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Thread: How to gently dump a regular?

  1. #1
    Featured Member Tourdefranzia's Avatar
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    Default How to gently dump a regular?

    I am dancing for reasons that are not entirely about money. Having said that, I have a regular who spends a great deal on me when he is in the club. We do at least one VIP per visit and he tips generously while I am on stage. He is not my only regular, but he is my most time intensive and demanding regular.

    My problem is that he likes to grope at me, and the bouncer has to remind this guy over and over to keep his hands off. He asks for OTC constantly (I do not oblige) and texts me multiple times a day with just random requests for sex or tells me what he had for lunch or whatever. I've gotten over 70 text messages from him since last Wednesday alone. I reply once a day with my schedule in the club.

    I figure that he will get tired of me soon. I've been dancing for him consistently for four months. This guy is harmless. In fact he is barely able to walk and is under a lot of medical supervision. He is elderly and lonely with a decent retirement pension that he spends almost exclusively on strip clubs.

    I feel bad for this guy and his very depressing life, but he is sucking the joy out of my days. I tried to pass him on to another dancer who really needs the money, but he prefers me. He has done nothing wrong, and I don't want to hurt his feelings, but I need to stop dancing for this guy. He's demanding like a toddler, and the conversation is about as scintillating as it would be with a kindergartener.

    Aside from just turning into a frigid bitch, I don't really know how to tell this guy that I need to move on and he needs to find himself another dancer to spend his time with. I thought of inventing a new husband or boyfriend, but I don't want him talking to the other customers about my "private life." I'm also afraid that if I just tell him that he needs to see another girl from now on, that it will become an issue in the club.

    I guess I'm just venting. I really like my job and don't want to change clubs or shifts. I'm quite happy aside from this one situation. I'd love to hear how other girls have "broken up" with their regulars and how it worked out in the end.

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    God/dess shanna dior's Avatar
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    Default Re: How to gently dump a regular?

    Regarding texts -- either stop replying to them entirely, or reply to the first text of the day and tell him to stop texting you. Then ignore them. 70 text messages is too many in any context.

    Regarding ITC -- what's stopping you from just ignoring him? If you don't want to keep him as a customer, I don't see the big deal in turning into a frigid bitch. And you really don't even have to be frigid about it, but you do inevitably have to give him the cold shoulder - maybe just go up, say hi, chat for a song, tell him it was nice to see him and then go off to work the rest of your shift. That should give him the hint. Or even bring another dancer to the table to introduce him to, sort of pawning him off on someone else. I really don't think it's going to turn into "an issue in the club." Customers change girls all the time and par for the course.

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    Banned Aniela's Avatar
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    Default Re: How to gently dump a regular?

    Just to throw out another angle -- how do you think it would go over if you became more aggressive yourself? You talked abt him groping at you. How forceful are you in telling him that that's not ok? If he wants to behave like a toddler, treat him like Baby Herman from Who Framed Roger Rabbit & put him in his place. You could give him one more session, & when he starts getting handsy, take his hands *hard*, force them off but hold onto them as you tell him that the nxt time he does it, you will walk away & not be back. Ever. Maybe there is a way to open him positively to the idea of you being in charge, in a more dominatrix-y way? I guess that's a poor way of wording it, but if the $$ from him is good, maybe there is a way to keep you sane, him paying & both of you happy.

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    Default Re: How to gently dump a regular?

    I agree with ANIELA...you could absolutely turn this situation into a positive. Ive a client we will call "76". Longstory short he was an emotional vampire. He gave me an ultimatum at one point and I became the aggressor at that point. Once he experienced me putting him in his place-76, actually cowered down. You have to remember ANY attention is good for an emotional vampire/attention whore. BEST OF LUCK!

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    Featured Member Tourdefranzia's Avatar
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    Default Re: How to gently dump a regular?

    I hadn't considered going the dominatrix route. I don't have that kind of personality, but it would be worth a shot to see if he responds. I also considered getting very demanding about money for time. Hints don't work well with this guy, I think he may have early Alzheimer's.

    I like my other regulars. They are all business, 3-4 minutes of small talk then off to the VIP. When we are done dancing, they are done taking up my time. I should have known that I'd get someone like this guy, eventually. Live and learn, I suppose.

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    Default Re: How to gently dump a regular?

    I was once in a similar situation. The guy was very lonely, had no friends, he always wanted me no one else. He was really obsessive, texted me all the time as well, etc.... He came to see me every week and while it was a good source of income I just couldn't handle him anymore. It was draining. He was ''nice'' so I felt bad to not want him as a regular anymore, but you have to realize that's how they keep pushing your limits without consequences.

    To get rid of him, when we were in the VIP I actually screamed at him for doing something I did not like and argued for around 10-15 mins. And during the 45 mins left I was cold, wasn't entertaining at all and gave really boring dances. I said : I'm sorry, I'm not very inspired when I'm angry. (lol) After that, he came back to see me 3 weeks later and it was a slow night so I was about to leave earlier when he came in. He wanted an hour with me but I told him that my shift was over and left, ever since he hasn't came back to see me. It's been almost 3 months. But, I use an iPhone application for customers where they can text and call me without knowing my real number. I still receive from time to time missed calls from an ''unknown number'' ... He's one of the only people I ever gave my ''fake number'' to and never again!!!!!

    With those kind of guys, you have to be direct. If you are being too nice when telling him that you don't like being groped, he will apologize but he will do it again and again. His life may be less than perfect, but it doesn't mean you should allow him to do things to you that you don't like.

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    Newbie 77TaylorR's Avatar
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    Default Re: How to gently dump a regular?

    I'd agree with Aniela. No reason to lose a good customer, the money sounds great. But yes, you need to get the ball back in your court and play on your terms. That means standing up and being aggressive right back. I've had to do this before as well. Turned out, he was a puppy dog after that, and it made our time together MUCH less exhausting and actually I looked forward to him coming in again. I haven't had to deal with crazy amounts of texts, but yes…don't respond to them. The amount he's sending you is insane and needs to stop. Immediately. Good luck. :o)

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    Featured Member Tourdefranzia's Avatar
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    Default Re: How to gently dump a regular?

    I'm going in to work tonight and he said he would be there. I'll try some of these tactics. I have a lot of Monday night regulars that I enjoy spending time with, so putting him off and ignoring him should be pretty easy.

    Wish me luck!

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