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Thread: To enjoy being young and follow my dreams or do what everyone else wants me to do?

  1. #1
    Featured Member miss1dancypants's Avatar
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    Default To enjoy being young and follow my dreams or do what everyone else wants me to do?

    I'm very torn on what to do with my life right now. I have a bachelors degree and I have a couple interviews lined up for some jobs in my field, 9-5, about 35k a year (not exactly thrilled about that... i could pay my bills but not have a lot of extra money). My parents found out about me dancing a while ago when my uncle saw me in the club and told me about it. They bug me every day about finding a "real" 9-5 job. They dont hate me for dancing, they just feel like they must be bad parents if i ever started dancing in the first place (wish they could understand that is false).

    Where i live, dancing slows down soooo much after summer. Summer is the only good season. And this was a sucky summer. I live in New England. I love summer in general but pretty much HATE every other part of the year. I hate the cold, dreary, depressing weather. If at least work was good during those months I could keep myself occupied and work my ass off dancing all fall winter and spring and just take the beautiful summers off, but I can't cuz it sucks sooo bad dancing here in those seasons. I'm talking $100 a night bad without regulars vs $300-600 a night without regulars.

    So before I got these job interviews, I decided I was going to get in really good shape and by new years. relocate to a warmer place and dance there year round. I have a friend i used to dance with who was really nice and NORMAL (no drugs, prostitution etc) and she is dancing in an awesome warm city and LOVES her club and the standard of living there is REALLY cheap and really nice. This is my dream. I'd love to live in a place where its always beautiful outside, and I can just dance and be young and LIVE MY LIFE.

    The way I feel is, I'm not gonna be young forever, but I"m going to have my degree forever. There will always be more "real" job opportunities down the road. I'd like to move there and live my dream for even just 2 years before moving back to the northeast and settling down. The only thing holding me back really is the opinion of my parents... They really are great parents and I love them so much. I'm pretty close to them. They just want me to live a "normal" life, i want to LIVE my life and have these great experiences that I really won't have the opportunity to do again. I feel like the worst thing that can happen is, I end up hating it out there and I move back. whoopdy do.

    I was thinking that this winter I could even spend two weeks out there, and spend two weeks back, and alternate if i'm making enough money. That way I could really try it out before I make a huge move across the country. If I like it this winter, I could spend one last summer out here before making the plunge.

    What does everyone else think? follow my dream or do what is expected of me? :/

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    Moderator Aurora_Sunset's Avatar
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    Default Re: To enjoy being young and follow my dreams or do what everyone else wants me to do

    I just went through a very similar situation with my parents (and actually it involved quite a few other people and their expectations of me too). Long story short - do what you think will make you happy. It sucks to let people down, especially your parents. But ultimately, it's not their life. It's yours, and you have to be the one who lives it every.single.day and deal with the consequences of your decisions. If a regular job and a dreary area is going to make you wake up every day feeling miserable and resentful, then don't do it. If you think that moving to a warmer place and dancing will bring you happiness and a fulfilling life in your terms, do that. Like you said, it's not like any decision is forever. If you decide you don't like it or change your priorities later, you can always make a switch down the road.

    I spent 2-3 months in shitty conversations with my parents, them telling me I was "running out of time" and needed to "figure my shit out" and get a real job, move back with them, stop "goofing off" and all that nonsense. And me telling them that I was happier out here, was taking care of myself, enjoying myself, and I just knew that trying to force myself into something I wasn't thrilled about was just going to depress me. I also told them I wasn't concerned about my future - I know that when I find something I'm passionate about, I'll tackle it and succeed, and in the meantime, I still feel young and have plenty of time, so I just want to enjoy myself right now and slowly wait for inspiration to strike on the "real job" front.

    These conversations with them weren't easy. I was very stressed, and often questioned myself if I was being a bad daughter by turning my back on what they envisioned for me. I know it can't possibly be easy to be a parent, and raise someone their whole life with certain expectations about how they will turn out, only to have that now-adult child throw it back in your face... But ultimately, like I said, it's your life, and you can't just follow their exact little life plan for you if it's not what you want in your heart. I had an hour long conversation with my mom just a couple days ago, and she is much calmer, we are getting along again, and both my parents have said that they just want me to be happy. I think that's really what all parents want.

    And, at the end of the day, everyone's expectations of you are going to vary by person anyway, and you will never make everyone 100% happy. So, better to make you 100% happy than try to half-ass please everyone and be miserable yourself.
    Don't try to win over the haters. You are not the Jerk Whisperer.

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    Featured Member Odette's Avatar
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    Default Re: To enjoy being young and follow my dreams or do what everyone else wants me to do

    You're forgetting an important factor here: resume gap.

