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    Default Coming out to family

    So..

    I'm at the point where I've decided I want to tell my parents (I'm an only child and not really close with most of the rest of my family/really couldn't give a flying fuck what they think) that I'm a stripper. I hate lying to them, hate the idea of them finding out the "wrong" way (aka someone vindictively telling them) and to be honest I'm totally not ashamed of what I do.. And I feel hiding my profession just adds to the stigma attached..

    My parents are open minded... To most things. I know they wouldn't care at all if I was gay, and have even casually asked me several times if I am.. But I think because stripping is SO horribly portrayed in the media, and you only ever hear the horror stories, that they would be worried. I don't think they would hate me or anything, but I am just terrified to break their hearts. And though they are open minded, I know that this is something that they will never understand..

    I was really troublesome as a teenager and myself and my parents had a really rocky relationship, but now that I am older we have an amazing relationship. They literally are the most important thing in the world to me, and I am so terrified to mess up my relationship with them, because if they didn't speak to me I would be devastated.


    But I am determined to keep my career as a dancer, it has been such an amazing, positive experience so far for me. It gave me hope when I really had none left, it opened doors for me and showed me that I wasn't bound to dead end jobs, and empowered me, and the depression and anxiety that I have been suffering from for years seemed less of a problem than ever...

    I am thinking of writing a letter to explain everything to them, because I know if I try to do it in person that I won't be able to clearly and concisely make all of my points..

    I was just wondering if anyone has any advice for me, or would like to share their good/bad stories of coming out to their families..

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    Default Re: Coming out to family

    Writing out what you want to tell them & how to tell it could be a very good start, but I think this is smtg that you should tell them personally. If they are as open-minded as you say -- & I def hope they are -- maybe they will do you the favour of actually asking you questions abt your job instead of just shutting you down.

    You mentioned not wanting to have them find out b/c of sm1 else's vindictiveness; do you think this is a real possibility? If so, then I would def get ahead of that. Just curious, do you think they suspect anything? I always hated lying too, & this will tell you how far I once considered going to keep them in the dark:

    I was outed last summer by the employer I had just quit, b/c he is petty like that. My parents are both pretty close-minded. They accept that I was a dancer, only b/c I was several states away by the time they found out; but they aren't even able to listen to humourous(PG-13 rated) stories abt my job. My dad shuts me down, literally gritting his teeth then saying smtg like 'And you are not going back to that shit again' (or 'You need to find smtg else' when I was still dancing) in that ominous way parents have; my mother is certain that I was a prostitute & I don't think Christ himself could convince her otherwise. My siblings have mostly taken it in stride & I guess it's kind of a dirty secret among the rest of the family, 'Ahem ... Erm ... Yeah. Aniela was taking her clothes off for money, & that's just what she admits to.'

    Most of the ppl I still count as true friends, I do so b/c they know abt my dancing & still see me as a human being. If you have not told any of your friends yet abt your job, doing so will def show who your true friends are. One of mine is my current roommate. He knows me better than almost anyone. We work in the same office atm & he knows when I am bottling up my inner stripper(particularly when I am getting frustrated), she hasn't come out at the office yet but it's probably just a matter of time, until then it would be our little private joke.

    I wish you the best here, let us know how it turns out!

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    Default Re: Coming out to family

    I'm really sorry to hear that you were outed by your employer, that's really horrible =( I can't believe some people can be so miserable and cruel.


    I still have not told them, I'm kind of against it again at the moment. I'm feeling like literally nothing good can come from the situation and that it will only bring hurt into their lives.
    I have told some friends, but mostly regret it. Almost everyone I told, then told someone else. Also I've recently found out some really horrible shit two of them did behind my back (really big betrayal) and am as a result not speaking to them and one of them is crazy and vindictive enough to try to use it against me. I feel like everybody thinks of me differently now and I would like to feel at least like my family can treat me normally..


    I can't take back telling my friends and I already feel that's gone shitty enough, I can only imagine how I would feel if I regretted telling my family as my feelings would surely be magnified tenfold..

    It's just proving really difficult as my parents are really involved in my life, and try to be involved in my supposed career as well and I don't want to have to distance myself from them.




    So I guess I'll ponder on about what to do, but thank you so much for replying and sharing your experience with me, and I hope that your own situation improves with your family

    xx

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    Default Re: Coming out to family

    I know how tense it can be, it is like the elephant in the room (or on the phone line) that even if they are not aware of it, you know it is there. I guess if you are still on the fence or just currently not of a mind to tell them, stay away from the subj & anything that might bring you dangerously close to it.

    Have you read audrey_k's recent thread on this subj? It is really sad to see that ppl are so closed-minded & vindictive, no matter how many times we encounter that attitude b/c of our jobs, but it is also very good at driving the point home that you can't change sm1's mind for them.

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    Default Re: Coming out to family

    No, I haven't seen the thread? If you are subscribed to the thread could you link me, I'd love to have a read of it..

    Well, anyway, I did it. I came out of the stripper closet to them.. Not as dramatic as I thought it would be but then again I'm not in the same country as my family right now so.. I will have to see how things pan out.

    x

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