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Thread: Advice please very long but please read!!

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    Default Advice please very long but please read!!

    Hi all I was trying to find a thread to post this and didn't really see any general advice threads so please feel free to tell me where to post next time. This may even be kept open for others to post in I am not sure. I have a huge dilemma and am looking for some smart women who know how to make decisions help me out here. I know this indefinitely will be my call but I need help so I am hoping for some great responses.

    I did not know my dad until I was 13 years old at the time my mother received child support from himwhen she found out he was my dad. He sent a hefty check a little over 900 dollars a month. My mom was with my stepdad and I moved from my grandmas at age 5 to be with her because I didn't know here and as a kid wanted to. So anyway sorry lol but my mom and stepdad spent a majority of my money not on me. I can admit I got most of what I wanted but if I asked for something it was met with "Well we might can or maybe or were broke. When no we were far from broke.

    I never asked for much maybe some clothes and books and a computer once with games. That is the most expensive thing I ever asked for and got. My mom left my step dad when I was 13. She got on drugs walking streets and I started staying with my friends family who took me in and treated me great.I turned 15 and quit school the friends parents were not happy with that decision. I wanted to work not go to school I wanted a home I wanted to start a family. I left them and went to stay with my mom at a trap/crack house that eventually got shot up whilst I was under my bed. So I became homeless when I was 15 and stayed with friends here or there sometimes in parks !!


    So my dad still sent checks this whole time to my mom that I never seen. He offered me to live with him but I refused because I did not know him, how was I gonna live with a guy that I did not know and I didn't even like eating in front of people. He said I could not smoke cigarettes there at all I had been smoking since age 13 so my cigs kept and still do keep me sane!! So he threatened to turn my mom in I didn't want her to go to prison so I lied and told him she was giving me the money. At 18 I got pregnant by a 28 year old junkie/pos and at the time he was ok he stopped a few drugs for me but not pain pills.


    The reason I stayed with him while he was on pills is because we had a child and his family bought a home for him for us to stay. I loved having a home. He started hitting me and then things got bad and he started lying not paying bills on time getting them turned off, more drugs and then I left and went to my moms who at this time is working and stable.


    He took warrants out on me for shit that did not happen I got probation completed it and he also took temp custody of my daughter. I had no lawyer so I decided to settle for joint custody, I have our daughter one extra day than him and his narcissistic mother who in herself is a whole different bad story lmao.Anyway I am currently saving to go for full custody since he is screwing up and headed back to prison anyway so I hope camming will not affect my chances on that advice on that subject is appreciated as well!! The custody/camming thing. My main thing is my dad is rich and he saw that I married into a fucked up family so he bought me a house!! For me and my child to have somewhere when he dies cause he is 81!! Well I like the house its a brick 3 bedroom 1 bath I am currently renovating it as it is older. I love it here my girl loves it!! I have one issue my boyfriend!



    have been with him for two years since my husband and I am also saving to divorce my ex when I go for custody.Then I plan on marrying the man I am with and I want to have another child with him. He is the best guy I have ever been with seriously.Anyway my dad thinks that I am like my mom I guess cause he really doesn't know me .He thinks because I work at night I should get a normal job I tell him i do qvc lol. Anyway thats all i hear from him is I am doing drugs or I need to go to bed at night like a normal person or get a regular daytime job. He told me no boys when I moved in but my man has been here hiding two years. He works when there is work which he does tree work and is going to law school in the next 4 years. Anyway camming is going great for me as well.


    My dad has no idea and I try to bring up that I want a guy to stay with me he says well u need to be married and then move into his house . Thats crazy he gave me a house that i pay taxes on and alot mind you. He tells me it's mine I pay all the bills etc. The only thing I do not pay is rent. The rest of my bills with food is about a grand. My issue is I am tired of having my man hide my dad would never accept any guy I am with he says all my exs were junkies and thats not true only one was and I married him!! Like an idiot. Anyway my child starts school next year I would hate to have to pick her up and move her because if my dad ever catches my bf here he will kick us out. I also have my uncle living with me my uncle raised me with my great grandma since I was 5 then I moved. My uncle identifys more as my real dad and he is in my eyes. He is older he works and he pays me 500 a month and helps with anything I need for the most part.


