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Thread: No Means NO

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    Default No Means NO

    Ever have a custy who keeps badgering, grabbing, sneaking up on you and can't take no for an answer? Sometimes no has to be the answer and just sashaying away. Every sale just can't be saved.

    It’s like we don’t believe that we can say no ‘just because’. It’s as if no isn’t no if it hasn’t got a story, excuses, or looking like we’ve been through the horrors to get to the point of saying no so that the other person is sufficiently guilty and embarrassed at having asked us in the first place. I’m generally good at saying no, simply because experience has taught me when my stomach is tied up in knots, there’s that heavy sensation in my chest, and I’m overworked, overtired, over this and over that, that I need to stop telling people what they want to hear – Yes of course I can do that (even though I already know that I have too much on or that I don’t want to) - and straight up say ‘NO’.
    http://www.baggagereclaim.com/

    Great advice for dealing with this new reality in the clubs. We've gone from charting our own course to being under attack physically and financially by the men around us. No better time than the present to learn how and when to say no.
    “What a caterpillar calls the end of the world we call a butterfly.” - ECKHART TOLLE

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    Default Re: No Means NO

    Hard no’s should make it very difficult for the person to push you any further on it… unless they have an issue with respecting boundaries.

    If you feel like you’re trying to let them down gently or that you have to backup the no with explanations and excuses that are often about leaving you comfortable at having said no, never mind the recipient, you’re likely giving a ‘soft no’. These are not ‘bad’ (quite the opposite) but you’ve got to know when and who to use them with and if they are not working in a particular instance, your only option is to go for a ‘hard no’, not to keep coming up with other long-winded and gentle, round the houses ways of saying what you are ultimately trying to get across – that you cannot or don’t want to do it.
    http://www.baggagereclaim.com/
    “What a caterpillar calls the end of the world we call a butterfly.” - ECKHART TOLLE

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    Default Re: No Means NO

    "spilled" drinks, kneed groins, and "accidental" nudges that result in physical harm (only works on the super drunk ones) work too, if youre feeling feisty . I think my happiest moment at a strip club was watching this asshole fall down some stairs after I "accidentally" bumped into him. he was following me around all night, even interrupting me during dances! some guys need to be taught a lesson.

    I have also yelled loudly "for the last time, I don't want to watch you fuck another guy!!!" so other guys can hear and laugh. they usually leave in shame.

    for non extreme cases, you're totally right. some girls really don't seem to get that all you need to do is say NO in a firm voice and a serious expression.

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    Default Re: No Means NO

    I'm terrible. I don't generally blatently rip customers off cuz it's mean and bad for business. But if a dude will not stop pestering me for extra after I've clearly stated, "No," 10 times in a row, I'll say, "Ok, but just this once and you'll have to tip $300 or whatever. Then, I'll do my dance like I usually do--no extras and keep that fool's money. He will not pester me a second time. Bad, I know. I'm a bad girl.

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    Default Re: No Means NO

    You're amazing, JasmineDoll. I think you've become my new heroine

    ::bows down to you::
    "Dancing tables, making deals with devils like a drunk beauty queen"

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    Default Re: No Means NO

    Quote Originally Posted by charlotte. View Post

    I have also yelled loudly "for the last time, I don't want to watch you fuck another guy!!!" so other guys can hear and laugh. they usually leave in shame.
    PURE GOLD!!! I would love to see his face after that.
    “What a caterpillar calls the end of the world we call a butterfly.” - ECKHART TOLLE

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    Default Re: No Means NO

    Love it, JD!


    MANY MEN WANTED TO LAY ME DOWN, BUT FEW WANTED TO LIFT ME UP

    -Eartha Kitt

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    Default Re: No Means NO

    Thanks Optimist. I have had trouble with 'NO' because I want the money- I think that learning to say NO without dramatic behaviour (violence/screaming etc which I used in the past) translates into learning how to say NO in RL too. I cant imagine throwing my drink on someone who is pushing my boundaries O/S the club but I can imagine a firm 'NO' being appropriate and spiritually centred response.
    Tiny tweaks----->BIG CHANGES

    Quote Originally Posted by Kirakonstantin View Post
    More fear-mongering? Really? Yes, this is not the 1990's anymore. Yes, things are changing. Either dance or don't. Freaking out and sowing fear isn't going to help anyone.




