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Thread: Im terrified of homless people.

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    Default Im terrified of homless people.

    Im moving downtown in the spring.
    I got a highrise in the city of Dallas, And its always been my dream. Im from a tiny town, and several large suburbs that are upper middle class.
    I have a kind heart, and every time i encounter a homeless man/woman (for some reason i have more compassion for older gentlemen) i give them all the spare money i have, but end up hurting the rest of the day for them,
    Ive been told all the basic things "Theyve got themselves there" and ''Just dont look at them" but i cant help it.
    What would be the appropriate amount to give if encountered?
    I know i sound dramatic, but if youve ever lived in a small town you know they talk about the city as if they are all beasts looking for
    prey.

    Any tips from anyone whos lived in a huge city where you get to places by walking and had to encounter things like this?
    And tips as far as protection (Ill be living with my husband, but i dont want to fear going to a sandwhich stop by myself.)
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    Default Re: Im terrified of homless people.

    They are going to spend it on drugs. They could get help from any number of shelters/government programs if they really wanted it, but they don't because they are addicts. Also, panhandling is illegal without a permit, and they make retarded amounts of money. Especially in Dallas!

    Whenever I get stopped by a beggar I tell them "I'm sorry but I just carry credit cards!"

    In Dallas, join the club and carry a concealed weapon like everyone else. Like *EVERYONE* else.
    Yes, I'm real.

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    Default Re: Im terrified of homless people.

    I just got a gun permit, and am getting one before i move.
    I do only carry credit, Last time i was stopped the man started screaming at me because i didnt give him anything.
    He was either high or alittle off.
    It really shook me, Not like its never happened to me before, but because i would be living in the middle of it.
    Im not gullible, I know it will most likley go on addictions of all kinds. Its kind of my fear of hurting someone, or them getting mad
    and retaliating. I once gave a dollar to a man coming out of burger king with 3 bags of food, who said he needed it. (that was the night i decided to make a change!)
    I often think of government help and wonder why they havnt tried to get on it. It does ease my mind after ive encountered someone asking for money.
    Setting here thinking about it, Its really only the older men who pull my heart strings.
    I dont know if its because of my father, whos worked hard his whole life but still barley made it to middle class. I feel like if he had to ask for help, i would want someone to be nice enough to help.
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    Default Re: Im terrified of homless people.

    ^^^^ I've done this, getting them a couple bucks worth of a meal. Seriously, don't even look at these ppl if you don't want to risk them approaching you. I agree w/ your reasoning, don't get me wrong, for all of our headbutting Ilove my father & would want sm1 to help him if he needed it, & I always kinda think of karma getting back at me for saying no; but they will pick up on your soft-heartedness, & like any other stranger, you don't know what kind of person it is getting up in your space w/ their hands out. Eyes forward, ignore them if they call to you.

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    Default Re: Im terrified of homless people.

    There are some crazy people who will go off on you if you ignore them or don't help them (I always use the "I don't carry cash" thing when I don't wanna give someone anything), but for the most part, remember - they are used to the majority of people not helping them. Think about how many people in a big city walk past them every day and totally ignore them. They aren't going to hold a grudge specifically against you. Really, you don't even need to make up some excuse like the cash thing. Just say "Sorry" and walk away with your eyes forward. In the beginning, you might get approached more because you are looking at them and give off an aura of someone "weak" who will cave and give them money, but over time, living in a city with a large homeless population will toughen you up to a point where you learn how to ignore them like everyone else.

    If you really feel compelled to give to someone, keep a few singles in a separate part of your purse than your wallet (so they don't see how much you actually have) and just hand out a dollar to the first few people you come across. When you're out, you're done. I try not to completely ignore the homeless problem in my own city either - these people have issues. But you can't save them, and giving everyone a couple bucks isn't going to do anything in the long-run except make you run out of cash faster.
    Don't try to win over the haters. You are not the Jerk Whisperer.

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    Default Re: Im terrified of homless people.

