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Thread: Why you can punish with positivity or how to be supportive 101

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    God/dess justanothercamgirl's Avatar
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    Default Why you can punish with positivity or how to be supportive 101

    Adapted from: Lean on Me: How to Be a Good Friend When Life Hits Her Hard
    http://www.ivillage.com/how-be-posit...eed/4-a-545422

    1. Ask her what she needs.

    Even if you don’t think there’s anything you could do, the offer means a lot.

    “This is a fantastic way to try to help,” says Jessica LeRoy, psychotherapist and founder of Center for the Psychology of Women. “You may be clueless yourself as to how to help her, and you may not be able to think of what she actually needs. So by simply asking, it allows her to tell you what she needs.”

    2. Listen instead of talking

    Instead of giving her a pep talk, lend an ear and let her vent.

    “A lot of times people just need to talk it out,” says LeRoy. “They usually know what they need to do and having yet another person tell them what do it is not helpful. So listen and you might be doing more than you think.”

    3. Don’t compareTry not to equate her situation with something you’ve gone through as she might take it the wrong way.

    “Try to be understanding of her situation and relate to it, but don’t compare it to a situation you have had,” says LeRoy. “Again, just listen and be there for her.”

    4. Don’t try to “fix”She most likely doesn’t need you to step in and try to solve her problem for her.

    “Stepping in too quickly to try to ‘fix’ a problem sends the message that you don’t have confidence that your friend is capable of handling the situation,” Barbara Neitlich, a Beverly Hills psychotherapist. “More often than not, this can invoke a feeling of powerlessness on your friend’s behalf because she may feel you are trying to take over, rather than simply be an empathic confidant.”

    5. Let her benefit from your positive mood
    When she’s ready, let her look to you for cheering up.

    “One of the best ways to help a friend in a time of need is to maintain a positive, cheerful attitude,” says Neitlich. “Many feel that they need to become as sad, angry or frustrated as their friend in order to show that they understand how they are feeling. Actually, the opposite is true. Two people feeling down and out have a much more difficult time of working their way out of a funk than if one person is down and the other can maintain a positive attitude. The choice to stay positive really makes the most challenging situations easier to cope with.”


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    Default Re: Why you can punish with positivity or how to be supportive 101

    6. Offer a Xanax
    PayPal BB?


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    God/dess JaneBurgess's Avatar
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    Default Re: Why you can punish with positivity or how to be supportive 101

    Awesome thread JAC!!!

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    Default Re: Why you can punish with positivity or how to be supportive 101

    Great Thread JAC! When I had a huge place years ago, and a friend was stressed, (mostly about husbands, boyfriends, or kids), I would let them crash in my spare bedroom. I became invisible, always had good food for them, and kept my place really quiet when they needed to sleep it out, if it were during the day, and keep the T.V low if it were at night. If they wanted to talk, I was available.
    Of course they always offered comfort to me, when life's problems came knocking at my door also.
    There's nothing like having a support system of great and kind women.

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    God/dess lynn2009's Avatar
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    Default Re: Why you can punish with positivity or how to be supportive 101

    Great thread. I know my best friend from college means well, she goes through a lot of the same issues I do but whenever I try to talk to her all I get is something to the effect of "my life sucks too" and it's just (edit: **not**) helpful.
    Last edited by lynn2009; 10-10-2013 at 09:15 PM.

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