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Thread: My siblings treat me like dirt, if I'm acknowledged at all

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    Veteran Member lovelydancer's Avatar
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    Default My siblings treat me like dirt, if I'm acknowledged at all

    I have a really large family with lots of siblings. Out of all my siblings only 1 reaches out to me, or responds to me if I send a text or email (I live in a different state than they do). It's incredibly hurtful that I've shown up to every siblings wedding(s), sent baby shower gifts, send Christmas gift every year, call on their birthday to wish them a happy day (only to get voicemail and no call back), and ultimately supported them in any and every way possible.

    In return I get nothing (98% of the time). No text back, no phone call response, letter, email, basically ignored at family functions I've paid to travel to attend for them. It's been thing way for years, and it continues to hurt. Horribly. I feel as thought I've done nothing to my family to deserve this kind of treatment. The only think I can think of is from my childhood; I went through some really traumatic experiences between 12-15years old which none of them knew at the time even happened, and in turn I was super hormonal and emotional to an extreme. But I never was that way towards my siblings. If anything I took whatever I was feeling out on myself or my mother, who I am incredibly close with now. It feels like I'm judged for those actions I took as a child in my adult life. It's unfair and really hurtful. I'm at a point where I don't want to keep trying anymore, or I'll feel so fed up sometimes that I want to treat them the way they've treated me for so long...but I never end up doing it cause I end up feeling bad just thinking that.

    Have any of you gone through anything like this before? I feel like I'm related to a bunch of strangers, which isn't the way families should be.

    On a side note - when I am much more financially stable I will go to counseling for this, however I can't do that as of now.

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    Default Re: My siblings treat me like dirt, if I'm acknowledged at all

    Join the group! The same thing happens to me. I'm the oldest of 5 and only one of my sisters associate with me on an actual sister level. The other two and my brother are basically strangers. They always make up excuses for family functions and what not. Either they're always working or either they have to tend to their children. But I'm about to be 31, I've pretty much left it as is and will live with the fact that my sisters have issues and I can't do anything about that. I've seen a therapist for almost 2 years previously and it helped a lot. You feel all the weight lift off your shoulder when you let all your anger and grief out. Let it go and you'll be ok.
    Make Your Life Beautiful!

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    Senior Member Bone's Avatar
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    Default Re: My siblings treat me like dirt, if I'm acknowledged at all

    I've got an odd relationship with my siblings as well. My brother and I "get along" is about all I can say. When we were growing up we were two different sides of the same coin. He is older and would constantly bully me. We had some knock down drag out fights and it wasn't until he started to lose that he backed off. But that has not changed his attitude regarding me. He sees me as someone he can use when he needs help, but when asked for favors in return I always got nothing back. The funny part is he will jump at drop of a hat when one of his frineds needs help, even ignoring what he is doing on a personal level to go help them out.

    I'd say the only thing positive that happened between us in the past 10 years is I replaced his ex girlfriend after she moved out and I got sick for a while. In the years since I've paid the majority of all the bills and bailed his ass out for a DUI, but he has yet to fix the two year old dent in my car door. He is in for a rude awakening after the first of the year, I've been making arrangements to move out and into my gal's place.

    I also have a half brother. We get along is about all I can say. Haven't seen him in a few years and we talk once in a while on Facebook.

    My half sister is scum of the earth as far as I'm concerned. She manged to marry some guy that had a little bit of money and she does dog shows. The only time I met her was when they had a dog show in Chicago and our mom convinced her it was time to see her dad again. Now here is the kicker. My dad had a stroke two your prior to this. He was in the hospital and rehab for months. Not once did she come and visit. When she came to Chicago one of her dogs had a cold so they got her a room at some fancy vet/pet hotel place in Chicago and it was like a bed side vigil. She went out for dinner with us and all she talked about was how sick her dog was. When my dad passed she didn't even come to the funeral. I plan on returning that favor.

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    Senior Member BellaK's Avatar
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    WWW Re: My siblings treat me like dirt, if I'm acknowledged at all

    I really want to give you a *hug*

    Ive dealt with a lot of SHIT from my family as well. I did go to therapy to talk about it. A good therapist really helped, while I have had a great friend to validate my situation , someone outside my situation really made the difference! I even have since relocated to a new state, in part, to put DISTANCE between us. I want to share what worked for me. Distance actually made our situation better, because they will miss you and try to keep up OR let you go completely. Which to me are both GOOD. Before I moved even before therapy, I had actually put all I could into the relationships, so after I left it was up to them. Im OPEN to growth with them, but no longer SEEK it. It takes more than just YOU. Whoever wants to be in your life should put forth the effort as well. Which you dont even have to move away, you can put distance by letting them reach for you more.