    You just get used to it. There's so many in California that it doesn't phase me and never has. Also, don't ever go to San Francisco while you have this phobia lol

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    Default Re: Im terrified of homless people.

    Some of the "homeless" make $200+ per day. No income taxes. No social security. They may not be homeless.

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    Default Re: Im terrified of homless people.

    Quote Originally Posted by BuffyFlame View Post
    Im moving downtown in the spring.
    I got a highrise in the city of Dallas, And its always been my dream. Im from a tiny town, and several large suburbs that are upper middle class.
    I have a kind heart, and every time i encounter a homeless man/woman (for some reason i have more compassion for older gentlemen) i give them all the spare money i have, but end up hurting the rest of the day for them,
    Ive been told all the basic things "Theyve got themselves there" and ''Just dont look at them" but i cant help it.
    What would be the appropriate amount to give if encountered?
    I know i sound dramatic, but if youve ever lived in a small town you know they talk about the city as if they are all beasts looking for
    prey.

    Any tips from anyone whos lived in a huge city where you get to places by walking and had to encounter things like this?
    And tips as far as protection (Ill be living with my husband, but i dont want to fear going to a sandwhich stop by myself.)

    I don't understand why you would feel "terrified".

    I have always lived in large cities and currently reside in NYC. Sometimes I give money, sometimes I don't.

    The fact is that roughly 1/3rd of homeless folks are mentally ill. So yeah, wacky things could happen. I remember being maybe 10 years old and walking down the street with my mom. There was a homeless lady asking for money. My mom gave her a quarter and she threw the quarter (full force) at my mom and me while screaming about how she wanted a dollar. *shrug*

    Some seemingly homeless people are scammers... straight up...

    There is this... https://www.stripperweb.com/forum/sh...ke-Beggar-Lady
    And this: http://nypost.com/2011/12/04/none-in...#ixzz1mND4G57J

    I am NOT trying to vilify the homeless. I am just explaining why I'm wary of giving money every time someone asks. There is no way to know what's what and who's who.

    The truth of the matter is that you needn't worry about safety or feel OBLIGATED to give them the cash you have. All you need to say is "Sorry, no" if anyone asks you for something. That's it. "Sorry, no." The end. Walk on. Period.

    But it is YOUR money, so I cannot tell you what to do. If you feel obligated to give a homeless person some money give your loose change or a dollar. They'll say "God bless..." and go on to the next person up the block.

    If you feel bad for the homeless, you could volunteer at a shelter or give to established charities that work with homeless folks. There are a lot of homeless folks now because of the fukkt up economy...some people work 2 jobs and live on the streets... http://gothamist.com/2013/09/18/the_...ion_homele.php

    I'd never say that REAL homeless people are "beasts looking for prey". They are normal people who are down on their luck and they are just trying to survive.
    Quote Originally Posted by Jay12 View Post
    ^What Sophia said.
    Quote Originally Posted by yoda57us View Post
    I wish there was an "auto-like" setting that I could just have applied to all of your posts Sophia....

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    Default Re: Im terrified of homless people.

    When I worked in downtown Chicago or attended college there I encountered them all the time. When I was younger sometimes I gave money because I felt sorry for them but realized many were scammers. Many aren't homeless at all, but doing it to make lots of money because people feel sorry for them. Others are in drugs. When I was a senior in college my class (it was a senior class you took last semester)decided for our community project would make sandwiches for these "homeless"". Very few took the sandwiches. I declined to participate in this project as I felt it was not helping. Instead I donated money and food to the actual homeless shelter that was down the street from school.

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    Default Re: Im terrified of homless people.

    I live in a large city and pretty frequently give the homeless money. Most of the time to the elderly, or visibly disabled. Usually theyre sweet and very grateful.
    I have seen some of them freak out when person after person passes by without giving them money. I saw a guy a few days ago throw his bicycle into moving traffic.

    I know some of them are professional scam artists, but not all. Everyone has a story. Im sure we cant even imagine some of the things some of the homeless have been through, and how they ended up on the streets.

