Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 25 of 48

Thread: I think my boyfriend of 3 years is dragging his feet on moving in with me (LONG)

  1. #1
    Featured Member
    Joined
    Jul 2008
    Posts
    992
    Thanks
    1,356
    Thanked 430 Times in 253 Posts

    Default I think my boyfriend of 3 years is dragging his feet on moving in with me (LONG)

    deleted
    Last edited by Nuclear Martini; 01-20-2022 at 05:04 AM.

  2. The Following User Says Thank You to Nuclear Martini For This Useful Post:


  3. #2
    Banned Aniela's Avatar
    Joined
    Jun 2009
    Location
    KW
    Posts
    3,291
    Thanks
    6,920
    Thanked 5,854 Times in 2,242 Posts
    My Mood
    Cynical

    Default Re: I think my boyfriend of 3 years is dragging his feet on moving in with me (LONG)

    Is there a way to compromise on the choice between neighbourhoods? Since it sounds like you will be in school for sm time yet, & not only is it less expensive, it sounds like your preference would be the more practical one esp since lower rents should = more $$ put aside for savings & whatnot. This is my immediate thought upon reading your post. Once you are approaching the end of your class time, you guys can have a talk abt moving to his preference if he is still unhappy there.

    As to the actual commitment business, I am in a very sticky spot myself re: commitment, so I honestly don't know what to tell you. I do agree w/ needing to know, either way -- I actually told mine ystrday, that whatever direction it is he wants to go, he needs to do it or get off the pot b/c I can't deal w/ his hot&cold behaviour anymore. I hope that your guy comes around soon, hon

  4. #3
    God/dess rickdugan's Avatar
    Joined
    Apr 2010
    Location
    NYC
    Posts
    4,570
    Thanks
    4,406
    Thanked 7,481 Times in 2,715 Posts
    My Mood
    Amused

    Default Re: I think my boyfriend of 3 years is dragging his feet on moving in with me (LONG)

    Honestly Nuclear, I'm not really sure what to say anymore. Given the light responses so far to this thread, I suspect that others are in the same boat. You've posted several threads about your issues with him and I'm frankly scratching my head about why he is still in the picture at all.

    In a nutshell, he is an unmotivated 27 year old security guard who lives with his parents and has not been there for you when you have needed him most, time and again. He has been keeping you at arms length for most of your relationship, clearly preferring his time with his townie buddies and his video games to building anything meaningful, either for his work life or with you.

    But yet you let him continue to mess you up, over and over. Obviously you love him, but I just don't see what he will ever be for you other than a source of pain and anger. There is a term for men like that, and it is "man-child." Other applicable terms include "dead weight" and "waste of oxygen."

    I don't mean to sound remotely harsh in saying all of this. As always, I am rooting for you here. But you just cannot make a person more than he is or make him love you more than he does. If this is all he can be for you, then IMHO it is long past time to take your smart, talented and sexy self over to someone who will appreciate it more and who has more to offer.

    In any event, good luck as you work through all of this and feel better.

  5. The Following 8 Users Say Thank You to rickdugan For This Useful Post:


  6. #4
    Veteran Member ~*SwanPrincess*~'s Avatar
    Joined
    Apr 2013
    Location
    Texas
    Posts
    575
    Thanks
    2,471
    Thanked 1,062 Times in 389 Posts

    Default Re: I think my boyfriend of 3 years is dragging his feet on moving in with me (LONG)

    Why does he live with his parents at age 27? Unless there is a REALLY good reason behind it, thats usually not good.
    If his desire to pick a neighborhood is based on where his friends live, over practical reasons that would benefit BOTH of you, that's not good either. That's selfish.

    You sound responsible and like youve got your act together. Based on the stuff youve said about him, it sounds like he might not be an equal match for you. Maybe its time to move on and find someone more on your level.

    Good luck though, I hope you can figure stuff out!

  7. The Following User Says Thank You to ~*SwanPrincess*~ For This Useful Post:


  8. #5
    God/dess audritwo's Avatar
    Joined
    Jan 2013
    Location
    10.0.0.1
    Posts
    4,582
    Thanks
    5,702
    Thanked 19,566 Times in 3,647 Posts
    My Mood
    Cynical

    Default Re: I think my boyfriend of 3 years is dragging his feet on moving in with me (LONG)

    Maybe he is scared of leaving his mommy?
    I know that sounds patronizing, but I do not mean it like that at all. Some men a real momma's boys.

    He obviously being selfish because he isn't being practical on the location.


