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Thread: First post here, need some boyfriend guidence.

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    Default First post here, need some boyfriend guidence.

    Hi everyone! I've been lurking for a couple months, but the "search" tool has finally failed me and I need some some insight from some of you that have hopefully been in my shoes. I am not currently a camgirl, but am desperately wanting to give it a go. I have always been interested in pursuing something in the adult industry, just didn't know how to take the plunge. I'm 21 years old, and I have a serious boyfriend. We own a house and a landscaping business together. I handle the books for the business and during the busy season will go out and do the manual labor right along with him, but ideally I want to find my own "niche" that I will carry full time along with keeping the books for our business. The tricky part to all of this is that my boyfriend isn't sure if he's on board. We have had a couple open conversations about it, and he doesn't understand why I want to do it. He is under the impression that I am wanting to do this as a sexual outlet for myself, thinking that I will be getting turned on by this. That's not the case, but I do think it would give me some personal satisfaction, maybe a way to express a different side of myself? I can't describe it in a way that he "gets". What can I say that translates well in guys head? If anybody has any pointers or words of wisdom, I am all ears. This is something I truly want to try, and he is very supportive of me in all areas of life.. except for this one.

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    Featured Member kittykrane's Avatar
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    Default Re: First post here, need some boyfriend guidence.

    If it is going to put your relationship in jeopardy, don't do it.
    If he is willing to at least let you try, give it a shot, and go from there.
    But if it causes problems AND you value your relationship more, be prepared to stop.

    Some performers choose to be single so they don't have to put up with this. It is a VERY sensitive profession that many do not understand. We get called whores, sluts, etc. all the time, even though most of us would never meet these men in person, EVER....and believe me, you will get asked to do that a lot. My partner knows I am good at this and it is an outlet for me. If I do the occasional masturbation show, he is fine with it too. I consider myself very lucky that he is not insecure about it nor does he see me as a whore nor has he ever called me one out of anger. It takes a certain level of maturity to deal with a partner who cams. Sorry but most men don't have what it takes.
    Last edited by kittykrane; 11-11-2013 at 09:34 AM.


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  4. #3
    Member Adorra_Bella's Avatar
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    Default Re: First post here, need some boyfriend guidence.

    Ways to express this from a standpoint that men will understand....

    I want to make more money and I am so hot that guys will pay to look at me! Just think about all of the guys paying to see me and know that they will never get to touch me or have any of my attention when I am not working. I am all yours and you should be proud that you have such a hot girl friend. You can even watch while I perform. All these dumb guys will think I am performing for them, when in reality I am doing it just for you!

    You could also suggest couples camming, just to let him get a feel for what is going on, but if he is not up for solo he might not be interested in couples camming either.

    Most guys feel insecure about letting other guys see 'their girl' nude. It is a jealousy thing and can be seen as harsh as cheating. It can also bring up other problems. like "you get naked for guys and masturbate all the time, so I don't see a problem with me sexting this hot chick from "insert popular social media site". It can be a real relationship wrecker.

    I am lucky that my husband understands camming and will often hide out of view and fap to me while I perform lol. He will do things I find extremely sexy and I watch him instead of my custie. Helps the show be more genuine and has actually improved our sex life. He also understands I don't want to be watched all the time, especially with odd fetish stuff and will make himself disappear with a certain look. He doesn't get jealous and he is just as happy/disappointed when I make/don't make money. He encourages me to work, or take breaks when he is around, but he likes to be involved and would probably be a bit grumpy if he wasn't involved at least some of the time.

    Another thing you could do is let your bf read these posts. If he sees it is just a 'job' and that you won't turn into a hooker, prostitute, and nympho maniac (although he might like the last one), he might not be so worried.

    But bottom line, if he doesn't like it, and you want the relationship to last, don't do it.

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    Senior Member playboymegan's Avatar
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    Default Re: First post here, need some boyfriend guidence.

    There's not many jobs you have the possibility of making $100+ an hour. I would talk to him about the potential money. Where else can you get a job like this without a degree? You can't.
    Then maybe you can say something like, "you don't have to understand why I want to do it. You just have to be supportive of me, like I am with you." See where that goes.
    It sounds like he's not super opposed to it, but just confused. Let him know it's okay to be confused and that you're willing to answer any questions he has.
    Another thing you can do is go onto a more social site like MFC and watch the girls together. Show him that it's not all sexual. Maybe it will make him feel better.
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    Senior Member Katie Desire's Avatar
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    Default Re: First post here, need some boyfriend guidence.

    Has he watched any shows? I think SM is a lot tamer over all than MFC, maybe a good place to start viewing together?

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    Veteran Member MissQuirk's Avatar
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    Default Re: First post here, need some boyfriend guidence.

    When I started, my BF at the time wasn't on board either. We had been together for 3 years...we also have a son together.
    I explained that this was a way for me to make money without a job that I felt was stealing me away from my son. You don't want to be 'stolen' from your business, so this is a great compromise.

    I explained that, for me, there's nothing sexually arousing about putting on an act for money. That's exactly what I do. I'm an actress.