    Anyway so my dad knows my uncle is here btw. My dad says any man without their own house car and a buisness is a pos thats not true. My guy has a job that sometimes he cant work if its wet or theres no trees needing help. I am cool with that because he makes enough to support us through those times.


    Im scared if I leave to go rent a home and then save to buy one later on that I may make the wrong decision leaving this one and I could own it and then the rented home I may have a bad month camming and need help and not be able to pay rent which I feel like I can afford and do it just fine I have a few backup things like dancing or friends to help.


    I also know it will take me longer to own a home. I just can't keep paying taxes and now hes wanting insurance and its not even in my name and I cannot keep staying here with him acting like this he gave me the house if I knew it meant living by his rules of going to be at 8pm like he tells me to or not allowed to have my friends or boyfriend or my black stepdad over i would never have took this house. Please help what would u do live in restrictions and hiding unhappy or move and spend more for happiness but a unsecure future if things go wrong? Please help sorry so long !!!
    Last edited by brittany_bitch; 12-08-2013 at 04:46 AM. Reason: too jumbled

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    Default Re: Advice please very long but please read!!

    I have had 14 views and no advice yet. Will some of you please read this I know it's long but I read long posts alot and help too. Please help guys

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    Default Re: Advice please very long but please read!!

    Please please put in paragraphs! I read all of it but it was difficult to digest. Will read again if you do! lol. But yikes, sounds like some serious stuff!

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    Default Re: Advice please very long but please read!!

    o gosh sorry I know it looked all jumbled so sorry fixing now

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    Default Re: Advice please very long but please read!!

    What a complex problem. There are a few things to consider:

    On your dad:
    Is he in good health? My grandfather died when he was 93 and he was a full blown alcoholic until his last day. It could be a long time.. and you may not even get the house unless it's in his will. Ask to see a copy and make sure he has an attorney who has actually properly taken care of paperwork. This is for your own protection - you don't want someone (a niece or a nephew... an ex wife.. anyone could be the beneficiary if he was out of contact with you for a long time) else to come rain on your hopes when the day finally does come.
    Just because someone says they will give something to you does not mean they will! I had a large family, lots of marriages, divorces, aunts/uncles and manipulating old people is (sadly) quite common.

    Does he have a mortgage? Does the house have equity? If the payments are high and it's not worth the value of the home anymore, it might affect you negatively when he dies. Sometimes people hold onto things that have no monetary value because it means something to them emotionally. This might not be the case with your father, but I've known a lot of old people that get this way.

    I do not think he will ever change his opinion about you+men+his house. Him saying you will move into your next husband's house is a red flag, I think.
    However... if you do decide to go along with it and ride it out, I see two options. 1. Keep playing your dad. 2. Ask your boyfriend to move out. Onto the next item...


    On your boyfriend:
    It seems like you really like him but I am confused about what his deal is. Is he going to school currently, or is he planning on going to school sometime in the 'next 4 years'? If he's not going to school currently.. it seems like you're kind of in a not so great situation and maybe he should look for work so you don't have to be stressed out living a double life and hiding him from your parent. If the only thing you are not paying is rent, but you ARE paying property tax.. well.. I'm sure you could probably find a decent place for not much more. ( I understand you like the house, but I'm sure living under someone else's heel is not really what you both are looking for in life.)

    On you:
    You are making good money camming, but depending on your uncle's $500 and worried about being able to afford a place on your own. I'm not sure if you also dance, but maybe just take a look at that situation. Living completely on your own can be scary, especially if it's your first time (and holy shit you've been homeless so I can't really blame you) but I can reassure you a lot of girls can and do make it on their own, even with a child.

    You said your ex is messing up again and on his way back to prison. You also mentioned he was abusive to you - so I can't imagine getting full custody would be too challenging. Why do you have to save up for a divorce? I'm not sure where you're at but in California you can file the papers for $320, and many counties can help you with a free Family Law Facilitator. Some states the fee is as low as $40. I am sure your state probably has resources for helping with custody, especially if one parent is dangerous or incarcerated. I would recommend doing a LOT of research if you cannot afford a lawyer currently. There is plenty of help, you just have to look for it.

    It really seems like you have a lot on your plate and my personal advice is to not worry about owning a home. Try to get yourself situated enough to be able to afford living comfortably and feeling secure being able to pay all your own bills (including rent). Being self sufficient is more important than possibly inheriting a 'free house' that might not even be paid off or living in your parent's house, thus being parented now that you are an adult.