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    Default Re: No Means NO

    ^^^I feel you, girl!! We have an attitude in this business that is killing us. There is a culture that money is the only thing that matters. We judge each other mercilessly on how much we earn and how much spend to live a flashy, glamorous lifestyle. Strippers are some of the snottiest people on the planet. Generally speaking we fall hard for the darker, unexamined side of the American Dream. We are in the fortunate position of being able to go get hired quickly and make a LOT of money quickly. As has been covered previously by JD in this thread https://www.stripperweb.com/forum/sh...cal-Well-Being , we get caught up in tying our sense of worth to what we make each night. Some of us are subsistence strippers living very close to the bone and are in a position where we 'can't' say no. It's super important to reach out for support for this very reason. Being too dependent in any way on a yes from these random dudes is not a winning formula.

    The problem is that we remain unwilling to question the reigning dogma of Western capitalism. Dogma, remember, is a belief that is accepted without evidence, often perceived as self-evident, and is not to be disputed by adherents of the faith. The economic dogma of our time is a belief that business is and must be exclusively based on the supremacy of profit, a belief that a relentless focus on profit above all else is the one and only way of creating sustainable business success. It’s a narrow and crippling bit of economic doctrine that seems now to pervade nearly all quarters of the business world.

    But in the words of Stephen Green, former HSBC chairman (and currently Conservative minister for trade and investment in the British government), this “will no longer do.” Of course we need a profit, he says but “profit is not the be-all and end-all of business. It is not the raison d’être of business.”
    http://www.csmonitor.com/Business/ne...ter-capitalism
    “What a caterpillar calls the end of the world we call a butterfly.” - ECKHART TOLLE

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    Default Re: No Means NO

    I LOOOOOOOOOOOOve Optimist!!!


    MANY MEN WANTED TO LAY ME DOWN, BUT FEW WANTED TO LIFT ME UP

    -Eartha Kitt

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    Default Re: No Means NO

    She' hot and she makes you think
    Tiny tweaks----->BIG CHANGES

    Quote Originally Posted by Kirakonstantin View Post
    More fear-mongering? Really? Yes, this is not the 1990's anymore. Yes, things are changing. Either dance or don't. Freaking out and sowing fear isn't going to help anyone.




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    Default Re: No Means NO

    I've found, being later in years, that once I learned how to say NO firmly, and stick to it, that it not only became very easy to do, but kind of ... fun? Not sure if that is the right word... And, in this context, "NO" pairs happily with a kind of shocked "Who the fuck do you think you are, you must be insane to DARE ask me that" expression. As in:
    Custy: "Can I touch you there?"
    Dancer: "Ugh! NO!"

    Like the kind of "NO" *he* would give *you* if you asked him if you could have all of his cash and credit cards and his car and his wife's number.
    I don't feel the least bit timid with "NO"... in fact, I dole them out pretty liberally. ;p

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    Default Re: No Means NO

    Also, in situations where "no" must be delivered more delicately, like in customer service at a vanilla job, I've found this useful:

    "I'm sorry, but the answer to your question is no." This comes across like you have consulted with the universe, and come back to deliver the message. YOU aren't saying no... you're merely informing them that the answer is no.

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    Default Re: No Means NO

    Quote Originally Posted by Optimist View Post
    ^^^I feel you, girl!! We have an attitude in this business that is killing us. There is a culture that money is the only thing that matters. We judge each other mercilessly on how much we earn and how much spend to live a flashy, glamorous lifestyle. Strippers are some of the snottiest people on the planet. Generally speaking we fall hard for the darker, unexamined side of the American Dream. We are in the fortunate position of being able to go get hired quickly and make a LOT of money quickly. As has been covered previously by JD in this thread https://www.stripperweb.com/forum/sh...cal-Well-Being , we get caught up in tying our sense of worth to what we make each night. Some of us are subsistence strippers living very close to the bone and are in a position where we 'can't' say no. It's super important to reach out for support for this very reason. Being too dependent in any way on a yes from these random dudes is not a winning formula.

    http://www.csmonitor.com/Business/ne...ter-capitalism
    I love you for saying this. It's so true, and that is one of the things I like least about this industry.

    hot flirting tips 2k13: tell him, “I’m not like other girls,” then pull down the secret zipper at the back of your neck to reveal your true reptilian form


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    Default Re: No Means NO

    ^ Its refelctive of what I'm struggling with now, I enrolled to study a bachelor Holistic Counselling and am actively practising Art of Femiine Presence in my down time and I'm questioning whether I really want to keep dancing.
    Tiny tweaks----->BIG CHANGES

    Quote Originally Posted by Kirakonstantin View Post
    More fear-mongering? Really? Yes, this is not the 1990's anymore. Yes, things are changing. Either dance or don't. Freaking out and sowing fear isn't going to help anyone.