    Don't do anything just because your parents "say so". But, in this instance, they probably have your best interests at heart wanting you to get a "real" job. I also think you should always follow your passions and dreams, getting your responsibilities to fit in there with them is all part of the fun of figuring out the puzzle If you want to move, move. You'll be happier with the weather and city more synced to your needs it seems like. There is nothing stopping you from looking for a straight job while you dance in your new home. When you finally find one that is satisfactory (nothing wrong with waiting it out a bit until you find a GREAT position!), there is nothing stopping you from dancing occaisonally part time as well for some extra money. If you want to just take a few months to just dance and have fun that's totally fine (I'm doing that right now too while I'm waiting to start my last semester of school), but it might be advantageous to take advantage of all the free time you have while doing this to volunteer, intern, or work part time in your field so you don't have to explain a resume gap to future employers, and also so you stay "in the loop" in your professional career.
    "We can't expect you to just know all the secrets of our top-secret-titty-club!" --Jenna Marbles

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    Featured Member Odette's Avatar
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    Default Re: To enjoy being young and follow my dreams or do what everyone else wants me to do

    You're forgetting an important factor here: resume gap.

    Don't do anything just because your parents "say so". But, in this instance, they probably have your best interests at heart wanting you to get a "real" job. I also think you should always follow your passions and dreams, getting your responsibilities to fit in there with them is all part of the fun of figuring out the puzzle If you want to move, move. You'll be happier with the weather and city more synced to your needs it seems like. There is nothing stopping you from looking for a straight job while you dance in your new home. When you finally find one that is satisfactory (nothing wrong with waiting it out a bit until you find a GREAT position!), there is nothing stopping you from dancing occaisonally part time as well for some extra money. If you want to just take a few months to just dance and have fun that's totally fine (I'm doing that right now too while I'm waiting to start my last semester of school), but it might be advantageous to take advantage of all the free time you have while doing this to volunteer, intern, or work part time in your field so you don't have to explain a resume gap to future employers, and also so you stay "in the loop" in your professional career.
    "We can't expect you to just know all the secrets of our top-secret-titty-club!" --Jenna Marbles

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    God/dess rickdugan's Avatar
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    Default Re: To enjoy being young and follow my dreams or do what everyone else wants me to do

    Why not live your life? And why limit yourself to this one place? One of the rare upsides of your profession is the ability to make money in almost any part of the country. You are an attractive and experienced dancer who shouldn't have any trouble working almost anywhere you want. Why not explore a few different areas? All it takes to scope out your stops is a computer and an internet connection. If you don't like how things are going in one place, you pack up the car and roll on to the next.

    We don't grow until we spread our wings and fly a bit. Our parents don't get to choose our life path for us. I agree that your degree will always be there and I don't believe that it would be too hard to come up with something to explain the resume gap.

    Why not work Myrtle Beach during prime golf season? Or Daytona during the Indy 500? Or NOLA during convention season? How about checking out the steaks/stakes in Austin? Or try your luck in Vegas? Etc.,etc. And who knows, maybe you'll find enough success in dancing that you use it to better position yourself in life to pursue other things. And if not, at least you got to see the country.

    If you are tired of other people (parents, BFs) telling you what to do, then you probably shouldn't let them. If you have an itch that you want to scratch, then why not go scratch it? Otherwise you could very well regret it for the rest of your life.

    Anyway, just my and good luck!

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    God/dess simone87's Avatar
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    Default Re: To enjoy being young and follow my dreams or do what everyone else wants me to do

    seriously, go out and do what you want while you are still young/hot/independent/not tied down. those days will come soon enough. time goes by so, so fast. and you never know when you could die, not to be morbid, but its true. enjoy every bit of life and do what you want. keep the future in mind by doing what odette mentioned with volunteer or maybe part-time work but there's plenty of time to get a low-paying vanilla jobs when we are old :p haha.

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    Featured Member strippername's Avatar
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    Default Re: To enjoy being young and follow my dreams or do what everyone else wants me to do

    I didn't read anyone else's responses. I have worked in Mass and I know it isn't the cleanest place. If you want to maximize on your recent surgeries go divey in the midwest or go all out in Vegas type places. If your parents are like mine they will be a little proud on the inside when you can buy great things for yourself without the help from them. I may sound like a jerk. I pay attention the boards and know your journey. Just go! Go all out.

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    God/dess shanna dior's Avatar
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    Default Re: To enjoy being young and follow my dreams or do what everyone else wants me to do

    If you recently got your degree, sure, go be young and enjoy the sunshine and work for some time, and it won't be a huge deal.