    Its so true that we choose our friends, but NOT our family. I had to accept this as well. NO MATTER how close I want us to be, it takes more than just me alone to do it. If they can't value who I am and appreciate me, I can easily make the people I CHOOSE my family. Im not saying drop your family, Im just saying we shouldn't put up with their shit just because they ARE family. I realized if a friend had treated me how they did, I would have dropped them long ago! ITS WHAT AM I WILLING TO PUT UP WITH.

    You teach people how to treat you, and it sounds like its time for them to go to school. I've since sent my family to school, now its like they are even paying tuition lol, because they HAVE to give me RESPECT, they have no other choice. Ill get off the phone or whatever it takes, and we can talk when they have their act together.
    There were also things I DID in the past, however, when do we stop paying for THE PAST? They are no longer able to punish ME. They have done things too and I had been forgiving them constantly, because of my own internal guilt. So, I almost think I enabled their behavior and thats anyone's behavior, by accepting and coming back for more.

    COINCIDENTALLY, to this day there are quite a few things my mother and other people do not like about my therapist. LOL. HA! I BET. She gave me the tools and hugs I needed to be more empowered. WHILE in therapy, I came to the realization MY THERAPIST GAVE ME MORE HUGS than my family, specifically my mother. IT hit me like a slap in the face. ( & NO after a while she was not paid to do so, we became friends).

    You sound so caring, they are fortunate to have a sister who reaches out, my sister doesn't reach out for anything outside her no good boyfriend!
    I always wished we can be closer, but I have accepted SHE IS WHO SHE IS. I cant force her to be close....hell I discovered she was deeply jealous of lil ole me. I was shocked to find it out, when all I wanted her to do was have this close bond we had as kids. Its never going to happen with jealousy, I accept that NOW.

    I really hope things get better, and they will!! That will be one way or another, but let it be on your terms.
    Last edited by BellaK; 12-11-2013 at 01:32 PM.
    "Not one drop of my self-worth depends on your acceptance of me."

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    Default Re: My siblings treat me like dirt, if I'm acknowledged at all

    Could be worse. They are inviting you to weddings and letting you know what is going on so that you can attend family gatherings. So although they suck once you are there, I'm inclined to think the there is some care factor going on.
    If you were being treated like dirt or not acknowledged at all you'd be finding out about the family events via gossip after the fact.

    Added, thought i should elaborate- it may be a case of the old saying you can pick your friends but not your family. They probably do care about you but if you guys have nothing in common then there really isn't much to go with as far as socialising goes. I have nothing in common with my family, so i pretty much phone or message every few months and that's it. No biggie, we all care about each other, just have nothing worth socialising over.

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    Default Re: My siblings treat me like dirt, if I'm acknowledged at all

    I had friends and family ignore me and not be an active part of my life years ago when I started dancing...Dancing has made my life lonely...When u first start dancing u feed off the attention and think its a fun time..Then as the years go by u realize no one in the clubs really gives a shit about u..Family is supposed to be number one..But it sure as hell isnt always the case..

    People may relate to u bc theyve seen u and worked with u for many years..and one or two may be nice people..maybe....... but sometimes i think its the girls who dont really see how people view them--the naiive ones--who have it the easiest bc they dont realize the stigma..they just feed off the attention not realizing its the wrong kind...

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    Default Re: My siblings treat me like dirt, if I'm acknowledged at all

    What lovely family /endsarcasm Don't you wish you could pick your family? Honestly, I think it is healthiest to cut off the "rotting limbs" so to speak.

    Mine are basically the same way. I have 4 half-siblings from my dad's first marriage; they were all grown up and moved out by the time I was born, but my parents still were in (one sided) contact with them, so I grew up knowing I had siblings but never seeing them...

    Nowadays they are pretty much nowhere to be found unless they need money or pain pills (my dad has a bad back)... then they're certainly happy to come visit :eyeroll: My parents used to go out of their way to send birthday/Christmas cards, gifts for their kids, etc. and they never so much as acknowledged us. There's been a few years where my dad was flat out depressed on his birthday because out of his 5 children, I was the only one who remembered. Shitbags.

