Adapted from: Lean on Me: How to Be a Good Friend When Life Hits Her Hard
http://www.ivillage.com/how-be-posit...eed/4-a-545422
1. Ask her what she needs.
Even if you don’t think there’s anything you could do, the offer means a lot.
“This is a fantastic way to try to help,” says Jessica LeRoy, psychotherapist and founder of Center for the Psychology of Women. “You may be clueless yourself as to how to help her, and you may not be able to think of what she actually needs. So by simply asking, it allows her to tell you what she needs.”
2. Listen instead of talking
Instead of giving her a pep talk, lend an ear and let her vent.
“A lot of times people just need to talk it out,” says LeRoy. “They usually know what they need to do and having yet another person tell them what do it is not helpful. So listen and you might be doing more than you think.”
3. Don’t compareTry not to equate her situation with something you’ve gone through as she might take it the wrong way.
“Try to be understanding of her situation and relate to it, but don’t compare it to a situation you have had,” says LeRoy. “Again, just listen and be there for her.”
4. Don’t try to “fix”She most likely doesn’t need you to step in and try to solve her problem for her.
“Stepping in too quickly to try to ‘fix’ a problem sends the message that you don’t have confidence that your friend is capable of handling the situation,” Barbara Neitlich, a Beverly Hills psychotherapist. “More often than not, this can invoke a feeling of powerlessness on your friend’s behalf because she may feel you are trying to take over, rather than simply be an empathic confidant.”
5. Let her benefit from your positive mood
When she’s ready, let her look to you for cheering up.
“One of the best ways to help a friend in a time of need is to maintain a positive, cheerful attitude,” says Neitlich. “Many feel that they need to become as sad, angry or frustrated as their friend in order to show that they understand how they are feeling. Actually, the opposite is true. Two people feeling down and out have a much more difficult time of working their way out of a funk than if one person is down and the other can maintain a positive attitude. The choice to stay positive really makes the most challenging situations easier to cope with.”



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