    Have you tried getting advice from your uncle? Good luck, I hope you can figure something out.

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    Default Re: Advice please very long but please read!!

    Thank you so much reading your reply actually had me in tears I know that sounds silly but you were that helpful to me. I needed to be set in the right direction and this had been bearing on my heart and mind for so long now. My dad is actually in good health he owns a few buisnesses and works them every single day so he does complain of being tired and he never even sleeps that much but tells me to go to bed early lol. Anyway he had a surgery recently and it was on a shoulder. He drives a red corvette picks up ladies and goes to the bar every weekend his home has two bathrooms that have imported european tubs and also has a heart shaped bed and jacuzzi tub. He rides a nice motorcycle lol. He eats out everyday never even buys food for his home. He has a pool table and his own bar in his house. He lives like a 20 year old bachelor lmao. He seems to get around great.

    He looks old but not 80 he does have some wrinkles in his face but most older men do. He tells me he has never done a drug and does not drink at the bar. He said when I told him I slept part of the day that I must be hanging out with junkies because I stay up all night. Little does he know my idea of a friday night is a frappe and goin to the bookstore for a nice new book! I don't want anyone to die but on that situation I think he has some good years left. He told me the house will be paid for when he dies so I am guessing maybe he has a mortgage I am not sure because he likes to buy outright usually. I know the value may go up if I stayed here and fixed things up. Also he tells me if I do right I can have it he will leave it to me and his other son who I don't know will handle all that. I know it's a free house but as you said he keeps saying I am a junkie for being a night owl and I need a dayjob all those things could be his definition of not doin right . On that note and also the note of the house might not being paid for when he dies I think I have decided to go. I asked before if I could see my name on something he says it will go to me but does not want to show me that because he thinks I just want him to hurry up and die or something and by seeing that will I will know it's all mine as soon as he's out. I really have no idea about the house being paid for because once he said his insurance will cover it if he dies and then he said I lost my ass in buying that house for you. It seems sometimes he does not want me here.

    My bf works a tree service sometimes like a few months or even a week at a time he can go without work usually he will pick up craigslist jobs then but he makes alot when he does work and if saved correctly can get us by the months or week he doesnt get work. He advertises his services very good. I love him and do not want to kick him out and one day I would have another bf that I would want to live with. My dad acts like I am a teenager he once told me "I know you arent the brightest thing" that hurt me and I am actually very smart I have a great Iq I write very good and am planning on a great book that I think will make me a lot of money one day. My dream is to write. My dad was not even going to buy the house unless I stopped dancing which is why I stopped. He also told me that if he knew my mom was a street walker he would have never messed with her well thats good to know asshole then I would have never been here. He also said that the other prospective father of me came and told him he was glad my dad was the father and not him and my dad still thinks thats the funniest shit. My bf is currently getting some past issues expunged from his record he needs some more money for the rest and as soon as he gets that cleared he is applying for some loans and he is working on some credit building now. He will be going to school for the 4 years. I will say it will take him a year or two to get into school.I don't mind paying my bills cause I think I can make it on my own but I love him he is not lazy and he is the only person who has ever understood me and his life has been hell like mine we identify we say things at the same time. I know he is my soul mate.


    When I lived with my ex husband his dad had me pay 400 a month that was supposed to be interest and then I would pay the house later nothing was put in my name. I danced the whole time and paid all those bills alone my ex did not work at all ever and I think I paid about 2000 a month in bills and always had my nails done then and alot of other things such as keeping his drug habit up!I got screwed out of that house I had to leave all the things I bought because I had nowhere to take them. I feel like I can make it sometimes there I would struggle till the end but I did it. I know camming can be inconsistent but stripping is too. I feel like I can do it I am sure if I had to work for two days straight or something like that to really hussle it I could make things work. I doubt I would have to do that. If things got tough I could ask a really good friend to help and I know I could get a little there and then I could always go dance to make up the difference. I just cam for now and I love it. It has finally showed consistency and I hope it keeps up for me.