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    Default Re: No Means NO

    I had a trick for custies like this. When they'd try to grab or stick their fingers where they don't belong, I'd sensually grab their hands and gently spin, now facing away from them and dancing with their arms around me. This worked pretty well and distracted them from being obnoxious. However, there was a small handful of guys this didn't work on due to them being highly stubborn.and persistent.

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    Default Re: No Means NO

    Quote Originally Posted by ashleexsapphire View Post
    I had a trick for custies like this. When they'd try to grab or stick their fingers where they don't belong, I'd sensually grab their hands and gently spin, now facing away from them and dancing with their arms around me. This worked pretty well and distracted them from being obnoxious. However, there was a small handful of guys this didn't work on due to them being highly stubborn.and persistent.
    You know what to do with the persistent ones.....give a big ol' NO, end their dance and end their fun. Saves a lot of headache.
    “What a caterpillar calls the end of the world we call a butterfly.” - ECKHART TOLLE

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    Default Re: No Means NO

    i have problems saying no just because i'm a huge pushover, people pleaser by nature, and i just feel akward and "mean" saying no..even if they aren't giving me a lot of money, so i'd say my problem has more to do with temperament/upbringing than money even. which is why as a parent i'm teaching my kid to be able to say NO..i wasn't taught that, so i have a very hard time with it

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    Default Re: No Means NO

    Quote Originally Posted by Optimist View Post
    You know what to do with the persistent ones.....give a big ol' NO, end their dance and end their fun. Saves a lot of headache.
    Well, yeah. That's a given. There's no reason to stick around if you're not comfortable. Some guys can be coaxed into calming down though.

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    Default Re: No Means NO

    Quote Originally Posted by simone87 View Post
    i have problems saying no just because i'm a huge pushover, people pleaser by nature, and i just feel akward and "mean" saying no..even if they aren't giving me a lot of money, so i'd say my problem has more to do with temperament/upbringing than money even. which is why as a parent i'm teaching my kid to be able to say NO..i wasn't taught that, so i have a very hard time with it
    You can still work on it even though your childhood lessons are leading you astray. There are all kinds of programs online for practicing assertiveness. I like imagining how they act with other guys to reassure myself they're tough and they can take it! In those moments you feel anxiety about saying no, you can sit with the thought a few minutes until you feel calm enough to say no. You can tease them about maybe refusing them as you work up to a no. Buy yourself a little time.

    THIS is the crux of the problem:“When a man says no in this culture, it’s the end of the discussion. When a woman says no, it’s the beginning of a negotiation.” – Gavin De Becker (author of The Gift of Fear) – as seen on Oprah’s episode Trusting Your Intuition. http://www.genpink.com/saying-no-men-vs-women/

    (snip) Women are trained from birth to self-effacement and deference. Women defer to men, in professional settings, across the board. I would have believed that in 21st century America this was no longer the case…
    Because women defer to men in professional settings the vast majority of the time. They default to smiling and nodding. They default to agreeing. They default to ego-soothing (“just following up on what YOU said….”). They default to cooing little supportive noises (“mm hmmm, mm hmmm”). They default to that odd upward lilt, an epidemic among younger Americans, that transforms every statement into an insecure sounding question that trails off into uncertain silence. They default to the big eyed, tilted head listening pose that you might recognize from your puppy. They default to silence in the place of direct confrontation. (Doubt my word on this? Read this amazing post on women in the workplace by body language expert Carol Kinsey Goman, recently published on the Washington Post website.)

    Women don’t exhibit these behaviors because they’re incompetent or stupid. On the contrary, these are the behaviors that little girls learn in their families and that work for them in countless environments growing up. And these behaviors transmogrify in the domestic sphere as women grow older. Women don’t necessarily defer to their husbands and domestic partners in the same way.

    But in the professional world, where influence and power derive from individual authority, expertise, and confidence…. women’s learned domestic behaviors of agreement, soothing, indirection, and non-confrontation fail them badly. (snip) http://theprofessorisin.com/2011/07/...s-in-academia/
    “What a caterpillar calls the end of the world we call a butterfly.” - ECKHART TOLLE

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    Default Re: No Means NO

    I'm known to smack him in the face then rub it seductively. Then wave my finger at him and bat him softly on the nose with my finger. Then when he apologizes I inform him he's made a $xxx.xx mistake. If he wants me later I first tell him he has to pay his current tab and remind him of his mistake and he must leave his donation at the temple in the form of tips placed on the table that I then cover with my purse. He will not be naughty again. Mind you this is ON TOP of what he pays me for dances. I also tell them my decisions are arbitrary and I'll change them at will. So after they pay I may or may not do the actual lap dance. Depends on how he behaves.

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