    Tell him that you posted here, tell him about the replies

    I can't tell you what to say, because I dunno how you feel about this job and I would hate to put words in your mouth, but~

    1. You make your own hours, if things are busy with your home life or business this won't get in the way.
    2. The money is good.
    3. You guys can make boundaries that make him more comfortable. Only fake orgasms? No penetration? I dunno what you guys do in the bedroom but keep some of it sacred between you two and it might make him feel more secure that you're keeping your sex life and your work separate.

    Good luck <3
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  10. #7
    God/dess kortneykay's Avatar
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    Default Re: First post here, need some boyfriend guidence.

    OP- The ladies have a LOT of great advice so I won't elaborate on that but I wanted to offer you advice from someone who is sort of in your profession.

    I own a vanilla business a lot like what you and your bf own. If you wish to stay in the landscaping business, be sure that when you decide to cam, understand the precautions.

    1. Protect your vanilla image. If you want to stay in business, this is very important
    2. Disguise yourself
    3. Be aware that your may be recorded and everything that goes on the internet, most likely will be available forever


    Should your bf hop on board with this, you need to keep your vanilla image safe. Perhaps purchasing a realistic wig, wearing your hair different, and contouring your make up will help; glasses and or colored contacts are great as well. The reason I mention this is because with social media being the way it is, and you being personally involved with your vanilla customers, you need to make sure the image of your company (if it's important to you) isn't tarnished. Because we never really know who's watching us, having a cam persona, and a vanilla persona is key. When you're working for the public, it's best to keep your business and cam very separate so you can save yourself from media backlash, blackmail, and sexual assault. The following is the worst case scenario but it's always good to be on the safe side.

    Things that can very well happen if you're not careful:

    Customer A (or even your coworkers) recognizes you from cam and tries to sexually assault you while you're on the job and tries to blackmail you if you don't comply with their wishes
    Customer B Has noticed you and told his wife. She no longer wants your business and spreads your adult info around town or to references
    Competition A has heard through the grapevine that you cam and is using their pure image to destroy your business. People start dropping you, slut shaming you, and it's all over the news, social media; your business tanks and now bf is furious and embarrassed

    If any of this should happen; deny, deny, deny! Also, once you decide to get out of camming, do a thorough search of any of your x-rated images/media and try and get them professionally removed if possible.

    Please do not let your curiosity for camming kill your healthy relationship. If your bf lets you try it out and is no longer comfortable with it, please stop! If you decide to pursue it anyway, the relationship could end very badly. Since you're in business with your bf, this can be even more devastating. If your bf isn't on board with this he could grow to resent you. My soon to be ex husband never did like it, but "let" me do it. The irony was that he was a SM customer for years before I even came across the site. Eventually, my camming led to even more emotional and verbal abuse. The emotional abuse was always there, but the verbal abuse piled on after I started camming. I've been personally called immoral, slutty, etc by the same man who hated camming, then, days later asked when I would go on. I won't say that my camming caused my relationship to go sour, but it definitely added fuel to the fire. Because of childhood sexual trauma, I will probably always crave the industry, but I admit that I pressed him to "let" me and it backfired in many ways. Alas, even if I didn't cam, at the end of the day, I still married an asshole.

    I do not work my vanilla job right now because I didn't want to mix the two, and I'm giving my business a face lift before relaunching. I will be camming for a few more months and will be heading into my vanilla business full time for good. Though there is a slim chance I will be recognized, I plan to hire and have limited to absolutely no "face time" with my customers. That being said, if push comes to shove and you're outed; be a silent partner/owner. Managers and office staff are great for this purpose! Think about this long and hard before deciding to cam. If your vanilla business is a career and your bread and butter; be wise. If anything should happen to it, you'll be taking food out of both you and bf's mouths and the business may not bounce back. Please protect your vanilla image. I wish you the best of luck!
    Last edited by kortneykay; 11-11-2013 at 08:45 PM.




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    Veteran Member MissQuirk's Avatar
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    Default Re: First post here, need some boyfriend guidence.

    ^^ that's amazing advice. I wish I could 'thank' multiple times. It's important to cam smart!

    Also- agreed. No amount of money is enough to ruin a good thing. If he super super doesn't like it, it might not be worth it. :S
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    Member ChainsawWhore's Avatar
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    Default Re: First post here, need some boyfriend guidence.

    I wish I had read that advice 18 months ago ^^. You can't protect your vanilla image enough.

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    Senior Member MissMorvahna's Avatar
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    Default Re: First post here, need some boyfriend guidence.

    Everyone above has stated it very well! My boyfriend does get jealous sometimes, and then once we get the paycheck, we always high five each other.

    One thing I always said to help ease him, is that hey these have to PAY just to see me. They'll never ever touch me or know me. All those dicks and orgasms are all $$$ to me.

    But sometimes the amount you earn will never be enough to keep them at ease. So don't do it then. Not worth ruining a relationship.

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  18. #11
    Senior Member MissMorvahna's Avatar
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    Default Re: First post here, need some boyfriend guidence.

    Everyone above has stated it very well! My boyfriend does get jealous sometimes, and then once we get the paycheck, we always high five each other.

    One thing I always said to help ease him, is that hey these have to PAY just to see me. They'll never ever touch me or know me. All those dicks and orgasms are all $$$ to me.

    But sometimes the amount you earn will never be enough to keep them at ease. So don't do it then. Not worth ruining a relationship.

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