    I think he is dragging his feet, and trying to get you to say "fuck it."

    I say you just confront to socks off this boy. Tell him he needs to be practical and remind him of YOUR deadline.
    When a couple moves in together, they usually do and make a game plan pronto.





    Quote Originally Posted by Miss_Red View Post
    Audritwo's asshole sees all, knows all. Spurs on armies of orcs. Casts fear into the dwindling races of Middle-Earth. Fears hobbits.

  9. The Following User Says Thank You to audritwo For This Useful Post:


  10. #6
    Banned
    Joined
    May 2013
    Posts
    122
    Thanks
    12
    Thanked 47 Times in 31 Posts

    Default Re: I think my boyfriend of 3 years is dragging his feet on moving in with me (LONG)

    I think you all are judging the man too harshly.

    For most guys, their freedom is very important to them.

    Even if we REALLY like a girl, it is a big thing to set up a home with her. Based on what you wrote about being childhood sweethearts, this relationship must really be special, he must really like you. But still it will be a big step for him.

    There is something about when a girl wants to have exclusivity, gets mad when we are not spending enough time, wants to live together etc. that feels a bit off putting, even if we really like her. Because it means we have to sacrifice a bit of our freedom. It doesn't mean we don't care.

    As you are childhood sweethearts, it's not really worth throwing away just based on some advice from the internet. So think carefully about that.

    You mentioned that he wants to be close to his friends. Again nothing unusual about that. But if his friends are all single, then he will have to put up with them talking about all the different girls that they are banging. And he'll obviously get jealous. So he'll be split between wanting to do what they're doing, and wanting to commit to you.

    And you certainly don't want a guy to think that you are trying to seperate him from his friends.

    As for him being a mommys boy. That's actually normal for guys. Our mum spent all that time and effort caring for us, that we want to do the same.

    !TheOne

  11. #7
    Veteran Member starlily's Avatar
    Joined
    May 2013
    Posts
    218
    Thanks
    677
    Thanked 791 Times in 165 Posts
    My Mood
    Buzzed

    Default Re: I think my boyfriend of 3 years is dragging his feet on moving in with me (LONG)

    Quote Originally Posted by !TheOne View Post
    But if his friends are all single, then he will have to put up with them talking about all the different girls that they are banging. And he'll obviously get jealous. So he'll be split between wanting to do what they're doing, and wanting to commit to you.
    So you're saying that she should stay with this guy even if he can't decide between her and banging a bunch of randos? lmbo, get real.
    Boyfriend is a man-child, you are a man-child, OP deserves better. the end.

  12. The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to starlily For This Useful Post:


  13. #8
    Veteran Member cairalis's Avatar
    Joined
    Oct 2009
    Location
    London, UK
    Posts
    367
    Thanks
    251
    Thanked 362 Times in 126 Posts

    Default Re: I think my boyfriend of 3 years is dragging his feet on moving in with me (LONG)

    If we really want something most of us will make it happen...having that said...if he has never lived away from home at the age of 27, I believe he needs a good push and some encouragement, obviously he wont just get up and do it. If he really doesnt want to live in the neighbourhood where you want to live I guess that wont help.

  14. #9
    God/dess audritwo's Avatar
    Joined
    Jan 2013
    Location
    10.0.0.1
    Posts
    4,582
    Thanks
    5,702
    Thanked 19,566 Times in 3,647 Posts
    My Mood
    Cynical

    Default Re: I think my boyfriend of 3 years is dragging his feet on moving in with me (LONG)

    Quote Originally Posted by !TheOne View Post
    As for him being a mommys boy. That's actually normal for guys. Our mum spent all that time and effort caring for us, that we want to do the same.
    So mothers care more about their sons then their daughters?





    Quote Originally Posted by Miss_Red View Post
    Audritwo's asshole sees all, knows all. Spurs on armies of orcs. Casts fear into the dwindling races of Middle-Earth. Fears hobbits.

