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Thread: Compartmentalizing too much?

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    Default Compartmentalizing too much?

    Hi everyone- I'm new to posting, but have been reading Stripperweb for years. So first of all thank you for all the amazing advice!
    Here is my dilemma. I'm recently engaged to the love of my life. He used to manage a club so he is sweet and understanding of my job (as long as he doesn't have to see it lol). I have never had trouble separating home and work- but i have a daughter from a previous relationship, and i have to deal with her dad. I have been so distracted, both from being very much in love and from trying to spend time with him, my daughter,and working enough to keep my boss happy. I'm a top earner and they like me there weekdays from 11-7:30 am and sunday nights.
    Anyone have and advice on how to manage all of this and still keep my game face on at work?? I'm finding it hard to hustle with all of this going on, even though i love my job and my club. Oy. So, thoughts? Thanks ladies!

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    God/dess Sophia_Starina's Avatar
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    Default Re: Compartmentalizing too much?

    I take issue with your statement about "working enough to keep the boss happy". You don't owe your boss anything apart from being professional and staying out of trouble at work. The moment you became a parent, you had a new boss. You work for your child, you work to give her a comfortable life. That's the only boss whose happiness matters.

    I'm guessing you are dealing with required shifts. If you get along well with the boss and you do well at the club, you can ask if he can amend your schedule so that you can have more personal time. Perhaps you can cut back on your days and hustle hard to make the shorter time equally meaningful... or do longer shifts on fewer days to make up the difference.

    The fiance understands your work (you are very lucky there) and he understands your family situation... so he's not much to be concerned with. Just stay as sweet to him as he is to you.

    I'm not exactly sure what your situation with the ex is. I get that you co-parent but what does "I have to deal with my daughters dad" mean?

    This is how I organize when I have a lot on my plate. Scheduling and preparation... and sticking to the plan. Pocket organizer, calendar, or smartphone: take your pick. I start with my university stuff first (luckily they give out a syllabus at the beginning of class so I can fill in all of the blanks fairly easily). Then it's work stuff... they schedule shifts 2 weeks in advance so I make sure that I switch days when a project or school exam is coming up, I know the days I like working but sometimes things need to change and I swap days or take a break accordingly. The good news is that I am always prepared because of my handy organizer. Okay so now we move onto the next level things... anniversaries, holidays, birthdays, planned trips, and important appointments/events. The next level deals with date nights, bills, laundry, shopping, cooking, cleaning, etc.

    My schedule looks like this in order of importance:
    1. School
    2. School work
    3. Work
    4. Important Events
    5. Errands/Obligations
    6. Free time/Wildcard

    That's just my basic breakdown. If you separate things in a similar fashion and fill in the obvious things that can be scheduled ahead of time you'll find the nooks and crannies in your time and make the most of them.

    Beyond that, you'll get more shit done and be far more prepared for work when your shifts come up. Seeing a schedule on paper (or on a screen for the hip kids out there!) has done wonders for my state of mind. Try it for a few weeks.

    Good luck and great job.
    Quote Originally Posted by Jay12 View Post
    ^What Sophia said.
    Quote Originally Posted by yoda57us View Post
    I wish there was an "auto-like" setting that I could just have applied to all of your posts Sophia....

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    Default Re: Compartmentalizing too much?

    I totally agree with writing down a very specific schedule. I do this all the time now. The funny thing is, I've found that when I'm not busy and don't write a schedule, I end up doing less and feeling busier because I don't keep tasks in line, but when I have more to do and write a schedule, I actually end up getting things done quicker and having more free time despite technically being busier. I also like to purposely over-estimate how long things will take me to do, so that way if something comes up, I have that time built into my schedule, but if nothing goes wrong, you just get that extra free time and it feels good.

    My other strategy is to focus on one thing at a time. Don't try to multi-task - you actually complete things quicker if you give all your attention to one thing at a time, and it's calming to only focus on the task at hand. When you're at work, don't worry about all the other things you have to do. You can't do them while you're at work, you built them into your schedule, so there's no point in thinking about them while you're in the middle of completing another task. Make a conscious effort to keep telling yourself that you're at work, and that's all you need to focus on right now. When you're spending time with your family, tell yourself that you are just going to focus on the moment and spending time with them, because there's no sense in thinking about how you have to work later. Put your schedule down on paper, and then devote yourself to each task in its timeblock - everything has it's place, so keep it there.
    Don't try to win over the haters. You are not the Jerk Whisperer.

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    Default Re: Compartmentalizing too much?

    Thank you guys- Sophia, we co-parent and live in apts side by side, he's very involved but can be difficult to deal with. My managers are actually super understanding, but like anywhere I have to work some crappy shifts to ensure their cooperation when i skip out or need a week iff. They charge girls for missing shifts or being late but i've been exempt because i'm a good hustler and i help them out by going in on slow days. The advice about a strict schedule is awesome, i'll def try it!

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    Default Re: Compartmentalizing too much?

    Quote Originally Posted by AutumnSmile View Post
    Thank you guys- Sophia, we co-parent and live in apts side by side, he's very involved but can be difficult to deal with. My managers are actually super understanding, but like anywhere I have to work some crappy shifts to ensure their cooperation when i skip out or need a week iff. They charge girls for missing shifts or being late but i've been exempt because i'm a good hustler and i help them out by going in on slow days. The advice about a strict schedule is awesome, i'll def try it!
    It's great that the ex is very involved. It's great for your daughter and it can be good for you too. Don't be afraid to ask for help if you need it. When all is said and done, you are working for your child's future.

    When it comes to work, be flexible but don't be a doormat. You sound like you're a bit of an over achiever. Don't worry, I am the same. But bosses are fickle. Managers come and go. Clubs close. Work to get the most you can out of your (relatively) fortunate scenario in the here and now. I learned management's appreciation for my efforts and the boss's good favor go away as easily as they came. You are the fulcrum. You need to balance your priorities and figure out what works for you. I've made the mistake of sacrificing out of love and loyalty for my work with minimal reward... don't make the same mistake. You are your own business. You work AT the club... not for it.
    Quote Originally Posted by Jay12 View Post
    ^What Sophia said.
    Quote Originally Posted by yoda57us View Post
    I wish there was an "auto-like" setting that I could just have applied to all of your posts Sophia....

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