    The reason I am saving for the divorce is because we have a seperation agreement for custody so as soon as we become divorced that agreement for custody is set in stone and if I don't pay and go for custody then this will be the forever plan. I am okay with it to an extent but the dude is on drugs stealing and has wrecked with my child in the car. We have been back and forth with dss and they really don't help for shit. I make too much money to get the lawyer assistance. Here it is like 250 just to talk to a lawyer! It is about 3500 to start a custody/divorce. The regular divorce is cheaper but in my situation I have more things into play. I am going to go around soon and find more out and maybe start paying. I was kind of waiting till he goes to prison because he is headed there really soon if he keeps his shit up and he won't get a light sentence on anything because of all the history he has he is habitual. When he goes the divorce is free because he is in prison!!! I will ask for temporary custody while he is in there or full depending on his sentence and then if he gets out he can fight me but he would maybe get every other weekend and my daughter won't even want to go probaly or I hope for her safety she don't . If he gets along time then I win! I have a good feeling that will happen. I hate it for him but he is something you will see on tv he might love our child but he is stupid about things . He really is. I will look into the family law thing as well ty!

    I feel like my dad is trying to control me a bit and be a parent to an 18 year old girl not me who has been married and now getting divorced!! I know that streamate has been around since 2003 as long as it stays I will be fine financially!! I have other plans for my future as well but for now streamate has my heart and I know there are other sites too, I just want sm to stay lol. I want another child I want to live by my rules not my dads. If I am paying the dam bills I don't get how it's his buisness.

    I love my uncle he always says do what I want he is a very negative thinker he is not very positive lol. He is a nice guy funny and loving but just points out the cons of everything maybe it's old age I don't know. He always says well your job might fail or stress you out. Well you never know untill you try. My thing is if all my eggs did not work out I have nothing to fall back on at all except maybe a hotel for a while. I would keep playing him it's just getting more stressful each time I get off the phone with him I am in tears.

    I think maybe working and saving up a few more months and seeing more money will help me move and it's tax time here!! So I can save and I guess just move. I will still have my uncles 500 and every christmas he gives me like 600 dollars!! So I think if through this time and through the year if I save up and cut down utilities not eat out not splurge on things which I rarely do but cutting alot out like smoking and things should help out alot! I guess I will take this time to asscess it and see. I wanted the home fixed to my liking and have a few things to take back to the store that I got to fix it up. I just want a nice family and home that's all. I hope it does work out. I guess maybe I have to leave and just take that step. I know I could probaly hide my bf for a while longer but theres no telling how long I can or have to hide him and another bf if ever I had one. Which I won't but j/s. If I were here alone I would leave because I feel like a burden I feel unwanted he thinks I am stupid for some odd reason. I just want to go but I don't want to screw up on that you know. It is not an expensive house it is old and I don't think it would be hard for him to sell if he does so cheaply. How do I tell him I want to leave what should i say? I feel guilty already having to tell him that.

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    Default Re: Advice please very long but please read!!

    So what does your little girl want? I've read whole dissertations on your feelings and needs, but almost nothing about her feelings or needs. Are you in a good school system? Is she happy to have the stability that the house provides? Is she making friends in the neighborhood? What would the impact of a move be on her?

    In all candor, I think that your 81 y.o. father is right. Perhaps a little too harsh on all of the personal restrictions, but it sounds like he is trying to do the right thing for his daughter and granddaughter. Shit, from everything I've read, he has been the only stable source of any support going back many years now. I don't think that he has given anyone any reason to believe that he is lying about leaving the house in your name when he goes.

    And as far as your bf, don't worry, there are plenty of barely employed, soon to be a student (ah huh - lol) and getting some past issues expunged as soon as he gets the money types of guys to go around. The question is whether he can provide anything meaningful to your daughter's life now or to any kids that you might have with him in the neat term. Idk, but it sounds like he has an awful lot of things working against him here.

    As I read this whole thing, it almost sounded like it was coming more from a rebellious teenager rather than from a mother trying to decide what the best choices would be for her daughter. When we have kids, we don't get to put our own feelings before those of our children anymore. From what little you said about her, it is clear that she likes where she is living. Why take that from her, particularly as it sounds like she has enough instability in her life?

    If I were in your shoes, I'd let the barely employed bf go find someone else's tit to suck from and focus on building stability for you and your daughter. With a low cost base house (property taxes and insurance), and your uncle kicking in $500 per month to help, I cannot imagine that it should take too much to keep the bills paid and put some extra in the bank. Perhaps you could work a part time vanilla job in addition to camming, especially with your daughter going to school soon.