  15. #10
    God/dess simone87's Avatar
    Joined
    Feb 2012
    Location
    New England
    Posts
    5,171
    Thanks
    7,361
    Thanked 9,469 Times in 3,228 Posts
    My Mood
    Cheeky

    Default Re: I think my boyfriend of 3 years is dragging his feet on moving in with me (LONG)

    Quote Originally Posted by !TheOne View Post

    For most guys, their freedom is very important to them.
    then why is he still living with mommy??

    i'm sorry but a devoted man shouldn't be "jealous" that his friends can bang random chicks if he's in a relationship..that's not healthy, normal, or ok.

    i don't think she's trying to seperate him from his friends..she's trying to be an adult and figure out which place would be most convenient for both of them financially!!!
    my advice..if a guy wants to take the next step, you'll know. this guy obviously does not

  16. The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to simone87 For This Useful Post:


  17. #11
    Veteran Member
    Joined
    May 2013
    Location
    Sverige!
    Posts
    651
    Thanks
    717
    Thanked 1,219 Times in 431 Posts

    Default Re: I think my boyfriend of 3 years is dragging his feet on moving in with me (LONG)

    Quote Originally Posted by simone87 View Post
    then why is he still living with mommy??

    i'm sorry but a devoted man shouldn't be "jealous" that his friends can bang random chicks if he's in a relationship..that's not healthy, normal, or ok.

    i don't think she's trying to seperate him from his friends..she's trying to be an adult and figure out which place would be most convenient for both of them financially!!!
    my advice..if a guy wants to take the next step, you'll know. this guy obviously does not
    It is very true. My husband is the one who initiated all of the progress in our relationship. It feels much better this way.

  18. #12
    Veteran Member
    Joined
    May 2013
    Location
    Sverige!
    Posts
    651
    Thanks
    717
    Thanked 1,219 Times in 431 Posts

    Default Re: I think my boyfriend of 3 years is dragging his feet on moving in with me (LONG)

    duplicate post.

  19. #13
    God/dess
    Joined
    Oct 2005
    Posts
    6,948
    Thanks
    2,845
    Thanked 5,526 Times in 3,113 Posts
    My Mood
    Angelic

    Default Re: I think my boyfriend of 3 years is dragging his feet on moving in with me (LONG)

    Quote Originally Posted by rickdugan View Post
    Honestly Nuclear, I'm not really sure what to say anymore. Given the light responses so far to this thread, I suspect that others are in the same boat. You've posted several threads about your issues with him and I'm frankly scratching my head about why he is still in the picture at all.

    In a nutshell, he is an unmotivated 27 year old security guard who lives with his parents and has not been there for you when you have needed him most, time and again. He has been keeping you at arms length for most of your relationship, clearly preferring his time with his townie buddies and his video games to building anything meaningful, either for his work life or with you.

    But yet you let him continue to mess you up, over and over. Obviously you love him, but I just don't see what he will ever be for you other than a source of pain and anger. There is a term for men like that, and it is "man-child." Other applicable terms include "dead weight" and "waste of oxygen."

    I don't mean to sound remotely harsh in saying all of this. As always, I am rooting for you here. But you just cannot make a person more than he is or make him love you more than he does. If this is all he can be for you, then IMHO it is long past time to take your smart, talented and sexy self over to someone who will appreciate it more and who has more to offer.

    In any event, good luck as you work through all of this and feel better.
    Why do you want this character to live with you in the first place. When you finally realize he isn't much, now much trouble will it be to get rid of him?

  20. #14
    God/dess Trem's Avatar
    Joined
    Jul 2006
    Posts
    2,958
    Thanks
    1,714
    Thanked 3,253 Times in 1,343 Posts
    My Mood
    Angelic

    Default Re: I think my boyfriend of 3 years is dragging his feet on moving in with me (LONG)

    Didn't you have a thread about this guy once before? it doesn't sound like things have improved at all.
    "Well done. Here are the test results: You are a horrible person. I'm serious, that's what it says: 'A horrible person.' We weren't even testing for that."

  21. #15
    Banned
    Joined
    May 2013
    Posts
    122
    Thanks
    12
    Thanked 47 Times in 31 Posts

    Default Re: I think my boyfriend of 3 years is dragging his feet on moving in with me (LONG)

    Quote Originally Posted by starlily View Post
    So you're saying that she should stay with this guy even if he can't decide between her and banging a bunch of randos? lmbo, get real.
    Boyfriend is a man-child, you are a man-child, OP deserves better. the end.
    I just think it's sad to break up with your childhood sweetheart, I mean how many people are together with their childhood sweetheart? It's something special, so it's something to think carefully about.

    But you shouldn't pressurise a guy. That will make him resentful when he does move in with you.

    TheOne

  22. #16
    Banned Aniela's Avatar
    Joined
    Jun 2009
    Location
    KW
    Posts
    3,291
    Thanks
    6,920
    Thanked 5,854 Times in 2,242 Posts
    My Mood
    Cynical

    Default Re: I think my boyfriend of 3 years is dragging his feet on moving in with me (LONG)

    Quote Originally Posted by !TheOne View Post
    I just think it's sad to break up with your childhood sweetheart, I mean how many people are together with their childhood sweetheart? It's something special, so it's something to think carefully about.