    Yes, you will always have your degree, but the longer you stay out of your industry, the harder it will be to actually land a job in it and get your career started. Not only because of the resume gaps that Odette pointed out, but also because you simply won't be current anymore. I mean, if the economy drastically improves it may not be a big deal, but in the current state of affairs, you are competing with hundreds-thousands of other applicants, many of whom already have experience in the field. There simply aren't enough "real" job opportunities out there as is, so just because you are landing interviews now, doesn't mean you will be landing them so easily down the line.

    If you want to be young and follow your dreams, do it, but keep an eye on the prize. You worked hard for your degree, so don't let it go to waste. Stay current in your industry somehow, either through a part-time internship/job, constant networking, or even just attending conferences/taking classes/etc. Don't just forget about it and think your degree will be your ticket out of dancing, because that's just not the case anymore, especially the longer you don't use it.

    Bulk up your savings account too! Job hunting can take a lot longer than you anticipate, and you don't want to get to the point where you want to get out of dancing but are stuck doing it because you can't find other work.

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    Featured Member miss1dancypants's Avatar
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    Default Re: To enjoy being young and follow my dreams or do what everyone else wants me to do

    thank you everyone for your replies. I have a " real" job interview tomorrow ( of course, the DAY after I decide I'm gonna take the plunge and be young and explore the world!!) We will see how it goes. but I think I am going to follow my dreams and try out different cities and live my life and enjoy it. I AM sick of the harsh winters and I definitely need a change.

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    Veteran Member summerbre's Avatar
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    Default Re: To enjoy being young and follow my dreams or do what everyone else wants me to do

    I agree with Shanna's advice about staying current in your industry through interning, volunteering, attending conferences, etc. "Resume gap" isn't this huge, unconquerable obstacle - you just have to be smart about it. I stave off the gaps in my resume by writing for clients that are relevant to my industry. If you have any skill in writing, you could seek out a magazine, blog or Op-Ed that covers your industry, and write for them once/month or so - then you'll have something of substance for future employers to read, which could be even better than a reference saying you interned for 6 months for such-and-such. Plus, writing is a valued skill in almost any professional field.

    Additionally, if Master's level education is honored in your field, you could always pursue a Master's degree when you're ready to re-enter your industry. This provides networking opportunities and renders your gap nearly irrelevant - When you finish, you'll be on an even playing field (experience-wise) with the other Master's level graduates that went straight from Undergrad to Master's. To make yourself a more competitive candidate for graduate schools when you are finally ready to go, spend a semester or two taking undergraduate-level pre-requisite classes that pertain to your field that you didn't take during your Bachelor's. Universities and community colleges are extremely lax in their admissions for non-degree seeking students. This will show your level of commitment, and garner some reference letters from more recent professors - bonus points if you take the pre-reqs at the school you'd like to attend for your Master's, because then you can get a reference letter from faculty.

    *Note a lot of grad schools have application deadlines 6-10 months prior to matriculation, so this is something worth planning WAYYY ahead of time for, especially if you plan on doing pre-requisites. And, keep your credit decent so you can qualify for student loans, just in case you need them.

    Don't underestimate the power of connections when it comes to procuring a job in your field. STAY NETWORKED! Every single vanilla job I've ever had, I've gotten based upon good references and knowing the right people. I've never been the "good on paper" candidate, but I can damn sure weasel my way into a position if I want it badly enough!

    Also, I've observed that if you ever get the urge to do some International travel, this has recently become a culturally more "acceptable" reason to take "time out" of your industry. I'm sure some people will disagree with this, and it's true that people who have been working at their careers since their first internship in college will still be more competitive job candidates than you, but if the fact that you have no former employers is addressed in interviews, you can always say you took a couple of years to forego more intense responsibilities in order to have time to experience other cultures. Of course this is subjective, but to a lot of prospective employers, this could make you a more interesting and likable person as long as you sell it right - which is very important when interviewing! "Time off" isn't a death sentence like it used to be, and it isn't too uncommon anymore to see people quitting their corporate jobs, selling all of their shit and traveling around the world (not saying their bosses would ever take them back, but still, you're not going to be some sociological anomaly if you use travel as an excuse). Being well-traveled can easily be turned into an asset when you're interviewing - particularly if your industry involves a lot of cross-cultural interaction.

