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Thread: Can't stop throwing up before work/school because of anxiety, help?:)

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    Featured Member Odette's Avatar
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    Default Can't stop throwing up before work/school because of anxiety, help?:)

    Ok so...as per the title, this is obviously becoming a serious problem for me. I think it is related to anxiety, dancing has been a rough but neccessary path for me...and I guess maybe it's finally catching up to me? I was overweight as a teenager and when I started working, it NEVER affected my earnings, and oddly, at the beginning, I feel my confidence was so much higher than it is now, which is fucking wierd because I finally am in good shape--with being in great shape being a very attainable goal in the near future. I've lost so much weight in the last two years but I still feel like the same fat girl. It doesn't help that the only two times I've ever been fired for being fat have been this past summer...when I've been at my lowest weight...with a bmi of 23/24. Talk about slap in the face. Trying to not take it personally, but I'm pretty sure those two firings have completely fucked up my confidence in myself, and are a huge contributing factor to my morning nauseausness--which always happens before work, sometimes before school, not on other days. Even though I know they shouldn't because I look waaaaayyy hotter than when I started and if I was making money then I really have nothing to worry about. Basically, I feel as if I am about to hit my stride/prime dancing time (turning 24 in a couple months) and I want to CASH IN for a couple years and pay off my student loans but I am worried this anxiety is going to de rail it...I will just give up and quit and get fat again Because this is making it really hard for me to get my ass into the club...I've been awake for two hours and the only things I have gotten done are showering, barfing twice and writing this post.

    The other thing is I can't work in the city I currently live in. Rather, I can't deal with working there. It's too much bullshit for too little money. There is a city a few hours away I can travel to to dance, and I do well here, problem is it's my hometown, and it's christmas now, so obviously I'm staying at home. Fun. Whoo. Barf!

    My parents and I have made great strides towards having a better relationship in the last couple years(it basically fell apart completely at the seams when they found out I was dancing 3 years ago). It has gone from complete utter crap to pretty satisfactory, not that there hasn't been a lot of bumps in between, but much progress made. Still can't tell them I'm dancing because it would break their hearts. They help me as much as they can with school and think I make all the rest of my money from my business, which does make a good chunk, but I do have to take dancing trips to keep my head above water...since those dancing trips are to my hometown I guess they are...wearing on my conscience? To the point where I am a complete mess in the mornings. I threw up bile this morning in the shower. Tried to eat a yogurt when I got out and barfed that up too. Now attempting tea and soda crackers.

    On top of all this I'm trying to finish school. I only have two classes left to take this semester but the workload is the equivalent of a full course load because of the nature of one of the classes. I don't know if I even want to work in my field anymore because the more time I spend in the industry the more evil I think it is. Very disheartening to give everything you have to something for 5 years and then at the end have it not be worth it. I guess I do not handle stress/disappointment very well. But this barfing in the morning thing needs to stop, it's ruining my life. I've gone to the doctor even though I'm sure it's psychological, and I can't go to therapy anymore because I'm not a full time student. The only thing that helps me to not feel sick in the morning is to toke. But since I want to start my career shortly, I want to stop smoking (obviously can't show up to work stoned, doing homework and working in the club is a bit different). My mother is trying to convince me to take anti anxiety meds but I am skeptical about those...I don't want to mask anything with drugs. Plus I think that when I'm done school and have the freedom to move somewhere else (highly unlikely I'm going to stay where I am at this point--high living costs and high unemployment), and with that I think 2 of my big stressors will be gone.

    Just a bit clueless as to what I can do to try and make my life a bit more liveable for the next 6 months. Thanks for reading all that
    Last edited by Odette; 12-17-2013 at 09:35 AM.
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    Banned Aniela's Avatar
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    Default Re: Can't stop throwing up before work/school because of anxiety, help?:)

    Smtg I have learnt from experience is that anti-depressants, & sm anti-anxiety meds, are not meant to be taken long-term. They are often meant to be used together w/ therapy as a way to kinda tone down what's going on in your head, while you work via talk therapy on adjusting the thought patterns that are causing you problems in the first place.

