And I feel absolutely horrid.
I've had an off day all day, family stuff, etc.
But I was like, whatever, push past it. I usually do. I felt really good when I got on cam. My makeup was cute, etc. I got some fun exclusives.
Then, this dude came on and he was really sweet. took me ex. immediately. Asked me if I roleplayed and I said no. He said "okay that's fine" and proceeded to ask me to get a bunch of stuff from different areas of my house. So that took up A TON of time. Finally, he explains he wants me to do this super elaborate role play, and after reminding him I don't really do those...and him insisting....I reluctantly agree...then he goes into it. I can't hear half of what he's saying because there's a terrible echo. Elaborate RP is all about a massage clinic and stuff. After he explains it, I step off cam to get lotion and I burst into tears.
I dunno wtf happened. I was scared, nervous...Idk. It was so weird. So I clean myself up and I'm like "Listen, dude. I'm so sorry. I can't do this, I feel horrible but I dunno if I can roleplay right now" etc etc. So he says "okay fine, that's ok, we'll do something else" and he proedes to give me another f'ing scenario. Which I'm ok with, and I start to try (because I'm fucking stupid) and right when it comes time for me to dirty talk, I burst into tears. Again. On cam. No hiding it.
FSFSALFSLFfack. I hate myself so hard right now. Anyway. At that point I apologized over and over and he had this shocked look on his face. I begged him not to add a mean comment about me, and signed off.
I can't believe I did that.
It was on SM- can I give this guy his money back? I feel like the worst person ever.
I'm sorry, I dunno why I'm posting this. It's not even a question, I just don't have anyone to talk to that would even begin to be able to understand.




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