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Thread: Staff asking you out, wtf?

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    Default Staff asking you out, wtf?

    I've only been dancing for 4 weeks, so I'm not quite sure how to handle this. There is this guy who works at my club (he does stage lighting and sound) and he must have a crush on me or something. He gave me his number and he keeps asking me to go to lunch or hiking with him. Now that'll never happen because
    1) He's soooo not my type.
    2) Never fuck in the factory or however that saying goes.
    3) It's creepy and stalkerish. I don't even want anyone there to know my real name.
    4) It's annoying because when he's talking to me I can't talk to customers and I'm losing out on $$.
    5) I'm not there to find a fucking boyfriend!

    Now, customers ask me out all the time and by now I've learned how to handle that, but this guy is starting to get on my nerves.
    He's there all the fucking time.
    Any advice?
    Last edited by Jamiexxx; 11-18-2013 at 09:40 PM.

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    Default Re: Staff asking you out, wtf?

    Report him for sexual harassment!

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    Senior Member dirtydiamond's Avatar
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    Default Re: Staff asking you out, wtf?

    Hi babe, one of the security guards at my club is very similar.
    Basically I've started ignoring him. Not in a rude way, I'll say hello as I walk past, or give a smile & a wave, but never stop to chat. I always make myself look very busy. If he comes up to chat with me it'll be "how's your week?" "yeah great, sorry I'd love to chat but I need to go talk to those customers over there"

    He's just started talking to me less & less as he's realizing I don't have time for him.

    That's the more indirect approach. Alternatively, if you see fit, you can always just straight up have a chat to him about how this is work & how you don't want to mix personal relationships at work. Really gently lol

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    Default Re: Staff asking you out, wtf?

    three things that you can try individually or all together:

    tell him your flattered but you're not interested. You've been burned by making friends at work and you're just there to work. I would also firmly say that you would appreciate it if he didn't hang around distracting you from work because it's giving the wrong impression to the clients and you're there for money. If he tried to come back and convince you he's worth a shot stay very firmly, "STOP! Don't you think I get this enough from the guys who are actually paying me for my time? I'm here to work, and you're here to work. I appreciate that you find me interesting but you're walking a very fine line at making this a hostile working environment for me. Please leave me alone." Then reiterate that whole conversation to the manager immediately in case the guy tries to make trouble.

    tell him you're already in a relationship/dating/married. some women write on here and they don't notice their earnings going down at all when wearing a wedding ring so something to consider.

    and, talk to the manager. tell him you're not comfortable with this guy always hanging around trying to talk to you since you're there to talk to the guys spending money and it's really putting a crimp in your hustle. I've never had to pull the sexual harassment card at a club before but I've had to sign a bunch of different contracts saying "If you feel you're getting sexually harassed, talk to X manager. If you feel that X manager isn't handling it correctly, then contact X supervisor. And finally, if you feel that this isn't be address properly, you can contact the X owner."

    *stolen from AutumnAmbrosia*

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    Default Re: Staff asking you out, wtf?

    Tell him simply and straight-up that you are not interested in dating someone from work. Say you have to go talk to the customers and walk away without looking back. Don't apologize, don't look hesitant about having the conversation - just state it matter-of-factly. If he continues to harass you, talk to the manager about it.
    Don't try to win over the haters. You are not the Jerk Whisperer.

    Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.






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    Default Re: Staff asking you out, wtf?

    Yeah he's kind of nerdy and probably a nice guy, so I don't think he's dangerous or anything. It's just really annoying.
    I think I'll just try ignoring him next time.
    Last time I tried that he got all butt hurt though, saying "Oh fine don't come and talk to me when I'm here!"
    Ugh.

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    Default Re: Staff asking you out, wtf?

    I have this problem in my club. When I was new I was nervous and always pleased to see a friendly face, so would stand around and chat for a bit to this one guy who worked there whenever it was quiet. It escalated quite quickly from casual chat to "be careful or I might just fall in love with you" type comments from him. I like him very much as a friend, but am totally not looking for a romance. (I'm married, for starters!) I didn't want to tell him outright I wasn't interested. I think in some weird way I felt guilty, like I'd led him on, even though that was so not my intention. I was just trying to be friendly!
    Anyway, I still say hello every time I see him, and sometimes stop for a very brief chat, but excuse myself quickly to talk to whoever I can - a regular, a potential customer, even the club furniture. I make myself seem very busy, and like I have a lot of people I need to say hello to. It's helped my money too, as I'm constantly talking to guys I previously would have considered 'no-hopers' so that I'm not stuck in an awkward situation talking to this guy!