    I know it sucks to feel like your life is being managed by someone else, but you may be doing to best thing for your daughter by putting up with it. When we have children (I have 3), it just doesn't get to be about us any more.

    In any event, good luck!
    Last edited by rickdugan; 12-08-2013 at 12:21 PM.

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    Default Re: Advice please very long but please read!!

    Rick has made sm very good points, esp when it comes to considering where your child fits in all of this. Really, she shouldn't have to be fit into things; things should be fitted around her. You said yourself that you don't want to have to pick her up & move her b/c your dad kicks you out.

    Believe me, I understand wanting to have sm1 in your life who you feel accepts you w/ all of your baggage, but consider his baggage for a moment.
    1) He doesn't have a steady job
    2) 'getting sm issues expunged from his record' Idk what issues he may have but your ex also had sm issues. It sounds like your current guy is just as unstable as your ex, albeit in different ways.
    3) Tho it really isn't his baggage, the fact that you have to hide him is clearly another source of stress for you, & it sounds like you have more than enough of that to last you for awhile.
    However good a guy he might be, you both have a lot on your respective plates. He needs to get his shit together, & while it sounds like you are in the process of getting your own shit together, your shit needs to stay together if for no other reason than being able to provide the kind of stability that your child deserves.

    Speaking of your ex: don't take it for granted that he will soon be heading to prison. He may undeniably be on that path, but ppl have a way of surprising you. It may take longer than you think, for any number of reasons.

    Dancing & camming are not always the most steady sources of income. If you have family willing to help you out, don't turn your back on that. I am not just talking financially here -- if I had an abusive ex, I would not want to alienate my family & risk being alone in case he got another bug up his ass & came after me.

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    Default Re: Advice please very long but please read!!

    My daughter is 4 it's really not about my bf its about should I stay in a place with rules and a racist dad or move somewhere and be own my own and happy. The question is should I take a free house and be depressed with or without a bf or should I move and be happy? My daughter has not started school yet thats why I am trying to figure this all out before she does. Also she is spoiled so if it was about what she wanted we would be in a castle somewhere lmao.

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    Default Re: Advice please very long but please read!!

    I am not rebellious lol. Its the fact that I am not allowed to have my mother here because of her past or her boyfriend who is black he is my stepdad black or not andhe cant even come here. There are no kids here at all for her to play with so my stepdads grandkids are her only friends. Her best friend is a little black girl and my dad says she should not be playing with black girls. He wont show me the will. He always says I am on drugs please read this whole thread before commenting because its a hell of alot more than a bf issue. He tells me to get a job to go to bed at night he tells me he thinks i am on drugs a whole number of things. He is really a dick everytime I call him I get off the phone in tears its horrible. I worked and lived on my own before and I have owned two cars by now. My daughter will be fine regardless. The whole thing is would you take a house and put up with the bs only cause its free? Or would you move and be happy and just pay? I have been own my own since 13 I didnt even get to be a teenager. I am not rebellious its just I am not paying for shit if I have to listen to someone tell me I cant even have my mother over? Or her boyfriend because hes black. I am camming for now which is great for me I am also writing a book my dream is to be a writer. I could never handle a vanilla job. I am just saying heres the dilemma : I will give each of you on stripperweb a car lets say and I will buy it you pay the upkeep and insurance and gas. You are only allowed to go two places and I only want you in the car noone else not even your mother!! Thats pretty much the situation in a nutshell

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    Default Re: Advice please very long but please read!!

    Also my daughter would love anywhere we go lol she loves houses especially big ones. I am always looking at houses and shes like mommy thats my new room. She would be fine either way. She loves my bf and shes always calling him dad and she told me she wanted him to be her daddy because he dont get in trouble like her other daddy. Her daddy wrecked with her in the car and never even told me my child told me about it!! I know it may take a while for him to go to prison but with 200 felonies and two court dates coming up not to mention the case that got throwed out last month he is headed to jail or prison. My bf now has alot of family things that happened I have known him since he was 6 years old! His charged are alot to do with pot and his family fighting and things. Since the past 4 years he has not got in trouble mainly because he wants a future and because of me and my baby. His job can sometimes not be steady as I said. But the past two years the longest time he was without work was a month because of his back and two weeks of that it rained. So it was okay because when he works he makes lots and can support me untill he worked again. The law school thing is the loan he wants he cant get if he has more than 3 misdemeanors and more than 1 felony so he is paying for that to be removed and then he is building credit now. It will take awhile for the state to remove those issues off the record so we wait lol. It is really not about him seeing as this is not his house. I begged himto come here even though he said he didn't want to be a burden. He is far from that.I have no family just my uncle my bf and child thats it. And a racist dad !! So yeah and stripping for me before for 4 years paid it all for me there were slow nights. With camming I find if I hussle and put in the time I am fine !! Thanks guys for ur input