    Im not super religious, but I am spiritual, and definitely believe in karma!

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    Default Re: Im terrified of homless people.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sophia_Starina View Post
    I don't understand why you would feel "terrified".

    I have always lived in large cities and currently reside in NYC. Sometimes I give money, sometimes I don't.

    The fact is that roughly 1/3rd of homeless folks are mentally ill. So yeah, wacky things could happen. I remember being maybe 10 years old and walking down the street with my mom. There was a homeless lady asking for money. My mom gave her a quarter and she threw the quarter (full force) at my mom and me while screaming about how she wanted a dollar. *shrug*

    Some seemingly homeless people are scammers... straight up...

    There is this...
    And this:

    I am NOT trying to vilify the homeless. I am just explaining why I'm wary of giving money every time someone asks. There is no way to know what's what and who's who.

    The truth of the matter is that you needn't worry about safety or feel OBLIGATED to give them the cash you have. All you need to say is "Sorry, no" if anyone asks you for something. That's it. "Sorry, no." The end. Walk on. Period.

    But it is YOUR money, so I cannot tell you what to do. If you feel obligated to give a homeless person some money give your loose change or a dollar. They'll say "God bless..." and go on to the next person up the block.

    If you feel bad for the homeless, you could volunteer at a shelter or give to established charities that work with homeless folks. There are a lot of homeless folks now because of the fukkt up economy...some people work 2 jobs and live on the streets...

    I'd never say that REAL homeless people are "beasts looking for prey". They are normal people who are down on their luck and they are just trying to survive.
    I agree with that. In San Francisco, a lot of them choose to be homeless because they want that lifestyle. New age hippies.

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    Default Re: Im terrified of homless people.

    I feel ya, but as someone who lives in a big ass city, you get used to the city mentality really fast! Im from a small town too. If you don't want the homeless to approach you at all, don't look at them. If they say something to you just smile and keep walking. I've never had a problem and I've walked in all parts of town during all hours of the day. If you really want to give them money make sure you have change ready to go. Never stop and dig around in your bag for money. They could grab your wallet and run away and you'll be so stressed out if there was lots of money in there or all of your IDs. Not worth it! Remember, look out for yourself first!
    As for protection, living with a man is awesome. I wouldn't worry about your safety in public areas during the day like getting food or shopping. It's really not that scary, I promise! That being said, be aware of your surroundings, don't be naive (don't help anyone carry their shopping to their car or anything like that) and carry a weapon if you want (know how to use it).
    It's ok to be selfish! Your safety comes first! You definitely don't need to be paranoid but remember that people are out there looking out for themselves, so don't be too trusting.

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    Default Re: Im terrified of homless people.

    Quote Originally Posted by GlamourRouge View Post
    You just get used to it. There's so many in California that it doesn't phase me and never has. Also, don't ever go to San Francisco while you have this phobia lol
    In San Francisco, I found that the homeless people are less of a problem than in my hometown of Fresno,CA. In Fresno, homeless men try to hustle you out of even a penny while telling you their sob story. San Francisco...they are harmless if you say " I do not give men any money." In Fresno, they will call you all types of bitches, whores, and sluts if you do not give them money, food, or clothes. The homeless problem in California has really gotten really bad over the years but I do not allow those people to stop me enjoyment of California.

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    Default Re: Im terrified of homless people.

    My first trip to the city (Downtown, My home city isnt exactly small at 100 thousand people, but VERY sheltered, not 1 homeless person seen) Anyways, my first trip was to the local hospital downtown to visit my brother who was in a car wreck. There where maybe 100+ homeless living around the hospital, and it was the middle of winter.
    When we walked in, we where fallowed in by 3 homeless men trying to escape the cold. They where Very quickly chased out by guards. Inside my family and i ate at the cafeteria, and got some extra to take outside to the men who tried to fallow us in. Upon walking out there was ambulances and police everywhere. One of the men had jumped into oncoming traffic to avoid the winter cold. It scared me, bad. I couldnt sleep for 2 weeks. It didnt help that the next week my mom said that on her visit, a police had shot a homeless man in the eye with a tazor and it completely destroyed it. (I wrote my experience on here as it still bothered me years later.)


    Thank you, Everyone. It really helped. I know its common since, But it helps knowing that others are going threw it too. Or living threw it. I mean, you know everyone is but its rarely ever spoken about. The etiquette of encountering the less fortunate that is.
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    Default Re: Im terrified of homless people.

    well I live in Dallas, and honestly there arent that many homeless right downtown. I used to live in a small city and it seemed like there were more there even. OK flint, mi but still... anyhow. Homeless people either are mentally ill old have drug problems or are scammers. I try to have compassion since my brother is schizophrenic, and if he didnt have my family. would probably be homeless. Back to Dallas, I walk alone, or ride a bike, without being harassed. I usually don't give money since I'm pretty broke. M e and a friend back home used to give coupon s to the hobos when burger king had the free fries. anyhow, Id suggest volunteering with your man to face your fears. and as far as getting around, carry mace. and keep to your self, dont respond to cat-calls, etc.

    edit: its pretty sick that there aren't any homeless shelters here in dalllas with all these huge mega churches surrounding and million dollar homes. I mean, bunch of hypocrites if you ask me. srry to get off topic, just been here 1 month and getting used t o the south

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    Default Re: Im terrified of homless people.

    Yes it is really sad! There are several women shelters, but not allot for the sick men, or older men. Thats why you never see to many women panhandling. Which is a blessing in some cases, but a downfall in many.
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    Default Re: Im terrified of homless people.

    I have no real advice on getting over your fear of homeless people. I live in a very large city and always have so I am used to them.

    If you want to help them give to a local shelter or outreach organization.
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    Default Re: Im terrified of homless people.

    I actually do, i donate money every month to a few shelters. Well one shelter and a few animal help programs.
    Im not "Scared" of homeless people.. But more so, the effect they will have on me mentally. Seeing them, It makes me sad.
    I understand its something that i will slowly get over, and im going to do my best to not give in unless they are old or disabled!
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    Default Re: Im terrified of homless people.

    About one third of the homeless have a substance abuse issue so I'm always worried about giving cash. I buy large bottles Voss water )keep them in my car) and give those out. They are about $2.50 each and in a glass bottle, this way they can reuse it without the worry of phthalates.

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    Default Re: Im terrified of homless people.

    Quote Originally Posted by GlamourRouge View Post
    I agree with that. In San Francisco, a lot of them choose to be homeless because they want that lifestyle. New age hippies.
    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
    I debated between posting my story here, or in Sophia's recently bumped 2012 thread. Here goes, my story:

    My approach to panhandlers has been the "keep walking, eyes straight ahead" approach that many posters here have adopted. I don't live downtown, but in many suburban areas near downtown, you'll see the inevitable camper at these 2-4 minute stoplights near busy intersections, or freeway exit ramps. Two things struck me about these scenes: 1) The guy has enough coin to afford a magic marker for his "hard luck tale". 2) I've never seen a panhandler arrive at or leave from these strategic spots. So I don't know how they got there. For all I know, they parked their late model car nearby.

    An incident on a vacation a few years back only served to reinforce my basic approach. Early AM- I'd bought some new running shoes "on sale"a few days ago, and donated my old pair to a Salvation Army (or equivalent) drop off point. They weren't quite broken in, and I was feeling a bit lazy, so I took a walk instead of customary jog. The parking lots nearby weren't busy yet, so I just went though them picking up loose change. At a busy intersection, I spotted a panhandler, holding up his cardboard life story. I hit the lots near all 4 corners. Over the course of 30 minutes, I picked up nearly a dollar in loose change. During my glances at intersection, I never noticed anybody giving him change. I momentarily had similar thoughts/rationalizations of some posters- like, "the guy probably needs loose change more than I do", etc, etc.