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    Default Re: Staff asking you out, wtf?

    I should have said, he has totally backed off since I started doing that too. He'll make the odd flirty comment, but I'll just laugh and then immediately say "oh look, John is here, I must go and say hi" or something.
    It's getting better, he normally only talks to me now if I go over to say hi, whereas before he was actually following me round the club at one point!

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    Default Re: Staff asking you out, wtf?

    Quote Originally Posted by Jamiexxx View Post
    Yeah he's kind of nerdy and probably a nice guy, so I don't think he's dangerous or anything. It's just really annoying.
    I think I'll just try ignoring him next time.
    Last time I tried that he got all butt hurt though, saying "Oh fine don't come and talk to me when I'm here!"

    Ugh.
    Yeah but you never know..sometimes the ones you think are harmless..aren't. Good luck though, there's some great tips on here.


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    Default Re: Staff asking you out, wtf?

    ^nice guys do not whine and try to harass their coworkers. This person is not a nice guy and doesn't deserve your pity or to take your attention off work. Like other posters have said, tell him you're there to make money, have no interest in him as a friend or date, and speak to a manager if he continues.

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    Default Re: Staff asking you out, wtf?

    Ask him if he wants a lap dance! Your there to do your job if he wants your time, and your not interested like that, grab a few bucks and at the same time he will probably get the hint! This happened to me a couple times.

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    Default Re: Staff asking you out, wtf?

    Thank you so much ladies!
    PinkiePie are we talking about the same guy ?!?

    He started talking to me on a slow night and now he just won't go away. But all of you are absolutely right, I need to tell him straight up that I'm not interested.
    I guess I do feel kinda guilty doing that because up until now I've been friendly with him. I'm still way too nice...

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    Default Re: Staff asking you out, wtf?

    how abought just no .... not intrested .... wtf ever happened to no....

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    Default Re: Staff asking you out, wtf?

    Feel for you, I had this too in my last club.This guy it turns out, asked ALL the girls out. I did the 'No not interested in seeing someone Iwork with' thing even though what I wanted so say was 'No you're a creepy ugly old pervy git' ..... :p

    I don't know-I don't think it's the done thing to ask dancers out that you work with but it does happen and some girls are okay with it,I've known girls date managers and staff a lot... so I get why guys do it.
    Tell him,it's the nicest way to handle it. Hopefully he'll be okay with you afterwards if he's a nice guy.
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    Default Re: Staff asking you out, wtf?

    Quote Originally Posted by Poletastic View Post
    Ask him if he wants a lap dance! Your there to do your job if he wants your time, and your not interested like that, grab a few bucks and at the same time he will probably get the hint! This happened to me a couple times.
    I strongly advise against this, as it could backfire by blurring the lines even more. Whether he is compensating the OP w/ $$, or in sm other manner, the obvious physical intimacy of lapdances (by this I mean proximity) may encourage him, rather than turn him off. Besides, it just really looks unprofessional of both dancer & staff member IMO.

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    Default Re: Staff asking you out, wtf?

    A few years ago I would have felt bad for the guy too. But you know, this happened to me again recently and I just told the guy look I'm here to do a job, you're here to do a job I would appreciate it if we could keep this work environment professional and courteous and free of sexual innuendo I get enough of that out there from customers. I pay to work I definitely don't deserve to have staff members making me uncomfortable and you don't either!

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    Default Re: Staff asking you out, wtf?

    Yeah I'm def not going to give him a dance. He's just going to think I like him even more. It's just weird to switch gears now from friendly chatting to fuck off leave me alone.

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    Default Re: Staff asking you out, wtf?

    If you have professional management this should never happen or happen again.. if you don't you're kinda f'd!

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    Default Re: Staff asking you out, wtf?

    Quote Originally Posted by BANHammerGoddess View Post
    tell him you're already in a relationship/dating/married.
    ^This. Unless he is a complete creep, telling him you have a boyfriend should see him take a step back. It's an easy way to let him down.
    “Give a girl the right shoes and she can conquer the world” -Marilyn Monroe

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    Default Re: Staff asking you out, wtf?

    So annoying that most guys work in a strip club to get laid. I dated someone on e BEFORE I worked at the same club and he didn't handle it very well. Guys = poo. I'm going to be stuck on girls until someone's wiling to marry me.

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