    I am skeptical of meds myself, b/c of a bad exp w/ a shrink when I was hospitalised for hurting myself. I'd opened a three-inch cut on my arm & he came to see me w/o even reading my file, took one look at my arm & basically said whatever you guys are giving her, double it. Fked up, that one. But that was 10yrs ago, & I have been lucky to have two good therapists since then who were not so forceful w/ meds -- they listened to me & didn't take such a narrow-minded approach, esp since w/ aviation meds are legally not an option for me.

    Can your parents help you w/ therapy? That would be my suggestion, find a good therapist who is not hellbent on just doping you up & will work w/ you to treat the root causes of your trouble. Meds can be an option, but as I said, they don't have to be a long-term thing or even the main thing.

    I really hope that you feel better soon. Feel free to pm me if you need to talk, I've been there w/ the anxiety & depression.

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    Moderator Optimist's Avatar
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    Default Re: Can't stop throwing up before work/school because of anxiety, help?:)

    Can you take time off to get away from the main stress trigger? It may help to use breathing exercises and learn to talk to yourself about your fears and dispel them one by one until your body is calm again.
    “What a caterpillar calls the end of the world we call a butterfly.” - ECKHART TOLLE

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    Default Re: Can't stop throwing up before work/school because of anxiety, help?:)

    has your doctor given you a clean bill of health? Vomiting in the morning sounds like pregnancy (which ginger pops can remedy the nausea) but if you're not pregnant and think its psychological then you have a few choices.

    Read books on anxiety and treatment. Yes medication is just ONE way to treat symptoms that are interfering with your life (work, school, leisure, etc). Another way is to work with a therapist to change your thoughts, beliefs, and actions. Also try things like yoga, steam baths, mediation, etc. Maybe even a combination of these things.

    Also know that life challenges are temporary and there will be light at the end of the tunnel so to speak.

    Good luck and hope it goes well for you.

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    Default Re: Can't stop throwing up before work/school because of anxiety, help?:)

    Quote Originally Posted by Odette View Post
    Ok so...as per the title, this is obviously becoming a serious problem for me. I think it is related to anxiety, dancing has been a rough but neccessary path for me...and I guess maybe it's finally catching up to me? I was overweight as a teenager and when I started working, it NEVER affected my earnings, and oddly, at the beginning, I feel my confidence was so much higher than it is now, which is fucking wierd because I finally am in good shape--with being in great shape being a very attainable goal in the near future. I've lost so much weight in the last two years but I still feel like the same fat girl. It doesn't help that the only two times I've ever been fired for being fat have been this past summer...when I've been at my lowest weight...with a bmi of 23/24. Talk about slap in the face. Trying to not take it personally, but I'm pretty sure those two firings have completely fucked up my confidence in myself, and are a huge contributing factor to my morning nauseausness--which always happens before work, sometimes before school, not on other days. Even though I know they shouldn't because I look waaaaayyy hotter than when I started and if I was making money then I really have nothing to worry about. Basically, I feel as if I am about to hit my stride/prime dancing time (turning 24 in a couple months) and I want to CASH IN for a couple years and pay off my student loans but I am worried this anxiety is going to de rail it...I will just give up and quit and get fat again Because this is making it really hard for me to get my ass into the club...I've been awake for two hours and the only things I have gotten done are showering, barfing twice and writing this post.

    The other thing is I can't work in the city I currently live in. Rather, I can't deal with working there. It's too much bullshit for too little money. There is a city a few hours away I can travel to to dance, and I do well here, problem is it's my hometown, and it's christmas now, so obviously I'm staying at home. Fun. Whoo. Barf!