    2 of the kids are basically the spawn of Satan; they are just mean, nasty people. The sister (who I'd never met) was introduced to me at a party, and she didn't even say hello, just looked down her nose at me and turned away. I wanted to yank her around by her hair and tell her to mind her fucking manners. They absolutely loathe me, as far as I can tell, because I'm the only one who went to college. I can't even imagine what kind of drama would go down if they found out I was a stripper.
    "People jack off with the left hand and point with the right."

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    Default Re: My siblings treat me like dirt, if I'm acknowledged at all

    Reading this thread makes me pretty sad. There just seems to be so much damage we endure from family and family is supposed to be the support and very foundation to keep us strong in life. Or at least, that's what I think.

    For me it's not as much my siblings that give me a hard time, its my parents and their families. I was an accident, and because of me, my dad had to leave art school at 23 and be depressed for the rest of his life because he missed out and had to compromise everything to provide for me. His mother, my nana has ALWAYS held this over my head. Children are very receptive and intuitive. I developed stomach aches, ulcers and IBS from the stress I would deal with, having to cope with her "comments" that would put me down.

    Last year I stopped communicating with her, and subsequently my father. I have gone through some tough times overcoming being a poverty stricken single mom and going through a divorce and physical abuse- I wasn't so much as offered a bed to stay the night, or offered any help if I needed it for myself or my daughter. Attempts I have made since then to move forward have not resulted well, because my nana wants to tell me about things that she has that I don't, but doesn't want to listen and talk to me about any of my problems. Yet, when Christmas comes around every year, he will come visit town( once in the year and he lives a whole 5 hour drive away) just to have my daughter over and do dinner exactly how my nana wants it, with these judgmental and critical undertones. So then she can take a family picture and pretend, pretend, pretend.

    At the end of the day I was tired of being used, and I don't like to have tummy aches because I am upset and distraught about it: (

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    Default Re: My siblings treat me like dirt, if I'm acknowledged at all

    Quote Originally Posted by Misskatia View Post
    Reading this thread makes me pretty sad. There just seems to be so much damage we endure from family and family is supposed to be the support and very foundation to keep us strong in life. Or at least, that's what I think.

    For me it's not as much my siblings that give me a hard time, its my parents and their families. I was an accident, and because of me, my dad had to leave art school at 23 and be depressed for the rest of his life because he missed out and had to compromise everything to provide for me. His mother, my nana has ALWAYS held this over my head. Children are very receptive and intuitive. I developed stomach aches, ulcers and IBS from the stress I would deal with, having to cope with her "comments" that would put me down.

    Last year I stopped communicating with her, and subsequently my father. I have gone through some tough times overcoming being a poverty stricken single mom and going through a divorce and physical abuse- I wasn't so much as offered a bed to stay the night, or offered any help if I needed it for myself or my daughter. Attempts I have made since then to move forward have not resulted well, because my nana wants to tell me about things that she has that I don't, but doesn't want to listen and talk to me about any of my problems. Yet, when Christmas comes around every year, he will come visit town( once in the year and he lives a whole 5 hour drive away) just to have my daughter over and do dinner exactly how my nana wants it, with these judgmental and critical undertones. So then she can take a family picture and pretend, pretend, pretend.

    At the end of the day I was tired of being used, and I don't like to have tummy aches because I am upset and distraught about it: (
    I'm so sorry to read this. I don't want you to believe that punk-ass nonsense about your existence being the reason for his actions and loss of potential. HE is the reason for his loss of potential. He was probably depressed because of his abusive shrew of a mother and the mistake he fell into that validated her crap. Plenty of artists have children AND careers. He punked out for his own reasons. You are a miracle and they are not worthy of you. Jus sayin.
    “What a caterpillar calls the end of the world we call a butterfly.” - ECKHART TOLLE

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    Default Re: My siblings treat me like dirt, if I'm acknowledged at all

    Your nana sounds like a controlling and self righteous biatch. It's never the child's fault to have been brought into this world because she didn't choose to be born. Your dad already had your other siblings, having one more shouldn't ruin his life. There are plenty of fathers who manage their resources and time well to juggle both family, work, and dreams. As a responsible adult it was up to your dad to provide for you and take care of his own depression, so your nana has nothing to complain about. If your nana is such a righteous saint who cares for her son's art school dream, how come she didn't become your primary caregiver so your dad can pursue art? It's because she's selfish and likes to blame others, even a helpless small child. Good riddance.

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