    Then, I thought "WTF"!!?? If he'd chosen to walk the parking lots instead of camping out at intersection, cup in hand, he could have been the guy with that loose change. So....... give to legitimate charities when you can, don't give away money that you earned to dubious individuals.
    Last edited by minnow; 11-23-2013 at 09:11 AM. Reason: reword
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    Default Re: Im terrified of homless people.

    Most are mentally ill and they are the sad legacy of deinstitutionalization and a lack of funding. Most of the time they are the victims.

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    Default Re: Im terrified of homless people.

    There is one that always strategically stands in front of the Hustler strip club that I go to, where security can't shew him away and he is between the public parking lot.

    I always have to make sure I have a few singles for him because of his mentally ill psychotic appearance. I'm pretty sure he gets welfare, and has a drug and alcohol addiction, but I think of it as just one less dollar under a bra strap what could it hurt.

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    Default Re: Im terrified of homless people.

    Here is an interesting article. Most although not all “homeless” are harmless. That does not mean everyone you meet is.

    http://www.ar15.com/forums/t_1_5/1285487_.html

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    Default Re: Im terrified of homless people.

    One guy was holding up a sign that said "Why lie? I need a beer?" I gave him $40 for his honesty. Minus that I don't pay them any mind. There is a ton in Abq, but not in the Philly burbs where I am now.
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    Default Re: Im terrified of homless people.

    Some of the comments on this thread make me cringe. Put yourself in someone else's shoes for a minute...There are lots of people who are homeless and do not appear that way. Heck some of them could be your co-workers. People are homeless for different reasons- some lost their homes and jobs due to the economy, others are up to their eyeballs in debt, don't want to burden family members, and yes some even have addictions and mental health problems. I know that I personally have come across many dancers who are homeless- they don't keep a fixed address and reside in motels attached to whatever dive club they are working at that week. Some people live that way by choice or situation (ie having money, but not good credit/references for an apartment), and others choose to spend every dollar they make at the club on booze and parties.

    I was homeless at one time due to an eviction I had for "noise". I was living in an apartment for over 2 yrs with no complaints. A couple moved in across the hall from me and one night I had to call the police on them because I thought the guy was going to kill the girl, the fight was that bad. A few weeks later he was out of jail and back with her and they decided I was enemy #1 and started making bogus accusations against me to the landlord. I fought 2 eviction notices (2 separate complaints by the same people) and won in court. By the time the third one came I was so sick of the harassment that I gave up. I know the landlord was siding with them because I had a feeling he wanted to raise the rent in my unit beyond the legal limit. that And I was so tired of the landlord screaming in my face calling me every name in the book despite the fact that I was always paid either on time or months ahead. He once got angry with me and started calling me cunt, whore,etc after I would not let him in my unit without 24 hrs notice. I gave up and moved out. I had nowhere to go as I knew he would not give me a reference for a new apartment and I was 19 at the time. I had cash in hand but every perspective landlord I talked to wanted to see a reference and/or credit (my credit was bad as I was studying on a loan). I offered 4 months up front and still not one landlord would touch me. So I packed up and moved in to my car...for 4 months I stayed in seedy strip club motels that I worked at and even ended up 2 time zones away from home sleeping with a friend I had met at a dog training seminar only 1 yr prior (in other words I did not know him very well). I came back to my university town in September and within 2 weeks found a room to rent. So yeah that was my 'bout with homelessness. I never panhandled or appeared to be homeless. I don't drink or do drugs- never did. I always made sure my clothes and teeth were clean, I was showered, and my dog was fed. I kept a gym membership (mainly to shower) and a Costco membership so I could stock up on cheap dog food. I had a new car at the time and always had gas in it. I did sleep in the car a few nights.

    I don't give money to panhandlers unless I feel they are doing something productive- like playing music or something like that. I feel as though it's important when you are homeless to be doing something productive with your time and that should include work of some sort. I don't agree with supporting drug habits or drinking. If anything I donate to my local food bank or soup kitchen.



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