    My parents and I have made great strides towards having a better relationship in the last couple years(it basically fell apart completely at the seams when they found out I was dancing 3 years ago). It has gone from complete utter crap to pretty satisfactory, not that there hasn't been a lot of bumps in between, but much progress made. Still can't tell them I'm dancing because it would break their hearts. They help me as much as they can with school and think I make all the rest of my money from my business, which does make a good chunk, but I do have to take dancing trips to keep my head above water...since those dancing trips are to my hometown I guess they are...wearing on my conscience? To the point where I am a complete mess in the mornings. I threw up bile this morning in the shower. Tried to eat a yogurt when I got out and barfed that up too. Now attempting tea and soda crackers.

    On top of all this I'm trying to finish school. I only have two classes left to take this semester but the workload is the equivalent of a full course load because of the nature of one of the classes. I don't know if I even want to work in my field anymore because the more time I spend in the industry the more evil I think it is. Very disheartening to give everything you have to something for 5 years and then at the end have it not be worth it. I guess I do not handle stress/disappointment very well. But this barfing in the morning thing needs to stop, it's ruining my life. I've gone to the doctor even though I'm sure it's psychological, and I can't go to therapy anymore because I'm not a full time student. The only thing that helps me to not feel sick in the morning is to toke. But since I want to start my career shortly, I want to stop smoking (obviously can't show up to work stoned, doing homework and working in the club is a bit different). My mother is trying to convince me to take anti anxiety meds but I am skeptical about those...I don't want to mask anything with drugs. Plus I think that when I'm done school and have the freedom to move somewhere else (highly unlikely I'm going to stay where I am at this point--high living costs and high unemployment), and with that I think 2 of my big stressors will be gone.

    Just a bit clueless as to what I can do to try and make my life a bit more liveable for the next 6 months. Thanks for reading all that
    OMG, I had this same problem my freshman year of high school and it turn into acid relux. Mines was caused from severe stress between the ages of 12-14, when I was several bullied at school that I had to bring a weapon to protect myself. My doctor place me on a treatment of unsweetened apple juice, chamomille tea, and tagamet for a year. In addition, I was treated with messages once a week for one year straight. My acid relux clear up but I still used chamomille tea to stop stress. Since I knew the root of my problem was the bullying that I had endured....I took a long vocation once a year.

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    Default Re: Can't stop throwing up before work/school because of anxiety, help?:)

    I get anxiety attacks each day before i turn on my camera... even if i had a light meal right before broadcasting, i usually get so nauseated i throw it up almost instantly.. i think it's because of being afraid that my belly would look too bloated while being naked.

    after 2 months of camming 10-12 hours on an empty stomach, i usually reward myself with a nice meal everytime i log off and end my shift, and that did the trick for me.

    Sweetheart, i've been bullied for 12 straight years. both at school, and from my family. I'm still struggling with self confidence and other issues, but let me only tell you this: meds are not a good idea. I've been for months/years on birth control, anti-anxiety meds, antidepressant, and even some bullshit weightloss pills that i later found out they had m3th in them (that gave me a transient ischemic attack = ministroke at the age of 15). They stay in your bloodstream up to YEARS after you've stopped taking them, and could cause imbalances in other places you couldn't possibly think of.

    Ask yourself only this: if you choose to resort to such a measure right now, how can you possibly tell that you're going to do well without them in the distant future?

    Please be safe, and consider less drastic treatments. Keep us posted ! <3

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    Default Re: Can't stop throwing up before work/school because of anxiety, help?:)

    I had the exact same throwing-up-in-the-morning anxiety issue. It was like the thought of the rest of the day would bring on panic as soon as i saw the sun.

    i use cognitive behavioral therapy & medication for both depression and anxiety. in addition....it wasn't cheap, but i found it very valuable: hypnotherapy
    mellymay.com

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    Featured Member Odette's Avatar
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    Default Re: Can't stop throwing up before work/school because of anxiety, help?:)

    Thanks for the replies ladies I'm definitely going to stay away from the meds, thank you for sharing your stories. If I can just get through the next few months I think I will be fine, so yeah, starting them now could potentially set me up for another problem down the road, and I don't need that. Unfortunately I can't get anymore therapy, I'm not in school fulltime anymore, therefore do not have any health benefits at the moment, and it costs $200 an hour and I am scraping to get my tuition together for next semester soooo...yeah.
    I am not pregnant for sure, this has been going on for a long time, and that was ruled out the first visit I went to the doctor, they did a bunch of tests, including an ultrasound and checking for the bacteria that causes ulcers, but I am supposedly healthy. I think it may be a combination of acid reflux and anxiety, I have acid reducing pills that I take before bed sometimes that seem to help when I have to get up and get going right away in the morning. That being said, on really stressful days even after taking the pills I still have problems. I think MellyMay hit it right on the head...it is like a kind of panic about the day. I think I know where that comes from...constantly waking up overwhelmed with a to-do list miles long knowing you won't be sleeping more than a few hours a night for the foreseeable future...have I programed my brain to be in constant panic mode or something from working way too hard for too long? There was a period of a couple years where I was pretty much constantly sleep deprived from pulling multiple all nighters a week all the time, and this started right in the middle of all that. I have also made a lot of changes to my diet recently: I can't tolerate a lot of wheat and dairy anymore, and I'm wondering if another contributing factor could be my stomach just is still getting used to this new diet? I know bread soaks up a lot of the acid in your stomach and dairy neutralizes it.
    "We can't expect you to just know all the secrets of our top-secret-titty-club!" --Jenna Marbles

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    Default Re: Can't stop throwing up before work/school because of anxiety, help?:)

    A small little fix that helped and might be worthwhile to try.... Blacking out your windows in the bedroom. I hung a sheet. It helped in that it wasn't the sun waking me up & triggering me. By the time I got to leaving my room, I was slightly into my daily routine, as opposed to having the anxiety overwhelm me before I could even start the day.

    Sorry to pry, but....are you in the US? The Affordable Care Act is SUPER awesome (yes, my personal opinion might be unpopular) for people in circumstances like yours (and I'm in the same boat! Tuition, part time student. I have not gone to therapy since losing my insurance in April & my meds are $200.....totally sucks. BUT STARTING JAN 1ST....my resources and options are opening up. Based on my income, or lack thereof, I qualified for Medi-Cal (granted, it's CA resident specific, but maybe MedicAid?). I have a billion links to places offering free or sliding scale therapy options. I will send them to you ASAP.
    mellymay.com

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    Featured Member Odette's Avatar
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    Default Re: Can't stop throwing up before work/school because of anxiety, help?:)

    Na, I'm in Canada. And I guess I'm just not too crazy about starting to see a new therapist, all the back story, don't know if they are the right fit for my needs (you know what I mean, they're pretty specific when you're in this industry), etc. I've seen a few since childhood and the one I was seeing was one I also saw as a teenager, so she was great. Others I did not mesh very well with they either tried really hard to convince me to stop working, or even if they were nice enough, I just didn't vibe with them, and the appointments seemed pretty pointless. I'm sorry I'm not trying to dismiss your idea, it is a great one, and you are right, I probably should be in therapy at the moment but there's a lot of barriers to it right now it seems... I know I could book an appointment with a counsellor at my school but again, starting over, also the wait list is soooo long I probably wouldn't get an appointment until february at least, and this is my last semester of school, and like I said I think I will be moving when it's done, so not too crazy about finding someone here only to have to change again in a few months...
    "We can't expect you to just know all the secrets of our top-secret-titty-club!" --Jenna Marbles

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    Featured Member MellyMay's Avatar
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    Default Re: Can't stop throwing up before work/school because of anxiety, help?:)

    I KNOW. Starting over w/ a new therapist is the worst. Dredging up all the stuff you already went over.

    I know a few Canadian girls might have some suggestions.....CanadianRuby might be worth chatting w/.
    mellymay.com

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