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    Default Re: Advice please very long but please read!!

    Also what dad tells their daughter that getting her kid a dog ruins her? I still don't understand that. I have a dog I have had for two years. At first he was worried about her messing up the house which she has not but once he seen she is house trained he said dogs ruin kids get rid of it. I told him the dogs not going and he says I should drop her off on the side of the road somewhere. What the hell i love my dog and would never do that to any animal. I love this dog she is like family to me. These are just a few more things so you guys can get a little more insight into the fact thats its take a free house with all this bs or rent a home and no bs lol. It really isnt all about the bf lol. There is also a serious bug problem that I have paid for two years to an exterminator to spray inside and out and I have used sprays gels powders tablets. They keep coming back thats one thing KI and my daughter hate. I was hoping maybe repairing afew things would keep them away but it really doesn't look like it its really gross i mean i like the home besides that huge fact lol. Maybe a move would help. Because I think the place already had these critters in the attic and around the time I first went in the attic I had this issue we have tried everything the exterminators say I can pay for one more year which will make three even they said if this next year did not help that the home should be quarantined untill this problem is fixed so I would still have to leave if that happened you know. Thanks guys really.

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    Default Re: Advice please very long but please read!!

    Take a hon. We can only advise you based on what you tell us. You added a lot in your last four posts that we couldn't take into account b/c it wasn't there before.

    I have nvr said your bf is a bad guy, & I am not saying that now. I am saying that maybe you've both got enough on your plates now that this isn't the best time for a relationship, esp since this relationship seems to be low on stability & high on stress.

    I am also not saying your dad is the greatest guy in the world, but I would still advise you to stay where you are for now. Yes, you've been married & divorced already, yes you are a legal adult, but there's no need to jump the gun here.

    Where is he getting the idea that you are a junkie? Does he know that you have a job? Or if not abt your actual job, that you're sm how earning $$ for yourself?

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    Default Re: Advice please very long but please read!!

    lol I am sorry It's just every time it is something else with my dad every single time. He don't want me to have my friends over, black people are not allowed here and my new stepdad is black and I love him he got my mom situated. My dad knows I work at night and sleep some during the day he thinks I do qvc phone work you know the shopping channel that sells items and callers call in well I would take their orders!

    He tells me I should not work at night and stay up all night like a junkie and I should get a regualr job. Every time he sees me buy something he says I should pay homeowners insurance to him and he will pay it for me but I don't want to pay insurance on something that might not even be mine one day !! He thinks because I danced and I guess maybe because of my ex and my moms past that I am like them. I have told him too many times to count to drug test me and he was saying these things while I was on probation for my ex! I had a drug test each month but was still being called a junkie.


    He thinks all men are junkies ! Here are two small examples.
    I had a car issue a few months back and my dad referred me to a place to get a part he had already paid and I was to pay him back and bring the money to his mailbox. So I got one of my sisters sugardaddys lol to take me to pay him back. He asked who was I bringing to his house to put that money in his mail box I told him it was my sisters friend he said I don't want some old junkie up here I was like woah this guy aint a junkie he is actually a contractor and he wasnice enough to drive 60 miles just to give me a ride. The other day I had a swingset shipped to walmart for my daughter. I had noone with a truck so I got one of my moms older friends to go get it. My dad called wanting to come to my house and I told him I was out and busy with getting the guy to deliver the swingset. He said who is it one of your boyfriends I was like wow man he is like 70 years old he was just giving my swingset a ride for my child to have by christmas lol. He said well he probaly is ajunkie anyway he probaly aint got a job. I was liek actually he is retired I barely know him just know he offered to help me out. Those are the things I go through. It is killing my sanity this is everytime I talk to him. So see its really not just the bf yes the bf is a little added stress but we have hid him thus far it is mainly his junkie comments and racial remarks things of that nature. I am kind for glad he didn't raise me because

    I don't see color I see happiness and love. If a person is bad it has nothing to do with their color it is their mind and what they have seen . When I moved in I had no idea when he said no junkies he meant everybody lol. I just thought he meant no druggies or losers you know so I don;t do drugs anyway but he obviously thinks everyone is that way. My best friend tracy is black and she knows how my dad is and she has not been to see me in two years because of it cause he saw her here and told me to tell her not to come back. He is really this extreme yall seriously.