    But you shouldn't pressurise a guy. That will make him resentful when he does move in with you.

    TheOne
    Point is, she's got a bit more at stake here than just a slightly inconvenient across-town location from her mates. The bf needs to shit or get off the pot. That they have been together for so long is smtg special, yes, but why should she be the only one who should consider that?

  23. #17
    Veteran Member starlily's Avatar
    Joined
    May 2013
    Posts
    218
    Thanks
    677
    Thanked 791 Times in 165 Posts
    My Mood
    Buzzed

    Default Re: I think my boyfriend of 3 years is dragging his feet on moving in with me (LONG)

    Quote Originally Posted by Aniela View Post
    That they have been together for so long is smtg special, yes, but why should she be the only one who should consider that?
    Yeah, exactly. You can't expect her to put her life on hold for him because they were high school sweethearts, then turn around and act like the boyfriend doesn't need to put an equal level of commitment in for her. Relationships where one person is making all the sacrifices and the other person isn't making any just won't work out.

    Quote Originally Posted by !TheOne View Post
    I just think it's sad to break up with your childhood sweetheart, I mean how many people are together with their childhood sweetheart? It's something special, so it's something to think carefully about.

    But you shouldn't pressurise a guy. That will make him resentful when he does move in with you.

    TheOne
    She's not "pressurising" him. It's more like, we dated in high school and have known each other forever and have been dating for three years, and you STILL don't want to commit to me?? Something's not right here. If he doesn't want to by now then he won't ever want to. He's had plenty of time to think it over.

    He's still around because he likes the benefits of being with her, but he's just too selfish to contribute to the relationship when it inconveniences him. She owes it to herself to find a man who loves her better than that.

  24. The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to starlily For This Useful Post:


  25. #18
    Banned
    Joined
    May 2013
    Posts
    122
    Thanks
    12
    Thanked 47 Times in 31 Posts

    Default Re: I think my boyfriend of 3 years is dragging his feet on moving in with me (LONG)

    Quote Originally Posted by starlily View Post
    Yeah, exactly. You can't expect her to put her life on hold for him because they were high school sweethearts, then turn around and act like the boyfriend doesn't need to put an equal level of commitment in for her. Relationships where one person is making all the sacrifices and the other person isn't making any just won't work out.



    She's not "pressurising" him. It's more like, we dated in high school and have known each other forever and have been dating for three years, and you STILL don't want to commit to me?? Something's not right here. If he doesn't want to by now then he won't ever want to. He's had plenty of time to think it over.

    He's still around because he likes the benefits of being with her, but he's just too selfish to contribute to the relationship when it inconveniences him. She owes it to herself to find a man who loves her better than that.
    He's not selfish, it's just the way guys are programmed. They are a little bit commitment phobic.

    Similar to the way you say "wait, it's too soon..." just before sleeping with a new guy.

    I hope she has worked it out with him.

  26. #19
    Veteran Member starlily's Avatar
    Joined
    May 2013
    Posts
    218
    Thanks
    677
    Thanked 791 Times in 165 Posts
    My Mood
    Buzzed

    Default Re: I think my boyfriend of 3 years is dragging his feet on moving in with me (LONG)

    Quote Originally Posted by !TheOne View Post
    Similar to the way you say "wait, it's too soon..." just before sleeping with a new guy.
    I do?


    +1, I'd like to hear how things are going for you Martini. Update?

  27. #20
    Banned
    Joined
    Aug 2011
    Location
    Aboard The Spaceship
    Posts
    4,787
    Thanks
    3,183
    Thanked 10,142 Times in 3,290 Posts
    My Mood
    Breezy

    Default Re: I think my boyfriend of 3 years is dragging his feet on moving in with me (LONG)

    I really think its true that men marry when its the right time (typically age 27 to like 45) and women marry when its the right person. That kind of fucks things up though if you're in the same age bracket.

  28. #21
    Banned Aniela's Avatar
    Joined
    Jun 2009
    Location
    KW
    Posts
    3,291
    Thanks
    6,920
    Thanked 5,854 Times in 2,242 Posts
    My Mood
    Cynical

    Default Re: I think my boyfriend of 3 years is dragging his feet on moving in with me (LONG)

    Quote Originally Posted by !TheOne View Post
    He's not selfish, it's just the way guys are programmed. They are a little bit commitment phobic.
    His behaviour pretty much says, 'My party needs are infinitely more important than your final brutal semester & our combined need to save sm $$.' That doesn't fit your definition of selfish?