    Will you be the candidate that employers just HAVE to have on their team? No, probably not. But will you be denied any opportunities in the future by not pursuing them now? Hell no. The world is constantly changing, don't let certain antiquated standards of "professionalism" stop you from doing what you want to do. Stay smart, look out for yourself, and maintain a good balance by not letting the party lifestyle suck you in completely... Don't capitulate to the demands of your parents just because you think that you have no other options. As someone who is doing exactly what you want to do (Not using my Bachelor's, and simply taking the time to LIVE for a couple of years!), I still know that I will re-enter my industry, and I'm confident that the transition will be easy enough, because I've taken the measures to make sure of it. So don't be afraid to have fun!!

    ^This is Summer's really really long but comprehensive guide on how you beat the system and live up your 20's while you have the chance!
    “The irony of commitment is that it's deeply liberating -- in work, in play, in love. The act frees you from the tyranny of your internal critic, from the fear that likes to dress itself up and parade around like rational hesitation. To commit is to remove your head as the barrier to your life.”
    - Anne Morris

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    Default Re: To enjoy being young and follow my dreams or do what everyone else wants me to do

    I'm going thru this right now myself! My bf & I just split & I currently have ZERO ties here in LA so what little things I have in my car I am hitting the road for awhile to dance in different states & get my mojo back I lost while being in a relationship where my bf didn't want me to dance. I lost my independance & I'm now resenting him for it. LIVE FOR YOU~FUCK ANYONE WHO TRIES TO PASS JUDGEMENT ON YOU FOR DOING SO!!!! The conventional lifestyle def ain't for me right now so I'm gonna find ME again out there Good Luck!!!
    "Alot of people are afraid to say what they want, that's why they don't get what they want"~ Madonna




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  22. #12
    Banned Melonie's Avatar
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    Default Re: To enjoy being young and follow my dreams or do what everyone else wants me to do

    perhaps an overdose of skepticism, but ...

    Working at a $35k per year job in a high tax, high property value, high energy cost northeastern state pretty much guarantees that you will remain a member of the 'working class' for the rest of your life ... regardless of whether that job is respected or considered to be 'professional' by the general public. Working as a dancer earning twice that much in a low tax, lower property value, lower energy cost state pretty much guarantees that you can save and invest a significant amount of money ... which will allow you a much wider array of potential future options !!!

    There's a thread on comparative state economies in the Dollar Den that might interest you ...

    I also second SummerBre's comments that going for a Masters' is an excellent way to erase any 'resume gap'.

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    God/dess xxxGothBarbie's Avatar
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    Default Re: To enjoy being young and follow my dreams or do what everyone else wants me to do

    ^ I agree with Melonie , why strain the best years of our youth by working in a corporate/working class world when we can have more freedom & earn more money dancing. I've learned the hard way that I can't be fully self sufficient on a lower salary based paying job or anything minimum wage.
    "Alot of people are afraid to say what they want, that's why they don't get what they want"~ Madonna




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    God/dess carmen_b's Avatar
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    Default Re: To enjoy being young and follow my dreams or do what everyone else wants me to do

    I'd hit the road ...... but of course I'd advise that because that's what I did and it worked out fine.
    Maybe meet in the middle somehow ? Get a 20 hour a week regular job and dance 2-3 nights a week ?
    I HATED dealing with winter and haven't had to in three years.

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    Featured Member miss1dancypants's Avatar
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    Default Re: To enjoy being young and follow my dreams or do what everyone else wants me to do

    Quote Originally Posted by carmen_b View Post
    I'd hit the road ...... but of course I'd advise that because that's what I did and it worked out fine.
    Maybe meet in the middle somehow ? Get a 20 hour a week regular job and dance 2-3 nights a week ?
    I HATED dealing with winter and haven't had to in three years.
    its just that i hate being cold and my club sucks ass in the winter... ugh. really torn. i think i'm gonna try this full time job for a month or two and see how it works out... if i'm miserable i'm using my vacation time in January to try out the warmer climate and if i fall in love i'm never turning back...

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    Default Re: To enjoy being young and follow my dreams or do what everyone else wants me to do

    Good Luck!
    "Alot of people are afraid to say what they want, that's why they don't get what they want"~ Madonna




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    Default Re: To enjoy being young and follow my dreams or do what everyone else wants me to do

    Quote Originally Posted by miss1dancypants View Post
    its just that i hate being cold and my club sucks ass in the winter... ugh. really torn. i think i'm gonna try this full time job for a month or two and see how it works out... if i'm miserable i'm using my vacation time in January to try out the warmer climate and if i fall in love i'm never turning back...
    I just want to say that, this sounds like a 'good-plan' and a smart- & practical-minded way, to go about things!

    One of my favourite quotes is: "Follow Your Dreams, But Take Your Brain With You!"


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  33. #18
    Featured Member miss1dancypants's Avatar
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    Default Re: To enjoy being young and follow my dreams or do what everyone else wants me to do

    just to update everyone on how things are going with this...

    i'm pretty miserable. i work 10-7 most days (except weekends) but we have a staff meeting every sunday for about an hour so i really only have 1 full day off a week.

    at the end of the day im pissed off and exhausted so i barely make it to the gym and i've put on about 5 pounds.

    i also don't have time or energy to dance on the side. and i'm making about $450 a week after taxes (what i used to low-average a night at my club).

    i basically only wanted to take this job for my boyfriend who hated me dancing. now he says he can't date someone who is so miserable and depressed all the time (even though i'm doing this job just for him).

    the only upside is i'm doing extremely well IN my job, and it looks awesome on my resume. i'm delivering above and beyond what is expected of me. he and i are probably breaking up and i'm going to focus on myself. i'm going to make time to go to the gym every night, and work friday and saturday nights at a club about an hour away for extra income. if i'm still miserable by summer time, i'll resign, have something great on my resume that i spent about a year at, and go back to dancing full time.

    dancing really did make me happy. i loved the freedom you get from dancing. not just financial freedom, but freedom with your time. being able to do what you want with your time. i feel like that is the truest wealth. i hate being locked down working 10-7 and really only having 1 full day to do what i want. and that day is usually spent doing errands...

    no wonder so many people suffer from depression!!

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    God/dess shanna dior's Avatar
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    Default Re: To enjoy being young and follow my dreams or do what everyone else wants me to do

    Is there anyway you can go down to part-time or even somewhat reduced hours (like 4 days a week) so you can stay current in your field but have more time for yourself/dancing? I know it's not quite the same as dancing full-time, but unless you plan on pulling a Melonie and dancing/investing well enough to not have to work again after you retire from the club, you're going to have to re-enter the vanilla working world, and it's only going to get harder.

    FWIW, your job also sounds very demanding. Once you've hit that year mark, it might also be worth exploring options with other companies. Many companies have decent work/life balances, so with some experience under your belt, you may be able to find a job that doesn't regularly require overtime and weekend meetings. The more you work in the field, the higher your salary can be too. I know it's tough at first - I was totally in the same boat not too long ago - but if you stick it out, it's not so bad. Dancing was never my endgame though. Different story if you realistically think you can and will do it for a few more decades, manage your money well, and find other avenues of passive income.

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  37. #20
    Moderator Aurora_Sunset's Avatar
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    Default Re: To enjoy being young and follow my dreams or do what everyone else wants me to do

    Thanks for coming back to update us! I'm sorry you are so miserable at you job. And also about you and your boyfriend. But it sounds like you have a plan and it's great that you are going to focus on yourself. Summer will come soon enough, you'll have your good resume, and you'll be back to doing what you enjoy and being your best self without other people dragging you down! Good luck with everything!
    Don't try to win over the haters. You are not the Jerk Whisperer.

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  39. #21
    Featured Member miss1dancypants's Avatar
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    Default Re: To enjoy being young and follow my dreams or do what everyone else wants me to do

    i won't be able to work LESS at this job, the hours are pretty non negotiable... i've been actively looking for a new job, though. my ideal situation would be to work 4 days a week at a vanilla job and 2-3 nights a week dancing. i feel like i'd be happiest with that kind of balance.it might not be doable now but i'm going to keep trying...

    and as far as my boyfriend goes, i will NEVER quit anything i love for someone ever again. if someone loves me, they will want me to be happy. i know this quote is cliche but lady gaga did say it best... your career will never wake up and tell you it doesn't love you any more.

    i definitely think i need to be single for a while...

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  41. #22
    God/dess chanzep's Avatar
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    Default Re: To enjoy being young and follow my dreams or do what everyone else wants me to do

    I hope it all works out for you and you find shorter hours.
    xoxo

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  43. #23
    Featured Member miss1dancypants's Avatar
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    Default Re: To enjoy being young and follow my dreams or do what everyone else wants me to do

    thank you everyone. I was strong this weekend but it was hard to hold it together at work today... just knowing that I quit a job I loved for a job I hated. and had to work three times as much for three times less the pay. all for nothing, now... it really hurt. and I still have at least five pounds to lose before I can go back to dancing. I've been an emotional wreck.

  44. #24
    Featured Member miss1dancypants's Avatar
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    Default Re: To enjoy being young and follow my dreams or do what everyone else wants me to do

    ugh.... I'm so fucking bitter right now...

  45. #25
    God/dess chanzep's Avatar
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    Default Re: To enjoy being young and follow my dreams or do what everyone else wants me to do

    Aww hang on in there, I admire you for sticking with it.
    xoxo

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