    He seems like a controlling husband more than anything. I have gained a few pounds in my belly and he will say are you pregnant by another junkie. I was like wow no I am not. He even told me not to get my daughter this swingset because it would cause the neighbor kids to come over here. We don't even have neighbir kids but hell if they did come cause of a swing thats good for me and my kid so she can have play mates. It is getting crazy in the beginning I thought ok maybe he is just looking out but as time goes on it is worse . The swingset thing was the last time I talked to him and I said I just want to move far away from everyone and he said well maybe you should get out of everybodys life. I am just stuck. I had the money to move somewhere else when I moved here but he gave me a house or so he said and now I am just like wtf do I do about this. When I asked him could I move my uncle in to help out he said hes an old alcoholic aint he I dont want drinking there.

    I was like what no way my uncle don't even drink. Things like that he is a judgmental set in his ways guy I don't even know how to act or what to say to him because everything is wrong to him. He pushed and pushed for me to get a job when he told me to quit dancing if I wanted to live here I thought maybe that was harmless he maybe just didn't want me to dance. So I got a new job camming or qvc lol and now he tells me to get another job because I need to sleep at night. I am naturally a night owl by nature anyway always have been. It is alot guys it really is sorry. send another chill pill this way lol.

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    Default Re: Advice please very long but please read!!

    Re: s, a Russian friend of mine used to keep a box of Icebreakers mints on him all the time & he would pop one (or five) when he was starting to get stressed. I stole this tactic from him. It was kind of an inside joke b/c I was one of maybe two other ppl in our office who could read the fancy Cyrillic label he had decorated the box w/ in place of the original label: ФУКЙТОЛь (Fuckitol)

    Look, if it is that bad w/ Daddy Dearest, is there a way you can distance yourself from him while still having your uncle's help? I really don't know what else to tell you, other than to take sm time to really think thru your options. Try to look at all the angles, including staying where you are for awhile, at least until you get your feet back under you. There isn't anything carved in stone saying you have to remain forever in your father's house, so to speak.

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    Default Re: Advice please very long but please read!!

    i didn't have the time to read a lot besides the first post, but agreed with rick 100%.right now you need to do what's best and most STABLE for your kid, whatever that may be. i've had to move back in with parents as a single mom and dealt with all sorts of shit/crazy accusations/verbal abuse/etc so i know what you are dealing with. it would be the best to have your own place, i agree, but hold tight til that's actually a set-in-stone reality. as for the boyfriend, if he wants to be with you he shouldnt be sneaking into your dad's place like some teenager, he should be getting a place for all of you to be a family together, or busting his ass trying.

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    Default Re: Advice please very long but please read!!

    See my dad bought the house for me, because my ex husbands parents kicked me out of the place I was paying for because they owned it and I left their son. I have to hide my bf because my dad doesn't want me to have one like ever!! My dad says its my house well then why cant my friends my mom and my black stepdad be here? I just don't get it and he doesn't even want me to have my dog ! I think maybe I will save and just leave maybe thats best. Where we are it is so hard to rent because of income proof credit and I also need a place furnished everything included is best. I have looked high and low and the only places that accept dogs around here are in the hood lol. I have the means to go its just finding the dang place lol. There really aren't that many nice places to rent around here. It really isn't my bf sneaking it is me having to sneak him like I am some school girl and I am not and if I was told hey this is yours then it should be fully up to me what to do with it. I guess I will keep looking thanks for all the advice when you do have time please read all of it you may get a better understanding. I will update here. Also having the huge bug issue that we have fought for going on 3 years now doesn't help. It really is all so depressing. I guess I will just tell my dad look either it's mine or it's yours because I want something that's mine.

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