    3 yrs is long enough. He knows whether he wants to upgrade the commitment lvl. He needs to either find sm balls & get on that, or respect her enough to let her go if the finding of the balls doesn't pan out.

  29. #22
    Banned
    Joined
    May 2013
    Posts
    122
    Thanks
    12
    Thanked 47 Times in 31 Posts

    Default Re: I think my boyfriend of 3 years is dragging his feet on moving in with me (LONG)

    Quote Originally Posted by Aniela View Post
    His behaviour pretty much says, 'My party needs are infinitely more important than your final brutal semester & our combined need to save sm $$.' That doesn't fit your definition of selfish?

    3 yrs is long enough. He knows whether he wants to upgrade the commitment lvl. He needs to either find sm balls & get on that, or respect her enough to let her go if the finding of the balls doesn't pan out.
    It's not as simple as that.

    I hope they worked it out in the end.

  30. #23
    Veteran Member
    Joined
    May 2013
    Location
    Sverige!
    Posts
    651
    Thanks
    717
    Thanked 1,219 Times in 431 Posts

    Default Re: I think my boyfriend of 3 years is dragging his feet on moving in with me (LONG)

    Quote Originally Posted by !TheOne View Post
    He's not selfish, it's just the way guys are programmed. They are a little bit commitment phobic.

    Similar to the way you say "wait, it's too soon..." just before sleeping with a new guy.

    I hope she has worked it out with him.
    From the time we met, my husband proposed nine months later. Guys in general are not commitment phobic, I am coming to find this may be an American cultural thing. Conversely, I don't say "wait, it's too soon", if I like you, I'll have sex with you. Why on earth would I wait?

  31. The Following User Says Thank You to Vackra For This Useful Post:


  32. #24
    Veteran Member
    Joined
    May 2013
    Location
    Sverige!
    Posts
    651
    Thanks
    717
    Thanked 1,219 Times in 431 Posts

    Default Re: I think my boyfriend of 3 years is dragging his feet on moving in with me (LONG)

    Quote Originally Posted by !TheOne View Post
    He's not selfish, it's just the way guys are programmed. They are a little bit commitment phobic.

    Similar to the way you say "wait, it's too soon..." just before sleeping with a new guy.

    I hope she has worked it out with him.
    From the time we met, my husband proposed nine months later. Guys in general are not commitment phobic, I am coming to find this may be an American cultural thing. Conversely, I don't say "wait, it's too soon", if I like you, I'll have sex with you. Why on earth would I wait?

  33. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Vackra For This Useful Post:


  34. #25
    Banned
    Joined
    May 2013
    Posts
    122
    Thanks
    12
    Thanked 47 Times in 31 Posts

    Default Re: I think my boyfriend of 3 years is dragging his feet on moving in with me (LONG)

    Quote Originally Posted by Vackra View Post
    From the time we met, my husband proposed nine months later. Guys in general are not commitment phobic, I am coming to find this may be an American cultural thing. Conversely, I don't say "wait, it's too soon", if I like you, I'll have sex with you. Why on earth would I wait?
    But let's say the guy is hot, but you know he will treat you badly. Surely you'd make him wait?

    I've got a lot of friends from different cultures, and it's always the same.

    I know one friend who would just walk around the street all day chatting to (even pestering) any woman he walked past, and ended up sleeping with a few. And I always wondered why he spent so much time chasing tail. It was relentless, day in day out he'd do this. Well, I found out suddenly when he phoned me up to tell me he was now married. It was an arranged marriage by his parents, so he had no choice in the matter. He knew his time was limited and he'd never get this chance again.

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Similar Threads

  1. Boyfriend of 5 years, should I leave or stay?
    By maryberries in forum Life Support
    Replies: 16
    Last Post: 05-08-2013, 03:25 AM
  2. after a week off and DRAGGING myself to cam...
    By Rosannaxox in forum Camming Connection
    Replies: 25
    Last Post: 09-22-2012, 01:48 PM
  3. Moving in with your boyfriend
    By bexxx in forum Life Support
    Replies: 16
    Last Post: 11-28-2010, 03:34 PM
  4. I want to talk to my boyfriend! (long)
    By moll_flanders in forum The Lounge
    Replies: 9
    Last Post: 10-27-2008, 09:37 PM
  5. Debate over moving in with boyfriend
    By magnificentchacha in forum The Lounge
    Replies: 9
    Last Post: 07-09-2007, 10:32 PM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •