesome!" But if we show off our hotness/sexuality, we're "blindsiding" people into not seeing anything else?

    I agree - teach boys to respect women regardless of what they choose to do with their sexuality, instead of shaming girls into keeping it underwraps. I feel like most people in the US have a cow over the middle eastern concept of women being required to cover up because their bodies will excite men, but shit - they basically have the same exact mindset.
    Don't try to win over the haters. You are not the Jerk Whisperer.

    Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.






  9. The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to Aurora_Sunset For This Useful Post:


  10. #6
    God/dess simone87's Avatar
    Joined
    Feb 2012
    Location
    New England
    Posts
    5,171
    Thanks
    7,361
    Thanked 9,469 Times in 3,228 Posts
    My Mood
    Cheeky

    Default Re: A Mom's letter to sons' female FB friends...

    this is my BiGGEST pet peeve! i hate how parents teach their daughters not to stay out late/don't dress slutty/ dont go to parties or shame them or other parent's girls and tell them they are sluts and asking for it INSTEAD of teaching their sons to respect women no matter how they are dressed or how they are acting and to learn boundaries and just basic..respect!!
    people tell me i hate men. no, i don't, but i hate how they are being raised by these idiot parents. "boys will be boys' and then slut shaming the girls. making the females take all responsibility while telling the boys that well, you're a man what else do you expect?
    i have a son, and i have NO sympathy for this mother's "plight". i intend to teach him better than that, not to take part in this sick rapist/slut shaming culture

  11. The Following 10 Users Say Thank You to simone87 For This Useful Post:


  12. #7
    God/dess Trem's Avatar
    Joined
    Jul 2006
    Posts
    2,958
    Thanks
    1,714
    Thanked 3,253 Times in 1,343 Posts
    My Mood
    Angelic

    Default Re: A Mom's letter to sons' female FB friends...

    Well if you want to stop your teenage son from having premarital sex this about the best way to go about it. Those kids are not getting laid till their 30s.
    "Well done. Here are the test results: You are a horrible person. I'm serious, that's what it says: 'A horrible person.' We weren't even testing for that."

  13. The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to Trem For This Useful Post:


  14. #8
    Featured Member
    Joined
    Nov 2012
    Posts
    980
    Thanks
    14
    Thanked 1,287 Times in 510 Posts
    My Mood
    Aggressive

    Default Re: A Mom's letter to sons' female FB friends...

    well that mom clearly has too much time on your hands buttttt someone needs to tell those girls to clean up your fb. everyone looks at your fb!

    when I was a senior in hs I went to a slutty halloween party. most girls wore some lingerie outfit-like a green vs push up bra with tinkerbell wings, a black bra with cat ears, etc. a bunch of friends and I got called to the principles office and were threatened with expulsion. our parents got really involved and fought back and the end result was that I was the only one who didn't get any punishment because I was wearing a full (slutty) costume, not just underwear. the other girls got a 1 day suspension which went on their permanent record and one got her private scholarship to a top 20 college revoked.

    lesson learned!

    it sucks but this is real life and I would have rather had some uppity mom tell me to tone it down then have my future jeopardized. I'm in the process of applying to grad school and my fb is pristine! its literally only pictures of me with my family, on cultured vacation (aka pics of me at historical sites in europe, not my adventures in miami), and academic stuff. I have friends who are applying with me and their pictures are of them at burning man and I'm just like dude...you know admissions ppl will find this??

  15. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to charlotte. For This Useful Post:


  16. #9
    God/dess lynn2009's Avatar
    Joined
    Dec 2012
    Location
    USA
    Posts
    3,147
    Thanks
    8,922
    Thanked 7,163 Times in 2,493 Posts

    Default Re: A Mom's letter to sons' female FB friends...

    Quote Originally Posted by charlotte. View Post
    one got her private scholarship to a top 20 college revoked.
    That's horrible!! I bet if some guy was at the party in just a man thong as Tarzan he wouldn't have gotten into any trouble.

  17. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to lynn2009 For This Useful Post:


  18. #10
    Featured Member
    Joined
    Nov 2012
    Posts
    980
    Thanks
    14
    Thanked 1,287 Times in 510 Posts
    My Mood
    Aggressive

    Default Re: A Mom's letter to sons' female FB friends...

    Quote Originally Posted by lynn2009 View Post
    That's horrible!! I bet if some guy was at the party in just a man thong as Tarzan he wouldn't have gotten into any trouble.
    I think some guys with "gang paraphernalia" got a warning (basically just dressed up in chains and stuff) and a group of guy in the grade before me got expelled for posting pictures of weed. anyway, the girl got her scholarship taken away because the suspension was on her record and that violated the terms of her completely separate scholarship. these things will follow you forever! one of those girls I'm still really close with and she's in law school and her advisor told her she will have to tell the bar review about it.

    the point is that schools take this shit really seriously so its better for some bitchy mom to prompt these girls to take down these pictures than wait to get an official punishment that will follow them forever.

  19. #11
    Banned
    Joined
    Jul 2005
    Posts
    11,037
    Thanks
    1,891
    Thanked 5,124 Times in 3,086 Posts

    Default Re: A Mom's letter to sons' female FB friends...

    Quote Originally Posted by simone87 View Post
    this is my BiGGEST pet peeve! i hate how parents teach their daughters not to stay out late/don't dress slutty/ dont go to parties or shame them or other parent's girls and tell them they are sluts and asking for it INSTEAD of teaching their sons to respect women no matter how they are dressed or how they are acting and to learn boundaries and just basic..respect!!
    people tell me i hate men. no, i don't, but i hate how they are being raised by these idiot parents. "boys will be boys' and then slut shaming the girls. making the females take all responsibility while telling the boys that well, you're a man what else do you expect?
    i have a son, and i have NO sympathy for this mother's "plight". i intend to teach him better than that, not to take part in this sick rapist/slut shaming culture
    Exactly. Reminds me of when I was in high school and girls were told to be virgins etc while the boys were encouraged to sleep with girls. Talk about a double standard.

  20. #12
    Banned
    Joined
    Aug 2011
    Location
    Aboard The Spaceship
    Posts
    4,787
    Thanks
    3,183
    Thanked 10,142 Times in 3,290 Posts
    My Mood
    Breezy

    Default Re: A Mom's letter to sons' female FB friends...

    1.) Sexist

    2.) Pushes gender roles (on herself, her kids, and OTHER people's kids)

    3.) Confirmation bias. Sees what she wants to see.

    4.) Intolerant of kids growing, learning, experimenting, and being curious (banned from their house if you take just 1 mildly suggestive photo?!)

    5.) And most importantly, cares wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy too much about what OTHER PEOPLE do with THEIR OWN LIVES.



    Also: "I know that sounds so old-school, but we are hoping to raise men with a strong moral compass, and men of integrity don’t linger over pictures of scantily clad high-school girls." <---- And you are going to FAIL MISERABLY using your current method.

    Also also: "Will you trust me? There are boys out there waiting and hoping for women of character. Some young men are fighting the daily uphill battle to keep their minds pure, and their thoughts praiseworthy – just like you." <---- Whhhhhat the fuck. Does this woman live in fantasyland? How she made it this far? lmao

  21. #13
    Senior Member
    Joined
    Feb 2013
    Posts
    170
    Thanks
    44
    Thanked 140 Times in 72 Posts

    Default Re: A Mom's letter to sons' female FB friends...

    Oh boy, going to get flamed for this...

    You are all right, and wrong. Let me start with where you are right. This woman is basically teaching her sons to be ashamed of liking girls. Indirectly saying that women behaving that way are bad. I just get the feeling these guys will be awkward around women for quite a while, especially any that are attractive and will have trouble expressing what they really want. Unfortunately for these boys getting girls requires a little bravado and not being afraid to express interest.

    Now on the girls. Sex appeal can be overplayed. After a certain point it seems insecure, insincere and can actually be a turnoff. Call it biology or whatever you want, if it is given away too easily it loses all the appeal. Guys can be complicated too, who knew.

    I have seen other letters like this from Moms. Makes me wonder what prompts these rants, just part of kids growing up although I am sure it is a weird phase for parents.
    Last edited by invibe; 09-06-2013 at 10:45 PM.

  22. #14
    God/dess Selina M's Avatar
    Joined
    Jan 2013
    Location
    Omicron Persei 8
    Posts
    4,508
    Thanks
    12,529
    Thanked 13,934 Times in 3,720 Posts

    Default Re: A Mom's letter to sons' female FB friends...

    Quote Originally Posted by invibe;



    Now on the girls. Sex appeal can be overplayed. After a certain point it seems insecure, insincere and can actually be a turnoff. Call it biology or whatever you want, if it is given away too easily it loses all the appeal. Guys can be complicated too, who knew.
    Just because a girl is "overplaying" her sexuality does not mean she is easy. That is the sort of stupid shit this woman is pushing... "If you show it off you're desperate and unworthy!"

    I prefer the Mel Brooks lyrics of "If you got it, flaunt it".

    And we women are well aware of your "complications"... Men want what they can't have and especially women who don't want them. Yeah yeah, soooo complicated to be run by your ego. It's pretty common knowledge that most girls do use to their advantage.
    "People jack off with the left hand and point with the right."

    "You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave."

  23. The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to Selina M For This Useful Post:


  24. #15
    Member gummy's Avatar
    Joined
    Aug 2013
    Location
    Earth
    Posts
    63
    Thanks
    79
    Thanked 127 Times in 37 Posts
    My Mood
    Yeehaw

    Default Re: A Mom's letter to sons' female FB friends...

    You know what NO. Societies fear of sexuality is fucked up. It should be embraced and taught about openly instead of hidden and placed in taboo.
    She's raising her boys to either become closet perverts who feel guilty about emotions that are totally natural or sexist slut-shamers who look down on women who dress or act a certain way.

    You know what. Another issue with her little speech is that she's basically saying that it's the girls fault for dirtying the minds of her boys. Do you know what rapists sympathist think... "Oh, if only that girl wasn't wearing such sexy clothes he wouldn't have done it" , "Oh if she wasn't acting so flirty he wouldn't have done it" , "She shouldnt have behaved in that manner she was edging him on"

    Her mentality is on the border line of that... She's stepping on the edge.

    Why is it that men can get overly-sexual and take shirtless (even pantless -only in under pants) pictures of themselves flexing or posing in anyway and no one has a problem with it.



  25. The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to gummy For This Useful Post:


  26. #16
    Veteran Member summerbre's Avatar
    Joined
    Jul 2012
    Posts
    600
    Thanks
    763
    Thanked 1,186 Times in 375 Posts

    Default Re: A Mom's letter to sons' female FB friends...

    Charlotte - That's bizarre that you're school was so involved in that! I remember for a highschool Christmas party, it was around the same time VS came out with their pink santa clothes - We all wore VS lingerie, never would've gotten in trouble for it. Maybe we SHOULD have, but that's the fault of the girls' parents, to tell us not to wear lingerie to a party. This woman has sons, not daughters, and therefore should be concerned for her SONS - not their friends.

    If she had daughters, and was telling her daughters not to post scandalous pictures on Facebook, this letter would take on a completely different meaning for me. - comment goes toward Invibe, too.

    The issue I take with the blog post is that she's lecturing other parents' female children, but makes no point to stress how her sons should behave.

    I've always -ALWAYS- had a huge problem with the way woman's rights have be fought, when it comes to "protecting" themselves. When I was just 15 years old, I remember wondering why it wasn't commonplace for "woman's rights" organizations, specifically those defending against sexual abuse and objectification in general, to educate young boys rather than young girls. After all, aren't they the ones committing the crimes against women that these organizations are trying to prevent?

    Should girls post slutty pictures on Facebook? No. Is it this woman's business? No, they are not her kids, and I'm sorry, but policing her sons' social profiles for teenage pajama pictures is not just excessive, it's insane.

    I appreciate what she's *TRYING* to achieve, but she's going about it in entirely the wrong way...

    And furthermore, LUSTFUL THOUGHTS ARE FUCKING OK TO HAVE!! It's not wrong to find a girl attractive, and it's NOT wrong for a girl to want to make herself seem attractive to a boy, within reason. Sexual impulses are the primary, most carnal and important ones we have. Without them, we wouldn't have sex, and we would cease to exist. Emotional needs come second to sexual ones - the issue should be, then, to encourage empathy, compassion and respect to align WITH those sexual impulses. Not to stifle them completely.
    “The irony of commitment is that it's deeply liberating -- in work, in play, in love. The act frees you from the tyranny of your internal critic, from the fear that likes to dress itself up and parade around like rational hesitation. To commit is to remove your head as the barrier to your life.”
    - Anne Morris

  27. The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to summerbre For This Useful Post:


  28. #17
    Moderator Aurora_Sunset's Avatar
    Joined
    Feb 2011
    Posts
    6,429
    Thanks
    19,845
    Thanked 18,506 Times in 4,919 Posts
    My Mood
    Breezy

    Default Re: A Mom's letter to sons' female FB friends...

    So I posted a ranty rant on my facebook yesterday in response to this article, got into a pretty good conversation with a decent guy friend, and I guess one of his friends saw it and posted this to his profile today. He shared with me cuz he thought I'd appreciate it.

    http://natepyle.com/seeing-a-woman/

    I thought you'd all appreciate it too.
    Don't try to win over the haters. You are not the Jerk Whisperer.

    Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.






  29. The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to Aurora_Sunset For This Useful Post:


  30. #18
    Moderator Aurora_Sunset's Avatar
    Joined
    Feb 2011
    Posts
    6,429
    Thanks
    19,845
    Thanked 18,506 Times in 4,919 Posts
    My Mood
    Breezy

    Default Re: A Mom's letter to sons' female FB friends...

    And maybe sexy pajama poses and towel shots, or lingerie party pictures, shouldn't be on a facebook page - at least not that of a teenage girl, because they can get you in trouble. But that's what the blog should have focused on - but it wasn't about that. It was purely about how she's trying to "protect" her boys from becoming "impure" by seeing "impure" photos of classmates.

    Then again, maybe it also shouldn't be grounds for getting in trouble if teenage girls do post that stuff? Maybe we should be fighting against that? Like others have mentioned, a guy wearing a speedo in a picture MIGHT get called out and warned. But they would never get suspended or have a scholarship revoked. That's asinine, and quite frankly, not the business of the school. If anyone wants to get pissy about pictures like that on a public profile, it should be the girls' own parents. Just another way that slut-shaming is prevalent in our society - institutions thinking it's ok to punish girls for showing off their sexuality in a medium that has nothing to do with them.
    Don't try to win over the haters. You are not the Jerk Whisperer.

    Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.






  31. The Following User Says Thank You to Aurora_Sunset For This Useful Post:


  32. #19
    Veteran Member Noelle_Noir's Avatar
    Joined
    Jan 2013
    Location
    Planet Earth
    Posts
    338
    Thanks
    1,530
    Thanked 561 Times in 190 Posts
    My Mood
    Chatty

    Default Re: A Mom's letter to sons' female FB friends...

    Quote Originally Posted by Aurora_Sunset View Post
    So I posted a ranty rant on my facebook yesterday in response to this article, got into a pretty good conversation with a decent guy friend, and I guess one of his friends saw it and posted this to his profile today. He shared with me cuz he thought I'd appreciate it.

    http://natepyle.com/seeing-a-woman/

    I thought you'd all appreciate it too.
    I love it!

  33. The Following User Says Thank You to Noelle_Noir For This Useful Post:


  34. #20
    God/dess rickdugan's Avatar
    Joined
    Apr 2010
    Location
    NYC
    Posts
    4,570
    Thanks
    4,406
    Thanked 7,481 Times in 2,715 Posts
    My Mood
    Amused

    Default Re: A Mom's letter to sons' female FB friends...

    So the consensus here so far seem to be that teenage girls should be able to post pics of their scantily clad bodies, expressing their "sexuality", to teenage boys without those boys thinking of them in a sexual way.

    Alrighty then.

    This woman is simply being a responsible parent IMHO. She is trying to raise boys who act honorably and don't view girls as pieces of meat. She didn't strike me as some whack job or a religious nut. She is simply doing the best she can to make sure that her boys look at things from the right perspective.

    As parents, we have to work with the world as we find it, not how we wish it to be. In an ideal world, boys would think about girls who post pics of themselves in towels and lingerie on FB the same as any other girl, but they don't. Boys are simply not wired that way. When they see a semi-nude girl, their hormones kick in and they think about sex. This is why it is important to establish some type of emotional connection with a man before you give him the goods, at least if you are interested in him as a long term prospect. If the sex comes first then it dominates his thinking about you. Girls throughout the ages have understood this, which is one of the reasons why the smart girls, to this day, don't give it up too quickly.

    Wish and complain all you want, but I don't see this changing anytime soon, particularly as part of this is hormonal. Heck, if this were not the case, then the whole adult entertainment industry probably wouldn't exist.

    As Marlow Stanfield said to the convenience store security guard in an episode of the Wire: "You want it to be one way, but it's the other way."

    And this is exactly why my young teenage daughters will not be prancing around in towels and lingerie on camera for young boys. I understand all too well how boys think and this type of behavior will generate the wrong type of attention from them. I want their beauty, kindness and intelligence to be what these boys first associate with my daughters rather than the hard-ons that they got from seeing my daughters barely clothed on a FB pic. I truly wish I didn't have to worry about things like that, but as a parent I have to live in the real world and act accordingly.

    Any, just my fwiw.
    Last edited by rickdugan; 09-07-2013 at 07:08 AM.

  35. The Following User Says Thank You to rickdugan For This Useful Post:


  36. #21
    God/dess cherryblossomsinspring's Avatar
    Joined
    Nov 2010
    Posts
    3,244
    Thanks
    2,454
    Thanked 4,800 Times in 1,707 Posts
    My Mood
    Angelic

    Default Re: A Mom's letter to sons' female FB friends...

    Quote Originally Posted by Aurora_Sunset View Post
    And maybe sexy pajama poses and towel shots, or lingerie party pictures, shouldn't be on a facebook page - at least not that of a teenage girl, because they can get you in trouble. But that's what the blog should have focused on - but it wasn't about that. It was purely about how she's trying to "protect" her boys from becoming "impure" by seeing "impure" photos of classmates.

    Then again, maybe it also shouldn't be grounds for getting in trouble if teenage girls do post that stuff? Maybe we should be fighting against that? Like others have mentioned, a guy wearing a speedo in a picture MIGHT get called out and warned. But they would never get suspended or have a scholarship revoked. That's asinine, and quite frankly, not the business of the school. If anyone wants to get pissy about pictures like that on a public profile, it should be the girls' own parents. Just another way that slut-shaming is prevalent in our society - institutions thinking it's ok to punish girls for showing off their sexuality in a medium that has nothing to do with them.
    I'm so glad you brought up the "speedos". This parent that posted her long drawn out speech over trying to make these young girls sound like they were terrible one dimensional individuals ended up getting some comments about pictures of her young boys posing topless in swim trunks flexing their muscles. She ended up taking those pictures down lol but it's funny how she didn't realize how her own sons can be just as objectified and sexualized. What's really a shame is that she's more worried about young girls and what they can do to her impressionable sons yet she doesn't seem to realize that adult males in her religious circle could prove to be a true danger. For all she knows those pictures of her sons could have been posted on "motherless.com"before she took them down.

    I agree that she's already on the wrong track of trying to make her sons' sexuality appear dirty and also out of their own control.

    If I was a parent I would probably block the young ladies myself to reduce "sexting" and other unwanted advances coming from my own children directed at the girl. Still with all the control in the world parents still have little control of what happens when they are away at work. In most cases someone always ends up meeting a friend or a friend of a friend that has access to graphic content. Also facebook? lol all he has to do is search out the right facebook profile and he'll get himself a full view of something that she doesn't want him to see. She can block it after the fact but as she said " what has been seen can't be unseen". lol

  37. The Following User Says Thank You to cherryblossomsinspring For This Useful Post:


  38. #22
    Moderator Aurora_Sunset's Avatar
    Joined
    Feb 2011
    Posts
    6,429
    Thanks
    19,845
    Thanked 18,506 Times in 4,919 Posts
    My Mood
    Breezy

    Default Re: A Mom's letter to sons' female FB friends...

    Quote Originally Posted by rickdugan View Post
    So the consensus here so far seem to be that teenage girls should be able to post pics of their scantily clad bodies, expressing their "sexuality", to teenage boys without those boys thinking of them in a sexual way.
    I honestly don't think that's the point that anybody was trying to make. The arguments haven't been that if girls express their sexuality, they should not expect to be thought of in a sexual way. It was that being thought of a sexual way shouldn't be the only way. That sexuality should not immediately blind someone to seeing no more than that. If you can say that someone is smart and kind and it not blind you to them also being beautiful, why should acknowledging that someone is beautiful instantly blind you to realizing they are also smart and kind? The point was that it shouldn't be an either/or thing. You shouldn't have to choose between wanting to look sexy OR be recognized for all other things outside of sex. People are a combination and should be treated as such. Using hormones/biology to justify it all is such a cop-out when people don't want to change their behavior. Even working in this industry, I refuse to believe that men are just constant slaves to their testosterone. I don't care if they get turned on - but it shouldn't override decent human behavior. People are smarter than that.

    As far as being a realist and "wishing and complaining" won't do anything - no, just sitting around wishing won't do anything - but it also won't do anything to sit back and just accept it. Things only get changed if people become upset enough about them to start a dialogue and fight back against the notions that they feel are making their lives more difficult. I'd rather stand up each time I see something like this and try to argue a different viewpoint than just roll over and say "Well, this fucking blows but things are the way they are, oh well..." Things don't change overnight, but every conversation might bring things a little closer; might touch a couple more people who otherwise may not have even had the subject on their mind. And that's how we (slowly) progress.
    Don't try to win over the haters. You are not the Jerk Whisperer.

    Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.






  39. The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Aurora_Sunset For This Useful Post:


  40. #23
    Veteran Member summerbre's Avatar
    Joined
    Jul 2012
    Posts
    600
    Thanks
    763
    Thanked 1,186 Times in 375 Posts

    Default Re: A Mom's letter to sons' female FB friends...

    Quote Originally Posted by rickdugan View Post
    And this is exactly why my young teenage daughters will not be prancing around in towels and lingerie on camera for young boys. I understand all too well how boys think and this type of behavior will generate the wrong type of attention from them. I wish I didn't have to worry about things like that, but as a parent I have to be a realist and act accordingly.
    I don't think it was lingerie though, rick... It was "PJs with no bra." So maybe a tank top and some shorts? I have two young teenage brothers, and some of their sweet little girl friends have added me on Facebook in the past. I know the kind of pictures she's talking about - selfies making pouty/silly faces and poses. I don't really think that's so wrong. Theres a huge difference between "the duck face" and the types of poses that go in a Penthouse magazine spread. I'm so sick of this "boys will be boys" attitude... Wanting to be attractive is a deep, powerful, sometimes painful desire at that age for young girls, especially these days with that clown Miley Cyrus & diva pop star co. Why are boys' impulses so "natural" but a girl's should be chastised and repressed?

    And also - what you teach your daughters is your business, and definitely your responsibility as a parent - you should teach them that! This woman should've been focused on teaching her sons, not other peoples' daughters! Young boys and young girls both have lessons to be learned, but she's not teaching her boys with this letter or by blocking them from any "threatening" stimuli. This is what that letter should have said:

    http://natepyle.com/seeing-a-woman/

    "Let’s be clear: a woman’s body is not dangerous to you. Her body will not cause you harm. It will not make you do stupid things. If you do stupid things it is because you chose to do stupid things. So don’t contribute to the fear that exists between men and women."
    “The irony of commitment is that it's deeply liberating -- in work, in play, in love. The act frees you from the tyranny of your internal critic, from the fear that likes to dress itself up and parade around like rational hesitation. To commit is to remove your head as the barrier to your life.”
    - Anne Morris

  41. The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to summerbre For This Useful Post:


  42. #24
    Veteran Member summerbre's Avatar
    Joined
    Jul 2012
    Posts
    600
    Thanks
    763
    Thanked 1,186 Times in 375 Posts

    Default Re: A Mom's letter to sons' female FB friends...

    Besides, her boys could be gay. Then the joke's on mom for not deleting the boys posting shirtless mirror pics.
    “The irony of commitment is that it's deeply liberating -- in work, in play, in love. The act frees you from the tyranny of your internal critic, from the fear that likes to dress itself up and parade around like rational hesitation. To commit is to remove your head as the barrier to your life.”
    - Anne Morris

  43. The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to summerbre For This Useful Post:


  44. #25
    God/dess rickdugan's Avatar
    Joined
    Apr 2010
    Location
    NYC
    Posts
    4,570
    Thanks
    4,406
    Thanked 7,481 Times in 2,715 Posts
    My Mood
    Amused

    Default Re: A Mom's letter to sons' female FB friends...

    ^ Summer, this guy is a bit out of touch with reality IMHO. Indeed, I'm getting the sense that he is a bit of an odd religious wingnut. He describes himself as follows:

    I'm being transformed from one degree to another. Sometimes it is a joyful process. Many times it's a painful one. I'm finding that as I follow Jesus I need to unlearn a way of being in the world and learn a new way of being. This blog is a place where I am working out that process.
    I am glad for him and I applaud him for being so accepting and respectful of others, but I don't see his attitudes becoming mainstream anytime soon.

    You know, this reminds me of a conversation I overheard a couple of years ago while sitting in a Starbucks. A girl, who was wearing mini shorts that left nothing to the imagination, complained to her friend, "I wish all these creeps would stop staring at my ass." Well, duh?! I remember thinking: If you don't want guys looking at your ass then maybe you shouldn't put it on public display. LOL.

    And in terms of expressing sexuality, there are many avenues to do it that don't involve sharing barely clad bedroom pics on FB or leaving the house looking trashy. I see women out there all the time who look elegant and sexy as hell. This mother simply didn't want her sons being treated to FB pics of young teenage girls in towels or braless bedroom wear (lingerie, PJs, whatever, the effect is the same). I have to say that I find her position to be perfectly reasonable and her motives, which are to train her boys to respect women and look at them as something other than sexual objects, to be admirable.

    I am truly scratching my head at the responses I have been reading here, truth be told.

    Anyay, I'm not trying to create controversy or to suppress other reactions to this, so I'm going to bail out of this thread now and let you ladies continue without furthr interruption.

  45. The Following User Says Thank You to rickdugan For This Useful Post:


Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast

Similar Threads

  1. Female Best Friends
    By JessicaCM in forum The Lounge
    Replies: 13
    Last Post: 11-05-2012, 11:14 AM
  2. I miss having female friends
    By Nuclear Martini in forum Life Support
    Replies: 25
    Last Post: 10-15-2009, 02:26 AM
  3. a letter to friends who are not strippers
    By mermaidnz in forum Stripping (was Stripping General)
    Replies: 19
    Last Post: 04-09-2008, 08:49 AM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •